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Rejoice! A Full, True Saturday Has Arrived

King Hippo

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Jesus God, I thought we were NEVAR gonna get to this day.  But FITBAW is everywhere you look.

Fulham and its famoUs, hated Trespassers do battle in the early hours (7:30, USA), which is a spicy meatball to accent one’s coffee.

Black Cats chase some Bees around in the feature at 10:00 (USA), but I prefer to waste two hours of oxygen with Wolves/Toffees (Peacock).  Men Untied/Burnley also streams, if you prefer to watch a really slo-mo car crash, on repeat.

Mediocre Leeds get Big Mad Newcastle in the Spotlight Dance, and fuck ’em both I’mma watch JV NFL…

Steerfuckers South (+1.5) at THE Ohio State (Noon, Fox)

Gently amused that the consensus #1 team in the country opens their season, immediately as the underdog.  Tough opener for PeyPey’s nephew, indeed.  Yet again, I am discomforted by the Tree Nutz playing the part of the Good Guys.  Damn yew, Darkest Timeline…

SillyCuse (+13.5) v. Tennessee – LIVE from Megatron’s Butthole (Noon, ABC)

Seems like every early September/late August, the Vols play a middling ACC foe and beat the absolute tar shit out of them.  Unfortinately, reality always sets in during conference play.  Without an NFL-calibre quartered back, methinks the Orange will fade from our consciousness as quickly as they entered it.

Mississippi State (-13.5) at Southern Miss (Noon, ESPN)

Want a fun GAMBLOR journey?  Moneyline bet the Fightin’ Farvenises here.  Cowbells are the worst team in the SEC by a good margin, and really could lose here.

Roll Damn Tide (-13.5) at Florida State (3:30, ABC)

Not interested in this one?  Better nap, unless you suspect South Dakota to be much better than I do.  Watching the rednecks of North Floridistan will warm my cold, dark heart.  Or alternatively, Kalen DeBoer signs the death warrant for his SEC career.  NO PRESSURE, GUYS!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“If you’re going to use the mop to ‘clean’ the walls (i.e. swipe randomly at various places on the surface with no particular direction or design) maybe you should do it before you use that same mop on the floors that you have been complaining about being particularly filthy?” is something I would like to suggest to the Dr. Mrs. but cannot because my snide satisfaction would come at too high of a price.

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scotchnaut

This Texas/OSU isn’t a defensive struggle-IT’S A STRUGGLE TO WATCH! [tugs at tie while audience laughs]

4
Redshirt

(Rodney Dangerfield voice)

“I tell my coach that I want to get some action. He said I can’t afford him.”

2
Redshirt

Arch Manning is named for and playing like his grandfather.

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Beerguyrob

Moar like Fallen Arch Manning.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Next time he gets taken out by the turf monster he should be granted the permanent nickname “Fallin’ Arch”.

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King Hippo

And now he’ll be forced to look downfield. Probably work out like it did for Grandpa

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve seen this IBM ad (“Jeremy”) maybe two dozen times already and I still don’t have any idea what the people are saying. I guess they aren’t articulating clearly enough to penetrate my bubble of indifference?

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Time to start using closed captioning

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I can follow an IBM ad? That’s a negatory, good buddy!

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Beerguyrob

Coming up next – Australia vs USA in Women’s World Cup Rugby action!

At least TSN has their priorities straight – tennis, college footy, rugby. That’s a well-rounded Saturday afternoon.

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Beerguyrob

It’s been quite the day so far.

Womens-rugby-world-cup-8-30
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ballsofsteelandfury

How these two teams are two of the three best in the country is beyond me.

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Beerguyrob

Marketing?

2
Redshirt

MAGA?

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scotchnaut

“You spelled ‘Magma’ wrong, smgdh…”

-Dok

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Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Redshirt

BLEERGH doesn’t feel like Safety Dancing.

0
2Pack

I get the whole making a hard nosed statement on the goal line at 4th down… But you need the center, guards and tackles to back it up.

Or perhaps explore using some (much) of the rest of the field.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Does Texas have receivers with only hands of stone? Do they believe the forward pass is a form of sorcery?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Oh, I get it now. Their QB just sucks!

1
yeah right

Irony of ironies. Season 11 of Sunday Gravy is in the can. Finale is tomorrow.

Made it the entire season without a serious cut. Today doing some prep for dinner tomorrow and I slice the shit out of my left index finger.

If you’re gonna get hurt, do it in the offseason.

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2Pack

That’s like waiting until you are in the locker room to show any hurts…

Well done Sir.

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2Pack

Jenny is showing them shoulders Hippo

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King Hippo

Hippo notice and appreciate

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Horatio Cornblower

Syracuse left the Big East for football just to get their shit pushed in by Tennessee while becoming irrelevant in basketball.

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Nailed it!

4
scotchnaut

Customer: “The raspberries sent to us-they’re of poor quality.”

Me: “Usually that gets caught by my guy that loads the truck. Send me a pic of the case so I can get a credit. Thanks.”

Customer: [sends 12 individual pics of each container]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtp8WSAzrGw

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Mr. Ayo

I’m starting to think this Arch fella isn’t very good.

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Horatio Cornblower

The Saints are tanking to draft Arch and Arch is tanking so the Saints won’t draft him.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That sideline play shows the difference between college and pro ball. A veteran like Mahomes would have picked up an extra fifteen yards for getting violently nudged out of bounds like that.

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scotchnaut

SillyCuse Offense; [slowly creeps back into the game]

SillyCuse Defense: [every guy is faked out by a simple play, a 73-yrd TD is the result]

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King Hippo

Modelo and State Farm can eat shit and die. I can’t decide which ad campaign I hate most.

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King Hippo

Fightin’ Farvenises is level with the Cowbells

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Beerguyrob

England is absolutely smashing SAM-oa in the Women’s Rugby World Cup. 47-0 at the half.

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scotchnaut

Did you catch Canada’s evisceration of Wales’ hopes and dreams?

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Beerguyrob

Oh my, yes. ‘Twas glorious.

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King Hippo

SillyCuse with ND’s former 3rd stringer is performing about like one would expect.

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scotchnaut

I’m going to go for a swim or slit a wrist. [flips coin]

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King Hippo

porque no los dos??

/probably considered pollution in The Canadia tho

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scotchnaut

And attract the dreaded Northern Ontario Lake Shark? Stomping Tom Connors warned us of that dread beast back in the 70’s!

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scotchnaut

Our EP-EH? isn’t a captured government organization just yet.

1
WCS

Duke WCS’ first day of gymnastics was fun and all. Now, college foobawl is back. As much as I love the princess, my other duty calls.

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WVU hosts Robert Morris, which is closer to Morganhole than Pitt’s campus.
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Pitt hosts Duquense, the latter’s campus is closer to Heinz Field than Pitt’s campus.
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I don’t know where I’m going with this. I need a nap. See yinz around, go Mountaineers, Texas can shit a brick through their collective dick, FUCK Notre Dame, and eat shit Pitt.
Love yinz.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=62HeMEBhURQ

Last edited 7 months ago by WCS
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yeah right

Fuck right off Spurs!

Let’s go Cherries! Beautiful win!

1
2Pack

Both teams punting averse… I like it…

2
Redshirt

I could do without the Scarlet Dropsies…

1
Doktor Zymm

The Pats cut Jabrill Peppers? I guess they are going to try not having any safeties on their D. Bold move

3
herodotus450

Fun Fact: Texas QB1 Arch Manning is related to NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning. Wow!

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Jimbo

Big, if true.

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herodotus450

Took a LOT of digging to uncover the connection, so I hope it is true!

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litre_cola

Did you know that some football players once played basketball too?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Only Harvard-educated people know that.

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herodotus450

Can I quote you on that? This is the big break I’ve been looking for.

5
Redshirt

Odd that hasn’t mentioned.

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Horatio Cornblower

Fuck, keeper guessed right, too.

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King Hippo

kittehs get a 2nd, huzzah!

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Horatio Cornblower

Sunderland ‘Til I Die!!!

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Horatio Cornblower

NAWT offsides!!!

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litre_cola

Need Burnley to get a late one here.

0
litre_cola

Here comes VAR to rescue Untied

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Doktor Zymm

I read an article about what kids are doing with their NIL money. It was pretty damn heartwarming, and most of em seem to have learned from the past and are being pretty smart with the cash. Although we’ll see how many get into tax trouble

3
2Pack

Learning about investing for the long term is a map to the road of security and happiness. Address the needs, be frugal with the wants and you will get places in life.

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scotchnaut

“Or-hear me out-take a swing at this Bitcoin thing that I don’t even remotely understand!”

-Both my boys

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2Pack

Beware of gimmicks. Best advice a friend gave me when I picked a TSP plan, was to go with the (at the time 26 years ago) more aggressive plan tied to the S&P 500 stocks. The historical performance over the long haul, if you don’t panic during occasional rough spots, is a high percentage of return. That’s worked for me well.

Also build a decent emergency fund in an accessible account. Saves you a lot on interest and gives you enormous peace of mind.

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scotchnaut

Wifey and I switched advisors about 15 years ago and went 60% aggressive and 40% conservative-wow, what a difference in annual average returns.

2
Doktor Zymm

One kid bought 150 acres of land that he maintains and charges hunters to use. One or two bought their mom a house (kids from middle of nowhere where houses are still under $100k). The Stanford guy was all about stonks which was very apropos. The most heartwarming was probably the guy who bought game consoles for a children’s hospital. And one guy spent a lot on food, and he isn’t even a lineman or other big dude so his metabolism must be insane

1
scotchnaut

One kid bought 150 acres of land that he maintains and charges hunters to use

“Build a moat on that bitch or fuck the fuck off!”*

-Willy The Conqueror

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2Pack

You usually can’t go wrong with land and property investment.

1
2Pack

It’s just dawned on me, by the time this Series A and EPL season ends I’ll be retired.

I am so ready to simply loiter.

FB_IMG_1756559245313
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ballsofsteelandfury

That is awesome! (the retirement part. Although Marika is pretty awesome herself)

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King Hippo

Christ, don’t Everton this up, Everton…

1
King Hippo

I keep forgetting that I left my phone downstairs last night. Ain’t checked it since like 6p.

Amazing how quickly things revert to quietude once the spawn leave the nest.

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litre_cola

Slept in, saw the highlights of Mighty Whitey. Game is gone, fuck VAR and fuck the Premier league and their shady refs.

1
King Hippo

Handsome Marco was quite pissed off. Glad I slept through first half.

1
litre_cola

Just garbage. It’s fine if it was a deserved loss but that’s 2 weeks in a row against big clubs where the ref and VAR fuck us

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Horatio Cornblower

A tradition unlike any other.

Hello, friends.

4
Doktor Zymm

They trying to be more like FIFA?

1
Horatio Cornblower

On the downside, it’s apparently alive.

https://bsky.app/profile/justinbaragona.bsky.social/post/3lxmre6cstc2b

On the plus side, doesn’t look like by much.

1
scotchnaut

/not pictured

Stephen Miller’s hand up his ass, making DT seem animated.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I try to avoid tuning in to the Trump show but I would absolutely spend a week of my life watching him die, as long as enough suffering was involved.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Also, are we sure that’s his granddaughter and not a teenage sex slave that was bequeathed to him by his late friend Jeffrey Epstein?

1
Doktor Zymm

She can be two things

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I dunno, that sounds pretty woke.

1
Horatio Cornblower

That’s what you get for wearing uniforms inspired by UPS, Brentford.

0
King Hippo

Well, I wore it better! – Ernst Rohm

2
scotchnaut

Checklist

-vacuuming done!
-dishes done!
-groceries done!

Bonus Fact: Wifey and and Youngest Skull Fracture Boy are gone for the day and most of the evening

Next-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Johmlmq-dRU

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King Hippo

GOLAZO, Dewsberry-Hall

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King Hippo

I was thinking about my personal JV hierarchy last night (GREAT insomnia fuel, highly recommend):

1) NC State
2) not-U*NC
3) not-ND
4) SEC team (other than Texas, Okiehoma, or Florida Men)
5) Other Land Grant schools (bonus points for Mike Leach affiliation)
6) ad hoc series of hatreds and grudges

wut say YEEEEWWWWW?

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I was having this discussion with a IRL friend last night. College football is built for schadenfreude.

It doesn’t really matter who wins but rather who loses and how embarrassingly.

2
King Hippo

Ain’t nothin’ a proper American enjoys MOAR than HATE

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scotchnaut

When they’re half-way compelling I’ll watch SillyCuse after that

1) Miami sometimes (really loved their teams from the late 80’s through the 90’s
2) Any non-football school that puts together a really good season that features an upset of a traditional powerhouse
3) Sometimes USC but it’s been a long while
4)hatred of all the usual dickhead programs, especially those run by preachy coaches

1
Doktor Zymm

Maryland is the only school I went to with a Div 1 team, but other than having a couple football players in a basic math class I taught and being aware that the coach was nicknamed after a large kitchen appliance I didn’t actually follow the team. I mostly just laugh at Notre Dame fans

1
Horatio Cornblower

I used to like LSU, because of the color scheme and the bad-ass atmosphere of their home night games, but then they hired Brian Kelly and now I wish the worst for them.

There’s UConn, but, come on, seriously?

The home opener is today. I do believe we’re playing the mighty Blue Devils of Duke, so it should be worth go Central Connecticut State, so I’m going to the Woodstock Fair and eat greasy fried food instead.

2
Doktor Zymm

Aw man, now I want a funnel cake

0
Horatio Cornblower

Oh I am absolutely going to fuck up some funnel cake.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Coco Gauff plays at 8:30, then it’s time for JV FITBAW!

0
scotchnaut

Somebody’s cuckoo for Coco Gauf.

3
King Hippo

I think that’s also the BC Dick bat signal…

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This all started because some guy approached Wemby at a discotheque and asked him if he’d like to get higher than he’d ever been before.

https://streamable.com/58e5oi

0
King Hippo

Wolves are so, so bad. Delicious.

0
King Hippo

FUCK’S SAKE.

0
Jimbo

..

Screenshot-2025-08-30-at-7.42.29-AM
0
Redshirt

Early favorite for Name of the Year.

IMG_1816
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Fronkenshteen

Jesus fuck we’re not dissecting the zapruder film here. Point to the fucking spot already.

0
Redshirt

Still hate Ryan Day, though.

IMG_1775
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herodotus450

-Totally Normal Guy
-No Player scandals
-No Personal life scandals
-Wins National Championship

Yep, makes sense that OSU fan hate him

3
King Hippo

normal…FOAR a Samsquanch….

0
Fronkenshteen

I can’t shake the feeling that if I were a player, I would never stop talking to the child I was escorting out to the field. The tunnel must be an incredibly intimidating environment for young children without their parents. I’d be bent down jibber-jabbering like a big goober so the kids around me would all be holding back giggles the whole time.

5
Fronkenshteen

Just took the doggy out and the air is ice cold. So bizarre. It’s like we skipped August and went straight into autumn. Oh well, who cares? My dopey parlay for the early match needs a Chelsea (-155) home win with goals from Caicedo (+1200) and Lukic (+1000) and a hearty helping of (11) corner kicks (-106). SHUT UP, IT COULD HAPPEN!

2
2Pack

Bravo Hippo. Let’s get this most wonderful season started. Proper like… with gratuitous shoulder…

1c8ffadcea454c51c36a893a4662615e
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That reminds me of Joe Piscopo’s joke at the end of Dead Heat about how he wanted to be reincarnated as the seat on a woman’s bike.

(I believe it was originally written as “girl’s bike” but given the circumstances of our current society I think it’s important to update these references to make sure people don’t think I mean literal girls, ones of the same age that Jeffrey Epstein used to provide to his good friend Donald Trump so he could molest them)

0
ballsofsteelandfury

That’s as Italian as you can get right there …

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I mean, riding a bike with espadrille HEELS….

Ciao Bella!

2
2Pack

Pretty girls on bikes is what I tell friends is one of the pleasures of life here.

And before you start RTD… I still call the soldiers I served with and now still serve “the boys” so don’t read into it…

1
scotchnaut

Up at 5:30EST this morning. There’s an argument to be made that I’m not doing “Long Weekending” correctly.

/oh well, the Canadian women’s rugby team is playing Wales in a few minutes

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