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22 Nov 2025 JV NFL Night Thread

King Hippo

/

,

We will miss these JV NFL nights when they are gone.  Keep that in mind and STAY AWAKE!!

And while you are contemplative, do commemorate the 13th anniversary of Most GlorioUs Butt Fumble in whatever fashion your faith allows.  h/t Rikki for the prescient reminder!  And think of all the NEW butt-related shenanigans the Sanchize can discover in his future….uh, resort getaway time.

JV Yinzburgh (+2.5) at Georgia Tech (7:00, ESPN)

Tech needs this to make the ACC title game (a week after they get mauled by UGA), but as their loss to NC State and inexplicable near-loss to BC show – they just really ain’t that good.  Haines King wills them to win, but at some point you reckon he gets borken.

Tennessee (-4.5) at Florida Men (7:30, ABC)

Remember when this game mattered?  Pepperidge Farm stares blankly into the distance.

Golden Shower Bears (+10.5) at JV HODOR! (7:30, ACCN)

Your classic ACC matchup, amirite??  Still, who can EVAR get tired of the band is ON THE FIELD!

Original Recipe Big Love (-2.5) at JV WKRP (8:00, Fox)

Typical Big Twalve Chaos fixture.  Enjoy the ride.

Arizona State (-7.5) at Colorado (8:00, ESPN2)

Sparky has lots of dramatics (surrounding injured QB Leavitt supposedly…leavin’ it), and the Fightin’ Deions need no introduction on that front.  Hey, gotta watch sommet.

Washington (-10.5) at Westwood Klavern (10:30, NBC)

Shameless pandering for Hippo’s favoUrite banner pic?  BOW DOWN!!!!

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WCS

Just had a man

A.) admit he’s drunk,
B.) said he’s called five or six times already
C.) won’t give an address where he is “I dunno. Where am I? Isn’t that your job?”
D.) is going to sue the city of Pittsburgh for not giving him a ride home
E.) told me to kill myself

The public.

3
blaxabbath

Why don’t you just know where he is?

3
Doktor Zymm

Did he mention paying taxes?

3
Doktor Zymm

A small part of me that loves CHAOS kinda wishes the shutdown was still on because this would be epically chaotic

0
Doktor Zymm

I’m 5th on the upgrade list with 1 seat open but it’s 2 couple ahead of me so there is a tiny, tiny chance that they can’t bear to be seperated for a few hours and will turn down the upgrades. Here’s hoping for irrational togetherness!

2
Doktor Zymm

Looks like one of them did take the upgrade, BUT it looks like it was the person next to me, so it’ll be kinda like ghetto first back here in row 8!

3
WCS

Random song that refuses to get out of my brain for last 48 hours:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOIQzgntbAg

I’m not complaining; this track kicks ass. Talking Heads kick all the ass.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Tickets obtained, will be in NYC, (well, maybe: going with friends who are going to drive in a Tesla with an autopilot, so 50-50 I burn to death in fucking goddamn Danbury, CT) and I cannot wait.

Any DFOer’s in NYC area want to come down I will buy you a drink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rz4I69mQMo

Also I may have jury selection the next day, which is going to be something else.

4
BrettFavresColonoscopy

When?

0
Horatio Cornblower

12/1. It’s a Monday.

Gramercy Theater.

0
Senor Weaselo

If it’s a Sunday, I’m probably working.

Granted, if it’s a day that ends in Y I’m probably working, but some sort of guideline date would be appreciated.

2
Horatio Cornblower

See above.

0
Bogdanski

Anyone else getting this ridiculous part of the streaming wars: suddenly NBC isn’t available on Fubo. We have Fubo, prime, and disney/hulu/espn. Are they gonna get this nbc shit figured out? I know there was espn shennanigans recently that were supposedly figured out. What’s youtube tv all got? This all really seems like an overall downgrade from cable. Enshitification at its finest

3
Doktor Zymm

This one at least has been Inevitable, there have been issues from the start and it’s just gotten more and more fractured without, somehow, providing good value for the consumer through competition

0
Bogdanski

Yeah, once peacock started i was surprised we still got anything nbc

0
Doktor Zymm

Couldn’t get a cheap, direct, award flight for tonight at last minute so I have a layover in Indianapolis at 6 am. I guess the Colts will already be in KC, but bet I’ll spot some jerseys

3
WCS

Safe travels.

3
Doktor Zymm

Thanks, we are already in the thick of Thanksgiving travel, tons of college kids, families, and other amateurs

2
Mr. Ayo

BOW DOWN!!!

0
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKqHdu6-De4

1
litre_cola

Las Vegas GP > Monaco due to the tire changes etc.

2
Mr. Ayo

True. But this year’s race is also pretty boring so far.

0
litre_cola

When is the Stripper Break sponsored by Draft Kings?

4
Col. Duke LaCross

Won at the start when Norris overcooked turn 1

3
WCS

IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED

20 months at 9-1-1, and I finally have a call for a literal dumpster fire!

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I can’t say I was specifically waiting for this to happen, but it has crossed me mind a few times. Now, I need a call for a burning couch after WVU wins a noteworthy contest and/or celebrating Pitt losing a noteworthy contest.

Mark it off the BINGO card!

9
Redshirt

.

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1
WCS

Mac expanding his invention ideas?

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2
Doktor Zymm

Any autoerotic asphyxiation yet?

0
litre_cola

No, but so many hammock injuries.

2
Bogdanski

Just stay out of the hammock district and you’ll be good

2
Doktor Zymm

I broke one of my really nice wine glasses today in a hammock accident!

3
Sharkbait

Speaking as one, goalies are weird.

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8
Horatio Cornblower

That’s my usual closing argument.

Surprisingly effective.

2
Gumbygirl

.

1000008460
3
Horatio Cornblower

OK, one episode down and 60% of the folks I thought would be main characters have been ripped to shreds.

To the show runners:

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1
SonOfSpam

There have been several times where I’ve said aloud, “Well, that’s fucked up.”

0
Horatio Cornblower

We watched 2 episodes. Mrs. Horatio has gone to bed, but is intrigued enough that I’m putting the next two episodes off until she can watch.

I can see where they’re going with all of the prior stories that King described in the book. Sort of sucks that you know these kids are 20 years too early to get anything done, (uh, spoiler alert to anyone who hasn’t read the books: everyone in this series is fucked), but I can see the bones of a good show.

Literally.

0
SonOfSpam

Nice of the fella from The Shining to make an appearance before the unpleasantness at the hotel.

2
Redshirt

JV Cincy’s kicker is 0 for 3. That’s so terrible its impressive.

1
King Hippo

Whu isn’t there a University of Satan? And what would their TV ratings look like?

1
SonOfSpam

University of
Satan,
California

What did you think it stood for?

5
litre_cola

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7
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Liberty exists

4
Horatio Cornblower

Well, for another 2-3 years anyway.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio and I just started watching “It: Welcome to Derry”

We’re 15 minutes in and laughing our asses off. Not sure that’s what they were going for.

6
herodotus450

I once knew a man from Derry

1
Horatio Cornblower

Whose semen tasted of berry
Said his wife with a grin
As she wiped off her chin
If I market this right we can get the hell out of Derry

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…and they did!

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2
SonOfSpam

We’re caught up, and (braces for ridicule) I’m enjoying it.

0
Horatio Cornblower

No ridicule, they have me hooked. Not sure about Mrs. Horatio.

0
yeah right

I’ve got 2 more episodes of Penguin before I start.

Penguin has been really good so far.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Penguin was very good. Cristina Millotti (sp?) was fantastic.

0
Redshirt

SHAN’KLOR went back to school!

1
King Hippo

Trying to assess:

Already In (even if lose next week or title game):

tOSU
Indiana
Oregon
Bonfire Cult
Georgia
Johnny Reb
Texas Tech

In with minimal pre-requisites:

Roll Damn Tide (if beat Auburn)
Steerfuckers North (if beat LSU)
Notre Dame (if beat Stanford)

Since the ACC champ and a G5 will get in, not much drama unless a massive surprise. And if Guns Up!! lose the Twalve title game? Dunno who gets shafted. Should be ND, but won’t be. So hope Texas Tech wins out.

0
Horatio Cornblower

The lack of UConn respect is noticeable.

And deserved.

0
King Hippo

ND was too chickenshit to schedule the ONLY OTHER indy team, so I say you should have their bid.

1
Horatio Cornblower

UConn has never lost to Notre Dame, and that’s a fact.

1-0 all time, baby

3
Gumbygirl

So the guy that got all stabby at UAB today is a transfer from Kenfucky. They played the game- it was Senior Day, so I guess they felt like they had to- and got their shit totally pushed in. Fun!

3
Redshirt

“Um, maître’d? I’ve ordered the Bearcats, not the Bengals.”

2
King Hippo

I really think Original Recipe Big Love puts some weird Mormon voodoo on opponents. Just continual dick-stepping.

1
Redshirt

Maybe Cincinnati was built on a Native American Burial Ground.

2
BugEyedBoo

UC was built by MC Escher. Everything is uphill.

0
King Hippo

Ghoul Ron Rivera doesn’t have the same sideline #BigHODOR! energy.

0
litre_cola

Took a cooking course in Mexico last week with BC Dick. I just recreated the birria stew we made. I have never made it better, money well spent on the course. Guy toured a locals market with us, brought us back to his pad, we helped him cook, his wife made tortillas, brilliant experience.

9
BC Dick

That will pay us back many times over. Highlight of the trip. Along with deci eating crickets from a street cart.

8
litre_cola

Not afraid, wanted to impress the clearly lesbian tour guide that day. Gaydar still developing in the boy.

3
Gumbygirl

Did he wash them down with tequila?

0
litre_cola

I bought him a super azucar fanta after his cabeza tacos. He housed both of those too.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Coach Prime on the sideline wearing headphones over his sweatshirt, which is over his head and blocking his ears.

Can’t imagine why that team is 3-7.

0
WCS

WVU really hasn’t had a conference rival since we moved to the neighborhood. COACH PRIME solved that real quick, so I have to give him credit for that, at least.

0
Doktor Zymm

I would totally buy a hoodie with soundproofing

0
Col. Duke LaCross

The Utes are the JV Football Chicago Bears

0
WCS

You don’t know if they’re good or not?

2
King Hippo

The mother was sucking the son?

0
King Hippo

I just realized I only had 2 unit of caffeine this am, so I’mma make #NightCoffee so I don’t get withdrawal headaches.

Fuck you, YOU have a problem.

3
Redshirt

My friends thought I’d gone mad for having coffee at 7 PM and swore I’d never get sleep. I was the first one asleep and I slept like a baby.

2
WCS

/just finished his third cup…

1
Horatio Cornblower

In news relevant to none of us, Yale upset Harvard 48-25, ruining the latter’s undefeated season and shitting all over Preston’s plan to propose to Muffy at the Club victory dinner afterwards.

Muffy shan’t be pleased.

6
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hope this doesn’t send her running into the arms of Biff.

6
WCS

The Brothers Garrett are rather cross at this unfortunate development.

2
SonOfSpam

I think most Harvard alums are too worried about the imminent Epstein Files release to worry about a stupid football game.

3
blaxabbath

Muffy needs another secret abortion first.

0
King Hippo

GT was apparently inspired by SillyCuse’s “effort” earlier today.

0
BC Dick

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/newfoundland-labrador/memorial-university-medical-school-application-military-family-9.6986630

I thought the question was do you want a sex doll as a doctor but now I just thought maybe it’s do you want a sex doll with a Newfoundland accent. As a doctor or otherwise.

4
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I was single I would totally bone my doctor. Perhaps she sensed this, which would explain why she included a “chaperone” during the naked part of my last physical.

2
BC Dick

My gorgeous respirologist (sp?) sent me back to my male family doctor from when I was a child just for him to palm my balls and tell me I didn’t have testicular cancer.
She was right to do that.

2
SonOfSpam

Big dopey dogs have accents?

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5
Mr. Ayo

Arf, eh?

3
Horatio Cornblower

Sourry I crushed your pelvis when I jumped on your lap, eh?

/Newfies are awesome

3
SonOfSpam

They are. I miss our big idiot Max. He was only like 3/4 Newfie, which meant he topped out at a measly 125 lbs.

1
BC Dick

Eh, b’ye. Stay where you’re to, I’ll come where you’re at.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Fightin’ Horatios prevail over FAU, 48-45, in a game they led 24-3 after the first quarter.

9-3, but I’m thinking not particularly involved in the play-off seeding discussion.

2
King Hippo

Horatio has promised a lengthy, AI-free recap of UConn’s berzerker win over mighty FAU. So STAY TUNED for that!!

Last edited 5 months ago by King Hippo
0
Horatio Cornblower

UConn got out to a big lead early, then proceeded to step on their dicks for the next three quarters before prevailing late.

The End.

2
King Hippo

It’s awe-inspiring that we get such Hemingway-ish prose FOAR FREE!!

1
scotchnaut

Near Death In The Afternoon was the title of that book.

2
WCS

Utah scored a touchdown, intercepted K-State three plays later.

51-47, 42 seconds left.

0
WCS

Final

1
scotchnaut

You want to watch sports, she wants a Hallmark movie. There is middle ground-

love
1
WCS

Hallmark movies are the only way the Bills will ever win a Superb Owl.

5
Horatio Cornblower

They probably won’t win that one either, instead realizing that the true victory is giving it all away to start a Xmas tree farm in Vermont with a manic pixie dream girl.

3
BC Dick

I want the hallmark movie where mark sanchez falls in love with the senior citizen with stab wounds in the hospital bed next to him.

It will be the first one with full penetration.

4
WCS

It will be the first one with full penetration.

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Do they show it? All of it?

Last edited 5 months ago by WCS
1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I still think my Christmas Twin Switch idea has potential.

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

If he doesn’t die of alcohol poisoning I won’t accept it as realistic.

1
WCS

We’re well beyond bananacakes in Salt Lake. Kansas State up, 47-44, on Utah. 2:37 left, Utes about to get the ball back, no timeouts left.

1
King Hippo

And that’s even without commentary on Coach Wittingham’s bizarre sweatshirt.

0
Redshirt

Any chance they can score a 21-point TD; like in NBA Jam?

1
scotchnaut

Would beyond bananacakes be…Bologna Salad?

1
WCS

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3
Horatio Cornblower

Dante originally had Ten Circles of Hell, but his editor told him not even Satan would make people do headstands in bologna salad.

2
Mr. Ayo

The Utes won? WTH?

1
blaxabbath

CATS on a roll ready to visit Kyle Rittenhouse State next week.

0
King Hippo

FAT DOG FOAR MIDTERMS!!!!!

2
King Hippo

And the Troi Bois somos el finito

1
Redshirt

Nippert can be surprisingly loud. If UC can get ahead and get the crowd into it, then chaos mode initiated.

0
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