East Meets West: Your Monday Night Special

This year just keeps getting better and better-as Hippo(?) noted we have the Chiefs finally getting their comeuppance, Belichick taking a weekly bath in humiliation and Notre Dame getting hung out to dry. (those teary-eyed Irish-backers making excuses left and right for the team not going to a lesser bowl is a source of great amusement) I’d add that the semi-unforeseen relevance of the Broncos, Texans, Bears, Seahawks and Panteros has made me watch games that I would have snubbed just last year. Can things get any more entertaining??

Flotsam and Jetsam:

-Brother, Can You Spare A…: Dimes is done for the year as was foretold by many a Giants fan. There’s a direct correlation between him playing well and him getting injured. It’s just the way it is with the guy. I’ll give you that the usual cracks were starting to show but the Colts would be nowhere near .500 without his play. Another thought: What a freaking gamble the team took by giving him the reins given the other options were Richardson and Riley Leonard-that was a disaster of epic proportions waiting to happen.

-Hasty Decisions R Us: That’s the Browns. They’ve announced that Shadeur is the starting QB for the rest of the year after 1 1/2 good games. There’s no way this is going to backfire on them and they’ll have to, “get a better look at Gabriel” in the next little bit because the o-line is the o-line.

-The AFC North is such a dumb mess that the Steelers win increased their chances of making the playoffs from 32% to 68%. (Hehe, the Chiefs loss caused them to plummet all the way down to 14% but that doesn’t factor in The Referee Variable (invented by yours truly) which will likely lift their chances over 30%.

-Myles Garrett gets all the flowers for his sacking ability but the team record of 72 (held by the ’84 Bears) is under assault by the Broncos. One would think that there’d be one guy in the mid-teens leading the charge but Bonnito Flakes (add it to broth to give it an extra umami kick) only has 12.5. The sacks are coming from everywhere.

To The Game!

Eagles/Chargers:

-Does anyone think that the Philly run game is going to solve itself this far into the season? I thought it would be a done deal by now but it just is what it is and if they somehow pile up a 280 yard offering it’s just going to be an outlier. Funny that all the pieces are still in place though…

-Do these guys play often?. Nope. The all-time series is 8-5 in favor of the Chargers.

-Herbert is expected to play. He is a tough mother and I guess he rubbed some powdered femur bones on that non-throwing hand.

-Also playing tonight is rook rb Omarion Hampton who was just activated from the IR a few hours ago.

-That Eagles defense has a great reputation but has only racked up 24 sacks so far. And now Jalen Carter is gone.

Give me the good stuff.

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Col. Duke LaCross

The Eagles know they’re wearing all-white, and the Chargers know they’re wearing all-blue, right?

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

SHAN”K’A’ ” ” ” ‘LOR

Last edited 4 months ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
SonOfSpam

Anything you can derp I can derp better
I can derp anything better than you

Doktor Zymm

I’m just gonna pull this out since it seems like we’re gonna need it a lot for this game
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZnHmskwqCCQ

NotShogunButShogun

Derp going for employee of the month!

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Benny Hill at least had a plan

Doktor Zymm

With the general ethics of NFL medical teams I bet Mrs. Rivers could have bribed someone to give Phil a vasectomy along with his knee surgery

Horatio Cornblower

/RTD shudders

Horatio Cornblower

This reply belonged to the reference to a Vacuum League, not here, but the page jumped.

The author regrets the error.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I had a vasectomy fifteen years ago; no regrets.

Horatio Cornblower

Same, except 25ish years ago.

NotShogunButShogun

I see cromulence has the night off.
Nice of derp to pick up the shift.

Last edited 4 months ago by NotShogunButShogun
Mr. Ayo

A game of hot potato has broken out!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[arrives huffing and puffing with a tub of sour cream in his hands] – Coach Reid

King Hippo

Rikki sacrificing that goat really paid off in spades.

SonOfSpam

Upon reflection, coating the footballs in Astroglide may have been a mistake.

litre_cola

Just showed that to my friend at the pub. She spit out her beer.

SonOfSpam

Beer wasting is a sin.

Last edited 4 months ago by SonOfSpam
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I refuse to stand idly by and listen to you slander the practice of coating balls with lubricant!

NotShogunButShogun

It’s a slippery slope. If it starts here, where does it end?
*In the duodenum?* HUSH other me!

Horatio Cornblower

“We’ve replaced the usual football with one smothered in melted butter. Let’s see if anyone notices!”

Doktor Zymm

*Muffled chewing noises*
“Hrmph?”
-Andy R.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

BRING BACK THE FAIRNESS DOCTRINE!

Doktor Zymm

Jalen Hurts would be killing it in Vacuum League (for players that suck)!

SonOfSpam

We could call it the Nancy Reagan Memorial League

litre_cola

If you need me, I will be playing in traffic.

SonOfSpam

As long as Hurts is driving, he won’t hit you.

SonOfSpam

“Hey Mr. Hands, how’s it feel getting penetrated by a horse?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HERTZ THROWNIT (to the wrong team)!

Doktor Zymm

This wine that I got a few free bottles of with the warning that it might not be very good is not very good. The cork crumbled when opening the bottle and it’s sour so hopefully it’s just this bottle. Might be mixing this with a Diet Coke

Doktor Zymm

Or make salad dressing!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Or check to see if Tomsula is hanging out in the empty lot across the street.

rockingdog

Sorry to be a buz-kill, but it sounds like ICE was using “advanced interrogation techniques” down at Alligator Alcatraz in Florida

https://www.forever-wars.com/torture-techniques-from-cia-black-sites-were-used-at-alligator-alcatraz/

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fucking hell. It’s not like these guys are terrorists, even. The ICE thugs were probably just doing it for fun.

I can only imagine what kind of Abu Ghraib type bullshit was (and is) going on, and how even if it’s exposed the perpetrators are more likely to be rewarded than to be punished.

Gumbygirl

A little smiting would not go amiss right now. Fuck ICE.

Doktor Zymm

I have never been less surprised in my life

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have, but it was during a Raiders game so it doesn’t count.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please please please [deity of fantasy statistics] list that as both an interception AND a fumble for Hurts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THEY DID!

PRAISE [whatever their name is]!!!

SonOfSpam

Hurts had an INT and fumble on the same play?

Philly fans gonna react reasonably!

(go Birds)

rockingdog

Hahaha!

Gumbygirl

Spectacular derpage!

Mr. Ayo

Fumbles for everyone!

WCS

Bananacakes in one play!

Horatio Cornblower

It’s a little early for bananacakes, but here we are.

NotShogunButShogun

It’s never too early for cake.

-you know who

rockingdog

Honestly kinda of psyched that both the AFC & NFC are kinda wide open rite now. 🏈

That seems Rockingggg!!!

rockingdog
Horatio Cornblower

As someone with a FF team named ‘Raccoon With A Meth Pipe’ this speaks to me.

SonOfSpam

Sarah Sherman is good people.

Horatio Cornblower

Jim Harbaugh being a tough guy asshole about his QB playing with a broken hand is about as surprising as me waking up with back pain.

Redshirt

While I am enjoying Notre Dame taking its ball and going home, if you play Devil’s Advocate, it does make sense:

ACC did spend time propping up Miami despite them not playing in their title game. ND getting screwed by Miami and then being told it’s because they’re not an ACC member could have pissed them off.

Alabama didn’t drop one spot despite being blown out and embarrassed in the SEC title game. ESPN bias cost ND and them not wanting to help ESPN profit from an ND bowl game does make sense. You could tell ESPN was setting up a ND-BYU Consolation Bowl and ND wanted no part of it.

I still fault Notre Dame. They knew the rules and moreover as a non-conference team, they set the terms. If it comes down to Alabama, Miami and Notre Dame, at some point, you look at the schedule. SEC, ACC, Independent. If they have a problem with it, go undefeated, schedule better opponents or join a conference. ACC may have ruined ND joining them, but I’m pretty confident any other conference would be open to the idea.

IMG_2639
ballsofsteelandfury

I enjoyed the ACC statement. They pretty much said that they look out for their FOOTBALL members….

WCS

Would be great if this becomes a thing, and these arrogant douche rags finally have to accept, “no,” for the first time. Ever.

Horatio Cornblower

Their players don’t, I don’t see why the university should.

Hang on, being told that both groups should accept no as an answer, and in fact it is criminal not to in certain cases.

jjfozz

I spoke with the pope today, Notre Dame has only been charged with a venial sin.

Horatio Cornblower

As bad as ND looks in this Alabama should not be in in the playoffs. They got waxed against Georgia.

jjfozz

I walked into the kitchen, announced to Mrs. Fozz that “I think we’re alone now” is stuck in my head. i start singing, grab her and yell “Dance with me!” She laughs, kisses my neck and grabs my junk and then says, “Well we’re done for this week.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[is also looking forward to a lack of sexual activity this week] – Tiffany Rivers’ uterus

Jimbo

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

That’s one of my favorite lines from the entire series.

Redshirt

(British Accent)
“The Mating Dance of the Fozz is a wondrous display of pride and drunkenness mixed with desperation and begging.”

NotShogunButShogun

It says it won’t snow on my way home tonight. I am spectacle. Though this ebike does do well so far.

ArmedandHammered

Don’t you live in Wisconsin? And you ride an ebike at night in winter? Masochist much?

jjfozz

I’d rather have that scenario than riding an Ebike through Baltimore at night

ArmedandHammered

I said masochist, not suicidal.

NotShogunButShogun

Yes

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Is anyone watching the Monsters feed?

Gumbygirl

I just turned it on

Doktor Zymm

Ditto. I’m…..not sure about this.

ArmedandHammered

Nope, reality is fluid enough right now.

Gatoraids

which Monsters feed the one with Buck and Aikman or the cartoons?

SonOfSpam

Oh, is the CPAC Awards Banquet being televised?

Senor Weaselo

Mike (head blocked off by the scorebug): “I’m… on a telecast!”

Horatio Cornblower

That’s nice. My guy Kimani Vidal gets the Chargers all the way down the field and they throw the TD pass to Hampton.

Fucking RB-by-committee.

I also have Barkley going in this one, but I’m pretty much committed to 4.5 points out of him.

ArmedandHammered

Horatio, in CT is it a law that all drivers turning right must come to a complete fucking stop, before starting their turn? Because a lot of you CT fuckers seem to feel it is the law.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s, um, that’s actually the law.

I refuse to say whether I adhere to that particular law.

ArmedandHammered

I mean like turning into a parking lot or onto another road when the light is green? Because people seem to be conflating all types of right turns into just right turns.

Horatio Cornblower

See below

Horatio Cornblower

I assume you mean when turning against a red light. If not the case then I’m sorry, but you got stuck behind some of our shittiest drivers, and they are legion.

jjfozz

It’s Emily in Paris Week on Good Morning America. Thank god I replenished the ammo for my vintage .50 caliber machine gun. Those fuckers are toast.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wait is it not Emily in Rome now?

BC Dick

And he calls her Chris, too

ArmedandHammered

I think we would all watch that.

jjfozz

Apple can eat a hand grenade for monopolizing the Charlie Brown seasonal specials. Seriously eat a flaming bag of dog shit, you fucks.

Doktor Zymm

That’s nawt the ONLY reason imo

jjfozz

In Philly they throw batteries in Los Angeles they throw [complete the sentence]

Doktor Zymm

Used Botox syringes

ArmedandHammered

Cheap champagne.

Jimbo

Used Ozempic needles.

herodotus450

“Not Guilty” verdicts

Brick Meathook

French-dip sandwiches

Horatio Cornblower

Old silicon implants

Gumbygirl

Fabulous parties!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nothing, because they haven’t arrived at the stadium yet.

WCS

Nothing; Chargers fans don’t exist.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Carbs

jjfozz

“KIDS! Come quick the Beatles are on the Ed Sullivan show!”

“KIDS! Come quick Nutsa Buzaladze is on MNF!”

Which of these things is not like the other?

Gumbygirl

I danced in front of the tv when the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan. That’s how old I am, sheesh.

SonOfSpam

The sacks are coming from everywhere.

-Buddy Cole, reporting live from Lindsey Graham’s “Enchantment Christmas Party”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This year’s specialty cocktail is called “the Ladybug”.

SonOfSpam

(the secret ingredient is roofies)

Doktor Zymm

Kinda want to do a fantasy league next year for players that suck. So points for incomplete passes, run attempts that go nowhere, catches that are short of a first down, missed field goals etc. Basically you want players who are involved with the game but don’t actually accomplish anything.

Seems doable on yahoo, would anyone be in for that?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ve talked about this in the past – I remember things being structured around poor play (i.e. many touches but few yards; many targets but few catches, etc.) so you couldn’t just load up your team with benchwarmers.

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I think this is the way to go with how the Yahoo settings are. There’s not a great way to require a player to be doing anything, so rewarding participation and penalizing accomplishment seems to be the only way to ensure that a really shitty player will do better than a guy on IR

Doktor Zymm

It’s easiest to do for QBs, kickers, and defenses, but still works pretty well for RBs and receivers are the most difficult (since they don’t have a category for targets). Might be interesting to do it as a superflex

Last edited 4 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm

Oh, ESPN has targets!

Horatio Cornblower

I’m in.

Guarantee I lead the league in points as all of my slapdicks suddenly have the year of their lives.

BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

Think that football outsiders used to have a league like this.

Gumbygirl

I’ve been talking to myself in the other thread. People should do all their criming in front of me, I wouldn’t notice it. I survived the DMV, got all my tricksy stuff done. I found the unicorn, a helpful employee. Thank you Imani, you still have a soul

Last edited 4 months ago by Gumbygirl
jjfozz

Black women have always found my middle son handsome, even from a young age. So when we went to the DMV, the older woman who helped us immediately took a liking to him. “You are such a handsome baby. Come here and let me take care of this good lookin’ young man.” He was blushing like Donald Trump at a girl’s high school volleyvall game.

jjfozz

Bubbles will be sending a cease and desist order.

ballsofsteelandfury

Is this matchup STILL going on?!?

fleshwound_NPG

YA BETTA UNRETIRE SOMEBODAAYYYYYYYY

Philip-Rivers1
fleshwound_NPG

nfl script writers are on cocaine this year

Gumbygirl

Trailer park bathtub meth

Redshirt

Like the Indiana Jones franchise, the 2025 Colts started out magical but then quickly turns to an unwatchable product.

IMG_2649
Gatoraids

Colts didn’t want to pull out of the playoff race so they contacted the one man who never pulled out of anything in his life.

Last edited 4 months ago by Gatoraids
Doktor Zymm

If he somehow ended up playing Flacco in the playoffs…

Redshirt

…I won’t survive the events that led to that result.

ArmedandHammered

Rivers out of retirement to the Clots! Ha, ha, ha. We all float in the NFL.

ArmedandHammered

Gotta pass the physical and work out but holeee shit, this is funny.

Redshirt

I bet Brady regrets investing in the Raiders ownership now. For multiple reasons.

Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Rivers must be thankful for the respite, assuming her uterus hasn’t just fallen out by now.

ballsofsteelandfury

This year just keeps getting better and better-ass

FTFY.

Redshirt

.

IMG_2640
jjfozz

Apparently the new operating procedures instituted by sisters for whenever my mother gets sick is:

PANIC
PANIC
CALL DOCTOR
PANIC
TELL FOZZ HE’S BEING COLD HEARTED
MORE PANIC
TEXT WAR BETWEEN SISTERS
MY MOTHER RECOVERING FROM A COLD.

LemonJello

After putting up with all of that, you deserve some bourbon!

Horatio Cornblower

Panic! at The Fozz Household.

NotShogunButShogun

Never heard of slamming a goddamn door

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