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Stupid Texas and Non-#BFIB Missouri – FITBAW Thanksgiving 2025 2.0

King Hippo

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Stupid Chefs (+3) at Even Stupider Non-Gendered Cowpersons (4:30, CBS)

I hate this matchup MOAR than I hate various Xmas Tree (and/or Hannukah Bush) machinations.  Would a Most GlorioUs Draw save the day?  MAYBE!

This is really a resurrection follow-up for both, as the Humps (at KC) and Iggles (at DAL) had each ded and buried last week.  Completely let off the hook, and now we have to pretend that these two mediocre mediocrities actually matter this season.

Dallas has gone all-in on run game prevention as a strategem, which is really fucking stupid.   Ol’ ham head has excellent receivers and the ability to bail his front office out of gaol.  Kermit is (yes, cover your ears Romo) much less dangerous than Dak! at this point in time, as the foundations of their stupid empire have started to crumble into dust.

I plan to not watch this monkeyshit, but push me for a predicion, and I will go with the best coach (Spags, KC’s defensive honcho).

At least these sides had the decency to maintain the same betting line as the opener.  Saved Hippo some heavy typo potential.  But fuck ’em anyway.

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Unsurprised

KC loses. Happy enough Thanksgiving.

I can still wish for DFW to be hit by a meteor for Christmas

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
0
Horatio Cornblower

Well the Not As Quite Bad As The Other Guys won.

2
King Hippo

Cowpersons the world over, may your undefined genital areas tingle with glee!

1
Gatoraids

to whichever team wins and helps knocks the other out of the playoffs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWhO6il_7OE

1
litre_cola

Hollywood is still alive

0
Horatio Cornblower

Much as I hate the Chiefs that was an amazing escape by Mahomes.

And it cost Redshirt $3.22.

3
Redshirt

Actually, I won, and I already threw the winnings to Bengals-Ravens.

I have a problem.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“Eberflus knows this game is not over yet.”

Does he? Are we sure?

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Looks like the Chief’s “Shield Assist” subscription has run out

4
King Hippo

Now what I want is for all today’s fixtures to end with the same scoreline.

2
litre_cola

Credit where credit is due. Turpin was amazing there.

2
litre_cola

Cowboys are going to win the NFC East. Write this down.

1
Horatio Cornblower

OK, but I’m using a pencil.

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

*crayon

3
Mr. Ayo

I’m not to find a piece of paper and pen and “write” this down. But I will bookmark it, and add a calendar reminder.

3
Horatio Cornblower

This Inexplicable Drop is brought to you by FanDuel! FanDuel, explaining the inexplicable ever since gambling was legalized!

8
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

If you’re coaching in the NFL and have not read the rule book cover to cover multiple times, you deserve all the dumb shit that happens to you and team. Also all, the ridicule from fans and talking headheads

5
Gatoraids

or least hire a team Parliamentarian

1
Redshirt

Kickoff Flaggake.

1
Redshirt

Good news! I need 31 passing yards from Mahomes to win $21.74. Expect a career altering injury in the ensuing drive.

4
Horatio Cornblower

I’ll pay you $25 for it not to happen

2
Redshirt

Twenty-five. I have twenty-five dollars American.

Do I have $30?

0
Horatio Cornblower

I think Revanchist is our only Chiefs fan.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Just like they drew it up.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Dallas within the 5-yard line does some stunningly stupid things.

2
Unsurprised

That’s a great hurdle

0
Horatio Cornblower

I thought he was going to pull it off completely for a second

1
Redshirt

Make up call!

0
Gatoraids

ready for it

comment image

1
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Isn’t that Bricks bat signal?

1
litre_cola

Wife gets home, tis her birthday tomorrow, I am a bottle of wine deep. “I didn’t plan dinner, but I bought you wine babe.”

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Happy birthday Mrs Cola

2
Redshirt

If I was the Chiefs, I would’ve worn my Dallas Texans helmet logos. To both mock Dallas for forcing a championship team away and to remind them that no matter how good they think they are, they aren’t good enough to deserve or support two franchises, like LA and New York.

2
Horatio Cornblower

If I was the Chiefs I wouldn’t hire a succession of people who beat women and/or commit vehicular assault, but then if we did that, the NFL would cease to exist.

2
Redshirt

Commentator: “And with the Cowboys facing a 4th & 3, they will attempt a field goal.”
Dan Campbell: “We can do that?!”

2
Gatoraids

Campbell got to be hated at blackjack tables

3
Unsurprised

”That’s the joker, sir.”

1
Redshirt

Campbell splits 10s against a Dealer’s 6 while sitting at Third Base.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I don’t play blackjack, and the reason I don’t play blackjack is that I have no idea if that is good or bad.

(Although I’m pretty sure I’d never split a 20)

0
BugEyedBoo

.

e84a9856e339f30530e63934330ad98235ed167bc8887cde702c8106b4c6eb1b
2
Horatio Cornblower

comment image?ixlib=js-2.3.2&ar=16%3A9

4
BugEyedBoo

Well, heck.

1
Horatio Cornblower

It was funny enough to be posted twice.

1
Gumbygirl

Terry’s friend probably had it coming. I am so fucking stuffed, it’s kind of gross.

2
Redshirt

I don’t have Paramount+. Can I have a game update?

0
Mr. Ayo

Chefs are not covering the spread

0
Mr. Ayo

And the Fightin’ Canned Hams are.

0
litre_cola

Close game, Andy Reid was a bad father.

3
Horatio Cornblower

It’s on CBS.

0
Redshirt

DAMN IT! Now I have to watch it! Thanks, Horatio!

2
litre_cola

Hey Jeeeeeem 22 of 26 is not an absurdly good 3rd and 1 stat you bellend.

1
Beerguyrob

Teaching on Thursdays sucks when you know there’s football afoot but the Board blocks TSN’s feed so the “students” can’t watch.

5
Unsurprised

Cast to a stream in the east? Sporty surge?

1
Beerguyrob

VPN’s bring up the Ministry’s red screen of death.

It’s almost like you want me to get caught.

0
Unsurprised

Oh, shit fuck. In the offseason I’ll have to get the clubhouse its own vpn.

0
litre_cola

Karl Malone has changed. Almost like a Sammy Sosa type deal.

0
King Hippo

Forgets to speak English when it’s convenient?

4
Gatoraids

hands smelling like piss?

1
litre_cola

That was Moises Alou, and Jr.

1
Unsurprised

I don’t remember Sammy knocking up children

1
jjfozz

Dinner was not bad.

One uncle was thankful that the Lord is here with us. I refreained from saying, “Wait, where in FUCK did he go?”

I’ve had 5 bourbons, multiple beers. That smoker completely left me down and if it had balls, I kick it squarely in its balls.

THank you all for riding along with me on this journey. I gotta go drink more.

9
herodotus450

Are you sure he didn’t say “the Lard” and you misheard?

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s drinkin’ time. I’ll see you folks on the other side.

1
Senor Weaselo

Madre Weaselo brought za’atar, for, reasons. I have annexed it for my potatoes as an alternative to Carolina Reaper powder.

This is a fair trade.

2
Gatoraids

bought some of that and ras el hanout a couple months ago when thought a healthy mediterranean diet meant just having the spices around the house, really that I need to start working into recipes

2
Gumbygirl

They both smell really good.

0
jjfozz

Way to fucking go, Terry. You ruineds hit for all of us, go drown yourself.

3
litre_cola

Holy Fuck, I must’ve killed a lot of people.

3
Horatio Cornblower

At least they picked it up, but the fact that they someone actually threw a flag on that (perfectly legal) hit on Mahomes is why people hate Mahomes.

3
scotchnaut

I was told this had the potential to be the most-watched game in regular season history. What?

1
Horatio Cornblower

If by “watched” you mean, “sort of kept on in the background while people recovering from the initial gorging” then sure, I could see it.

2
Unsurprised

I’m sure that’s exactly what they meant

0
Horatio Cornblower

Look at that sunlight streaming right into the Dallas WR’s eyes as they look back for the ball.

Fuck you, Jerry Jones.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Wow, looks like the Dallas defense isn’t quite as effective when playing a team not named the Raiders.

1
Doktor Zymm

I will try not to drop my monocle in shock at this development

3
litre_cola

Or Fucking Kevin Patullo

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [takes out phone, begins calling various family members to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving]

PENNY DEADLY: [vomits all over carpet]

DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [fires up carpet cleaner, which sounds pretty much identical to a vacuum cleaner]

I swear to God, it’s like they’re in cahoots or something.

Last edited 4 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
8
SonOfSpam

Oh they are.

3
litre_cola

Fuck you and your burnt toast Jim Nantz

4
Unsurprised

Shame he wasn’t smelling it because he was having a stroke.

1
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Eli Drinkwitz sounds like a Manischewitz mascot that never made it out of brainstorming

6
yeah right

Our ride will be here shortly then it’s off to eldest right’s for dinner, drinks and frivolity.

I’m really looking forward to this. Probably should start drinking now in self defense.

6
SonOfSpam

Only sure way to be safe.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

The banner image makes me reflect that men are quite weird and dumb in that we find cartoons attractive.

6
Doktor Zymm

As Japan discovered when they tried to ban porn and hentai was born

5
King Hippo

Truly, it’s best not to think about it too hard. None of us really want to know/understand our subconscious minds.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

The ham has gone bad…

0
Doktor Zymm

Someone dial 1-800-METEORI(ext TE)

1
Mr. Ayo

Hello friends.

WELLLLLLL JIMMMM, I DON’T KNOW ABOUT THAT!

1
litre_cola

Tom Brady is better than Romo as a coloUr commentator.

0
Brocky

So, tom brady is better than romo at literally EVERYTHING?

1
SonOfSpam

Let’s not say things we can’t take back.

1
NotShogunButShogun

That bar is so low you trip over it in hell

4
King Hippo

Legitimately, he’s fine. Bang average. There are times when I forget that he’s even famous, his voice/style isn’t exactly distinctive.

I still hate him as a person, mind.

0
BC Dick

Disagree. Tom is full of nothingness. “They love to see him running out in space”. No shit. Like they’d prefer him surrounded by defenders.

0
litre_cola

I hope Travis Kelce gets 4 tds and only on your tv he shows you his taint.

2
Horatio Cornblower

My trade of Jameson Williams and Derrick Henry for Saquon Barkley and Mike Evans:

comment image

3
litre_cola

Seems good to me!

2
ballsofsteelandfury

Were you high?

0
litre_cola

I was when I accepted. Being high helps.

4
Horatio Cornblower

At the time Williams was pretty much MIA from the Lions offense, Derrick Henry was a basket case after three straight games with awful fumbles, and Mike Evans wasn’t dead yet.

It actually paid off pretty well for me initially. Not lately though.

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