TGIF! Hope everyone is recovering well from the hockey fever. After all, the NHL regular season resumes tomorrow. Well, except for McAvoy and one of the Tkachucks who are both very much injured.

Survival – Personal Edition

This is going to go long, like a Sexy Rexy pass. Will I finish in time? History says I’ll finish way too early. Anyway, we’re going to build ourselves a little jungle shelter!

• Before we begin, we have to understand the dangers of sleeping in the jungle. Most of them involve the ground: fungal infections, leeches, boars, snakes, hypothermia, and flash flooding. As a result, we will be constructing an elevated shelter.
• We also have to appreciate the resources a jungle provides: A shitload of trees, plants, and leaves. We’ll be using all of those for this wonderful shelter.
• Clear out an area for the shelter. We need a flat piece of land that is also dry. Make sure to check for any signs of erosion that would indicate regular flash floods. This space needs to be about a foot longer than your height and twice as wide as your girth width when lying down.
• Plant four posts at the corners of this area. The posts need to be as tall as your shoulder and 6 inches in width. Use a sharpened stick to start the holes then drive each post into the ground at least one foot deep. They posts should go up to about your waist once finished. Also, make sure they’re as close to level as possible.
• Add a two inch notch onto the outward faces of each post at knee height. I know, I hear you, there are two outward faces on each post. The one you want is outward from the length of the frame. These notches need to be the same height as they’ll hold the bed supports and you don’t want to be sleeping at a slant.
• Let’s build the frame. Gather six sapling trucks or tree branches that are around four inches in diameter. These will need to support your weight so adjust accordingly. Two will need to be just longer than the width of your shelter, and the other four longer than the length of your shelter.
• Take those two shorter saplings/branches and lash them to the head and tail posts into the notches.
• Take two of those longer saplings/branches and lay them along the length of the frame and on top of the two saplings from the previous step. Lash them together.
• Now go gather a shit ton of saplings about two inches in diameter and longer than the width of the frame. Use those to cover the frame and lash them down.
• Let’s make a roof! We need five saplings/branches around two inches in diameter. One is going to be the apex of the roof so it needs to be about a foot longer than the length of your structure. The other four will be the gables so they need to be anywhere from two feet to twice as longer as the width of the structure.
• Now notch the posts on the outward (lengthwise this time) a couple inches from the top. Use the remaining two saplings/branches from the framing step and lash them to the posts into those notches. Now lash two of the gable saplings/branches at a ninety degree angle then last the other ends to the posts and framing saplings/branches. Repeat on the other end. Finally, take that apex sapling/branch and lay it into the V at the top of the gables and lash together.
• Find a bunch more branches about one inch in diameter and the length of the roofing frame to fill out the roof. These will be positioned horizontally and lashed to the gables. Find a bunch of large leaves and drape them over the roofing structure making sure to overlap them.

And now your structure is complete! You’re on own for pillows and bedding but if you got this far you’ll figure that out easily enough.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!