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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
People like to say that the conflict is between good and evil. The real conflict is between truth and lies in bed].
Don Miguel Ruiz
This is the “just five more minutes” thing that we all do, only to be in bed another hour.
Echoing yeah right, have a look at the ghosts on the ground and the comments there. Y’all are in playoff form way into the offseason. Too many pope jokes there to put into one post.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
I am an invisible man.
Gatoraids
Hey, that’s great, but we’re drafting opening lines of books here.
Horatio Cornblower
“Jack Torrance thought: Officious little prick.”
Well, I’m sure things’ll get better for Jack.
SonOfSpam
May 5, 2025 12:14 pm
for an anti pick there’s always the fun winners of the worst opening line competition
https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/winners
last years winner
“She had a body that reached out and slapped my face like a five-pound ham-hock tossed from a speeding truck.”
Gatoraids
Ciao tutti
2Pack
Another big line of heavy storms rolling through Western Pennsyltucky. Something like 15,000 are still without power from last week’s weather; I only got mine back about 30 hours ago.
Tell the illustrious VEEP I have neglected to say “thank you” even once to President Trump for treating Allegheny County like Puerto Rico after a hurricane.
WCS
Sometimes the judicial system works, but only if you’re looking for hilarious examples of bad lawsuits.
An anonymous Colorado fan identifying himself as John Doe is suing the NFL for $100M due to the emotional distress caused by Shedeur Sanders dropping to the 5th round of the Draft. pic.twitter.com/77MdGrggJh
— RedditCFB (@RedditCFB) May 6, 2025
Horatio Cornblower
Two day old baby giraffe. I’m squeeing my pants!
Gumbygirl
My nephew is graduating from Dakota State on Saturday. The commencement speaker? Dogkiller Noem. Ugh. The students voted overwhelmingly against it, but it didn’t matter. He and his friends are going to put earbuds in and listen to music while she’s yapping.
Gumbygirl
Just saw the official statement from Justin Tucker.
“I love being released. This is truly a happy ending for me.”
Mr. Ayo
Did some tricep exercises on the weekend, and now I can barely lift these snacks to my face tonight. Interfering with snacking!
The lesson is: never exercise.
Dunstan
Sorry for the mispost, everyone. Father Mayhem is having An Episode and I’m trying to coordinate medical care from 300 miles away.
Fixed now
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Oh no. It’s hard to deal with ageing parents, even if you live in the same house. I deeply sympathize.
Let me take this golden opportunity to bitch about my siblings. My parents retired to Florida, to be near my Grandma in the 80’s. They were still young and healthy. By the time they weren’t, I was living in southeastern Georgia, a five 1/2 hour drive away, and for the last couple of years they were in Florida, I lived in Birmingham. About a 9 hour drive. Not close at all, but closer than my sibs, who all still live in the Yinzburgh area. I was also dealing with my son’s horrendous mental illness, which as you know, cost him his life. But when anything happened, I went down there as quickly as I could, for as long as I could. At first I was still working for the postal service, and then I went back to college full time. My mom, knowing she didn’t have much time left, wanted to die at home. In early August, they sold their house and moved back to PA. I was down there for weeks getting the house ready to sell, because that’s what I do best- they made over three times what they paid for it. My mom made it about 6 weeks, she died September 12. My dad died on February 6th. At the funeral, my sister and brothers nearly gave themselves a fucking hernia patting their own selves on the back for
” taking care of mom and dad” . I had to talk Gumby out of serious mayhem, bless him.
Gumbygirl
I’m thinking massage places need to start a universal policy that any dude in the NFL who isn’t openly gay gets a male masseuse.
Doktor Zymm
-Does this policy apply to owners? B.Kraft
Jimbo
https://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-arrested-after-raccoon-named-chewy-found-meth/story?id=121546807
Jimbo
lol at the headline, not gonna bother to read the story, it’s already perfect.
SonOfSpam
Would be cool if we could switch over to EWTN+ for some lighthearted commentary from Peyton and Eli. pic.twitter.com/ZEWyEjc2Vy
— Fr. Joshua J. Whitfield (@frjoshTX) May 7, 2025
Horatio Cornblower
2Pack
May 7, 2025 11:31 pm
Are the 51st Staters in the Clubhouse, I have to ask: what happens if we end up with a Toronto-Winnipeg Cup Final?
Besides causing Bettman to possibly return to the Nethervoid where he originated, kind of like Pennywise and Cthulu, what are the ramifications for Canadia if that happens?
WCS
Suck it, Florida.
(this is for the hockey game, but also applies in general)
Horatio Cornblower
You can’t go wrong including ‘suck’ and ‘Florida’ in the same sentence, tbf…
scotchnaut
I’m thinking “It Ain’t Gonna Suck Itself” is probably the state motto
King Hippo
Leafs Panthers has the potential to get ugly fast.
Sharkbait
Fingers crossed!
Mr. Ayo
-Can’t do it boss. JPP
Jimbo
Redshirt
Looking forward to trying the new deep dish body of Christ.
BeefReeferLives
Has there ever been anybody besides JD Vance to be specifically repudiated by two popes inside of six years of converting to Catholicism?
LoL
rockingdog
Ciao tutti
2Pack
I need to send out feelers to PNC Park. See if they’re open to relocating to Cincinnati and converting to a football field.
Redshirt
Happy Friday motherfuckers!
Put in an application for an apartment in my 2nd town, El Segundo.
Fingers crossed but this fucker is about 3/4 of a mile away from work.
It would save me 40 hours of commute time a month.
What price is that worth considering those 40 hours are in traffic on the LA Freeways.
My free time is fucking priceless at my old ass age.
yeah right
Time to go run…
2Pack
obligatory
WCS
The Story of a Deflection:
I played goalie as a kid and my parents sent me to one of the better hockey camps. (Sundridge Ontario, represent!) I was a complete nerd and read every goalie book that was available to me. I wasn’t athletically gifted but I had a good glove hand because I also played baseball, knew how to clear a puck, play angles, all that stuff. I got bumped up to the next age group and we got to the championship game.
/opposing player sends a fluttering wrist shot from the point
Defenseman: [tries to bat it down, just gets a piece of it]
Me: [let’s in the deflection]
Also Me: “YOU FUCKING FUCK! WHY’D YOU DO THAT?”
Defenseman: “I was just trying to help. Do you think you could have saved that?”
Me: “OF FUCKING COURSE!!!”*
*context-I was working on a shutout
Coda: We lost 1 fucking nothing
/apparently I can’t let things go
scotchnaut
Just sat back down at my drum set for the second time in like 2 years, man am I rusty …
BrettFavresColonoscopy
I see the problem. If you’re going to be rusty, you should be on the trombone.
Mr. Ayo
Nephew is gradjiated, cum laude! There was quite a bit of shit talking abot Noem in the chat of the livestream, nice to see from such a conservative place. She stuck to a normal “you are the future” speech, no mention of Agolf Shitler. My realtor called my right after she started, so at least I didn’t have to listen to much of it.
Gumbygirl
Ding Dong that evil Derek Carr witch is dead. Best day ever? Why yes it is. Not a step forward but at least not a step backwards!
LET’S PARTY!!
DJ TAJ
What’s wrong with Earth’s satellite? NO MOON, NO TIDES.
Also, one day the moon will inexplicably slow down and eventually crash into Earth. Not soon enough, but still.
SonOfSpam
But considerably before the sun collapses in on itself, which is what Space Karen is planning for. ANYWAY, we have KING TIDES but also tides are a metaphor for MENSTRUATION which is a lady thing but starts with MEN so clearly the ocean and moon are both TRANS despite not having genitals and now we can get them banned in FLORIDA
ugh, I’m tired just from typing that. How does anyone think like that all the time?
Doktor Zymm
We’re too comfortable. Americans don’t have enough to worry about, so we make up shit to worry about. Anyway, the sooner all this (gestures toward humanity) ends, the better everyone else will be.
SonOfSpam
I’ve always said I’m not too concerned about global warming because it’s not Save the Earth, it’s Save the People and I don’t really care about survival of the species
Doktor Zymm
A true classic
https://x.com/TheOnion/status/1921596571868672480
Horatio Cornblower
The neighborhood had to go on lockdown yesterday. One of the residents, a Nam vet with really bad PTSD, has to use a colostomy bag, and the recent victim of identity theft. He went into his back yard and start shooting, not AT people just shooting, He threated to shoot his wife and next door neighbor who were trying to calm him down,
Police arrived, lockdown, 3 hours, they went in with a flash bang, man tried to kill himself by placing the gun to his head and pulled the trigger. At which point, the cops fired 3 shotgun shots, several 3 round bursts from a heavier weapon, plus several pistols. All clearly heard. The man lived long enough to make it to the hospital. I just figured that he was going for suicide by cop.
I am still trying to figure out why the overkill, for a suicide? The man was one of the nicest and most engaging people I ever met. Still pretty much in shock.
ArmedandHammered
And a little foodie related humor here…
2Pack
litre_cola
“So while there’s something that appeals to every single worst of us, I’m still impressed by the Catholic Church being the world’s oldest organization despite clinging to so, many, anachronisms.”
I think that really says more about the human race than about Catholicism…
ballsofsteelandfury
You get to drink in church. That grabs the kid demo.
Don T
Lotsa grabbing of kids in church
Game Time Decision
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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