Round One-Chargers/Texans

Welcome back one and all. We’ve got six playoff games and all have some sort of appeal. Let’s get to it.

 

Chargers/Texans:

-Houston’s only quality win was vs Buffalo and that was quite some time ago. There’s just something missing from the team this year and I can’t put my finger on it. Coach Ryan needs to get the attention of his players for this tilt.

-Myself, I’m thinking that the Chargers will be the only road team to win this weekend.

-Although they don’t have any ‘difference-makers’ at the rb and wr spots, that shouldn’t pose a problem in this round.

-Speaking of, both J.K. Dobbins and Gus Edward were hobbled by ankle ouchies and were limited in practice up to Wednesday. Both are expected to gut it out and play-it’s the playoffs after all.

-Houston was a middling 5-3 at home this year-they’re not getting the type of advantage one would like to have in the postseason.

-They’ll need some help from the defense with turnovers but Herbert won’t likely be offering. He’s only the second QB ever to have 500+ attempts and throw three or less INT’s.

-Without Diggs and Dell the offense seems to have stalled out a bit. That’s no fault of Mixon’s, he has 1250 combined yards from scrimmage for the fourth straight year.

-The Texans are unique in that they scored 372 points on offense (good!) and gave up exactly 372 points on defense (not so good!)

-You’d think the vaunted Chargers defense would be ranked higher (11th) given they’ve only given up 13 points in their last two games but it took some time for it all to come together. They do have the league’s #1 scoring D however.

Knock yourselves out.

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King Hippo

Benny Hill music plays

fleshwound_NPG

KICK 2!!!

Jimbo

Electric Boogaloo

LemonJello

What in the actual fuck is going on in this game?

fleshwound_NPG

when did the texans become the 85 bears

fleshwound_NPG

ok there they turned into the 08 lions

LemonJello

Did they switch uniforms at halftime up in this bitch?

Don T

comment image

Cecil Rhodes

Justin Herbert is quickly turning into the white Jameis Winston.

Don T

Herbert’s pastor act would be about Mother Gaia.

WCS

If one team that doesn’t exist defeats a team that no one care about in the playoffs, what sound does it make?

Doktor Zymm
JustStopDude

Ffffpppth

LemonJello

More turnovers than Andy Reid’s drive to work snack pack up in this bitch.

JustStopDude

I think Justin Herbert’s receivers hate him.

Jimbo

O-line too.

Doktor Zymm

This game got out of hand really quickly

fleshwound_NPG

FUCK SPANOS

litre_cola

Night out with the lads for me. Inlaws staying with us. Why yes we finished 2 bottles of wine before I left. If I am going to be hungover I started you two on the right path to join me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That’s the Chargers we know and love.

Much quicker than usual!

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ballsofsteelandfury

Almost Raidersesque

Doktor Zymm

Pfft, like the Raiders would be in a playoff game

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, the Raiders at least kept it close the last time they made the postseason!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

(please overlook the fact that touchdowns were only worth 4 points in that era)

Jimbo

Did you wear an onion on your belt?

Jimbo

When was this last time?

4flche.jpg
Mr. Ayo

Now Lesser Harbs knows you just can’t take the Chargersing out of the Chargers in the playoffs up in this bitch!

fleshwound_NPG

change the city, change the coach, change the qb…

same bullshit.
same chargers.
fuck spanos.

Doktor Zymm

Texans Slimedown!

Doktor Zymm

(yes I did just switch to the Spongebob version, this is pretty fun)

ballsofsteelandfury

I just switched too. I don’t know what I’ve been doing my whole life without this telecast.

I’m watching every Nickelodeon game from now on.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. is doing a pretty thorough job sweeping the patio. I don’t have the heart to tell her that the winds are coming back very soon.

ballsofsteelandfury

Dicker endorsed for the NFL Man of the Year by the National Organization for Women

Last edited 2 hours ago by ballsofsteelandfury
Cecil Rhodes

“It was a close race, but he finished just a few inches ahead of the competition”

-Deanna Favre, Commissioner, National Organization for Women

Doktor Zymm

I still love this clip, he just has the perfect name for being a kicker
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-vFXM_b2wE

Doktor Zymm

I’m not hungry because of my possible ebola, but I should eat something so ordering shame pizza it is!

King Hippo

Doktor’s orders!!

Col. Duke LaCross

Emergency shame pizza?

fleshwound_NPG

the only shame pizza is no pizza at all

ballsofsteelandfury

Domino’s? Exactly how shameful is this pizza?

Doktor Zymm

I like my pizza like I like my men, fast, cheap, and covered in cheese

Don T

Godsleep man

Cecil Rhodes

2nd and 40! Get Donovan McNabb on the hotline!

fleshwound_NPG

2nd and 40

NFL BLITZ!

jjfozz

CSI SYDNEY
CSI TANZANIA
CSI LIBYA
CSI MADAGASCAR

Cecil Rhodes

You forgot CSI RHODESIA!

Unsurprised

Sydney, you say?

comment image

Col. Duke LaCross

My god.

ballsofsteelandfury

So THAT’S who that is!

Unsurprised

She is a national treasure.

King Hippo

4th turnover, midway through Q3. And winning.

fleshwound_NPG

new way of charger-ing?

King Hippo

femur drums play triumphantly

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE UP IN THIS BITCH!!

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN UNCHANGE UP IN THIS BITCH!

Unsurprised

And …

That didn’t last long.

Unsurprised

B button! B button! Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl-ass play.

ALT.

And always twirling, twirling, TWIRLING towards victory!

LemonJello

Stepped away for a minute to make an Old Fashioned and come back to find an actual game up in this bitch.

Cecil Rhodes

This Al-Shaair fellow seems like a character that would fit in better with Hezbollah rather than with Houston. Is Houston the only NFL squadron that has a scouting department in Lebanon?

JustStopDude

Jim Harbaugh always looks “painfully constipated” to me.

Mr. Ayo

It’s that giant stick up in this bitch

Don T

A focused vex

fleshwound_NPG

steak and milk diet will do that

King Hippo

LesserHArbs walking like he got some really bad hemorrhoids

Doktor Zymm

They’re evacuating Encino? The fires might thaw out Pauly Shore!

Mr. Ayo

RELEASE THE WEASEL!

Jimbo

oh good, now he can explain what wheezing the juice means.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, I was right, I missed nothing by coming into the game with a minute left in the half!

jjfozz

Fozz house. This morning. 1230 am.

  • Middle Fozz decides he wants a headshot taken for his fake id. Proceeds to lecture me on how lighting works.
  • Mrs. Fozz awoken. Immediately panics. Yells at us for waking her up.
  • Youngest Fozz rolls into my room, asks, “Hey, what’s up?”
  • Oldest Fozz is MIA, it is snowing really hard.
  • Mrs. Fozz decamps to the living room.
  • Dog starts barking her head off around 130. I see a bunny rabbit on the Ring doorbell.
  • I fell asleep around 230
Cecil Rhodes

A Portrait of Andrew Ladd McConkey (Esq.), 1781, Oil on canvas.

IMG_0276.jpeg
Don T

You can see the big helmet potential.

King Hippo

DeMeco Ryans, some excellent clock management here.

Cecil Rhodes

He was only coached by Andy Reid for one year in Philadelphia. Andy Reid wasn’t around for long enough to teach him the art of bad clock management.

Don T

Under Reid, Alex Smith ran a masterful 4 minute drill with 1:27 left.

WCS

comment image

fleshwound_NPG

the cj stroud we have been waiting for since last january is here again

King Hippo

Maybe CJS had some kind of Hulk transformation? Whatever happened, he’s now rock hard and ready to fuck!

Doktor Zymm

He seems like a super nice dude, and pretty chill, so it can’t be when he gets angry. Maybe it’s when people are kind of rude?

JustStopDude

This is not a drill. Offense occured. Defcon1. Please consult your FEMA disaster guide and the religious text of your choice.

fleshwound_NPG

a thing has been done!

Unsurprised

If a football action occurs in Houston, does it actually exist?

litre_cola

Thursday Night, Jags v Panthers would be better executed than this.

King Hippo

When I coloUr rush…I coloUr rush with youuuuu

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svlUgyxL84U

Unsurprised

The guy they had to electrocute 3-4 times was executed better than this game.

jjfozz

Middle Fozz – destined to serve time – has friends over in the shed. Ok. I make my dad appearance. Give lecture about not drinking. Confiscate keys.

Have a beer.

Walk back outside. idiots are in a circle, huge billows of smoke coming out of circle.

IF THAT’S A FUCKING BLUNT I’M GOING TO KICK SOME ASS!

They assure me it’s not. Just Black n Milds.

I march out, grab the cigar. Take a puff. It was indeed not a blunt.

King Hippo

Don’t be silly, Fozz. Serving time is for BLACK teenagers!!

ballsofsteelandfury

Unless Middle Fozz is in Middle School, I don’t see the problem with some pre-Ravens game drinking…

jjfozz

Trust me, he learned from the best. I just make sure he keeps it under control.

Doktor Zymm

So they’re just…lame? Or trying to set it up so you don’t check next time

jjfozz

They could have been setting me up. fuckers.

Gumbygirl

My grandma and mom found one of those little brown Winchester cigars in my brother’s pocket years ago. They thought it was a joint, so they decided to smoke it, to see. I still laugh about it 50 years later, picturing them in the laundry room, toking it up!

jjfozz

You all know how fucking dumb I am.

Dumb enough to stock a Yeti cooler with beer, leave it out in freezing temperatures, and then remember that I did it.

Had to haul that fucker into the house, crank off the plug and then drain it.

A huge block of ice, with multiple beers frozen into it.

Several of which had exploded.

Somewhere in the next world, my father is so goddamn disappointed in me.

Don T

Seems like a sacrifice to the Alkyhol Gods. Amrrr… /shifts neck forward

JustStopDude

Do we get a Jim Harbaugh freakout?

jjfozz

John took some time before pregame to jam his Jim voodoo doll with pins

JustStopDude

“Check out the latest iteration of ‘Yellowstone’. Now with more old people and no minorities!”

jjfozz

“We hired some Mexicans to play Indians, so we’re good, right?’

King Hippo

as long as they NOE THERE PLACE!!!111

King Hippo

oh hey, look. A punt.

fleshwound_NPG

did not involve an arm this time

King Hippo

We need a Butt Punt. I am not sure of the mechanics, but we need it.

Unsurprised

Get Balls and Mark Sanchez go draw it up

fleshwound_NPG

me: *has flashdrive full of porn*

bill belichick: *has flashdrive full of ladd mcconkey highlights*

Unsurprised

I’m pretty sure that’s illegal

jjfozz

HEY! COULD WE MAYBE PUT SOME MORE FUCKING UTENSILS IN THIS TOP DRAWER SO IT FUCKING DOESN’T CLOSE AND SLAMS THE FUCKING GODDAMN TOP OF THE DRAWER WHEN I TRY TO EMPTY THE FUCKING DISHWASHER? CAN WE?

“Please, stop yelling.”

HOW IN FUCK CAN I NOT YELL!

Brick Meathook

Dulles Airport

https://ibb.co/cDHDjfJ