Good day to you! It’s the final day of The Europa League so let’s do the laziest preview possible preview of the final day. We have 36 teams all grouped together for 8 games in some random fashion and the top 24 move on to the next round where the top 8 progress past a playoff where 9 though 24 play each other to join the top 8.

I personally prefer this tournament to the Champions League as everyone has a shot for the most part. If you’re bored and want to know what solidified my stupid love for this club, here it is. (The trips to London to see my mates and visit the Cottage helped too)

Still get chills from the Juventus games (9:14). Screw the old lady they never in a million years saw that coming. As a matter of fact either did the Fulham faithful. For teh Hippo, this is why Uncle Woy is a God to us.

I’ll say that I don’t agree with the new format. The one good thing that they did is they haven’t sent the lesser-thans from the Champions League down to this tournament once they get booted as was done in the past (see above video). In filling out the matchups below I wanted to see if I knew where every team was from. (HAIL GAMBLOR) I got 2 wrong, damn you FCSB (they changed their vernacular) & Ludogorets.

The standings as it stands. Enlarge as there are so many teams in this nowadays that the table is too big.

Here are the matchups today. Instead of a full preview we’ll just talk about the stadiums and other litre nonsense as is custom.

Ajax (NED) 16^th v Galatasaray (TUR) 9th

Amsterdam Arena, now known as Johann Cruyff Arena (Capacity 56,120).

I attended a match 25 years ago in this gorgeous stadium. The cool part about this place was that it was pouring rain on the pitch and I was seated in row 6. The architecture was so didn’t get a drop on me. The location is in a bit of a shady area, but you could buy drugs everywhere, so it had that going for it.

This should be a good game with plenty of violence as both Ultra groups are crazy and there is a tonne of Turks in the Netherlands. Ajax is currently 2nd in the Eredivisie 4 pts back of PSV with a game in hand. Gala is in first with a 6 pt cushion in the Super Lig.

Anderlecht (BEL) 7th v Hoffenheim (GER) 28^th

Constant Vanden Stock Stadium, Anderecht Belgium now known as Lotto Park, naming rights are from the lotterij. (Capacity 21,500)

This place looks as boring as the majority of Belgium, Bruges excluded.

Anderlecht is currently sitting in 4^th in the Jupiler League and a ways back from Genk. With a win they’ll progress and not have to play in a playoff. Don’t hassle the Hoff needs a win for any chance to progress so this match could be a good one. Due to their finish in the Bundesliga they clearly made this competition last year but are in a relegation battle right now in the Bundesliga. I see clips from the second division in Germany and it looks like the best time around. Schalke in 10th averages 60k+ a game. The 50+1 rule is just the best.

Athletic Club (ESP)  3^rd v Viktoria Plzen (CZE) 11th

Estadio de San Mames, Bilbao, Spain (Capacity 53,289)

The reason for the name is that it’s in proximity to a church named after a Saint thrown to the lions in Rome back in the day. They have a policy of only bringing dudes with many X’s in their names (Basques) into their club. They’ve been doing it since 1911 and are loved by the locals for having this policy. They’re currently in 4^th in La Liga and have only lost 3 games this season in that competition. Both of these teams are through so this game will be a snoozer.

Braga (POR) 27^th v Lazio (ITA) 1^st

Estadio Municipal de Braga. (Capacity 30,286)

Loogit this place! It is carved into a mountain! If you are a stadium nerd like me this is a must visit. You could sit atop the hill and watch a game. Brilliant. They are currently in 4^th in the Liga Portugal. They play the Fascists who fired their Falconer for getting a dong enlargement and posting about it. So fascist salute is ok, but penis enlargement pics are a line that shouldn’t be crossed.

Dynamo Kyiv (UKR) 36^th Eliminated v RFS (LAT) 30^th Eliminated

Both these teams are eliminated, and this game is being played in Hamburg so, whatever.

FCSB (ROM) 8th v Man U (ENG) 4th

Ghencea Stadium, Bucharest, now known as Steaua Stadium. (Capacity, 31,254)

OK, I admit this one messed with me. Is this the old Steaua Bucharest? To the Wikipedia machine!

The original Steaua București football team was founded in 1947 and belonged to the Ministry of National Defence, through the namesake CSA Steaua București sports club. In 1998, the football department and its facilities were separated from the latter and taken over by a group of shareholders in a post-Ceaușescu privatisation scheme, leading to one of the shareholders acquiring full ownership five years later. However, CSA Steaua București has been in conflict with the football club since 2011, claiming that it was a new and separate entity; this resulted in multiple court cases and the forced change of the name from FC Steaua București to FC FCSB in early 2017.

FC Midtylland (DEN) 19th v Fenerbahce (TUR) 23rd

MCH Arena. Herning & Ikast, Denmark (Capacity 12,055, seated 7790)

Every time that I see this club, I think of Mid Titty Land which is better than flat titty land IMO. Both teams need to win to assure progression to the next round. Mid Titties are currently tied for the league lead with Kobenhavn. Fener is in 2^nd behind their archrivals Galatasaray so will probably qualify for this tourney again next season.

FC Twente (NED) 26th v Beskitas (TUR) 24th

Grolsch Veste, Twente (Capacity 30,205)

Mmmmm Grolsch the best mass-produced Dutch beer. The resealable cap was quite handy when driving from Banff back to Lake Louise back in the day.

Twenty is in 5th which would mean no Europe or at best the Europa Conference League which is all sorts of crazy,

Both these clubs need a result so this could be a good one.

Ferencvaros (HUN) 22^nd v AZ Alkmaar (NED) 14th

Ferencvaros Stadium, Budapest, now known as Groupama Arena. (Capacity, 23,700)

Have to say I am shocked this hasn’t been renamed Vikto Orban Stadium. “Goin’ to the Vic tonight my white supremacist brother.” The Hungarians are in 2nd in Hungary by a point with a game in hand. I am sure dear leader will see that they win the league. Alkmaar are in 6th but 2 pts back of Feyenoord for the Europa Conference birth.

Ferencvaros needs a result here to stay in the knockout spot. Alkmaar are through to the next round.

My goodness there are 3 Dutch teams in this here comp, good on them tall wooden shoed folk.

Lyon (FRA) 6th v Ludogorets Razgrad (BUL) 33^rd Eliminated

Parc Olympique Lyonnais now know as Groupama Stadium. (Capacity 59,186),

ObvioUsly this begs the question what the hell is Groupama? This is two in a row and I did not plan it this way. Answer, insurance company. Deny, Defend, Depose.

I’ve been to this stadium for the Euros in 2016. It’s a bit out of town, but the tram system takes you right there and you are ok drinking wine out of the bottle much to the chagrin of your fiancée.

Hey, now, that was the first time that I wrote something for this here site.

Lyon just sacked their coach even though they have made a good show of it in Ligue 1. They have had a garbage last 5 games with a bunch of draws, a loss to Brest (heh) and getting knocked out of the Coupe de France by something called Bourgoin Jallieu.

Maccabi Tel Aviv (ISR) 29th v FC Porto (POR) 25th

This game is being played in Serbia so, whatever. Listen, if I was an Israeli team my choice of home venues would definitely not be in the Balkans.

Nice (FRA) 35^th Eliminated v Bodo/Glimt (NOR) 10th

Grand Stade de Nice, also known as Allianz Riviera due to UEFA/FIFA sponsorship regulations. (Capacity 36,178)

If I was a footballer this is a place I would like to play. Living in the French Riviera for a middling side, no drama, no stress and one of the nicest coasts in all of Europe. Nice is in 4^th in Ligue 1 so if they keep that up they should be back in the competition next year.

Also, this would be a costly but superb away day, especially from Norway in the middle of winter.

Olimpiacos (GRE) 12th v Qarabag FK (AZB) 34th Eliminated

Stadio Georgios Karaiskaki, Piraeus (Capacity 36,007)

This stadium is in the port suburb of Piraeus and boy oh boy is that neighboUrhood sketchy. Their owner is the lunatic that also owns Nottingham Forest and received a ban awhile back for brandishing a pistol and threatening a referee. Olimpiacos is in 1^st place in Greece right now, Forest is kicking ass in the Premier League so nutjob should be a content man. Did you know Azerbaijan is in Europe? UEFA/FIFA at its finest.

Rangers (SCO) 13th v Union St. Gilloise (BEL) 15^th

Ibrox! Glasgow (Capacity 51,700)

One of 3 stadiums in Glasgow, the others being Parkhead and Hampden. I have been to 2 of the three but was a little leery going to Celtic Park after my visit to the neighboUrhood to buy weed. It says that the biggest attendance there was 118567 in 1939. Here is a short video it is a great 1 minute watch.

Rangers is stuck in 2nd as Celtic is running away with the SPL this year. My beloved Heart of Midlothian is a steaming sack of garbage and will most likely sell their best player in the summer. Rangers would need a lot to go right to go into an auto promotion but will progress to the knock out stage next.

Real Sociedad (SPA) 18th v PAOK Thessaloniki FC (GRE) 17th

Estadio de Anoeta, San Sebastien (Capacity 39,313)

Basque Boogaloo part two! This outfit out of San Sebastian’s name means “The Royal Society of Football.” Ain’t no Basque hardliners here. In glancing at their roster there are international players which obvioUsly makes them different that Bilbao. Sociedad is a respectable 9th in La Liga which puts them still in the mix of a European spot next year. PAOK fans are insane, this is fact. There’s a whole little brother to the big 3 clubs in Athens going on here. Funny, when you look at the standings they are in fourth. Who are they behind? The 3 big Athenian teams.

Roma (ITA) 21st v Frankfurt (GER) 16th

Stadio Olimpico. (Capacity 70,634)

Home to both Rome teams this is the mecca of Italian football, the San Siro be damned. I once tried to get a ticket to a Roma v Catania match. Apparently the match was only open to Roman residents as the Catanian fans attacked a referee the week prior for which I am sure there is a good excuse. Roma is currently in 9th in Serie A which is not in Europe. Frankfurt is in 3rd which would be a Champions League birth.

Both of these teams are dead in the middle and will enter the knockout round.

Slavia Prague (CZE) 31^st v Malmo FF (SWE) 32nd

Fortuna Arena (Capacity 19,370)

Both of these teams are out but it will be a tune up for Malmo’s regular season which runs in the summer because it is bloody cold in Sweden. Slavia is currently in 1st place in the Czech league and will most likely get a birth to the Champions League where they will get absolutely destroyed.

Tottenham (ENG) 6^th v Elfsborg (SWE) 20th

Tottenham lost their soul when they moved into their new stadium. I once went to West Ham v Spurs at Old White Hart Lane and it was a complete shithole but it had soul. I was at the Fulham game the day before and had one of the worst hangovers imaginable but I could still feel the soul of the club and the neighboUrhood. Spurs got thumped that day and I have never been happier to leave early as by the time I was on the tube platform the line behind me was 4 blocks long.

So, what did we learn about the Europa League and its final day? Nothing, absolutely nothing.