Monday Morning Mock Draft: Nailed It! (Not Blair Walsh Edition.

Guten Tag drones.

Once again I’ve left this to the last minute.  I thought I’d have Monday off, but then a deposition I thought would be canceled instead had the nerve to go forward and now I have to show up, just because I said I would.

Speaking of things I said I’d do that now I have to do, it’s Sunday night, which means tomorrow morning is Monday, which means we need a mock draft.  We’re getting to the end of these, so I guess I can grit my teeth and power through.

Last week we did movies that were adapted from a book, but very, very badly.  Naturally, due to my limited imagination, we’re going to be drafting movies adapted from books, but very, very well.

No spoilers, (it’s literally the featured image), but Stephen King is going #1 in this one.

The rules are just as simple, and just as easily ignored, as they were last week.  It has to be a MOVIE, based on a BOOK, and you have to LIKE THE WAY THEY ADAPTED THE MOVIE FROM THE BOOK.  Three things.  Even the simplest of simpletons can do this.  You people?  Well, let’s just say Lowratio is probably gonna win $20 from me betting someone fucks this up within 7 picks.  Prove him wrong, DFO, prove him wrong.

Without further ado I’m gonna get busy draftin’ and take ‘The Shawshank Redemption’ adapted from Stephen King’s novella ‘Rita Hayworth & The Shawshank Redemption’ in his Different Seasons collection.

King’s title is much better, but let’s face it, it ain’t gonna fit on a marquee.  The book is great, the movie, in what is really unusual for a King book-to-movie, might be better.

We’ve got two more mock drafts before the off-season comes in and well but out our Hippo-Speak-To-English dictionaries.  Both remaining drafts will feature ideas suggested by Canadiens, so get the Molsons, Labatts, and Big Turks ready, eh?

As for this week, you are now on the clock.

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BeefReeferLives

For my last pick: To Kill A Mockingbird. (Peck with a Oscar winning performance, & Robert Duvall in his silver screen debut as Boo Radly)

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Last edited 8 months ago by BeefReeferLives
Sharkbait

The Hunt for Red October

SonOfSpam

One of the better movies about urinary tract infections ever made.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I will always shoehorn this video in whenever it is even remotely relevant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_pi8yBaooQ

WCS

In Rikki’s vein, I’ll take Manhunter/Red Dragon.

Both books were great. 1986’s Manhunter with William Peterson and 2002’s Red Dragon with Ed Norton are both fun movies.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

6. I guess everybody else is asleep by now. Silence of the Lambs I MEAN COME ON

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Brick Meathook

“The Loved One” (1965)

Novel by Evelyn Waugh
Screenplay by Terry Southern & Christopher Isherwood

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Gumbygirl

How did I manage to miss this one? It has Liberace, for fuck’s sake!!!

Brick Meathook

Toto got paid more than the Munchkins

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BeefReeferLives

& Loratio is still pissed about that

Brick Meathook

Gone With The Wind (1939)

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BeefReeferLives

A classic:

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BeefReeferLives

I always got the impression it was both, as Bukowski’s alter ego, Henry Chinaski, is in many of his short stories as well as the film.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Bob Kraft has instructed his attorneys to prepare a suit against this establishment for flagrant false advertising.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I predict an ELITE season for the Browns this year.

https://bsky.app/profile/diannarussini.bsky.social/post/3lwouwwfols2j

SonOfSpam

Huzzah – unflavored ice milk for everyone!

Gumbygirl

I predict the fans will be booing him before halftime of the first home game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. Can’t just leave this sitting here: Fight Club

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WCS

I genuinely can’t decide if I liked the book or not.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t much care for it. The movie added to it tremendously.

Brick Meathook

This is the movie, not the shitty TV show

https://ibb.co/Xf63vHGm

BeefReeferLives

I thought the OG Total Recall was a fun romp, even though some of the effects were kinda hokey.

& I imagine Loratio enjoyed it quite a bit, especially one character…

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BeefReeferLives

& even inspired it’s own episode of Rick & Morty…

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

4. The Princess Bride. I’m generally reluctant to laud my own picks as “steal of the draft” but I mean come on

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SonOfSpam

At the risk of feeling nostalgic for the Nixon years, All The President’s Men was a really good movie.

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BeefReeferLives

I liked all of Wes Anderson’s Roald Dahl adaptations, but I think I liked “The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar” the most.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“You had me at ‘sugar’.” – Luka Doncic

2Pack

3rd round The Right Stuff.

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SonOfSpam

Hey dummy, it’s supposed to be based on a book not a New Kids On The Block song smh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

c’mon man learn your music history smh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eW2cNGs5wnk

BrettFavresColonoscopy

“The rules are just as simple, and just as easily ignored, as they were last week. It has to be a MOVIE, based on a BOOK, and you have to LIKE THE WAY THEY ADAPTED THE MOVIE FROM THE BOOK. Three things. Even the simplest of simpletons can do this.”

WCS

Alright, I’ll take Hard Ride to Nowhere

Admit it, it would be a hell of a movie…

Wait a second, I’ll be back. I hear something outside by the shed.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope you cackled maniacally.

SonOfSpam

“Don’t worry, Mark Wahlberg dies.”

Brick Meathook
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. Piggybacking on BeefReeferLives’ selecton below, There Will Be Blood based on Oil! by Upton Sinclair.

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BeefReeferLives

I thought they did a pretty good job with No Country For Old Men…

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2Pack

Zodiac in the second round. The book was great and the movie did it justice.

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2Pack

Historical accounts are allowed… RIGHT?

/ if not he’s fucked…

Redshirt

Die Hard.

Now I’ve never read “Nothing Lasts Forever”, but I’ve watched Die Hard, so I’m taking a shot in the dark that “Die Hard” was a little bit better.

Mr. Ayo

It’s also a Christmas movie.

Brocky

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Forrest gump.

The book gets weird

BugEyedBoo

2001: A Space Odyssey. Short story (The Sentinel) => movie => book.

BeefReeferLives

Dr. Strangelove was based on the book “Red Alert”. I have not read the book, but will make the assumption that Stan took a few liberties with it.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. “Clueless” as an adaptation of Jane Austen’s “Emma”. Laugh all you want; I thought they did a great job.

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Last edited 8 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Gumbygirl

The first one is.

Redshirt

(walking into the Mock Draft only to find its all about books)

Kel9Ap
Redshirt

(door cracks open)

BASED ON BOOKS!!!

(door closes subtly)

Brocky

The irony of having your old profile pic while disliking books…

Redshirt

Y’all can still see my profile pic? To me its a blank white square.

Also, its a product of my undiagnosed ADD as a kid. I read a book, and my imagination takes me out of the book.

Last edited 8 months ago by Redshirt
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Blank white square for me too.

2Pack

This one followed the book about as good as one could. Great cast. Great jump scenes, my unit was involved in filming the US one a couple years before I arrived.

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2Pack

I could draft The Longest Day too but will not. Cornelius Ryan wrote in a manner that just begged a good film with little or no work needed on a screen play.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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ArmedandHammered

One of my favorite Simpson’s quotes.

BeefReeferLives

I will take “The Body” and its adaptation into “Stand By Me” & rip off Horatio’s image used above as well.

The novella was pretty good, but the movie was better, IMHO.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish I’d followed this through to its conclusion.

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BeefReeferLives

Remembering the plot of it, kinda makes me wonder if they ever found any old nazis living in the neighborhood where Steven Miller grew up…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not that I know of, but he *did* grow up right up the road from Huntington Beach, where old Nazis are as plentiful as palm trees.

Brocky

I saw it in school, it was alright.

Like many king adaptations, it got nerfed to for its rating and had its ending changed though

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That one in particular would have to be nerfed beyond recognition to get past the MPAA.

Brocky

I just read up on it. It was directed by that piece of shit Bryan Singer.

And of course there were accusations of abuse on set

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Ah, Bryan Singer. Joining hands with Kevin Spacey to prove (rather emphatically) that you don’t have to be heterosexual to be a sex pest!

ArmedandHammered

Picture is bigger than the actual book.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

1. Dangerous Liaisons

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also it inspired the following, which is one of my favorite sketches of that particular era of SNL:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B81U7Vunhuc

Don T

The Northman. Source:

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ArmedandHammered

Better movie based on Hamlet:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2pacru8ve9k

Brocky

I’ll just throw this in as well

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BeefReeferLives

Not to mention this classic spaghetti western:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm_DeQEVMbg

Don T

YEAAAH. Five Molsons

BugEyedBoo

The Martian.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Andy Weir is a great writer, and they did a great job on that movie.

Brocky

Great value in the second round:

The Peter Jackson Lord of the Rings Trilogy

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I read the books. The movies were better.

Brocky

And for those of you who want to argue, let me give you this passage:

o the east the outflung arm of the mountains marched to a sudden end, and far lands could be descried beyond them, wide and vague. To the south the Misty Mountains receded endlessly as far as sight could reach. Less than a mile away, and a little below them, for they still stood high up on the west side of the dale, there lay a mere. It was long and oval, shaped like a great spear-head thrust deep into the northern glen; but its southern end was beyond the shadows under the sunlit sky. Yet its waters were dark: a deep blue like clear evening sky seen from a lamp-lit room. Its face was still and unruffled. About it lay a smooth sward, shelving down on all sides to its bare unbroken rim.

ArmedandHammered

Excuse me, the movies were great, but from reading Tolkien I can creates such incredible mental vistas due to his prose. Like I said the movies are great, but his writing has always fired my imagination.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[quietly adds you to his “Philistines List”] – Hunter Renfrow

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just because she’s hot doesn’t mean that Angie Martinez is a bad person!

Brocky

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This might honest to god be the nerdiest joke in the history of this site

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just tell me what it says so I don’t have to find a bigger nerd

Brocky

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WCS

New permanent banner image?

ArmedandHammered

Actually do the Elvish one… it looks classy.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Ten Commandments

ArmedandHammered

Worst bit of fiction that they keep trying to foist off on us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MAGA CHUD 1: “Wait, the Ten Commandments don’t say anything about raping children?”

MAGA CHUD 2: “They don’t say anything about raping anyone!”

BugEyedBoo

Exodus 20:17 Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour’s.

That’s Yahweh getting all grouchy at his kids.

And rereading Debt: the First 5000 Years. Notice that ‘covet thy neighbor’s wife’ isn’t about wanting to sleep with her; that’s covered in “Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Exodus 20:17 means that you aren’t supposed to want to take your neighbor’s wife for a slave.

Last edited 8 months ago by BugEyedBoo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Make sure you fill the tank!

Gumbygirl

I’ve never had a neighbor who’s ass I coveted.

scotchnaut

Both the short story (by James Joyce) and the movie (made by John Huston in his last year) are a gut punch and need to be read/watched at least twice.

dead
Brocky

Well, let’s just say Lowratio is probably gonna win $20 from me betting someone fucks this up within 7 picks. Prove him wrong, DFO, prove him wrong.

So what I’m hearing is by i just saved you twenty bucks by not getting here early enough to draft bronko nagurski…. sorry lowratio

Brocky

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Friday night lights the 2004 film. Loved it when it came out

The TV show can suck it.

Last edited 8 months ago by Brocky
ArmedandHammered

Jaws

WCS

I loathed the book the first time I read it.

Years later upon reread, it was … fine. Not as horrific as I remembered.

BugEyedBoo

I read it ages ago, as a teenager. I think Spielberg ripping all the non-shark stuff out of the book was absolutely the right decision. Chief has self-doubts? Wife bonking the shark doctor? Who gives a shit?

Last edited 8 months ago by BugEyedBoo
ArmedandHammered

Get to the killin’!

Doktor Zymm

And the movers are finally showing up tomorrow, between 1 pm and 3 pm, so at the end of the very last contracted day. I’ll have like an hour to put stuff away before heading to the airport to fly back to California after waiting around here for 2 damn weeks

BugEyedBoo

The Godfather

ArmedandHammered

Just came here for that one. Ugh.

Brocky

My dad gave me his copy of the book and I couldn’t finish it. Just… ugh….

BugEyedBoo

I’ve read this comment in more than one place. The book is…not good. The movie is awesome.

BeefReeferLives

WHAT??? Blasphemy! They completely butchered it by cutting out the most intrigueing and important character – Lucy Mancini’s humongously cavernous vagina!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

SONNY CORLEONE: Jeez you got a big pussy…Jeez you got a big pussy.

LUCY MANCINI: Why did you say that twice?

SONNY CORLEONE: I didn’t.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I dated a woman who was, uh, let’s say “similarly accommodating” and she’s basically my Kareem Abdul Jabbar as far as all-time rankings are concerned.

Gumbygirl

I went to high school with a girl the boys called OC. It stood for ocean cunt because it apparently was deep, wide, and wet. Ugh, teenage boys.

Doktor Zymm

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Apocalypse Now was probably even better than Heart of Darkness

BugEyedBoo

+1 helicopters

Jimbo

Blade Runner

WCS

Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas

It’s pretty challenging to get someone else’s actual drug binge, especially it’s from print to screen, 25 years later. It’s far from a perfect film, but it does keep to the book as much as can, and Gilliam’s direction definitely makes it seem like five sheets of high blotter acid.

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Don T

I used to hate HST for nationalistic reasons, intensely. But too big a fan of Terry Gilliam Johnny Depp to miss going to the theatRe to watch it.

Plus BENICIO. DUH. Beno seemed to get badder as the movie went on, for stealing every scene. Awesome all around. Could watch again, gladly.

Epilogue: I don’t hate HST anymore. DFO gets 50% credit for that one.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought Toby Maguire was miscast, but otherwise thought the movie did a fabulous job. In particular this scene:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUgs2O7Okqc

ArmedandHammered

Psycho

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jurassic Park

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wish they had stuck with the working title of “Billy and the Clone-o-saurus” though.

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