I spent last week in a terrible mood, basically treating most interactions with the defensiveness and misanthropy I have managed to contain solely to driving. Those help, for driving. A lot.
For all other interactions, I rather maintain critical distance. If that makes me appear standoffish and not worth talking to,
This is great during the NFL season, because there is no need to reckon with worldly affairs while your NFL team OR money-league FF team is still in playoff contention. That’s solid escapism between Weeks 1-11 at least. Or until Week 17, if you follow any NFL team on the South divisions.
NFL MEWS
-Crank up the Fall Out Boy: Derek Carr has a shoulder injury that—well, “Saints status iffy” is the actual headline in espen. Iffy.
Turning to Sports Illustrated: shoulder injury, 2025 season in jeopardy, per Ian Rappaport video. Nick Shook from the House Organ, same thing. What the hell happened to Carr?
Per NOLA’s Time Picayune: “Stunning Derek Carr Injury News Leaves More Questions Than Answers”, has a headline that promises fluff and speculation, aaand a paywall fuck you. From a TP freebie:
[Carr] suffered a shoulder injury that could threaten his status for 2025, a source with knowledge of the situation confirmed. The NFL Network first reported Friday that Carr is dealing with the ailment and is weighing his options, which reportedly include surgery.
The injury is a stunning development for the Saints and Carr. New Orleans was set to begin the first phase of its offseason workouts on Monday. The team also opted to simply restructure Carr’s contract last month, which effectively guaranteed he’d be on the roster after weeks of speculation about whether the two sides were headed for a divorce. Carr, too, reportedly was open to a change of scenery before the Saints settled on keeping him.
But what the hell happened to the shoulder?
The origin of Carr’s shoulder injury is not yet publicly known. A league source with knowledge of the situation said the injury is not related to the fall the 34-year-old took last year against the Giants.
Thank you, next to last paragraph. I like Carr and wish him a long career.
Saints fans: Oh yeah? Well have your team trade for him.
-As reported by Blax this weekend, CB Patrick Peterson had a 6-game PED suspension in 2019. Peterson also announced his retirement last Friday. Not being sour, just committed to the truf.
-Titans CB L’Jarius Sneed, who only played five games for TEN because of injury (which must’ve been why the Chefs dealt him in ’24—where was the due diligence fFS!?), but is still one of the highest paid cornerbacks in the league [inhales], was sued in civil court.
You: AND?
Jeez, lot of interruptions tonight. Getting annoyed! Per Associated Press:
A Texas man who says Titans cornerback L’Jarius Sneed or his personal assistant shot at him while he was sitting inside a Mercedes-Benz on a dealer lot in December is suing the two-time Super Bowl champ for at least $1 million. [Bold Underline supplied for your judgmental asses.]
Christian Nshimiyimana was sitting inside the Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon on Dec. 6 in Carrollton, Texas. Neither he nor anyone else was hit by bullets fired from a Lamborghini Urus driving past One Legacy Motors. Much of what happened is redacted in the police report obtained by The Associated Press.
I’m gonna assume the unredacted portions of the police report will say “Totally the other guy [sic]” and Sneed will play like an All Pro CB for TEN for 19 games in 2025, after being on street clothes for the meaningless Week 18 game because the Titans will have already clinched homefield throughout the playoffs. Folks, life’s a breeze when you combine simple delusions with narcotics.
Incidentally, the AP is Punk.
SPROTS TOMITE
All times Central
NHL
Edmonton @ Winnipeg – 6:00
San José @ Calgary – 7:00
Colorado @ Anaheim – 9:00
GRANDES LIGAS
Ositos (Rea) @ Doyers (Glasnow) – 6:00
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Home team first, clarop. Streaming suggestion: infected laptop.
Argentina
River Plate v. Talleres – 6:15
Bolivia
Oriente Petrolero v. Always Ready – 6:30
Brasil
Fortaleza v. Internacional – 6:00
Atlético-MG v. Vitória – 6:30
Colombia
Millonarios v. Atlético Nacional – 6:00
Bucaramanga v. Fortaleza CEIF – 8:10
“CEIF” means Centro de Entrenamiento Integrado para el Fútbol, which in English means “Expect ICE soon if you understood it.”
Guatemala
Xinabajul v. Malacateco – 8:00
Behold! This is Depotivo Malacateco’s shield:
That dead-eye stare could mean either “KILL” or “U got snacks maan?”
Honduras
FC Montagua v. Juticalpa – 6:15
Paraguay
General Caballero v. Guaraní – 6:15
Perú
Universitario v. Melgar – 7:00
Secsi Mexi
Santos v. Querétaro – 6:00
Uruguay
River Plate v. Juventud – 6:00
U.S.A
MLS
St. Louis CITY [sic] v. Colombus Crew – 6:00
NWSL
Bay FC v. Chicago Stars – 6:00
Venezuela
Academia Puerto Cabello v. Deportivo Táchira – 7:00
FINALLY,
yeah, I’ve learned and stuff. Having a clear head is the best way to approach situations, of course. If it’s not a lifelihood thing, it’s best to be chill. That’s what drugs are for:
Pepa’ y agua pa’ la seca,
To’ el mundo en pastillas
En la discoteca FEE FEEE
FEEFEEEFEEE
FEEFEEEFEEE
FEEFEEEFEEE
Banner via MLB /Getty Images. No link, let’s keep it between us 
Literally stopped (maybe?) a live home invasion: caller was woken by shattering glass, and immediately dialed. Someone had broken the front window, attempted to grab some stuff, and ran off. We’ve now got a manhunt for the suspect.
Fun!
Frankie (2000-2012} was the best friend I ever had.
Pictured here Halloween 2007
https://ibb.co/F4XHfdrm
Being on hold with DoorDash customer service is like communicating with a different planet.
“Sic transit gloria mundi” or some shit like that. I dunno.
That’s Hippo’s song!
I was just doing some quick addition and I believe that the game on Wednesday in Toronto will be my 20th MLB stadium.
Granted, there are a LOT of stadiums that are long gone but still valid for the count.
Definitely still counts
I’ve seen the baseball Rangers play in two stadiums and still haven’t seen the new one.
I did see Old Yankee Stadium.
Nothing beats a day game at Wrigley.
I’ve seen the Pirates in two, and not in the “new” one that they’ve been playing in for over 20 years! I’ve been past Wrigley, but I never saw a game there. We were going to go to one, but it was way too fucking hot that day, we ended up in a cool bar in the neighborhood instead.
That’s a good start but you really need to see the new park.
PNC is hands down the best.
Wait, does that mean all those games I saw in Waterbury’s Municipal Stadium don’t count!?
Wow, that’s a bunch! I’ve only done 6, but one of them was Forbes Field with Roberto Clemente playing, so that must be worth a few lesser stadia.
The most exotic one I can claim is having seen the Nationals play at RFK Stadium.
With this reno in full swing my plan is to hit the beach here soon. Once I get back from my trip to visit Mom, the weather should be within margins. Just in time too, noticed the tan has almost fully faded. Can’t have that, a pasty look adds five pounds ya know…
That’s 5 pounds indeed!
Good golly Miss Molly!
Goddamn Justin Verlander.
Hello Dodgers.
We’re going to see you again.
– Cubbies
We’re not afraid of small bears.
I need a massage. I really don’t understand why some notable NFL dudes have to get all creepy with massages, they’re pretty awesome by themselves, no need to add sexual assault
“It’s not assault if you pay $35 extra”
-R. Kraft
Officially on the Jets (Winnipeg) bandwagon for the playoffs
Plenty of room on the Kings bandwagon…maybe THIS is the year we get past Edmonton!
/asks wife for tips on preparing for disappointment
Rebuttal: Fuck ’em for all eternity.
why though
The prosecution rests, Your Honor.
We reached the hotel at Disneyland and so far all is well. Turns out early entry is only for CA Adventure but we’re straight Disneyland for two days.
Some real weirdos here.
Yeah, we call them Arizonans.
Tell us how the Star Wars thing is. I’ve never been and it looks pretty cool.
My goodness the amount of walking around here would make you sploosh.
Mickey don’t surf.
https://youtu.be/80WyBxo0Hto?si=hLV6bqG1M9LRDanc
Rory’s finish had heart, but Speith’s finish had a golf club to the groin…
https://www.reddit.com/r/golf/comments/1jyek1h/spieth_whacks_a_patron_in_the_nuts_with_his_club/
McIlroy fans watching from hole 10 onward (artist’s conception):
I cannot imagine giving a ripe fuck about who wins a golf tournament. Second place is still an instant millionaire, and you don’t have to plan a dinner the next year.
Oil Team against Always Ready? Oy, how does one bet that??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?app=desktop&v=9Al-IXweiTI
And I think we all know how Carr hurt his shoulder, he’s getting a bit old to be in the pit at emo shows
.
Like, not even ironically. That is literally what they are doing.
Real events
Which Texan? There’s so many.
also, “fired upon” is a basic greeting in texas
Here’s a wonderful artwork I want you to see.
It was done by the great Bill Mauldin, who won two Pulitzer Prizes for newspaper editorial cartoons after the war, but this was early in his career, when he was in the US Army’s 45th Infantry in Sicily, which would be about 1943.
Look at the “negative space” of the entire northwest quadrant. It’s empty! But now look at the SW corner with the soldier and the pack animal. That’s the key, that’s the clue to the rest of the image. Now find all the soldiers and pack animals.
All done in pen and ink.
Artist: Bill Mauldin (1921-2003).
https://ibb.co/YBpBHZGJ
Dansby Swanson is s plantation owner from the south and not a shortstop for the ositos,
THIS MASTERS TOURNAMENT PERFORMANCE BY RORY MCILROY I CALL IT HENRY HEIMLICH’S DOCTORAL THESIS BECAUSE IT WAS A STUDY OF PEOPLE WHO WERE CHOKING AND WERE THEN REVIVED.
first to do it with four or more double bogeys
Rory finally got his green jacket and career grand slam.
…and need to be reminded to go get said green jacket.
To be fair, he’s been drinking since this morning.
The emotional explosion he exhibited was incredible, to get that monkey off your back after 11 tries must be cathartic as fuck.
It was beautiful.
And will continue to, unabated, for the next 366 days.
Let’s go Doyers!
Let’s go Cubbies.