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May – Lesser Footy, Greater Boredom

King Hippo

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At least the Barca/Inter Shempions matchup has been bonkers and captivating.  I can recall stanning for Denzel Dumfries in a “which right back should Everton target” years ago (and was accused of being a dope), so I feel vindicated as fook.

But on the weekend?  There’s fuck shit to do.  Realistically, the only meaningful tilt is bright and early, Villa hosting Mighty Whitey in what amounts to a Zooropa qualifier (7:30, USA).  After that, you can watch Goodison Park host its penultimate Premier League match (v. Ded Ipswiches, 10:00, USA).  I mean, I will gladly watch.  Not a whole lot of entertainment value for the neutral, though.

Nothing but vile shite after that, though.  Hope everyone has a good book.  A good, LONG book.

Anyway, here’s a song by a really hot lady (which I betcha is heavy in the strip club rotation now):

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Brick Meathook

One shot, one kill.

1
yeah right

Massive downpour at Fenway.

Horatio is a Yankees fan.

Dollars to donuts he got to leave in the 7th.

4
scotchnaut

A Yankees fan that left Fenway early? Horatio is a splitter and a quitter today.

2
SonOfSpam

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Last edited 11 months ago by SonOfSpam
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SonOfSpam

Ok, since you asked (you = no one), Journalism is the best horse (duh), but given the 19 horse field and the mud, I’d box randos like a mofo today.

The best horses imho are the 7, 8, 17, and 21. The 21 (Baeza) has the longest odds, so why not. Also like the 9 at his odds.

Enjoy your juleps and your big stupid hats!

3
Mr. Ayo

Final Gambit, Final Answer!

3
Mr. Ayo

Although TizTastic is the official Sexy Friday horse.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Fourth!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

8 and 21 in the top three!

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SonOfSpam

Yeah, but I didn’t have the 18. Betting the Derby is a (very fun!) fool’s errand.

1
litre_cola

Just played laser tag for Decilitre’s birthday. I fucking dominated these kids and it was my 1st time. Game’s gone soft.

Last edited 11 months ago by litre_cola
7
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeip-0sUt78

(approximation of how litre came to this opinion)

5
Gumbygirl

Did you make anyone cry? That’s the real win.

1
litre_cola

My BFF did. A wee child was upset at her for shooting him all the time. Hilarious. No mercy.

1
Doktor Zymm

Man, I am wiped and I still need to drive home. I need to get a self-driving hammock, or possibly a large drone with a hammock-like cargo net

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Brick Meathook

If you ever get a nuclear powered hammock I can help you out with that.

Last edited 11 months ago by Brick Meathook
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Brick Meathook

I used to go to Hollywood Park track and if I just guessed on the horses, I did okay. If I started reading the Racing Form I immediately began to fail in my betting. I was also drunk.

Last edited 11 months ago by Brick Meathook
6
yeah right

I fucking loved Hollywood park.

A few beers, bag of peanuts and a Hollydog?

Shit. Don’t get better than that.

1
Gumbygirl

I just schlepped all of my outdoor furniture across the street to my neighbors house. I won’t have room for it where (I think) I’m going. Who knew fake rattan could be so heavy? At least it’s not broiling hot today, could have been worse.

8
yeah right

Gott in Himmel what the fuck are the White Sox wearing?

0
Senor Weaselo

Well, I just went to my first kid’s birthday party as an adult. One of my friends from HS, his boys are 3 & 1.

The ol’ mortality feeling just hit.

5
yeah right

There’s more where that came from lined up just waiting for you.

Eldest granddaughter has her first college commencement in June then she’s off to big girl college.

4
WCS

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Gumbygirl

I have two nieces and a nephew graduating from college this month. They are the last of our sibling’s kids to finish school, but then there are three grand nieces and nephews so far. I have about 10 years until those graduations start happening. Breeders! Yeesh.

2
yeah right

There’s got to be a time when we’re grandparented in and just showing up is enough of a gift.

/ checks watch

1
blaxabbath

Breeders is my favorite term that is the equivalent of the N-word.

Last edited 11 months ago by blaxabbath
2
Gumbygirl

It is really rude!

0
scotchnaut

There’s no bigger celebration of all that is white than the Kentucky Derby.

3
Gatoraids

Hello friend, believe you are forgetting about the “Masters”

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King Hippo

It’s liek if The Masters and the Country Music Awards had a baby!

2
WCS

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WCS

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scotchnaut

Tiger Woods and his current Denny’s girlfriend would beg to differ.

3
Gumbygirl

Nascar is pretty pallid.

2
WCS

It’s MLB now compared to where it was in 1995, though.

1
Senor Weaselo

For now.

0
yeah right

Boy it is a muddy mudderfucker at Churchill Downs today

Ädjust your bets accordingly.

0
Jimbo

The RNC.

1
scotchnaut

A KKK tribunal council?

2
Gumbygirl

Pepperdine?

2
yeah right

Or Kid Rock concert.

Basically same thing now that I think about it.

1
scotchnaut

/earlier today

Wifey: “I like our poodles but there’s such a disparity between Molly and Ruby’s intelligence-I thought it was an overall smart breed.”

Molly: [is licking the hem of Wifey’s bathrobe as she speaks]

Me: “Yeah, Molly can be a…challenge at times.”

7
WCS

Random UFL Thoughts:

— Memphis player just got helicopter’d.

— “Dresser Winn” is the actual given name to a real, living person in 2025

— Memphis Showboats really need to find a different home venue; there looks like about 82 people total in the crowd

— The attendance (or apparent lack thereof) doubly sucks, because this game has been good so far

— USAA really isn’t all that great.

0
blaxabbath

I left USAA when they started advertising back on Fox News after the insurrection.

The open $400 outstanding credit card balance was an honest oversight but, upon them formally contacting me like a peer and not rushing into my house and trying to hang me…..I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t feel like they really have the balls to do anything. And it’s all really their fault for returning to advertising on Fox News after the insurrection before collecting on my open balance.

1
yeah right

Fuck yes Bournemouth!

First victory ever on Arsenals home pitch!

Into 8th we go with a shot at next year’s Euros.

3
King Hippo

Zooropa baby! It’s gon’ be alight!!

1
WCS

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King Hippo

Butthole Surfers are on now. The Ever-Present Football Player Rapist would be a great Derby horsey name.

4
Gumbygirl

I just looked at the horses in the Kentucky Derby. Final Gambit and Sandman are both gray. One of them is my pick, both of them will lose.

2
Mr. Ayo

If there’s any horse to bet the house on, it’s Final Gambit.

3
Gumbygirl

Last I checked, he was 30-1. Perfect!

1
Mr. Ayo

Wow! You’re going to have 30 houses!

1
Gumbygirl

It tightened up- he’s 15-1 now. Still not a chance in hell, the last time a gray horse won was 2005. I’m selling my house, don’t want another one, thanks!

2
yeah right

Fully on board with Team Renter.

1
Gumbygirl

Amen, my darling dear!

1
Mr. Ayo

But you could sell 15 houses! Ok, that sounds like a form of hell actually.

3
Brick Meathook

The upcoming “Kid Rock with Nickelback Patriotism Concert” is shaping up to be the faggiest event of the season. Get your tickets now.

3
WCS

Thousands upon thousands of cartons of Benson & Hedges and Dunhills.

4
blaxabbath

“I’ll like THAT!”

-British Cigarette Smokers

0
WCS

Race complete.
Kids spent.
Work vacation day burned.

It’s gummy time.

4
blaxabbath

Did you go sub-3?

0
yeah right

Going back to Cannery Row, the whole opening paragraph is phenomenal.

Opening line in bold but the entire thing is perfection.

“Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream. Cannery Row is the gathered and scattered, tin and iron and rust and splintered wood, chipped pavement and weedy lots and junk heaps, sardine canneries of corrugated iron, honky tonks, restaurants and whore houses, and little crowded groceries, and laboratories and flophouses. Its inhabitant are, as the man once said, “whores, pimps, gambler and sons of bitches,” by which he meant Everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, “Saints and angels and martyrs and holymen” and he would have meant the same thing.”

Tone fucking SET.

2
Doktor Zymm

And nowadays it’s basically a fancy mall

2
BeefReeferLives

Portraying himself as the head of an organization rife with pedophiles & their enablers?

On brand

https://www.reuters.com/business/media-telecom/trump-posts-ai-generated-photo-himself-pope-2025-05-03/

2
WCS

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King Hippo

It would be really fun to sing Santeria at an office boozer karaoke. Especially if yo’ boss be named Sancho…

2
King Hippo

First Wave got it going on today, Generals and Majors followed by Pet Sematary

2
scotchnaut

Every once in a while they’ll throw together three or four (of my) bangers in a row. It just doesn’t happen on any other station.

3
King Hippo

completely agreed

1
Horatio Cornblower

Off to Fenway Fahckin’ Pahk for the afternoon.

You all have fun.

4
Doktor Zymm

I was driving down 101 to the barn like I do every Saturday when I found myself surrounded by supercars. There were at least 20 traveling together and a few stragglers later on.

Must be a rally or something nearby, it’s not unusual to see a bunch of really nicely restored vintage cars, but the supercars are new.

The Pagani Huayra looks really nice in person, probably the best of the bunch out there today imo

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Are you sure it wasn’t the Yakuza or are you guys back in another temporary truce?

4
Doktor Zymm

The tatts on their tardigrades didn’t look like Yakuza, but I didn’t have my microscope so can’t be positive

4
Senor Weaselo

“They clearly say MS-13.” -Pick someone in this administration

4
Mr. Ayo

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Gumbygirl

Needs more poopy pants.

4
King Hippo

Well, that’s the weekend ruined. Not quite as badly as Litre’s, but still. BLECH

0
King Hippo

Horsey racing would be better TV if they let other animals participate.

8
Doktor Zymm

It’s more fun in person, but either way would not object to some dachshund racing in between

2
King Hippo

I’d constantly be yelling: 1) Jaaaayyyyysus, would ya look at the size of the cock on HIM??; and/or 2) You’re allllllll winners!!

2
Horatio Cornblower

It would be better if they shot Bob Baffert in the winner’s circle.

3
King Hippo

Dunno who that is, but fully on board. KILL KILL KILL!!!

2
Mr. Ayo

Horse trainer who’s just returning from a three year ban for illegally doping his horses. Actually, you two might get along quite well.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Slow down there, Hippo – get yourself listed in the will first.

0
yeah right

I can only imagine the joy of a 3/4 mile cat race.

2
King Hippo

inorite???

1
Gumbygirl

.

1000006200
6
Horatio Cornblower

Pickford actually congratulated that guy who scored the 25-yarder, so I’ll just go fuck myself.

2
King Hippo

I was thinking “so good, even Picks couldn’t be a tit about it” myself!

2
Doktor Zymm

I didn’t realize that people should be singing ‘oh canada’ in an orgasm voice

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blaxabbath

Can we just have AI make this for the news to report like everyday?

2
scotchnaut

“ROAD TRIP!”

-D. Favre to the group chat

6
Doktor Zymm

Joyous Tres de Mayo y’all!

3
Horatio Cornblower

Best part of that goal is that Pickford can’t blame his teammates.

He likely will anyway.

0
yeah right

I have a rough idea for a Mock draft.

Best opening line to a novel.

I bring this up because I’m rereading Cannery Row and that opening line would be my first round pick.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Gravity’s Rainbow “A screaming comes across the sky” would be my pick.

I like it.

1
King Hippo

I just requested this from teh library. Gotta take advantage of it before reading is declared the sole provenance of…bundles of sticks.

0
Horatio Cornblower

It’s all down hill from the opening line, at least for me.

0
Gumbygirl

It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.

4
Horatio Cornblower

stupid monkey.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and there was a bloodthirsty clown who lured children into the sewers and swallowed them whole!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA9nRB_8aFw

3
Gumbygirl

I was never a big fan of Frasier, but that was funny!

1
King Hippo

As a Cheers character, he slayed. His stand-alone show was more hit or miss.

0
Gumbygirl

I think it’s the smugness of Kelsey Grammer that I found so off-putting.

0
King Hippo

Truth. But I give him credit for being able to laugh at himself.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

1
yeah right

Hands down. First time I read that I was living in Barstow and taking lots of acid.

1
Doktor Zymm

So this cheeseburger pizza that I’ve been eating for the past few days is supposed to serve 1-2. It has 5 full burger patties on it that are probably 1/3-1/2 lb each. This is why Americans are all fat, and probably goes some ways towards explaining why we have all those “can’t poop” commercials 2Pack mentioned

8
BeefReeferLives

That sounds like a very Chicagoland area kinda pizza.

1
2Pack

Suki Waterhouse is a serious pole dancer name. And team Napoli definitely has a type.

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2
King Hippo

I am thinking Italia is the world capital of Tit Men

2
2Pack

They certainly do stack up well here.

2
WCS

Participating in the Kids’ Marathon later, because I either love my children, or hate myself. I just can’t determine which.

3
King Hippo

but yeewwww ain’t no KID??

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTwG6xdLGBY

2
scotchnaut

I like your chances of winning.

2
King Hippo

Throw elbows as you pass ’em by, let the little bastards grow up with a sense of reality.

3
2Pack

Yeah kids are really slow and have poor running mechanics.

2
Horatio Cornblower

“But here comes Rosie Ruiz!!!”

2
Senor Weaselo

I wonder how much sugar one would need for a kid to sugar high an entire marathon.

I’ll need a sample of kids and a fuckton of Pixie Stix.

…That didn’t come out right, did it.

8
King Hippo

Marc T. has entered the chat

5
Doktor Zymm

Kids need to be able to run a marathon so they can go to the store and fetch cigarettes without a car

7
WCS

Damn straight.

Kids, listen to your Auntie Zymm. She is a doctorb, after all.

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