Five Games on the Late Slate? Merciful Heavens!

I guess folks on the site haven’t been touching themselves lately and for that I thank you. Now go back to your regular routine.

To The Games!

Lions/Rams:

L.A. is playing quality football (I’d venture that they didn’t shite the bed vs Carolina so much as take them for granted) and Detroit is feeling a bit desperate despite being three games over .500. Dan Campbell will probably go for it on 4th down five times because that’s how his in-game anxiety manifests itself.

Panteros/Saints:

Is this really a revenge game for Carolina? The sports media usually only takes that angle for good teams (no one is calling Washington/New York a revenge game for the Giants, for example) and the yakkers/scribblers don’t acknowledge Los Panteros as such. Shough (pronounced “Sho Nuff” or something like that) is playing like a cromulent rook QB finding his way, as he should. He just needs more weapons at his disposal is all.

Titans/Niners:

One wouldn’t be surprised if 99% of the monies is on the home team here despite Tennessee getting a surprise win last week. This script should feature McCaffrey going hog wild and Ward airing it out in the 2nd half. (he had a mere 117 yards passing the other week. Ugh)

Colts/Seahawks:

“Hey old man that hasn’t played in five years and couldn’t negotiate the pocket the last year you played, what say we throw you out there against a monster defensive line and pray you don’t get killed?” Rivers: “As long as prayer is involved, I’m good to go.” There’s some famous last words for you.

Packers/Broncos:

Love this game-give me more cold weather teams from different conferences that each need this game badly but for different reasons. To me this looks like a low-scoring but entertaining affair and the team with the least amount of turnovers/strongest running game takes it by a field goal.

Give me all your loving, all your hugs and kisses as well.

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litre_cola
Horatio Cornblower

His knee is.

NotShogunButShogun

Year over.

Doktor Zymm

Oh shit! Parsons non-contact injury!

Horatio Cornblower

Parsons down with a non-contact injury.

Lord, why do you hate humanity so much you make Jerry Jones smart?

King Hippo

Kermit and Parsons on the same day is pretty meaningful sniping.

Unsurprised

Whoa whoa whoa. Let’s not say things we can’t take back.

Just because Micah is down because God is having a laugh doesn’t validate anything JJ has done.

litre_cola

Today have had smokies, perogies, chicken wings, and will hit nachos soon. This place turned into the midwest so quickly I hardly noticed.

Unsurprised

Needs more meth and/or fentanyl

litre_cola

Well, I am against a Racoon with a Meth Pipe in Lowratio so there’s that

Unsurprised

Who’s Cromarties Innumerous Basterds?

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

I am.

Unsurprised

Ahoy!

litre_cola

Checks out.

Horatio Cornblower

Since Mrs. Horatio is sick I’m in charge of dinner.

So I’m on the phone with the restaurant and they ask “What’s a good name for the order” and I was about to say “I don’t give a shit what you call it just make sure it’s what I ordered” and then I thought “oh they want my name” and now I’m pretty sure I’ll have the flu tomorrow.

Last edited 4 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Unsurprised

Three-day weekend!

BTW, has anyone mentioned that Mrs. Cornblower is probably the nickname of whomever wins Miss Congeniality in the Mrs. Iowa pageant?

Horatio Cornblower

I used to refer to my wife by that moniker until she saw it and nuked it for just that reason. Not specifically Iowa, but otherwise pretty damn close.

Doktor Zymm

Dammit, go back to Colby for the TD, I think I have a prop bet on that

Doktor Zymm

Hell yeah! TD stands! $52.25!

Last edited 4 months ago by Doktor Zymm
Horatio Cornblower

Mrs. Horatio used to be a medical assistant. Like a decade ago. A couple of days ago she got a call from a former patient of the practice, (both doctors long retired, because doctors can do that), who is now 91 and was not feeling well. So Mrs. Horatio, who will do this sort of thing because she did not go to law school, dropped everything and took the woman to the hospital, where it turns out she has the flu, pneumonia, or the flu and pneumonia, none of which is ideal in your tenth decade.

Woman’s been in the hospital for three days, Mrs. Horatio has been feeding her cats.

And now seems to have come down with the flu. The lesson here, kids, is never do anything nice for anyone.

The woman told her that she was going to change her will* and leave everything to Mrs. Horatio. Yay!

“instead of the animal welfare organizations I have in there now.”

Ya…wait, what?

*this absolutely will not happen.

Last edited 4 months ago by Horatio Cornblower
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Maybe you can at least get her to put it in writing to you can make a huge scene at probate?

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve been an attorney for 30+ years; I don’t think I have the karma to spare trying to hose animal welfare organizations out of money.

Unsurprised

Plus, if you disclaim it then it could end up going to the state if there are no intestate heirs. And no one wants that.

Brick Meathook

Almost all the Middle Eastern restaurants in Arlington VA are all “No delivery, pickup only” right now. Is there some kind of Muslim holiday today? I’ve never seen this, and it’s almost all of them.

Last edited 4 months ago by Brick Meathook
Unsurprised

Sounds like a delivery issue. I don’t see anything to indicate it’s a Muslim holiday.

Brick Meathook

Except it’s most of them, but not all. I’ve never known Middle Easterners to turn down business.

Unsurprised

Sorry. I forgot there are still hired delivery drivers. I was thinking this was some kind of Doordash/UberEats thing.

But what Shogun mentioned is probably why. I didn’t know about that until now.

NotShogunButShogun

Australia might have something to do with that

Doktor Zymm

It was a father and son, that’s a fucked up family

litre_cola

Their gun laws are some of the strictest around too. Just so sad.

Unsurprised

You can’t create a technical solution to a social problem

Doktor Zymm

There were IEDs too, they were set on killing people

Unsurprised

Why couldn’t these assholes have just blown themselves up putting the bombs together?

Horatio Cornblower

Sadly this might be the case.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you actually read the advice in the ChatGPT commercials, it’s not particularly helpful.

Doktor Zymm

The part that says “may not be accurate, double check anything important with a valid source” is pretty helpful

Unsurprised

A lawyer just got fined by the court for submitting a motion with hallucinated citations.

I’m openly advocating for immediate disbarring. If you don’t kill this now, these companies will wait out any incremental bullshit and challenges to their unauthorized practice of law until it becomes normal. (See wearables and the evolution from Google Glass/Snapchat Glasses to Meta Raybans.)

Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
Horatio Cornblower

That’s hardly the first time that’s happened. That’ll never happen to me, because I take too much pride in my writing to farm it out to AI, and more importantly because I can’t really figure out how to get AI to do it anyway.

Unsurprised

That’s the even bigger concern: it’s lawyers who are under ten years out from law school. The newer ones especially are most prone to fall for this. As much as I hate big firms, at least they are likely to have countermeasures in place. It’s the street lawyers who are going to be the problem, sadly.

Doktor Zymm

Hope the fine is at least enough to be meaningful to someone early career

Doktor Zymm

Watson ded

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Deshaun?

NotShogunButShogun

Please please please

King Hippo

Surtain makes Hippo tumescent

ThePirateSloth

Lol Pantera Walk is now playing. WHO IS IN CHARGE OF SEAHAWKS STADIUM MUSIC RIGHT NOW

Don T

In retrospect, this nap wasn’t sobering

Unsurprised

I’ve returned from my food mini-coma

Cromarties Innumerous Basterds

MARMALARD (not) DEAD!!!

1000160393
King Hippo

chuh chuh!!

Doktor Zymm

C’mon Donks, don’t let the Packers of all teams beat you

Gumbygirl

Tawmmy just said ” we gotta tighten up the explosives”
I think I’ll stick to the Humps game!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

This is so fucking wonderful. I get to watch the rest of the NFL season without having the spectre of the stupid fucking Chiefs and their regulatory capture fucking up my enjoyment of the playoffs. Oh, Lord, I am so, so happy right now.

Doktor Zymm

Should MOAR QBs become fatties?

SonOfSpam

As a scientician, I say yes.

Gumbygirl

More bounce for the ounce!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MORE LARDAGE = MORE YARDAGE!

Last edited 4 months ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

MORE HASH BROWNS = MORE TOUCHDOWNS!

Gumbygirl

More grits= More gritty!

Doktor Zymm

BIGGER ASSES, BETTER PASSES

Jimbo

Moar cushion for the pushing.

Doktor Zymm

Speaking of fatties, I’ve discovered I can treat my leftover pancakes and leftover whipped cream like chips and dip

Horatio Cornblower

That lab in the volcano lair is finally paying off!

King Hippo

ah mean, the stats don’t lie!

ThePirateSloth

Fuck it. Target 53. Break his leg Seahawks.

Unsurprised

Yessssss

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Last edited 4 months ago by Unsurprised
Redshirt

Old Man Rivers just passed for a TD!

Gumbygirl

Look at that geezer go!

King Hippo

YOU BETER ASSSSSKKKKKKK SOMEBOOOODDDDDDDYYYY!!!

NotShogunButShogun

Have there been any true modern innovations in play design since the forward pass? Honest question. I feel like every potential X and O combo has been found.

Doktor Zymm

Took ages for them to figure out the forward pass though, took at least 30 years from the rule change to it becoming more than just a novelty

litre_cola

Remember Miami and the Wildcat? Pepperidge Farms does!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Bears were taking NFL comedy to new heights last year. And Cleveland has been on the cutting edge of sadness production for years and years.

ThePirateSloth

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litre_cola

For most of the year Kyren Williams was a disappointment yet FF playoff time he becomes a fucking super hero.

Doktor Zymm

*Zay Flowers nods knowingly*

Horatio Cornblower

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Tyrone Tracy never had more than 13.50 points this season.

Until today.

NotShogunButShogun

SUDDEN LEAD

NotShogunButShogun

*and knowing this team, likely insurmountable*

Redshirt

.

IMG_0175
Doktor Zymm

Looking to visit Kentucky again in February, I should sip a bourbon while checking flights

NotShogunButShogun

Sweatshirts in that weather…wussies

Gumbygirl

Let us just admire this perfect sentence
Sunderland has a monster defender named Ballard who always seems to be in an awful mood, and prowls his six-yard box like Bill fucking Laimbeer. Newcastle has a striker named Woltemade who moves like a wounded flamingo and has made grooming choices which scream “Sarajevo-pimp”, but when crosses come in he flies through the air, unfolding himself like some kind of malignant ironing-board, and lays absolutely thunderous headers on them.

Gumbygirl

There is a future fantasy football team name in there, for sure. I’m leaning toward ” Malignant Ironing Boards” but “Sarajevo- Pimps” is a contender, as is “Wounded Flamingos.”

Horatio Cornblower

All solid choices.

litre_cola

Now that was a good nap.

ThePirateSloth

Lol Seahawks stadium music manager is going off script playing Tool.

NotShogunButShogun

HEY! NO TOOL! I just polished the floors!

Gumbygirl

No Tool. Never Tool.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought they changed their name to “Toot”.

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NotShogunButShogun

Their level of output supports this

Gumbygirl

They are verra Tootsie.

Doktor Zymm

Sleeping bag hammock time! Next time I feel like destroying an ecosystem I’ll ask AI to redo ‘Hammer Time’

The Maestro

Well, shit. Not only did the Pats blow it, but the boy decided to spit up all over my jersey. This feels karmic in some manner.

I likely remain the most insufferable man east of the Mississippi.

King Hippo

#SymbolismSunday

Doktor Zymm

Just hope it’s nawt an omen

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just wish he had listened to us when we begged him not to name the child “Damien”.

King Hippo

Also, FANTASTIC Zed Zed Topp reference, scotchy!

King Hippo

Hippo’s TE room…

McBride, Trey
ARI TEARI 20 @ HOU 40
Final
Rec: 12/134, 2 ReTD (2,20)
39.00
39.00
Pitts, Kyle
ATL TEATL 29 @ TBB 28
Final
Rec: 11/166, 3 ReTD (8,17,7)
49.40
49.40

Gumbygirl

Your ends were very tight!

King Hippo

I have no idea how I’ll even field a full lineup next weekend, should I hold off the DonT onslaught.

King Hippo

Since Shogun reminds me we went all DEEP CUT into classic rock last night, a long-distance dedication to the Chefs:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOJSmXSFCWk

NotShogunButShogun

I’d also accept The Dream Is Dead or Everything Dies

King Hippo

we get Emo instead of Classic, I’d nomiate Meet Me On The Equinox by Death Cab.

ThePirateSloth

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Redshirt

…and there it is. Philip Rivers is now officially ineligible for the NFL Hall of Fame until 2031. Nice job, Grandpa!

Doktor Zymm

If the Colts win this game, or if Laserface has more than 2 yards rushing, then the NFL is officially rigged

NotShogunButShogun

60 in Denver?! Cold my ass scotchy!

Redshirt

But Global Warming and Climate Change is an unprovable myth.

NotShogunButShogun

And the g-spot, and birds, and my will to believe

Redshirt

My hope. My Savings Account. The color Violet (its just Purple trying to be fancy).

King Hippo

Everything indicated Kermit blew out his ACL.

Redshirt

Too soon?

Frog-Legs
Redshirt

Chargers:

IMG_2685
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My reaction upon hearing the news that the Kansas City Chiefs have been eliminated from the playoffs (not really an artist’s conception, pretty much the real thing):

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Redshirt

Welcome back, Chiefs. We kept your seat warm.

simpsons-room-for-one-more-homer
fleshwound_NPG

finally, a reason to celebrate living amongst the fat humps: I GET THE MARMALARD GAME

King Hippo

He’s now quite Festively Plump hisself, now!

Redshirt

Two Late PM games and none of them involve the team so close I could literally pick up their stations on the bunny-ears antennas in the before-times. Screw you, NFL!

NotShogunButShogun

*looks around*
There …all cleaned up after last night. No more music debating. Ahh…

Redshirt

Skillet is a good crossover band that has secular appeal if non-Christians doesn’t think too much about the lyrics. (gets squirted with a squirt bottle by PossiblyShogun) Okay, okay, I’ll stop!

NotShogunButShogun

DAMNIT! SKILLET?! *is it too late for actual crap?*

Redshirt

*posting

01e57aec-9638-46a4-afb1-09c02fc4df15_text
Gumbygirl

Don’t be a Tool, Redshirt!

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