Monday Morning Mock Draft: Not Today, Satan; I’m Toast

Guten Tag drones.

This week we draft your favorite flavors of Goldfish crackers.  Rikki gave me this idea long ago, but I was worried it was too limited, but this week I’m (literally) fried and I ain’t give a fuck.  Go ahead and draft your favorite Goldfish flavors below.  I don’t even like Goldfish crackers that much.

Why the ennui this week?  Because I just got back from a wedding.  As I may have mentioned, friends of ours have a son who married, literally, Miss America this weekend.  I guess not literally literally as she had to wait until she was no longer reigning to become a Mrs., because apparently the Miss America Foundation, (or whatever), really puts the ‘miss’ in their mission.

Oh shut up, like you’re so funny.

The wedding was at a very nice setting.  There was security(!) as we drove up.  Although all they said was “you here for the wedding?” and we said “yup” and they said “OK” so I’m not sure it was the A-team.  No one got deported anyway.

Now, I’m not big on beauty pageants and, you’ll be stunned by this admission, am generally a very cynical person, but you know what?  It was nice.  Unless you knew going in that the bride had been Miss America you wouldn’t have known it from the ceremony (at least until the toasts, and all I will say about the toasts is that some people are very good at them and others are…not);* it was just two very nice, perhaps more attractive than usual, people who were clearly crazy about each other making a lifelong commitment  in front of friends and family.  The world could use a lot more of that right now, although given the present circumstances we find ourselves in perhaps flying a drone over everything might have been reconsidered.

Supposedly People magazine was behind the drone, and if so I really hope they edit out my bald spot when they publish the overhead shots.

That said I spent Saturday out in the hot sun, in a suit, (which I rocked), drinking, (not as much as the young people did.  Holy god, they did themselves proud), eating, and then not getting a lot of sleep, then getting up and going back for the going away party where I, again, ate, drank, (a surprisingly high water-to-alcohol ratio, but still, a couple or three margaritas were sacrificed), and foolishly failed to keep my sun screen reapplied, leading to a now rather bright neck.

I am very tired.

So go draft Goldfish crackers, and be happy that people can still find love on a doomed planet.

*Pro-tip on wedding toasts:  It is not about you, it is about the groom/bride, and somewhat about the other party to the nuptials, (depending on your status of best man vs. maid/matron of honor), light joking is fine but anything too personal or embarrassing to either member of the wedding party is a third rail, it is best done from the heart and goddammit to hell without notes or off your phone, and for the love of fuck, Keep.  It.  Short.  No one came to the wedding to see you.