Grotesque JV NFL Finale Thread

I absolutely am not watching this mess.  But I stand by my prediction upon seeing the “bracket” – I thought the tOSU/Tennessee winner would lift the trophy.

tOhio State (-8.5) v. Notre Dame (7:30, ESPN)

Yeah, I’d be rooting for Hezbollah if they represented the last line of defense against a nationwide orgy of Irish fluffing.  But really – tOSU has the edge everywhere.  Their lines are better (O and D), their quartered back is significantly better, their WRs are light years better.  Maybe ND is roughly equal at tailback.

Seriously, that’s it.  No matter what you think of Coach Samsquanch, his Tree Nutz should absolutely go to town tonight.  Sommet like 38-7 wouldn’t surprise me in the least.  I guess I’d be happy for the numerous supporters in the Clubhouse, but even more satisfied that the best team from (this year’s) best conference was declared champion.  With all else that’s going on in the world, a tiny bit of earned glory would surely be appreciated.

Get your shit together, SEC.  I don’t ever want to see a gross Final Four like 2024-25’s ever again.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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blaxabbath

This will be useful in reverse next year.
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WCS

Congrats Redshirt.

Glad I slept through it.

Redshirt

“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! When I wake up, I’m getting a CAT scan!” -S. Calvin, MI and R. Shirt, OH

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blaxabbath

Roster cost $20mil. They better fucking win.

Brocky

A little late but…

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blaxabbath

Do any of you guys have backup generators at your homes?

Doktor Zymm

I got a large battery pack that I could theoretically solar charge if I bought some panels

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are those things designed so you could just plug it in to an outlet if you wanted and charge it via regular power?

Doktor Zymm

Yup, that’s exactly how I charged it what with not buying the solar panels and all

blaxabbath

I was pondering the wildfires and, my part of the city is not under threat of even the most el ninoest of fires.

But losing power in the summer is basically a death sentence. So I want to add some batteries to my solar system and am interested in tacking on a generator.

Doktor Zymm

I got a Jackery, they’re super high rated and have a bunch of capacities

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“The Jackery” sounds like a business establishment that Robert Kraft would frequent.

Brick Meathook

I have two Honda 2200 watt generators. They have static inverters that will create precise 60-hertz AC output for computers (that’s better than power company mains) and the two generators can be synced to run high amperage loads like refrigerators.

blaxabbath

Don’t those ones they stick on your house run refrigerators? I mean, what are they selling then?

BugEyedBoo

Like anything, you can spend as much as you want on it. The really big ones just flip over automatically. They have some smarts to shut off certain circuits, so you have power to the lights and refrigerators, but not to the AC or the dryer.

You can get smaller setups, where you can plug in a generator like I have, and then throw the switch to shut off the power company circuit and use your generator. Again, you have to pick what you need because 5000 watts won’t run the stove, the fridge, and the sump simultaneously.

At our house, when we need to run the generator we just run extension cords everywhere, to the fridge, the freezer, and the sump.

You can also cheat and make a 220v male-male connector. One goes into the generator, and the other goes into your dryer outlet to backfeed into the household system. This is really not recommended. If you forget to turn off the main breaker you can literally kill an electrical worker. Grab that male connector wrong and you can kill yourself. They call it a suicide cable for a reason, and the people at the hardware store get real mad if they find out you’re trying to make one.

blaxabbath

I don’t think the people at hardware store care about anything. That said, i don’t intend to do this so I can see an electrical worker die on the field

BugEyedBoo

Some people are dumb enough to go to the guy and ask them, “Where can I find the stuff to make a suicide cable?”

BugEyedBoo

I have a Honda 5400 watt generator. I need it because if the power goes out I have two or three hours before the basement gets flooded.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh. The tennis announcer just described a serve as “very short in the box”.

SonOfSpam

(throws hands up in “fucking fuck” gesture)

-D. Favre

Redshirt

Will Howard may have played himself into a 3rd day draft pick.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That last pass was mint.

blaxabbath

I could see Darnold to CLOTS.

Downfield Matriculator

Will Howard and Riley Leonard are both Jebus-lovers; so I guess the outcome means Riley must have touched himself a bit too much this week.

SonOfSpam

No, he went to a papist school, damning his eternal soul

NotShogunButShogun

If you were a notable kid on either squad right now…would you leave? Why?

Redshirt

💰

Horatio Cornblower

Exactly

Redshirt

Holy shit.

SonOfSpam

Happy for you, even if you’re not!

Redshirt

It does feel weird.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As weird as having sex with a bag full of supermarket vegetables?

/asking for a friend
//that friend’s name is “Horatio C.”
///wait, no, that’s too obvious. Their name is “H. Cornblower”.

Horatio Cornblower

I just told you guys how to open the bag.

Stuffing it full of vegetables and then fucking it is all on you.

Which is cool. I don’t judge. Cashier probably will.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t judge.

Man, poor Lowratio never really gets a day off, does he?

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Horatio Cornblower

Good for you, Redshirt.

Now go burn down your local GOP HQ, to “celebrate”

Downfield Matriculator

Congrats, we can now go back to our respective corners for AFC North (I mean, not this season of course)

Downfield Matriculator

JFC Fowler, do you kiss your mother with that gob of yours?

SonOfSpam

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Redshirt

Not centering the football?

Downfield Matriculator

Going to the right, just like the rest of the country

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I suppose we should treat it as a good omen that it didn’t all end in disaster.

Redshirt

Interesting strategy taking your running backs off the field. Anti-Wildcat.

Redshirt

Quit going passive, you dumb fucks!!!!!

Downfield Matriculator

It is like they waited to bring back the Michigan game playcalling until it mattered. unfuckingbelieveable

Downfield Matriculator

And I stand corrected, thank fucking God

Redshirt

FINALLY!

Brick Meathook

When visiting Our Nations Capital, be sure to see the second greatest sculpture in the area, which is the Pratt & Whitney R-4360 aircraft piston engine at the Air & Space Museum out by Dulles Airport.

https://ibb.co/hsJZTMW

The greatest sculpture is the Ulysses S. Grant Memorial at the west side of the U.S. Capitol building.

Cavalry detail:

https://ibb.co/qN9pJZT

Artillery detail:

https://ibb.co/jbxQHMf

The man:

https://ibb.co/5R5V8WZ

Unsurprised

Grant, with a capital G

Redshirt

Bleed clock. Bleeed.

Downfield Matriculator

Like Jerry Quarry, one hopes.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re fine. Irish will stack the line and OSU will just make a quick dump-off, (easy there, Mr. Davenport) for 12 yards or so.

Horatio Cornblower

OK, I had the right idea but was off by 40 yards.

NotShogunButShogun

Like Mr gaetz

SonOfSpam

We haz game?

Horatio Cornblower

Nope

Redshirt

This is my life.

Downfield Matriculator

Indeed. If you’re gonna commit pass interference, then interfere FFS

Doktor Zymm

Anyone doing anything fun for Burns Night? I’m not but would love to go to a Burns dinner some time

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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SonOfSpam

Sounds EXCellent

Horatio Cornblower

I still have to try haggis.

SonOfSpam

I heard it’s offal

Doktor Zymm

It’s pretty good, at least the one time I had it

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

That ad reminds me, the secret to opening those impossible veggie/fruit bags at the supermarket?

Lick your fingers before going for the opening. Like magic.

ballsofsteelandfury

That applies to other things…

Horatio Cornblower

See below

/also applies to other things

Horatio Cornblower

/this is also good advice for sex

SonOfSpam

Why would I want to open a supermarket vegetable bag for sex?

Northeast people are weird.

Horatio Cornblower

Irish contraception.

God you West Coasters cannot follow a theme…

Last edited 10 hours ago by Horatio Cornblower
SonOfSpam

Too busy dodging fires while getting abortions and winning sports titles

Horatio Cornblower

“The Irish do get a stop…”

I’ll take ‘What Is Not Birth Control’ for $800, Alex.

Downfield Matriculator

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/This book is blank inside — chef’s kiss, no notes

SonOfSpam

Why would they? Altar boys can’t get pregnant.

Brick Meathook

I’ve got bad news for the “Beta Babies.” They are all going to die in a nuclear war.

You can bet on it. I’m not wrong.

Horatio Cornblower

It’ll be quicker than when all the freshwater runs out.

I do not want grandchildren.

NotShogunButShogun

Why among many reasons I didn’t propagate

Unsurprised

We’re not that lucky.

Horatio Cornblower

/obligatory Doink goes HERE

Mr. Ayo

JV DOINK!

Brick Meathook

Holy shit

LemonJello

College DOINK! makes their presence felt