The end of the 2025 offseason fills my soul with a freshness like… Like a rotating desk fan would, blowing air in my soul’s face NOW then no. No no NOW no no etc. etc. I mean, it’s great that training camps are open, for sure. But when news about your team are a mix of “Eh”s and “Waaaaa”s about players practicing in shorts—Cristo DIOSSS [clenches fingers choking style]. Zero training camp whelm can compel neurotic NFL fans to put on the morose swimming cap and then dive head first into the Life Is Shit lagoon.
Although I could be overgeneralizing. Gotta disclose that I started to read Crime and Punishment last month. Russian novels are tough for me, but god damn nobody does bleak like the Rus. Oh yeah, I finished C & P this time around (3rd stab at it), and felt fully depressed for three complete days afterwards. Wellness experts recommend posting your Ws: oo hoo go me
So while I am happy content stable ok fucking losing it about the NFL season starting next month, I’ve yet to feel a tinge of WOOOOO FITBAW just yet. Which I’m sure will happen, or at least I’m taking measures about it. This is my plan: Imma continue to be an emotionally unbalanced individual so that, when the time comes (Week 2 win maybe?), unabated glee will torrent forth fed by deluded optimism or narcotics.*
* classic and/or situation, but #Fuck&Or
Truly, composure is wasted on ecstasy, however illusory or expired.
NFL NEWS
-Buffalo Bings WR Khalil Shakir is week to week with a high ankle sprain. The source was HC Sean McDermott, which makes it definite: the downer theme of the post continues.
-Dolphins starting G Austin Jackson got stepped on during practice. Silver lining: “his recovery timeline doesn’t seem to be into the regular season.
-RAAAAIIIII DUUUUURS safety Lonnie Johnson Jr. suffered a broken fibula on Saturday after a collision with Maxx Crosby. Very Las Vegas-y, emphasis on DUUUUUURRRRR.
-Second Amendment Watch: Chargers LB Denzel Perryman was arrested on Friday during a traffic stop in which five firearms were discovered, two of which were assault rifles. Should’ve said he was reinforcements for the NFL Media compound in L.A. [takes bow, blows kiss]
SPROTS SPROTS SPROTS
Mm. Oversold it by one sprots. Still, solid contests for the degenerate gambler. All times Central.
GRANDES LIGAS
Tigres (Morton) @ Filis (Sánchez) – 6:00
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
Home team first #obvio
ARGENTINA
Ferro Carril [sic] Oeste v. All Boys – 6:15
BRASIL
Internacional v. São Paulo – 6:30
COLOMBIA
Independiente Medellín v. Millonarios – 6:20
Águilas Doradas v. Fortaleza CEIF – 8:30
COSTA RICA
Alajuelense v. Guadalupe – 7:00
ECUADOR
Libertad v. Emelec – 6:00
GUATEMALA
Comunicaciones v. Guastatoya – 6:00
HONDURAS
UPNFM v. CD Choloma – 7:15
UNIVERSITY WOLVES AAA OOOOOO!1!1
VENEZUELA
Universidad Central v. Portuguesa – 6:30
LEAGUE CUP NORTEAMÉRICA
Uf. Full slate:
Charlotte FC v. Guadalajara – 6:50
NY Red Bulls v. Monterrey – 7:30 (in Ohio)
Colorado rapids v. Tijuana – 8:30
Seattle Sounders v. Santos – 9:30
LA Galaxy v. Cruz Azul- 9:30
Don’t say it, Litre. Don’t say it.
FINALLY,
It goes without saying that I’m bonkers about the 11th NFL season on DFO & THERFOR getting to shoot the shit with alla youse about organized violence. Plus embarrass myself further in FF, which is a better outlet for self-sabotage than casinos. As to DFO, for me, there is still no finer and welcoming web community than this here. And I solemnly promise: if I ever lose my marbles, I’ll do it here first.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-74Hg925BrE
The Yankees are hysterical. They’re The Three Stooges skit of this decade.
Not gonna be more negative, so anyway, I bought Ten Days That Shook the World.
My contrarianism gets such a jolt whenever I visit Powell’s because it’s so liberal, which manages to annoy me from both the left and the right.
Last weekend I harangued some poor info desk worker because one of the staff picks was James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces and I genuinely took that personally. The conversation kept getting worse the more he kept talking in response. Good times.
https://exiledonline.com/a-million-pieces-of-shit/
Looking forward to the new Superman movie & the new Naked Gun movie.
Both seem Rockinggggg!
The FTL chase scene in Fantastic Four is pretty good if you’re on the fence with that one. I don’t know if they reused the black hole from Interstellar or what but the space effects were dope. The rest was good enough.
Superman was fine. Anything closer to All-Star Superman than Man of Steel is a win.
I just don’t like Liam Neeson or Seth MacFarlane, so I have no opinion on Naked Gun. But the teaser OJ joke was funny.
Update: Ummm apparently Texas Governor Greg Abbott says he will remove from office any Democrats that do not show up tomorrow…
Not sure that’s how it works, but go off Greg.
Yeah right.
That guy stands for nothing.
Found a funny:
If you put the DOGE guys on a desert island where the only way out was to say the magic words “I’m not sure what the answer is, let me consult someone who has worked on this problem for a long time” they would all starve to death
When do we start?
If you enjoy joy meltdowns the Cowboys reddit is for u
“Nothing to lose sleep over”
Do tell…
Evergreen
As long as sheee ………….
It’s amazing how many wildfires you can spot flying over the western US when it’s somewhat dark out. Just spotted my third in the last month or so
I think that’s all of the flights where I had a window seat and wasn’t asleep now that I think about it
Think about how many people you’re directly above that are banging right now.
Probably mostly wildlife right now, but I bet there’s a ton of rodent sex going on down there!
And now I’m also wondering how many planes have cumulatively been overhead when I’ve been getting laid
Depends on what time you’ve been getting laid, really. Kobe Bryant’s final flight went right over my house and now I’m wondering if I was getting lucky at the same time he was getting unlucky.
On that note, on the show Supernatural people who sold their souls would get ten years to enjoy their deal before the crossroads demon came to collect. But the date of Kobe’s death (Jan 26, 2020) minus ten (or fifteen, or twenty) years doesn’t really match up with any significant turning point in his career, as far as I can tell.
My conclusion is that he didn’t sell his soul; he was just an asshole rapist who was also extremely good at basketball and perfectly fit the mold of what marketing folks were looking for as a face of the league at the time.
Annoying how the boring answer is so obviously the correct one sometimes
So on the recommendation of Yeah Right I purchased the book ‘Donnybrook’, started reading it last night finished it at 1:40 this morning. Couldn’t put it down, even though it is a tough, tough read. But very good.
Tonight I tracked the movie that was adapted from the book down and I’m about a half hour in and holy god this might be the worst fucking movie ever made. It’s awful. Worse than awful. Other than the title and some names it seems to have very little in common with the book.
So in a couple of weeks look for a mock draft of “Worst Book-To-Movie Adaptations Ever.”
I expect Stephen King to figure prominently but I have a pretty goddamn good idea what’s going #1.
(book is still really good, and I hope the author cashed a nice fat check for the movie rights, then never watched the movie)
Glad you liked the book.
It was a freight train.
The book was fucking great, and I appreciate the recommendation.
This movie is Thomas The Fucking Tank Engine in comparison.
“Oh, you know what would be great? If Jarhead brought his son along! Hey, the book takes place in Indiana, so slap Ohio license plates on all the cars and see if anyone notices! (I noticed). Hey! Remember the really cool Chinese psychopath with all the neat torture stuff? Fuck him, he and his storyline are outta here! Hey! Remember Chainsaw Angus and his cool backstory? He’s just Angus now, fuck his backstory, and we cast Frank Grillo as him and still managed to make him boring as fuck! Hey! Remember Liz, with the body made of sin? We changed her name to Deliah and cast Margaret Qualley for the role and while I’m sure Ms. Qualley is a lovely woman, she has the body of a 14-year-old girl, which among certain current occupants of the White House probably has more than a little appeal, but which among certain members of the DFO clubhouse who paid $3.99 to rent this waste of celluloid has them thinking they paid $2.94 too much.
Oh, also we made the cop a meth addict. For reasons.”
Great idea, gonna start thinkin about those now and jot down a list.
That is a great book. Glad I didn’t know about the movie. I”ll make sure to avoid it.
It actually managed to get worse from the description above, which I wrote when I still had a half hour to go.
Mrs. Horatio asked me if I was OK and when I said yes followed up with “then why are you swearing at the TV so much?”
I LOVED DONNYBROOK. The movie sucked the only redeeming value was the swimming scene featuring a very scantly glad Margaret Qualley.
Full frontal, and they still managed to fuck that up from the book, which makes the point that she kept her naughty bits shaved, yet here’s Ms. Qualley sporting a charming merkin.
Which she probably had to do to keep that ‘R’ rating.
I love me some merkin now!
If you do lose the marbles… We are here to help you find them… After kicking them under the couch to draw things out and overdo it… Clubhouse style. Well done Sir.
Sanity is only a state of mind and a limitation.
Apparently all the elected democrats in Texas broke a Quorum & left the state and are in Illinois/Chicago.
Whoa.
Why Chicago, though? Why drag Da Pope into this?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4YrCFz0Kfc
Think has to do with a super gerrymander in Texas, that dems will be too chicken to counter in NY and Cali
Oregon passed a law last year that makes legislators who missed too many votes ineligible for re-election to stop the Republicans from pulling this shit.
And protection of Big Daddy Pritzker, Gavin would send them back to Texas
Oh? Are they also avoiding session because they can’t face the fact that their messiah is a proven child rapist and the receipts are all right there?
I’ll wave if I see them! And maybe get them to take some Malort back to Texas
Per Twitter, (so take that for what it’s worth), 2 Democratic state senators in their very late 70’s stayed behind.
Further proof that The Onion was right to publish that editorial years ago “If The Heat Doesn’t Kill The Elderly I Will”
https://theonion.com/if-the-heat-doesnt-kill-the-elderly-i-will-1819584213/
George W. Bush illegally sent Texas Rangers into New Mexico to kidnap a man the governor wouldn’t extradite.
Trump will send the Marshals for them even if they’re on Mars.
Can someone explain this controversy to me because I’m rather confused her.
She has nice jeans.
Canadian tuxedo no?
Southeast Washington, but close enough
And never has to show her tits again. But we’ll always have Euphoria and The Voyeurs clips.
I saw something on Fox News about a “liberal freakout” with regards to the ad campaign and I’m convinced they just made it up out of thin air so they’d have something to talk about other than the fact that our president is a pedophile rapist.
Nah, some libtards are freaking out because it implies eugenics and white peoples and…it’s gets dumber from there. It’s legit because CNN reported it. But yes, it is drawing attention from the fact our President was either best friends with a pedophile rapist at best or a participant at worst.
The internet was a mistake.
But then where would I get my menthol smokes and random footy paraphernalia?
OK, fair.
Oh no — the President is a child rapist. That’s not even a question.
I’d argue Mr “and may everyday be a wonderful secret” was as pushed around by Epstein as he is by Putin.
I mean CNN will platform any viewpoint that will get hate watches/clicks. But I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that the far left is doing their part to advance fascism by embracing the most idiotic crap imaginable.
He was also a money launderer, blackmailer, political operative, and intelligence asset for either the CIA or Mossad or both. Most people assume Mossad because Ghislaine’s father, Robert, was a big fucking rat for them until they kill him on his yacht and inspired a Bond villain. Given how indebted he is to Miriam Adelson and Netanyahu (Mueller is a dunce, but he did someone find collusion with Israel, which makes sense. Collusion with Russia is so verifiably untrue and counter to every action he’s taken towards Russia as president that I feel bad for people who still believe this Russiagate hoax bullshit), it also makes sense that he’s covering for them. But the potential is that he’s protecting a lot of people who he can also use this to squeeze.
I genuinely wish this scandal is as big as it could be and implicates basically every western politician, billionaire, and techbro since the 90s. But it will just fizzle out like a wet fart.
Of course I also think Trump is gay only for himself, hence why Melania’s surgery has made her look more like him, but that’s the least important part of this.
Pretty much…
“Meanwhile, Semafor political reporter Dave Weigel explained how MAGA media was creating a manufactured outrage cycle about Democrats complaining about the Sweeney ad when exactly no prominent party officials had said anything about it.
“I have looked for a single Dem with an opinion on the AE ad and literally can’t find one. It’s just ‘the left’ which is a stand-in for ‘what Democrats really think.’ The ask seems to be that Dems condemn Twitter randos if they say something crazy,” he noted on Thursday.”
https://www.the-independent.com/news/world/americas/us-politics/fox-news-sydney-sweeney-epstein-b2799978.html
Don’t you remember when all the Nazis decided that her tits would cure ‘woke’ somehow?
Some people suck.
Dennis Rodman’s daughter is frighteningly good at soccer.
Rebounding skills are inheritable?
Hawaiin Yinzers out in force.
We are legion.
Yinz’ll find us all’o’er, n’at.
(looks at watch)
Me: “Its 8:15; 30 minutes to sunset.”
ADD: “No problem. You wanted to mow the lawn and vacuum the pool, but you wasted a day doing nothing.”
OCD: “Yeah, but now the grass is going to get even taller. Unless you wake up early one morning and do it.”
Me: “Good point.” (runs out and grabs lawn mower)
—-
ADD: “Okay, the front lawn is moved so the neighbors will be impressed, but its 8:35. Best put the lawn mower away and leave the back yard to next weekend. Its behind a fence.”
OCD: “Yeah, but now you’ll have to throw the grass clippings into long grass. That’ll be annoying.”
Me: “Good point.” (restarts mower and quickly does backyard)
ADD: “Will you stop it, OCD?!”
—-
ADD: “Okay, the lawn is mowed. Good for you, Redshirt. Veni. Vidi. Vi-grassi”
OCD: “Yeah, but there’s still some light. You can probably get the pool vacuumed and wash off the sweat and grass clippings.”
ADD: “Ha! But he’ll have to change into his swim trucks to do that.”
OCD: “Yeah, but he’s gonna do that anyway because they are sweaty and covered in grass.”
Me: “Good point.” (proceeds to change into trunks and vacuum the pool)
ADD: “Stop it with your ‘Yeah, but…”s already!”
—-
ADD: “Okay, we moved the grass and vacuumed the pool in the dark.”
Me: “I guess I’ll take care of this Tool Bridge Bill from two months ago.”
ADD: (stares at OCD)
OCD: “Yeah, but that wasn’t me-” (ADD proceeds to strangle OCD while I pay my overdue bill)
Mrs. Horatio: “Are we going to have another fire tonight like you said?”
Me: “Nah”
(to be clear, Mrs. Horatio didn’t give a shit one way or the other and I’d just spent 3 hours kayaking)
“Tool Bridge Bill? I haven’t seen him since we all went our separate ways after that derailment outside of Topeka.” – Jim Tomsula
I buy it
What do biblical scholars and Styx in 1981 have in common?
/Too much time on their hands
Is time code for a fine white powder?
Got stoned & watched the first 2 Captain America movies. Winter Soldier is pretty Rockinggg!
Russia 1940ish
Oh yeah. There is a vacancy in Ligue 2. We have 13 of 14. Lurkers. Hit Lemonjello or I up
I recommend Russian novels to depressed friends instead of self-help books because no matter how bad things are at least you don’t live in Russia so there is hope
All you have done for me is make me want to move to the south of France. (Due to books you see)
People who enjoy a good meal and nice wine get an entirely different category of recommendation!
We have read all 14 books.
I haven’t read the newest one yet since I’ve been reading the Brunetti series, but I’m on the last one (#33!) so will catch up on other books soon
I did not love #1 from her am.going to try #2. Easy read
She definitely has Points of View on certain things, but she gives a great picture of the city. No recipes unfortunately and less meal description than in a lot of these types of books, but still enough to make you hungry usually
running out of WKRP personalities
https://apnews.com/article/loni-anderson-actor-died-obituary-3614dc44dbad987f74fc4cd64bd3e7fc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgrVP_J0BHk
“Lower Strained Back Cancer” is a bitch.
Les Nessman will piss on all of our graves.
He was never the same after the turkeys.
YYYYYYAAAAAASSSSSS, dive in the water(y poop) is fine!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYQ9sMWY-WE