Good evening, you caught me in a good time. I have a wide smile and a full belly after having my favorite dish: rice and beans and bistec encebollado. It what’s on the banner pic, except mine looked better and tasted 😛.

It was during lunch with someone I love and deeply admire, with ample wisdom and an unshakably sympathetic outlook on life. And we spent most of the lunch talking shit and laughing at people we know. God damn good gossip is delicious.

As long as I’ve understood words, there is no bigger attention grabber than “You can’t tell anybody, but [looks around nervously]…”

Why, betrayed confidence AND a likely juicy story?

There’s people who have no problem knowing stuff and keeping quiet. Those are good friend material, unless they never pick up the check. (“Tight wallet, loose maw”, goes a saying I just made up.) Then there’s folks who are usually prudent, but you can influence and cajole stuff from them. These are Fun Friend material, a much better option because talking about people behind their backs makes for better hangs.

For me, good gossip has to be about people I know, not people I know of. In fact, celebrity gossip encapsulates most of what I currently hate in real life: making terrible people famous (and therefore powerful), invasions of privacy, attention whoring, judging based on sexual innuendo, rapacious exploitative media etc. etc. Actors, royals, rappers—bleh. But tell me the neighboUr of a nephew of a snotty former boss of mine got caught running a stolen catalytic converter ring and

A tasty piece of gossip needs a specific person and another concrete element, like a place. “You’re not going to believe who I saw entering a [hotel lobby / urologist office / bondage conference / Weight Watchers meeting / Satanic Yoga]”.  The source is what distinguishes gossip from rumoUr: first hand is best, “I glanced”, “I hacked”… But there are also secondary sources of impeccable fidelity, like a lazy cop neighbor, or what’s overheard at doctor waiting rooms and beauty parlors. Some people just won’t shut the fuck up, hallelujah.

NFL NEWS

-The 49ers traded RB Jordan Mason to the Vikings for picks and giggles: Frisco gets #160, Minny #187 for ’25, plus tip.

-Falcons do nothing.

-RELATED: QB Kirk Cousins gets $10 million guaranteed to stay in Atlanta.

–Re-signings:

• FB Kyle Juszczyk – 49ers, “two” years
• WR JuJu Smith-Schuster – Chefs, one year

-Resigning:

Me, on referencing NFL non-events like

• Deals coming soon on X or Y receiver, or QB cranks. Wake me when signed or wound up.
• Draft or trade projections. I dealt with more concrete stuff at my Linear Algebra class
• Who’s in the best shape of his career
• Which player is a good or bad system fit with a new team… That might be the speculation / #content line for me right there.

-According to the mothership, there is nothing

on the Operations schedule until the March 30 – April 2 league meetings at The Breakers VIP Vomitorium. What are ya gonna do. Lousy calendar [shakes fist at constant, unidirectional passage of time].

SPROTS TONITE

All times Central

NCAA SELECTION SUNDAY

Time for the star to shine

No, not you! Take your ominous humming elsewhere.

I’m talking about the real star, the bracket. O Bracket, you are the pathetic testament of our hasty decisions to carry around for public view and humble us. A Lent-Lite, for you unbelievers of the one true, guilt-trippin’, faith.

NHL

Oilers @ Rangers – 6:00

Panthers @ Islanders – 6:30

Ducks @ Blues – 7:00

Utah? Wtf! @ Canucks – 7:00

Jets @ KRAKENNN – 8:00

TRAVELIN 3s

Jazz @ Timberwolves – 6:00

Hornets @ Clips – 6:00

Thunder @ Bucks – 8:00

TOP PLIGHT FÚTBOL

Oh my Gaah everyone and their madre play tonight. Home team first, #Obvio

Argentina

Belgrano (Córdoba) v. Barrancas Ventral – 7:00

Lanús v. Instituto (Córdoba) – 7:00

Chile

Deportes Iquique v. Unión Española – 6:30

Colombia

 Independiente Medellín v. Deportivo Cali – 6:20

Llaneros v. Atlético Junior – 8:30

Go all the way: ¡Atlético Júnior estaba ahí! Junior seems like a half-measure, tch.

Costa Rica

Sporting San José v. Herediano – 7:00

Ecuador

Emelec v. Liga de Quito – 6:00

Guatemala

 Antigua v. Deportivo Mixco – 8:00

Paraguay

 Deportivo Recoleta v. Sportivo Luqueño – 6:30

Secsi Mexi

Pumas UNAM v. Monterrey – 7:00

Pachuca v. Tijuana – 9:00

Uruguay

Racing (Montevideo) v. Nacional – 6:30

U.S.A.

Atlanta United v. Inter Miami – 6:00

Reminder: You can still hate on Luis Suárez 😝

Venezuela

Deportivo La Guaira v. Estudiantes de Mérida – 6:30  

FINALLY,

the kind of gossip that interests me more is backroom maneuverings and financial fuckery. But of course my favorite is the stuff that humiliates and therefore humanizes persons who take themselves waaay too seriously—especially those persons who with a mere “Hi, what are you doing here?” makes your brain lock down into “You’re in a public place. Do NOT say ‘You think yer better than me?’”.

All of gossip on that and those, I dig. Not, NOT the sex lives of others. I’m not interested on how, when, why other people fuck. Not my bag, at all.

But with who, well, scoff. I mean, erm… More bearings more bearings OK. Let me just say: it’s a joyless experience to be the last person to find out, in your work, about a coworker’s tryst. And it also sucks being told, a year after it happened, that a friend-of-a-friend who’s a vocal Old Testament citer got the Sodom in his Gomorrah on a business trip to Orlando. Everyone knows already, so business trip gets no air quotes when told to you.

But 🚧 🚨OBVIOUS CRAP ALERT 🚨🚧 stale gossip is better than no gossip. If nothing else, old gossip brings you more up to date with the people you love, through shitting on other people behind their backs. For yuks and spite, what delights. Happy March Madness.