Your Week 2 Early Slate Open Thread

Have you set your lineups? Be sure to make that panic-y last minute adjustment, it’s going to pay off!

To The Games!

Giants/Cowboys:

Much like Jerrah’s breath this contest reeks…of a “Get Well” game for Dallas. Dak has won thirteen straight games against NY which is second only to Bob Griese’s run of 17 in a row vs the Bills from 1968-79. The timetable for a Dart Start is a meticulous process according to Daboll but my guess is that when All Pro tackle Andrew Thomas is fit to play is when the countdown starts in earnest.

Rams/Titans:

For those that keep track of such things, Nacua needs 12 grabs to match OBJ’s record of 206 catches in the first 30 games starting a career. Rook wr Elic Ayomanor looks to be the #2 man in the Titans receiving corps although he was only able to convert two of his seven targets. The good news for Ward? On the surface his 12-for-28 passing number doesn’t look as bad as it seems after coaches reviewed the games. And after all, it did come vs that nasty Denver D.

Jags/Bengals:

Travis Hunter’s split last week was 42 plays on offense and 6 on defense and Liam Coen says the latter will increase. Starting Etienne Jr. this week is a no-brainer because the Jags o-line can run block and Cincy gave up 25.1 fantasy points to the Browns motely crew of a backfield last week.

Browns/Ravens:

The sharp fellas in Vegas must think Cleveland is cooked given that 11.5 spread that I saw. Baltimore is 12-2 after a loss since 2022, second only to the Chiefs. Tight end Andrews should bounce back because as good as the Browns D is, they are exploitable at that spot.

Bills/Jets:

NY hasn’t scored more than 23 points against Buffalo in 12 straight tries. They are committed to running the ball and should have some success this time around given that DT Ed Oliver is sitting this one out. With Sauce on the other side expect Allen to pick on cb Brandon Stephens.

Pats/Fins:

It’s The Battle of the Two Not Very Good Teams! Although one seems to be ascending and the other is in dissension. Coach McDaniel noted last week that players abandoned their assignments and tried to make a play. That seems code for a lack of discipline to me.

Niners/Saints:

Pearsall should get all kinds of targets given the state of the receiving corps though they’ll come courtesy of one Mac Jones. Expect the game to be tight because Shanny Jr. is 16-25 when someone other than Purdy or Jimmy G is under center.

Bears/Lions:

Ben Johnson Revenge Narrative Even Though He Left On Good Terms shall be engaged? Johnson also mentioned that he wants to get rook rb Kyle Monangai more involved so get your waiver wire finger ready. Lions fans were grumbling about the offense just one week in. Lions fans? Expectations? It’s a topsy-turvy world out there.

Seahawks/Steelers:

Pitt hasn’t started 2-0 in back-to-back seasons since 2016-17. Despite the smallish 3.5 spread no one can see the Steelers losing to Darnold and a moribund Seattle squadoo. OC Art Smith was quite impressed with Kenny Gainwell in camp and was rewarded with a 7 rush 19 yard performance.

For those so inclined there’s a wee bit of footy as an appetizer-Burnley/Liverpool at 9am and Man Derby at 11:30. Enjoy your day.

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Horatio Cornblower

If you’re wondering I do have Jake Ferguson on my FF team and I did bench him in favor of Hunter Henry this week.

Beerguyrob

Once again, and probably on a weekly basis, I am asking the “Ride the Float” ad to fuck right off.

Horatio Cornblower

Most surprising thing about the Giants blowing up that screen pass was that someone from UNC read something correctly.

LemonJello

Jags D making Browning look like an MVP for fucks sake.

Last edited 5 months ago by LemonJello
ThePirateSloth

What in the entire fuck 50 Cent?!? To Catch A Killer on FOX Nation?

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Redshirt

TEE!

Horatio Cornblower

Just found out this is a real movie

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But Bill Maher’s in it.

Horatio Cornblower

I somehow knew you had already seen this.

Tell me they kill and eat Bill Maher.

King Hippo

VEP are dominating, losing 17-13

Horatio Cornblower

Watching the Cowboys play the Giants…

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Redshirt

Yeah, that’s not good.

Horatio Cornblower

Is she playing O-line for the Giants? Because that would explain a lot.

Brick Meathook

Make up your own translation:

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LemonJello

“That’s a really good Charlie Kirk impression, ma’am.”

Beerguyrob

“Thank you for phoning the Epstein residence. How May I direct your call?”

LemonJello

Tyreek beating coverages like they were his romantic partners.

Don T

Heh heh heh. NOW fitbaw started

ThePirateSloth

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Horatio Cornblower

I don’t know what the context of this is, but I will never not +1 Kermit freaking out.

LemonJello

Brewing QB controversy in Cinci????

LemonJello

Update: No, there is no QB controversy.

Redshirt

Well, I wouldn’t say that…

IMG_1907
Mr. Ayo

EAT SHIT QAARON!!

Redshirt

He looks like the character the SVU detectives find because either he’s the victim or the suspect.

LemonJello

High quality booger sugar?

Horatio Cornblower

That’s like those ABC After School Specials where the honors student smokes one (1) marijuana and loses his mind.

Brocky

Redshirt, following up on earlier, who’s a better quarterback:

Zombie Joe Burrow

Or A.j. Mccarron?

Redshirt

Let’s see, left toe? McCarron.

Horatio Cornblower

3rd and 5 and Dallas is playing 7 yards off the line of scrimmage.

Sure, OK, cool, makes sense.

Redshirt

Preseason MVP Mitchell Tinsley with the Touchdown.

Redshirt

Paul Dehner Jr.
@pauldehnerjr
It’s Week 2: Jake Browning to Mitchell Tinsley for a key touchdown. Just like you all had it.

Horatio Cornblower

Picking Dak Prescott as my QB1 is on me, but in my defense I did not realize that the Cowboys WR corps would be playing without hands this season.

And now he’s thrown an INT. Great, just fucking great.

Redshirt

WR Andrei Iosivas is the Emergency QB. Browning is still healthy but there’s still two quarters yet.

Last edited 5 months ago by Redshirt
The Maestro

I think it is now fair to say that DHop is NAWT washed.

Gatoraids

old man Hop still has one hell of a play per game it seems

King Hippo

Best of times, BLURST of times for Chi**** there

LemonJello

Hope he’s back in the lineup (next week).

I want the Jags to win this game.

Last edited 5 months ago by LemonJello
Spur

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LemonJello

“ICE UP, SON!”

BugEyedBoo

Wanna hear something pathetic? That float commercial is starting to grow on me.

King Hippo

This is what Q-aron’s presence does to ppl.

LemonJello

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Gatoraids

me too

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Horatio Cornblower

We all float down here.

Brocky

It’s very clearly meant to be ridiculous and over the top. I don’t think the people going out of their way to shit on it are the target demographic.

It’s for simple minded people.

Like my mom.

Bless her heart

BugEyedBoo

For me, it’s because I like that Quad City DJ’s song.

Redshirt

Browning misfired. At least there the Reds.

OH MY GOD! (cries)

Horatio Cornblower

I see my thinking that Dallas would go 3-14 after the Parsons debacle may have been optimistic.

Spur

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Redshirt

Who turned my camera on?

King Hippo

VPI has also fired their coach as well. Will we get a 3rd today? Daboll, maybe??

The Maestro

Cam Ward has to be this year’s ROY, right? How many first-year NFLers come into the league with the 2006 Stanley Cup also under their belts?

fleshwound_NPG

hurricanes legends cam ward and cam ward

Redshirt

FLAGGAKE and Zebra Convention here in Cincy

Redshirt

“Illegal Shift, declined. Illegal Forward Pass, accepted. Defensive Pass Interference, ignored. Two-Man Sack Race, optional. Cincinnati #9, doubtful.”

Don T

Cam Ward is my shepherd, what a 2-minute drive

LemonJello

DonT, light another candle, your Magnificent Tits may have found them a QB.

King Hippo

spunky team, they could win 6 or 7 this year, no foolin’

Fronkenshteen

Burrow ded?

Spur

Does Cincy just save time and bury Burrow on the sideline?

Redshirt

Not a smart idea. With the chemicals in the Ohio River, it may result in a Pet Sematary situation.

LemonJello

Only mostly ded.

King Hippo

Dr. Hippo says he will be out this game, questionable next week, then fine.

Then again, I am 2 pills in.

Spur

and somehow Dallas is only down 3.

Spur

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!? 4 Flags – off setting

King Hippo

Ceedee Lamb just might have shit for brains.

LemonJello

HE MAY BE A DUMBASS, BUT HE’S MY GOTTDAMMED STAR OF A DUMBASS!!!! YEEEEeeeeeeeHHAAAWWwwwww I AM FUCKIN CRAZEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

King Hippo

ridiculous BLEERGH on the VEP

clint greasewood

Just saw a CBS show called DMV. I know its a running joke with CBS making a show about a government agency set in some random city but man this jumping the shark and beating it with a dead horse.

LemonJello

Metcalf is gattdammed beast!

STILLERS GANTA SUPERBOWL?

litre_cola

Are you on ayawasca?

Gatoraids

giants hiring people from that Powerslap show

Redshirt

(frantically looks up the Bengals Emergency QB for today’s game)

fleshwound_NPG

no caleb, arm punts are supposed to go even further than that

Don T

Bullshit flag, mind

Don T

TITANS SPECIAL TEAMS T—oh, flag 🤬

King Hippo

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, come on down!!

Redshirt

Burrow is walking well to the Locker Room. He wants to go back in but they won’t let him.

…and then he’s being helped. FML

Last edited 5 months ago by Redshirt
King Hippo

At least it looks like “low ankle” – I was initially thinking he popped his Achilles

Redshirt

…well, thanks, Hippo. Here I was thinking Ankle Sprain and then you had to throw that scenario in my face.

King Hippo

there’s no way they let him walk off the pitch if “field tests” indicated Achilles

Redshirt

Mike Brown paid for this Training Staff.

King Hippo

FARE point

LemonJello

What a reta-…uh, Very Special Play by Darnold!