Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:

You can’t connect the dots looking forward. You can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that they will somehow connect in your future [in bed].
Steve Jobs

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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Canadia Update:

Libs: 22

Cons: 10

BBQ Party: 1*

*will the BBQ Party go full Tomahawk Steak to draw in voters? Stay tuned…
scotchnaut

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Why did this IHOP waitress just… assume… to price my breakfast 55+?

She obviously needs glasses.

/ Narator, she does not in fact, need glasses
2Pack

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Pierre “Atlanta Falcons” Poilievre.

Dude had a 25-point lead on Justin Trudeau & lost to a free agent signing.
Beerguyrob

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Hey, I hear Trump lost the Canadian elections, goUod jerb hatters!
Doktor Zymm

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So I got home this evening to find a black plastic bag tied up by the handles and left in front of my front steps. If it’s dog poop, it’s a pretty large bag. I’m baffled. I’m not feuding with any neighbors, no vengeful exes, so can’t imagine someone is sending me a message. DFOers wouldn’t have forgotten to light it on fire.

Could just be a random litterbug. But I can’t say I’m too eager to pick this thing up — maybe I’ll poke it with a old broom and nudge it into the bushes?
Dunstan

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Today hung a dozen pictures, cleaned the carpet and hooked up a new internet and cable system for Mom. Tomorrow is furniture restoration day. This is good for the soul. Her place will be her little palace when I get through.
2Pack

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Think I just sprained my larynx after yelling CAAAAAABROOOOOOOOOOOOnG to a cyclist who cut me off and deserved to be run over. He looked scared and ashamed. Let’s call it a Draw.
Don T

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“Yeah sure just do a quick Tuesday night NFL wrap-up thingee here nothing too fancy just a little research and a few jokes and a clickety-clickety and BANG there ya go.”
THIS IS AN INCREDIBLE NFL ARTICLE. I challenge anyone to find a more informative, well-written and funny article written about the NFL today. This should be picked up and run in tomorrow’s USA Today; a copy in every hotel room in the country.
Thanks Rev.
Fronkenshteen

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ESPN: “Alex Ovechkin, what a miracle that he can walk upright at the advanced age of 39 and is not crumbling into dust from the sheer effort of lacing up his skates!”

Jaromir Jagr: (53 years old and skating backwards while playing in Czechoslavakia The Czech Republic in his 37th year of professional hockey). “Wow, pretty cool”
Horatio Cornblower

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We’re at LAX on our way to London and it took every ounce of my strength to resist throwing up double birds at the video of Kristi Noem and shouting that she’s a dog murderer.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I dont know what’s been going on in here, but I don’t like it, and if I could post that gif of Grandpa Simpson walking in and out I would do it now.
herodotus450

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I’ve finally figured out the reason nobody likes me here!

I’m the Velvet Underground posting to an audience of Nickelback fans.

The math on that ain’t good.
Brick Meathook

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Great read DJ Taj. During those wartime crossings, troop ships, especially ones that big, were magnets for enemy submarine and air attacks. You could take out an entire division of soldiers if you could sink one. So there were probably a dozen or more of those double 40mm gunmounts on board.

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(sees headline online that starts “Marjorie Taylor Greene dead…”)
“Oh?”

(reads complete headline “Marjorie Taylor Greene dead last in polling for Senate seat match-up”)
“Oh, well that’s good, too, I guess.”
Redshirt

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AND HERE COME THE SENATORS

(I’ll take ‘Things Never Said About Chuck Schumer’ for $400, Alex)
Horatio Cornblower

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All Glory To Teh Soviets amirite???
King Hippo

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Anyone who wants to join me, looking at June 12th, it’s the Major League Cricket opener at the Coliseum with the SF Unicorns playing the Washington Freedom. We can join the Sparkle Army!
Doktor Zymm

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Nice fight Morrisey. Drop the gloves and then get shoved face first into the ice by a guy that didn’t even bother to take his gloves off.

Dumb ass.
Horatio Cornblower

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Just played laser tag for Decilitre’s birthday. I fucking dominated these kids and it was my 1st time. Game’s gone soft.
litre_cola

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I just schlepped all of my outdoor furniture across the street to my neighbors house. I won’t have room for it where (I think) I’m going. Who knew fake rattan could be so heavy? At least it’s not broiling hot today, could have been worse.
Gumbygirl

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There’s no bigger celebration of all that is white than the Kentucky Derby.
scotchnaut

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Horsey racing would be better TV if they let other animals participate.
King Hippo

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Participating in the Kids’ Marathon later, because I either love my children, or hate myself. I just can’t determine which.
WCS

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Just got back from Fenway. We did leave after the initial downpour. The radar looked ugly, the grounds crew was using tent spikes to hold the tarp down, and the weather alerts were talking about 60 mph wind and 3/4″ hail. We had a ten-minute window to make the 8 minute walk back to the car, or else face a projected 3 hours of rain, thunder, and lightning.

So we made it back to the car, on the way out of Boston there was a brief bout of rain, then the Sun came out and we saw a rainbow. They apparently restarted about an hour after we left, by which point I was comfortably ensconced in one of the best bars around,* enjoying a couple of hard-to-find beers and a dinner of mussels in a spicy sauce that is still affecting me, but which was delicious.

Solid day.
Horatio Cornblower

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Twister is on some random channel right now, and it’s hilarious that there’s an “evil” storm chaser character. “He has too much money and technology.” And it’s Cary Elwes, always a plus for any movie.
SonOfSpam

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BeefReeferLives yakking about the Elway shenanigans makes me want to point out a few things.

A director of our company lost his life recently while trying to drunkenly skip across open water on his Skidoo, which is a thing that he had done before many times and his luck ran out. I can’t help but think that the same dynamic is at work with respect to Elway-he and his buddy got blind drunk after golfing and there had been close calls before but the law of averages caught up.

/Risk-takers are usually identified as race car drivers, mountain-climbers, fire-fighters and such but QB’s in retirement might be included as well.
scotchnaut

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/so there was some leaf raking done this afternoon
//let’s harken back to an exchange that wifey and I had a few years ago

Me: “I’m going to burn all these leaves that I raked.”

Wifey: “You can’t do that-you need a permit!” [she’s a ‘rules-follower’]

Me: “We had a 8 foot high pallet bonfire last weekend-what are you talking about?”

Wifey: “Somebody might report us.”

Me: “Somebody from across the lake? Really?”

Wifey: “Or someone that is fishing nearby.”

Me: [walks away, later in the day throws gas on the leaves so that it burns more intensely]*

*I’m all passive-aggressive like that
scotchnaut

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It’s a nice sunny morning here. So I open my patio door to let in the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine, and hear the birds chirping. So relaxing.

And then, for some fucking reason, the parking lot next door decides it’s high time to fucking fire up the gas powered fucking leaf blowers and ruin everything. Assholes.
Mr. Ayo

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My buddy who I mentioned was coming to town came by for a few hours. He got to sample my cooking and he’s doing great.
A little older but aren’t we all but doing great.

I can’t get into the details but he’s a wonder of modern medicine to be alive.

10 years ago he was given a month to live and he’s still stomping the Terra.

This guy survived Katrina deep in the flood zone and he took us on a tour of New Orleans a couple of years after the hurricane.

I’m so damn happy.

This fucking guy is amazing.
yeah right

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Was finishing up today’s chores and checked my kayak for possible use and had to remove two red squirrels that had apparently set up a nest in there.

Goddamn immigrants. THAT’S WHAT THE WOOD PILE IS FOR!!!
Horatio Cornblower

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I said it when Trump was first elected: The US just elected its first Mexican President.

Don T and I will have a table in the back to help you through the transition to the Thoid World. Payment for services rendered can be made in the form of piña coladas, tupperwares full of delicious homemade food, and/or a favour to be determined/redeemed later.
ballsofsteelandfury

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JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. A MINUTE FUCKING IN.
litre_cola

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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