Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

Let’s do this.

Fallout:

-Nick Bosa and Najee Harris are done for the year and Ceedee Lamb looks like he’s out of commission for two fortnights.

-Don’t mess with the Cleveland D. Cincy got all of 46 rushing yards against them, Baltimore 43 and yesterday the Pack got 81.

-The 0-3 teams in the league consist of the Jets, Fins, Giants, Texans, Titans and Saints. I can see, maybe, possibly Houston getting to the playoffs if their offensive firepower returns but all the others are dead in the water and now the jockeying for a high pick in the draft commences.

-Listen to what some clown wrote recently, “DC Eberflus is intimately aware of all of Williams’ flaws so the gameplan should be easy-peasy to construct”. (it was me) Easy to construct, easy to destroy. Yesterday for the first time in his career Caleb was not sacked. Jerrah’s “rifling through the bargain bin” approach to the hiring of coaches has paid dividends again.

To The Game!

Lions/Ravens:

-Look out Goff! The Ravens have a sack in 57 straight games which you might guess is the current best streak.

-Ah, But: Goff’s pass protection is remarkable to this point. They are third-best in fewest pressures allowed, third in time for QB to throw and 4th in time for pressure to arrive.

-Under Harbaugh the Ravens are a gaudy 22-3 in prime time games.

-Everyone yaks about LaPorta but tight end Brock Wright came up with three catches and a TD last week.

-Baltimore’s run game is phenomenal and yet Lamar’s average pass completion to date is 13.2 yards. The Lions pass D is bottom 10 in EPA. Uh, oh.

Let’s go!

 

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WCS

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Deity-like catch.

Horatio Cornblower

And there’s the n-word on national TV!

litre_cola

I think that’s acceptable now under the current administration, you can’t say Kirk was a fucking racist loser though.

WCS

Charlie Kirk’s service still going?

Last edited 7 months ago by WCS
Gumbygirl

Trickeration!

WCS

It’s this Yinzer’s Freitag, pouring rain outside, and two cities representing the decline of this country quite well on almost every screen at the PSAP.

How’s it going for you jabronis?

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jjfozz

Yes, the battle of the Somme was long, bloody, unnecesary and a stain on humanity. But me and Mrs. Fozz been throwing down for three days, and it’s almost as violent. Almost.

ArmedandHammered

Well the make up sex should be, well as forgettable as usual.

jjfozz

I laugh, cause it’s true

WCS

What’s more morale draining: a week-long fight with Mama Mrs. Fozz, or Verdun?

jjfozz

Well, Mrs. Fozz cause at least you could get killed at Verdun and finally have some peace and fucking quiet

jjfozz

If I could force feed Berman glass, rusty metal, and steel wool with a ton of hot sauce and have him shit it right into Colinworth’s mouth, that would be great.

ArmedandHammered

*Satan furiously scribbles…hot sauce…shit in mouth… got it thanks.

ArmedandHammered

Also, think about the amount of adrenaline they have to harvest from young kids to animate him weekly.

ArmedandHammered

Wow, AI is being used to solve all of humanity’s issues including picking the correct skin care products.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Wow, Dan Campbell makes me wanna run through a wall for him
Would trip and fall flat on me face long before I hit the wlal, but would have tried

WCS

It’s okay. You’d have broken every bone in your face when you collided with the wall, anyway.

ArmedandHammered

Have i missed anything important?

Gumbygirl

The Rupture. Guess none of us made the cut. We even had a Buddy sighting today!

ArmedandHammered

Not sure if I want to make the cut for the Rupture.

litre_cola

It was a typo and I stand by it.

Doktor Zymm

I think it’s an improvement

Gumbygirl

But all the cool kids will be there![Narrator: none of the cool kids will be there]

WCS

HAIL SHANK’LOR

Good try, anyway.

Redshirt

NFL Schedule HQ really dropped the ball on this one.

IMG_1975
fleshwound_NPG

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Unsurprised

The last ball dropped like that was over Hiroshima

Doktor Zymm

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I think the Bears franchise really started going downhill when National Parks banned bears from bumming smokes from tourists

fleshwound_NPG

now that tr*mp has abandoned parks the bears can sneak in and get their smokes

Senor Weaselo

They’re in the pic-a-nic baskets!

Horatio Cornblower

That’s not the wallet inspector!

Gumbygirl

Is today your birfday, Zymmiegirl? I know it’s coming up

Doktor Zymm

It is! I had ice cream for lunch!

Gumbygirl

Happiest birthday! Mine’s on Friday, hello Medicare!

1000006459
Doktor Zymm

Woo September Bdays!

ArmedandHammered

Happy Birthday!

Unsurprised

Damn it. I’m missing something good, aren’t I?

litre_cola

Been quite entertaining.

fleshwound_NPG

BLEERGH HAS NO IDEA WHAT A FORWARD PASS IS, PART 2.0

Redshirt

Aaron Rodgers is gonna win the AFC North, isn’t he?

WCS

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King Hippo

#ThePauls

fleshwound_NPG

cant see yinzburgh’s typical 9-8 bullshittery making it interesting, but john harbaugh gotta get fired eventually

King Hippo

now you just goddamned RUN TEH BALL, Fuck LioUns

Horatio Cornblower

No, you throw the goddamn ball to Jameson Williams.

King Hippo

BASTARD MAN!!!!!

fleshwound_NPG

man, january came early for baltimore

WCS

Holy poop on a stick, Ratbirds.

Hahhahahahhahhahahahha

Horatio Cornblower

That was some epic dipshittery at the goal line.

Unsurprised

I cannot stand casual and petty criminal, antisocial, and greedy behavior. The more petty and causal, the more you can tell about what a shit individual you are trying to damn to Hell.

fleshwound_NPG

lions/ravens would be a great super bowl

(we are probably getting eagles/chiefs again, somehow)

litre_cola

RAMMIT BILLS IMO

Unsurprised

Lions/Bills last year. Or two years ago. Time has become a blur.

litre_cola

Guys, the rupture is coming tomorrow. A south African pastor said so so I thought that you should know.

Jimbo

Rupture? I hope it’s Trump’s artery

Last edited 7 months ago by Jimbo
fleshwound_NPG

had taco bell tonight so the rupture is gonna happen far sooner than that

Horatio Cornblower

I hope it does. Lose all those born-agains and let the rest of us alone.

Doktor Zymm

It’s already tomorrow in South Africa so I guess it already happened, shame all those assholes are still here

Gumbygirl

He said it would take two days, I guess he was accounting for all the time zones.

fleshwound_NPG

fucking meastly drive

Horatio Cornblower

Detroit, on the other hand, is giving them up like a common harlot.

litre_cola

A lady of the night?

Unsurprised

They are clever birds

Doktor Zymm

THIS GAME I CALL IT THE ASSASSINATION OF HARVEY MILK BECAUSE IT’S A MURDER VS PRIDE

Horatio Cornblower

That’s outstanding work

fleshwound_NPG

almost forgot, this year will mark the 30th anniversary of the browns moving to baltimore and fans going apeshit

(best use of Ministry on youtube)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M76i5FYbvM

Unsurprised

More games should just have this song playing over them instead of commentary

Horatio Cornblower

No matter how much urine is on Art Modell’s grave it’s not enough.

This also applies to Robert Irsay.

Unsurprised

Literally every owner deserves this treatment

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

To motivate his team this week Dan Campbell let loose a bunch of ravens in a lion cage as a metaphor for what he hopes will happen tonight.

Jared Goff described it as “if the Colosseum was at the Audubon Society.”

Unsurprised

That makes Henry as if the ravens dropped an actual tractor on the lions.

Last edited 7 months ago by Unsurprised
Gumbygirl

Imagine what it would be if Stabby Ray was still playing!

Unsurprised

Even

LemonJello

Steven A Smith shilling for ESPNBet ensures that I will never use their services.

fleshwound_NPG

BLEERGH cannot identify a forward fucking pass

holy fucking shit

Brocky

Stupid Sexy St. Brown

fleshwound_NPG

5:40 left in the 1st and already this shits all over chefs/gints last night

SonOfSpam

“ja ist gut”

Horatio Cornblower

I needed that Henry TD in a big way, and then the flag came out, and then the flag turned out to be on the defense, and if you’ll excuse me I’mma step out and buy me a mess of lottery tickets.

Unsurprised

https://doorfliesopen.com/2025/09/22/instant-hippo-thoughts-week-3-2025-season/#comment-1252711

Indeed. All we make anymore are financial crimes and sex crimes.

LemonJello

Can Joe Buck swallow his tongue while on-air?

litre_cola

I prefer him to Aikman.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t mind Buck and Aikman, but you can definitely tell that Aikman’s concussions are catching up with him. Shades of Phil Simms towards the end.

BC Dick

Give me the PA guy over any team of jabber jockies

Unsurprised

Gimme five random drunk assholes over any TV team

Gumbygirl

Mannings are on

litre_cola

Not in your hat.

Gumbygirl

It’s ON in yer pants, baybee!

Unsurprised

Not in my eastern stream.

Doktor Zymm

In a tribute to Charlie Kirk, let’s hope this game is as offensive as possible!

fleshwound_NPG

charlie kirk: i would never be caught dead in black cities like detroit and baltmore

god: ok, deal.

Horatio Cornblower

Satan: Somehow this is going to become my problem.

Unsurprised

God gives His toughest battles to His toughest solders.

Unsurprised

I like both teams. I hate when they make stupid mistakes.

I am going to inevitably miss 90% of this game somehow.

litre_cola

The only damn thing I didn’t want to happen was a Gibbs td. Now Henry will break his fibula.

Brocky

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Redshirt

Why? It worked wonders for us. Join us. Join us. In. HELL!!!!!

Unsurprised

.

maybe
litre_cola

Well we have that going for us Brocky!

fleshwound_NPG

first day of autumn looking like the first day of january for baltimore

Redshirt

(phone beeps)
Notification: Lions-Ravens has started. You now have 14 bets that are now live.

Me: “Stupid slow ass day.”

King Hippo

guhhhhhhh, I am fucked all the way to fuck and back again

fleshwound_NPG

gwar can never die

gwar
WCS
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

yEAh bUt hE sAId to Do IT geNtLy so It DOesN’T coUNt

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Given his diet, “bloody disembowelment” is probably more representative of a typical trip to the bathroom for him than anything more nefarious.

Horatio Cornblower

GWAR does this to everyone. They did it to Biden as well. They would be showing political bias if they didn’t do it to Trump.

Unsurprised

Stop making sense

litre_cola

I hope that this is a good game after last nights wet fart.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

bloody disembowelment…wet fart…man, Freud would have a field day with this thread.

fleshwound_NPG

anthem singer aiiightcomment image

King Hippo

probably misses her old glasses

Brocky

So in tonight’s fantasy woes I have this:

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I need a combined 17 points from my first two picks (derrick henry & amon st. Brown)

Will brocky prevail? Will something else happen? Find out on tonight’s episode of BrockyBall Z!

Brocky

BrockyBall Z sounds like a wrestling stable consisting of Balls, myself and Dok

Horatio Cornblower

I also need solid games from Henry and a Detroit WR, but in my case it’s Jameson.

WCS

https://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/46347869/sharks-correcting-banner-bad-information

San Jose needs to hire the Clots’ crack banner team to address this.

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King Hippo

I’d love to see someone hang “NFL PARTICIPANT”

Horatio Cornblower

My money’s on the ‘Aints

WCS

Falcons fired receivers coach Ike Hilliard to boost their offensive issues.

https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/46350090/falcons-fire-wr-coach-ike-hilliard-offensive-struggles

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litre_cola

So he is the reason that Kyle Pitts hasn’t blossomed. ITS PITTS SZN BABY!

King Hippo

My big/only decision in Maths Is Hard was Mooney v. Pitts for my 2nd Flex (Drake London and the now-useless Justin Jefferson are my lead WR, Oduzne my WR3/Flex1).

Mooney was 5/44, Pitts was 5/39, so my agonizing netted me 0.5 pts. Now, I have to fade the fuck out of Jameson Williams. As long as he doesn’t score, will likely survive.

Gumbygirl

I’m down by 40 points, but good news! I have Detroit’s D. Thanks, autodraft!

litre_cola

Kelce couldn’t get me a measly 1.5 pts last night. Sharkbait celebrates.

WCS

It’s been “raining” most of the day here. If you’re not awares, it’s when water falls out of the sky, sometimes heavily! Supposedly, it’s good for like, plants, and stuff. I don’t know; it hasn’t happened here for so long, it’s more mythical legend than documented event.

I wonder if this “rain” will impact others, especially those driving? I’ll find out later. STAY TUNED DEAR, DOF’er!

King Hippo

Don’t tell me you fell for the ZIONIST LIE that rain is real???

Doktor Zymm

Where do BIRDS go when it RAINS in WYOMING?@?@?!!

King Hippo

meanwhile I accumulated like 7 $1-$3 backup RBs at auction, and not one has seen opportunity’s call

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