Guten tag, drones.
First of all, big ups to Internet Dad, who came back with the milk long enough to get the DFO Hamster back on the wheel, before once again leaving to get cigarettes. Or something. Someday the Rams will go back to St. Louis and Internet Dad will get his cigarettes delivered, like a 21st Century man should.
This week, inspired by a conversation during one of the open posts over the last couple of weeks, we’re drafting sports nicknames. If the individual plays or participates in sports, and they have a nickname, you can draft it. The only qualification is it has to be widely recognized, not something relatively unique to you. For instance, Aroldis Chapman’s widely recognized, (and kind of awesome), nickname is ‘The Cuban Missile’ and not, as you might think if you were at my house during any post-season when he was pitching for the Yankees ‘OhChristNotThisAssholeAgain.’
So I’m trying to remember who brought this topic up, but it revolved around the catcher for the Seattle Mariners, Cal Raleigh, and his nickname ‘The Big Dumper,’ in part likely due to his habit if dumping a lot of balls in the seats, and in part due to his ample behind. Maybe it was Mr. Ayo. Anyway, that’s the first pick.
The second pick comes from Rikki Tikke Deadly, who followed that up with the Cleveland Guardian’s Jjohnkensy Noel’s ‘Big Xmas’ nickname, which is very cool. He’s the second pick.
With the third pick I will take one of the all-time great baseball players, Lou Gehrig, a/k/a The Iron Horse. Fuck ALS.
The rest of you are on the clock.

Attilio “The Bald Eagle” Lombardo
Jesus! Too big. Sorry about that
Larry “Big Bird” Robinson finished his career with a plus/minus of +722. Bobby Orr is 2nd with 528.
I see
Fernando Valenzuela. El Toro/ The Bull. NL Rookie of the year and Cy Young winner in 1981.
Nature Boy
I’m going to disallow this just because at some point I’ll likely do a mock draft based on wrestler’s nicknames.
Otherwise Nature Boy would be first round value, as would ‘Hitman”
I use “One Man Gang” to describe myself at work.
Who among us?
5. Charles “Peanut” Tillman. One of the few nicknames that they also named a technique after.
Charles Barkley, “The Round Mound of Rebound”

George “Iceman” Gervin
That shot still befuddles me-he’s drifting sideways and backwards so the spin he puts on the ball as he lets it go doesn’t make any sense. It should have spun the other way when you look at his release.
It’s the finger roll right at the end.
John “The Beast” Mugabi.
The nickname was better than Marvelous Marvin Haggler’s, but holy shit was The Beast not better than Haggler when it came to fisticuffs.
Hagler knocked the literal snot out of him.
Michael Jordan, too many nicknames to list
But the well known ones:
Air Jordan
His Airness
The Goat
“Asshat” strangely missing…
I doubt anyone on screen ever called him that
Joltin’ Joe
Daryl “Chocolate Thunder” Dawkins

This Syracuse fella ended his career as the Big East’s all-time career scorer despite never leading the league in points any one year. (“That’s unpossible!”) He had a very smooth playing style, never got flustered so of course he was called so he was Lawrence “Poetry in Moten”.
4. If I must…Tyrann “Honey Badger” Mathieu.
Real pick
Smokin’ Joe Frazier
Also a wonderful actor
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o96LKUSc0DI&pp=ygUUam9lIGZyYXppZXIgc2ltcHNvbnM%3D
Apollo ‘The Master of Disaster’ Creed
Ineligible due to Apollo not being, you know, real, but I mention this because when Muhammad Ali heard ‘Master of Disaster’ he supposedly paused and said “Man, I wish I’d thought of that.”
Didn’t Ali have a bunch of nicknames, and that’s who Apollo was based on
Yes, that’s why they asked Ali about the Master of Disaster.
What no “Great One”?
What might be the coolest nickname ever.
UFC fighter Michelle Waterson also known as “The Karate Hottie”
I’ll never understand why a beautiful woman would volunteer to get her face punched.
Look how they massacred my girl:
Replace he with she.
My favorite Laker, The Captain Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Captain? I thought he was First Officer.
Listen Rikki, he busts his ass every game. Tell your old man to drag Lanier’s ass up and down the court for 40 minutes a game, then see how he feels.
[hears Horatio say the word “drag”, sighs, gets out his housedress] – Lowratio
Woulda been Captain if he hadn’t eaten the fish
3. Dave “The Ghost” Casper
Ghost to the post.
They weren’t kidding when they said the raiders of the 70s had great nicknames
Known weed aficionado and strange ranger and let’s not forget personal hero
Bill “Spaceman” Lee
Similar to Magic, DR. J is all you have to say.
This is a new one that I really enjoy.
Jhostynxon Garcia is “The Password”
How the hell is that pronounced?
‘Bill’
Now that’s awesome.
Jennifer Tilley the poker player is known as “The Unabombshell”.
She’s such a shit player.
I guess, “Not staring at boobs,” is a good skill to have, especially if you’re a professional poker player. “Let’s see, odds are BOOBS! No wait, 3/52 minus BOOBS! Shit, might as well go All In.”
My second Pick: Nacho
I don’t care if it was only used on a handful of sites, that’s his nickname damn it!
“Swear it with your hand on a tortilla!”
I don’t like it cus it’s lazy. He doesn’t even speak Spanish.
It’s from the old KSK days – it’s what Coach Ryan used to call Sanchez.
I thought his nickname was Buttfumble?
I rooted for these fellas

Nasty Boys for those who use CTRL+F or my Draft Board.
Saw the Nasty Boys, all three of them, blow a five-run lead to the Phillies. Especially nasty that day.
I also remember Rob Dibble beaning a fan in the green seats in dead center field, when he threw a ball in frustration after blowing a save.
Ray Ferraro, aka Chicken Parm
And apparently ‘Big Ball of Hate’
Jeanette Lee pool hustler also know as “The Black Widow”
Huge value
What Hippo would do for those shoulders…
“Lou Gehrig, a/k/a The Iron Horse. Fuck ALS.” Seconded.
My first pick is Joe “Joey Franchise” Burrow, because its painfully obvious he’s the whole franchise.
.. https://youtu.be/9dbi3–k4SM?feature=shared
“Joey Joe Joe” absolutely kills me every time.
Earl Monroe. Black Jesus.
The Mad Stork Ted Hendricks
AKA “Kick ‘Em in the Head Ted”
“Marvelous” Marv Throneberry. 0.2 career WAR.
Sorry, “Shoeless” Joe Jackson
We’ve gone this whole time without:
https://youtu.be/dgEdMldQLT0
Was he a “Hall of Famer”?
Pete Rose, a/k/a ‘Charlie Hustle’
(raises fist to the Heavens!)
Horatiooooooooooooooooooo!!!
it was a simpler time back then. I give you Lester “The Molester” Hayes.
Where do Hippospeak nicknames fall? They’re between widely known and individual.
Anyway, I’ll take “Yogi” Berra
Oscar “The Big O” Robertson. Also something Melania hasn’t experienced in a long time.
I’m sure she has a pool boy
Those 70’s Raiders team are a gold mine for nicknames, honestly.
Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson.
Doug Martin hated his nickname.
The Muscle Hampster
2. “Magic” Johnson. Perfect description of his wizardry on the court, plus it blends so seamlessly with his real name that you rarely even think of it as a nickname – it’s just his name.
Possible reach due to obscurity, but definite first round value for Joe Schultz. Why?
Because his nickname was “Ol’ Shitfuck.”
I had to look this one up as well. Apparently a former manager of the Seattle Pilots, (now your Milwaukee Brewers), who was known for saying ‘shitfuck’ for pretty much any reason.
He also supposedly said “Boys, bunting is like jerking off: once you learn how you’ll never forget.”
Guessing Ol’ Shitfuck wouldn’t do to well in today’s media environment.
As much as I’d like to see Brad Marchand hit by a garbage truck full of uranium ‘Little Ball of Hate’ is a very good nickname.
“Am I dead to you?”
-P. Verbeek
I had to look that up. Hand to god I have never heard of Verbeek being call that, nor Ray Ferraro being called ‘Big Ball of Hate’ until right now.
I had no idea Ferraro was called the Big Ball of Hate. I thought he was always Chicken Parm. Wait a second….
Jack Dempsey was called “The Manassa Mauler”. That’s quality alliteration!
Big Hurt, meet Big Unit.
“These days I’d be content with even just a regular-sized unit.” – Deanna Favre
Rod Smart
https://ibb.co/Fb4NxRsQ
Did we ever find out who “he” was and why?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rod_Smart#%22He_Hate_Me%22
Let’s keep it in the Midwest, Dick “Night Train” Lane
+1 pinking shears.
I’ll take White Sox great and Nugenix spokesperson Frank Thomas aka the Big Hurt.
I like accurate nicknames so I’ll start with Mordecai “Three Finger” Brown
I thought he was just a Simpsons bit.
Didn’t exert a lot of effort coming up with that nickname, for sure.
I think non-intimidating nicknames are the most intimidating nicknames.
Walter ‘Sweetness’ Payton