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Frozen Hades-Scape Saturday Pre-Footy Thread

King Hippo

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As an arctic blast envelops the portions of Murrika not currently on FUCKING FIRE, we sit patiently and await Wild Card action.  I can sit patiently, because though the week started fairly shittily, it ended well.  I got the LAST Friday slot for a new HVAC repair outfit, and finally got a good tech who knew what the fuck he was doing.  Fixed me up in like 45 minutes.

Yes, I have been heatless since SUNDAY.  Shuttled the one good electric space heater back and forth between floors to keep things at least in the low-to-mid 50s.  FUCK ME, it was rough.

But of course, that is the cherry on the sundae after Walking Penis Dinosaur Sean Dyche finally got the sack.  Club favoutire Leighton Baines, on 3 hours notice, led the Toffees to a comfortable 2-nil FA Cup win.  100% win rate, fookin’ legend!

Unfortunately…the full-time replacement is the return of David Moyes.  Not great, Bob.  But at least a bit better.  I will take what I can get in this Timeline.

I suppose other rando FA Cup matches are on ESPN+ if you want background distraction.

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LemonJello

Are we ready for some Wild Card football up in this bitch?

3
ballsofsteelandfury

Next thread is up in this bitch!

4
scotchnaut

Pep abusing Saltford in order to get his team right. We’re seeing how the sausage gets made.

1
yeah right

I’ve come up with an intellectual exercise for the day.

See how many times you can finish a declaration with “Up in this bitch!”

I’ll give it a try.

Up in this bitch!

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RTD: [goes into garage]

RTD: [cranks a recording of a Saturn V launch as loud as his speakers can handle]

RTD: [starts screaming “UP IN THIS BITCH! UP IN THIS BITCH” until his vocal chords enter Harry Nilsson mode]

/but seriously, this year fucking sucks so far and it’s not even a dozen days old

1
BeefReeferLives

Yup, been seeing this a lot..

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Mr. Ayo

Time to bust out the freezer vodka up in this bitch!

4
yeah right

That’s the spirit!

1
scotchnaut

Of course Doku is going to destroy defenders from Saltford. Can he elevate/expand his game at the Prem level? Jury is still out.

0
Fronkenshteen

Did the .500s get any of their imaginary offensive linemen back for this tilt? Kinda seems like Mixon having running lanes is key for them. If they’re one-dimensional on offense I fear Harbs eats them alive.

0
scotchnaut

Boxing Clever Nico should take care of the Houston passing game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIxx2NZUUco&ab_channel=PLACEBO

4
scotchnaut

Listening to Placebo always left me empty.

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Doktor Zymm

It’s true, sugar pills just aren’t very filling

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[accepts your challenge] – Coach Reid

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun Fact: “Sucker Love” is how I often refer to my Raiders fanhood.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMaycNcPsHI

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BC Dick

Sucker love? I wish. What I have is a romantic abnormality.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BC Dick’s dreams (artist’s conception):

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Senor Weaselo

Nocturnes win 5-2, thanks to scoring only in one inning and one inning only. Listen, after losing the last two games 5-4 via various methods, I’ll take it!

/More in the next issue of Nocturnes Magazine

3
scotchnaut

Noctures should have had more emissions, thus increasing their sperm differential.

/still learning the rules

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [puts two eggs in a saucepan with about 3/4″ of water]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [cranks heat to max]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [leaves room]

MRS. DEADLY-IN-LAW: [does not come back]

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scotchnaut

/Wifey burns a bunch of stuff in the past

Me: “Use the timer on your phone/the stove!”

Wifey: [uses timer] “This came out great!”

Wifey: [forgets to use timer] “Ah crap, I burned it!”

4
LemonJello

**BREAKING NEWS**

In what can only be described as a fleet of Roombas and other sentient vacuum cleaners wrapped in flaming Raiders bandanas spreading from a central location have started what is now being called “The R-T-D Fire”

**We now return you to your regularly scheduled broadcast**

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Officials originally referred to it as the “Deadly Fire”, but rescinded this designation after realizing the only thing that died in the conflagration was Rikki’s spirit, which had been on life support since Week 4 of the NFL season and the officials all agreed that this was a mercy anyways.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But seriously she hasn’t been back downstairs as of this comment, so we’ve got over 45 minutes on the clock at this point.

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Doktor Zymm

I assume you turned off the heat once it boiled dry? Or did you just add more water in an experiment to see just how hard-boiled an egg can actually get?

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, I didn’t even let it boil down. I wasn’t going to take the chance of forgetting myself!

2
yeah right

That’s one HARD ass poached egg.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They’re still in the shells. I always assumed you had to cover the eggs entirely with water, but I’ve also been told that a watched pot never boils dry and sets your house on fire so what would I know?

3
yeah right

Air quality is borderline out there but, fuck it.
I’m getting out there man.

0
yeah right

On second thought the AQI is 108.

Maybe tea and biscuits instead.

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Doktor Zymm

There’s always the masking up option, although not at the same time as the tea and biscuits

1
scotchnaut

Man City vs Saltford City-Bottomless Saudi money vs The Neville Brothers?*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H5aePn46XoU&list=PL0vktqJOxpBnIQhdzhaWSePemWV_zm7SL&index=11&ab_channel=Gilman61

*Gary and Phil

1
Horatio Cornblower

ESPN News is doing The Ocho today, and showing hot Wiffle Ball action right now.

I used to play in regional Wiffle tournaments, (we were OK, nothing more), and what these guys can make a Wiffle ball do is just insane.

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
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Horatio Cornblower

Oh, wait a minute.

These guys are using the amped up black bats instead of the skinny yellow Wiffle originals.

This is heresy, and will not be tolerated.

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Senor Weaselo

I feel like this invalidated the entire tournament.

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Doktor Zymm

I just found out what the Jags mascot is doing in the offseason. In totally unrelated news, Rex Ryan is now considering interviewing with the Jags.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not sure I understand what would be bad about sleeping with my feet outside the covers.

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Horatio Cornblower

They get cold.

Duh.

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Doktor Zymm

Especially with cat demon slobber all over them

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ThePirateSloth

The monsters under the bed can grab them and pull you under.

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scotchnaut

“This guy gets it.”

-5 yr-old me

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, but what if I get lucky and score the first pick in the cat-demon-under-the-bed draft? Drag away, baby!

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Redshirt

.

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ArmedandHammered

I love how his face reminds me of the joys of target shooting.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Damnit, am I ever going to get to deploy this sick “more like SUCK-eye, amirite?” burn I’ve been sitting on?

4
BugEyedBoo

Was watching the Rose Bowl parade. Al Roker says, “Here’s Bucky Buckeye!” Shirt has ‘Brutus’ on the front.

2
ArmedandHammered

You know, I am not sure LA’s answer to the homelessness was a such a good idea, since it just created a bunch of new homeless.

5
blaxabbath

I mean, there’s a difference in value to the DOGE between “homeless” and “working homeless”.

I am glad they got those prisoner firefighters though.

1
Doktor Zymm

Prison IS housing. The most expensive possible government provided housing even!

3
BugEyedBoo

Maybe they can get the Fire Country guy.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I was up way to late playing poker last night, but at least this time I managed to get past the bubble and make enough money to make it worthwhile, and yet still not enough to quit the practice of law, buy my own island, and hunt Mel Gibson for sport.

A mixed result, you might say.

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2Pack

Are you sure there is not at least a decent time share on an island somewhere?

4
Doktor Zymm

There are some very affordable islands if you don’t mind them being terrible

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably best to get your “mixed results” out of the way before the next set of rulings gets handed down by the Supreme Court.

2
2Pack

Spent all day doing chores. I have earned my pizza.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I’m shocked RTD hasn’t commented on this yet

1
2Pack

I dangled it out there specifically for him.

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Doktor Zymm

At least sports betting isn’t as bad as crypto betting platforms

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m sure the libertarians would champion its virtues as a hedge for the uninsured.

1
Doktor Zymm

Nah, just capital-L Libertarians. The Libertarian party has the same relationship to the ideals of libertarianism as the Republican party has to the ideals of republicanism. That is none.

3
BugEyedBoo

I used to work with a capital-L Libertarian. This guy was smart, but bought off on the whole Libertarian agenda. “Why would I want my food and drugs inspected? The Free Market will fix any problems, right?”

2
Sharkbait

Has he heard the phrase “All regulations are written in blood”?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, he can’t hear much of anything these days thanks to the permanent threshold shift he’s got courtesy of his defiance of that OSHA dickhead who tried to restrict his FREEDOM by mandating that he wear ear protection around heavy machinery.

4
BugEyedBoo

No, he had not. “I guess I died from salmonella, but at least my wife can hire a lawyer!”

3
Unsurprised

That reminds me. Libertarian lawyers are the most hilariously stupid because they are supposed to know better than anyone how retarded this idea is in theory and practice.

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Doktor Zymm

Potentially that’s true in a perfect market, but they always leave that part out. I actually have a lot of little-l in my political philosophy because I think the primary role of governments should be to correct market distortions, but the main ways to do that is taxes and regulation so…yeah

2
Horatio Cornblower

Everyone’s in favor of as little regulation as possible until their asshole neighbor lets his cattle roam all over the fucking neighborhood and refuse to do anything about it.

OK, that one might be a little personal.

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Doktor Zymm

I still don’t know why you didn’t just kill and eat his cattle

5
Horatio Cornblower

Because it turns out that was illegal.

Also it wasn’t the cows’ fault. They’re just big dumb animals. It was my neighbor’s fault, and he’s a big dumb asshole but shooting him turns out to be against a significant number of laws.

There is, however, a happy ending, (settle down, Mr. Kraft), to this story: last year Connecticut expanded the ‘roaming animals’ law to include cattle, so now if his cows get loose asshole neighbor has 24 hours to round them up, or it’s a fine of $92 per day, per cow.

He gets them back in right quick these days.

6
Doktor Zymm

And only a couple thousand years behind the common laws of agricultural societies around the globe!

3
Doktor Zymm

I think I have a mild chest cold, either that or ebola. We should know for sure in the next few days

1
BugEyedBoo

If you start bleeding out of everything, it’s Ebola.

4
BugEyedBoo

ETA: my daughter is working on her Masters of Public Health now. She read my copy of The Hot Zone, and she was hooked on disease! Ebola, Marburg, etc, etc.

2
Doktor Zymm

It’s a good book! Still crazy to think all those monkies died in the innocuous and generic office parks of Reston, VA

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Would you go so far to say that she’s…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pdSTu0vrYsc

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yes, I have been heatless since SUNDAY.  

At first I read that as “heartless” and was like, hey wait, are you this guy?

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blaxabbath

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Last edited 1 year ago by blaxabbath
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Fronkenshteen

Going to see Yo La Tengo at the Howard Theater in Washington D.C. on March 22nd. It’s amazing how having a concert ticket somehow makes everything in life before the day of the show easier to deal with.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m making plans to see them at Pappy & Harriet’s in May. Have you seen them before? Do they put on a good enough show to be worth the trek?

1
Fronkenshteen

Saw them in New Jersey on New Year’s Eve 2008. They were full steam ahead right out of the gate then, with Ira doing those screeching solos (I think they opened with “Pass the Hatchet”). Just watched a vid of them from 2024 in Leeds on the YouTube and they still sound great. From what I’ve read, nowadays they try to construct setlists with shorter, more accessible songs at the front end, then progressively spacing out and growing more noisy. Personally, I need my face peeled off, so I’m hoping for a noisy, old-school set. They play about two hours and the tickets were $65 bucks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ngROr7CZ8c

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Excellent information, thanks!

1
2Pack

What… was Cheep Trick booked somewhere else ?

1
Fronkenshteen

[turns “Dream Police” up to 11]

[clears coffee table with forearm]

[leaps up and wildly air-guitars like Rick Nielsen]

[falls crashing into television]

[is sued for divorce]

1
Don T

Woohoo! I got tix to see 2001: A Space etc. Etc. on Tuesday at bigly cinema screen. Thrilled to introduce Hal 9000 to The Heiress. Big parenting influence for me (ymmv).

4
BugEyedBoo

My experience with it is that THC enhancement is not required, but if you can…

I’ll watch it once in a while. Maybe I’ll try to talk my daughter into it. My wife thinks it’s dumb, but I didn’t marry her for film criticism.

I saw it at the Uptown Theater in DC way back when. It had one of those Cinemascope/Cinerama/whatever curved screens that used three projectors. It’s closed now, which is a shame.

Uptown_Theater,_Washington,_D.C.15084v.jpg
3
Don T

It’s second row seats, best of the choices available. (For movies, Imma middle rows aisle guy.) Enhanced… viewing is expected. Call me Gummo.

3
Doktor Zymm

The Uptown closed?! How did I miss that bit of news? I saw Star Wars there when they rereleased it in theaters before ep 1

2
BugEyedBoo

I know! Victim of covid. I found out today, when I went to look it up. I saw 2001, Apocalypse Now, Poltergeist, and Caligula there when I was stationed in the DC area.

I think Guccione and other porn sources were trying to legitimize porn back then. IIRC, Caligula has Peter O’Toole (great name!) as Tiberius, Malcom McDowell in the title role, Helen Mirren (smoking hot then and now), and a bunch of Penthouse Pets.

4
Doktor Zymm

There’s an interesting documentary about nudity in film that talks about some of that, on Amazon prime but forget what it was called.

Man, such a bummer about the Uptown. We would always get food at the Japanese restaurant across the street or the Irish pub there.

2
ThePirateSloth

I’m a Helen Mirren Stan account
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0
ThePirateSloth

While not the same, when I was in high school, one of the advanced classes I was in would take us every year to the Omni Theater – one of these theaters where the screen is a dome, seating is roughly at a 45 degree angle. One year we watched Star Wars IV-VI there. While not great for interior scenes, every single space fight, Hoth defence, speeder bikes on Endor were fucking amazing.

1
King Hippo

To complete the circle of “when a door closes, God opens a window), my dishwasher finally gave up the ghost. A good reminder that I very much should stop eating.

#StruggleIsREEL

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Get your new unit now before California starts hoovering up all the appliances!

5
King Hippo

oh yeah, I will be on BestBuy.com (Jeebus, I hope they are still a thing) by tomorrow at the latest.

1
BugEyedBoo

Check out Costco if you’re a member. You get an extra year’s warranty, and while it’s a little more than BB, you get it back on the installation.

3
BugEyedBoo

Mine went belly up last month, about a month after it went out of warranty. A pump went bad that was going to cost $250 to replace. Between that and the repair fees, we said fuck it and bought a new one.

2
Doktor Zymm

Don’t stop eating, just stop using plates

4
2Pack

Jeez man the busted is strong with you this year.

2
yeah right

I’ve had a dishwasher in my last…

Five places I’ve lived? I think I turned one of them on about 11 years ago.

I’m a hand wash as you go type of maniac.

Best way to keep the kitchen clean while you cook.

Why are you looking at me like that?

1
Don T

I’m so ready for playoff fitbaw it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. Get fucked, chores and fresh air.

4
blaxabbath

You get that taste once and Playoff Viewing becomes an addiction.

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blaxabbath

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Don T

One bright spot for these playoffs is zero TEN games. Tony Pollard excepted, Tits were a hard watch 😖

1
blaxabbath

I don’t mean to be all JEWISH SPACE LAZERS or anything, but these after pics of LA show a lot of structures burned — but the trees in their yards did not.

And a lot of historically stupid people will follow my line of thinking so, yeah, give me a podcast.

3
Fronkenshteen

Insurance fraud?

1
Doktor Zymm

I’m flying back and forth between two areas of the country that are actually having decent weather. Chicago is somehow too far north to be getting the deep freeze, which is odd, but it’s only been around freezing with some light snow yesterday, and like 82F in my condo even with the window open. I really ought to email the association and see if they can turn down the heat a bit. Then it’s been mid-60s in the Bay Area.

4
WCS

It’s been balmy 9-20 degrees all week here. To be honest, the drive home just now was the scariest it’s been in a while. It finally started to snow, and it’s getting heavier.

We dealt with a lot of fender-benders all night. The disconcerting part to me were the three-out-of-five heart attack calls I had of people younger than me. One dude I for sure was going to lose consciousness before responders got there, but thankfully didn’t.

The Stillers getting prison-raped later may not be the biggest news around Yinzerville this weekend.

Stay safe, Dok. Well, everyone, just do whatever to stay safe. This isn’t a great weekend anywhere.

5
blaxabbath

There’s a reason we call those other states flyover country.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What I don’t understand is why the airplanes don’t dump the lavatory tanks while over them.

1
blaxabbath

That lavatory waste gonna be precious resources in LA2.0

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Paging Harry King…

https://discworld.fandom.com/wiki/Harry_King

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