I always try to lead with the football in my posts but tonight things are a bit different. The Senators haven’t been in the postseason in one dog year and things are lining up quite nicely. (must be absolutely horrible to be a Red Wings fan, if anyone would admit to it) Ok, fine, I’ll do an NFL thingy
-Such a Nice Boy: Baker Mayfield took 1st round wr pick Emeka Egbuka and his family out for a lovely brunch recently. That passes for ‘news’ on the WWL? I would note that no one seems to be talking about Tampa’s wr room. Of course there’s Evans’ remarkable consistency and Godwin’s reliability (after he comes back) but what about the TD machine that Jalen McMillan turned into during the last 5 games of the season when there was no choice but to lean on him? (he produced 7 TD’s in that time) And now they’ve got a consensus top 3 ball-catcher to add to the mix?
-I think one of the things that we Canadians have brought to this site is just how HATED the Leafs are up here. I think I’ve mentioned it before but I’d liken it to the Yankees, Lakers or Dodgers being the lead story in every single market every day. That’s all well and good for that minority of all sports fans, for the rest of us it’s a wee bit oppressive. So the possibility of the Leafs collapsing (again) to my fave team that hasn’t reached the playoffs in forever is a glorious notion.
-EVERY Leafs reporter is asking Toronto players if they feel any pressure given the number of collapses the team has experienced.
-The Leafs are 1-13 in potential close-out games during the Austin Matthews Era. Anyone remember the Nuggets Alex English? No? He was a regular season compiler just like Matthews.
-They are 1 for 31 on the power play during those games.
-Sens goalie Ullmark has a scorching .952 save percentage over the last two games.
/I’ve obviously jinxed Ottawa but oh well…
RIP Kings. At least in death you won’t have nightmares of the Oilers kicking your ass all over the place in the first round.
Yeah, I don’t think the harmonicas are making another appearance this season
Remember last week when folks thought LA had finally managed to slay the Oily demon.
That might be all she wrote for LA
But wait….there’s MORE!!
THAT EDMONTON GOAL I CALL IT (insert name of hospital-themed porno here) BECAUSE EVERYONE SAW A NURSE COMING AND NO ONE STOPPED HIM!!!
I’m going to start watching the Stanley Cup once the second round starts.
Hopefully, that’s when the quadruple OTs begin …
Dallas with a casual 4 goal period. While getting outshot 34-19
Thinking this Rantenan guy might be good. Like someone you wouldn’t trade away from your team.
Especially to Carolina of all places.
Ernest Borgnine was a National Treasure
Another round of banana baked goods into the oven in Denver. 3-3 now.
Dallas Colorado is close to some banana cakes in the second. 2-0 Colorado after 1, now 3-2 Colorado 5 minutes into the second.
Now tied!
We are approaching bananacakes.
Just gonna go ahead and put on plaid pajamas and get this over with.
In both games! Damn!
Book those helicopters now, fuel up the motorcycles, and get your guy on the horn for some blow. Kings-Oilers might be 10-9 in triple OT at this rate.
The one advantage of the Rangers missing out on the playoffs is my blood pressure and alcohol intake is sharply down from last year. Also I can actually enjoy overtime games more.
(except the Rangers)
((who are one Mike Sullivan away from winning another Cup… damn it))
I love your Sullivan optimism. I’d love for it to be proven right, but I just can’t see Sullivan Torts 2.0 working.
This game is a roller coaster ride, very early. Kings 2 goals on 3 shots. Yikes.
Do the goalies in the Edmonton-LA game know they’re allowed to stop shots?
Apparently not. At this rate they’ll hit overtime tied 18-18
GET OUT OF MY BRAIN, or at least move over a little.
Calm down Kevin Lowe
Apparently not.
Live footage of New York after that last minute or five:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75p0YeecIAc
(sees headline online that starts “Marjorie Taylor Greene dead…”)
“Oh?”
(reads complete headline “Marjorie Taylor Greene dead last in polling for Senate seat match-up”)
“Oh, well that’s good, too, I guess.”
I mean, could be better…
Her and the tart from Colorado fight to the death.
Not my call, but some geniuses decided to pull a Trailer Park Boys scam and steal a bunch of meat from a grocery store.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PEjVWIHRkU
Meat dicks!
Marc-Andre Fluery’s last game?
GOAT prankster
Ope. Well these Wild boys hope those Vegas boys have the next round they deserve.
We now take you live to the Knicks being a disappointment, already in progress since 1973.
Nice try, but you’re not getting me to watch the NBA.
What do Charlie Chaplin and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common?
You won’t see their best work in anything but black-and-white.
And that’s why you don’t leave a Stanley Cup play-off game early, you fucktard Wild fans.
/does not apply to Hurricanes fans, who should walk into the ocean within seconds of the initial puck drop
Can’t imagine leaving a playoff game early. Permanent ban for them.
This. Fuck that. You paid for 60 minutes of hockey, you stay for 60 minutes of hockey.
We thank the Vichy Whalers for their service for knocking off the Devils.
Now they can properly fuck off.
Also this is 1000% true
I thank the Vichy Whalers for nothing.
Damnit, now LTIR HC is gonna advance too
SUDDEN CHANGE
Don’t worry guys, if it took them 6 games to beat the Senators, there’s no chance the Leafs will make it out of the next round.
I hate your perspicacity.*
*a new pasta shape
conjuring a deep leafs playoff run will be trump’s greatest crime
So now we’re counting on Florida? Ugh.
Weird way to spell ‘meteor’ but OK.
Oh shit, Utah should have called themselves the meteors, then everyone would be rooting for them!
Boooo
The concept of Toronto not choking has so baffled my tv that it’s giving me Emergency Broadcast System messages in garbled Spanish rather than show me the game.
That’s great hustle, TV!
-SUDDEN CHANGE-
Fuckballs.
Still time to Toronto this up
THAT TORONTO COMEBACK I CALL IT A RICK PITINO RELATIONSHIP, BECUASE IT TOOK LESS THAN 90 SECOND START-TO-FINISH!!!
Hockey talking guy just said it was a minute and 41 later, so 141 seconds, so you were WAYYY off
I swear I heard 80 seconds, but it’s my birthday and they made me do shots at the bar so I wouldn’t take my word for much of anything right now.
Anyway, fuck Rick Pitino.
Happiest Birfday!
It was not free! I spent many many American dollars on your birthday meme! It was eleventy billion bucks, because you are worth every cent!
Thanks, GG; that’s why you’re my favorite.
Tell everyone.
Your Senators seem like cockteases. SC can relate.
AND HERE COME THE SENATORS
(I’ll take ‘Things Never Said About Chuck Schumer’ for $400, Alex)
He’ll send a strongly-worded email. You’re welcome.
His assistant will. I don’t believe for a second that Schumer knows how email works.
Uh oh Leafs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111
It’s only 9 PM here and I’m bhtyu🛝4pk🪭(jk. Maybe it’s time to experiment of putting alka seltzer on whisky.
BLENDED whisky I’m not an animal k💿
It’ll be like high-ABV champagne!
/tells Mrs. Horatio to maybe pack funeral clothes for PR vacation.
Your eulogy needs to be in Spanish. Does your wife knows sign language? We inclusive as fuck
My daughter knows some ASL. Mrs. Horatio and I can give people the finger, that’s about it.
That’s really all you need, unless you’re a giant nerd. Then you also need the live long and prosper sign as well.
My friend, Kim, is here visiting me and he’s VERY interested in more submarine talk.
Kim: Is it true that the most effeminate quote soldiers quote manned the nuclear section? Because I wonder if you could stand by such slander.
Meanwhile the Rangers are running back the 2009-2013 coaching staff, but this time inversed!
as conservative and anti-progressive hockey can be, they sure LOVE to recycle
Intermission bathroom read
https://theonion.com/new-alabama-law-requires-women-to-leave-semen-on-lower-back-for-9-months/
Ugh, it’s Gubner Meemaw. Fucking bitch. She’s a closeted lesbian, by the way. Nothing wrong with being gay, but she’s such a sanctimonious, hypocritical cow.
The Onion is a shining light in these dark times.
Oh yeah. And it’s fastballs down the middle 🏆
https://theonion.com/how-deportation-works/
In last night’s thread I decreed the there would be No Canadian Content and only submarine stories.
What I forgot to notice was that I am a full Canadian citizen.Thus with every post I made I was violating my own edict.
As for the submarine part, if you’ve ever been to a Disney theme park, or listened to the Beatles song/album/movie Yellow Submarine, or even eaten a sandwich on a French roll, you are officially qualified in the submarine club. I of course am a super-duper member, but let’s not split hairs; we are all a team.
What I’m trying to get at here is to Say No To Drugs. Thank you for your time.
Me, last night:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=on-aGj9FBoc&list=PLijPiy4xM0hcIZask0We5LzYvNUVwfEmQ&index=8&ab_channel=IggyPop-Topic
I took a tour of the USS Nautilus once, so I’m basically an Admiral at this point.
Times like these really make me wonder what are Don Cherry’s thoughts on tariffs.
Strangely I think that Don understands traffics better than DK Trump
At the end of the day, this Ottawa – Tronno matchup is just a charity draw by the selection committee to guarantee one Canadian team makes it to the next round.
Chef’s kiss
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DJIUUjqssN_/?igsh=MWt0dzUxdDZwbDZr
US President who’s totally not an alien in a human costume: But if Canada becomes part of the United States, one of your teams will finally win the Stanley Cup!
Canadians: Yaaaaaay
US President who’s totally not an alien in a human costume: But one of those teams might be Toronto
Canadians: Booooooo
US President who’s totally not an alien in a human costume: But you’ll get to wave little American Flags in the process!
Tomorrow it’s on the road home. My Canadian friends here say it best.
https://youtu.be/fODDOoMQgzU?si=55z9Vz1F5pGQ40Y5
https://youtu.be/crIk87-mPzY?si=QRt7vMhlOEWG0tH1
Look at those turn tables!!!!!!!!!!!!
but oh well…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iHHnEZ3e3vQ
getting pretty close to giving up on the very idea of a “senator” even existing. of any kind.
much closer.
All Glory To Teh Soviets amirite???
Inshallah.
Man I don’t even understand if I hate the Leafs the not but I’m always down to root AGAINST someone.
#4 is genius
Can’t wait to do this in Puerto Rico in a couple of weeks, but in English while speaking very slowly and loudly while bitching about “Island Time”
I’m sure this will end well.
Again: please watch the anti-stabbing YouTubes sent earlier. Tch
/googles “how do I say ‘you people’ en espanol?”
Good. Now the traditional Leafs choking begins.
I don’t know why people badmouth drinking alone. If you know when and where hide the cellphone,* who gives a shit?
* car keys. And cellphone