Oh, so much chaos.  So many ded.  THE RETURN OF KING LASERFACE!!  This, this was our Week 15.  Let’s peruse.

That return?  Old Man Rivers DID manage to throw a TD pass!  As a literal grandpa!!  But it was not in triumph, sadly.  The Humps nailed a 60-yard FG inside the last minute, but the SeaTruthers replied in kind from 56.  That was FG numero SEIS for the home side, who win 18-16.  Strange game was strange.  Truthers keep the pressure on RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!, Humps are all the way done.

But fully baked and in the trash can down by the curb?  The Kansas City Chefs.  And yes, the late Kermit death was the biggie – torn ACL.  Minshew came in, got them into tying FG range, then got a delay of game BLEERGH and threw the back-breaking pickerception/.  Clips gimp to a 16-13 road win, and mathematically eliminate The Narrative.  And there was much rejoicing.

Sorry, I am jumping around.  My thoughts are in no discernible order.

Green Bay/Denver might have been the weirdest game of all.  But the sniper rifle OF FATE took out Christian Watson AND Micah Parsons.  That, combined with Bo Nix playing his best game of his sophomore season, was enough to wrap up a 34-26 home win.  That 1 seed/bye is well within sight, huzzah!  PJ Harvey got a rib owie late, so Pat Surtain might have to carry the Baton of Sexiness all by his bad self for awhile.  TWO pickerceptions today, holy fuckballs is he ever generationally good.

Detroit travelled to SoCal, and even though both squadrons was wearing blue…a shootout ensued.  RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! really wants to keep that 1 seed, and it looks like they gonna.  Once they started…guarding the Sun God, things went L.A.’s way on the scoreboard.  But Davante popped his hammy on a “go” route, then Puka got knocked silly late.  With basically no WR left, Fatthew found Colby Parkinson for the clinching score.  DET managed to climb back to 41-34, but couldn’t get the ball back with meaningful time to so much as get into Hail Mary range.  Lions now in some jeopardy for missing the playoffs entirely, but I ain’t really studied the remaining schedule and such.  I still suspect they’ll slide into the field.

Nobody wants to win the NFC South, as the Saints completed the SEASON SWEEP of the Black Panthers.  Had Carolina won (and they were in control until very, very late), they would have needed only to win ONE of their coming matchups with the MRSA Men.  Enormous advantage, jizzed away.  N’Awlins wins 20-17, as their opponents did lots and lots of dumb shit.  There were much better games in the late window, so apologies for my noticing very little here.

Brokeback QB added “rose from the ded” to his extensive HoF resume.  Buffalo trailed 21-nil, then 24-7 at HT.  But including that initial 7, Allen led his charges to FIVE TD drives out of five consecutive possessions, which is how one very much clinches MVP balloting.  P*ts, with that working margin, the elements, and a raucous home field advantage?  Could do bupkus other than a long Q4 scoring run by rookie Henderson (which Allen immediately answered).  Give credit to the Bills Mafia defense as well, aside from that one big run they stood strong after the rough start.  The AFC East is not yet won, and you’ll almost certainly see Buffalo playing meaningful January football (even if likely a Wild Card).  35-31 was the final.

Speaking of old man brain rot, I really REALLY have no idea what happened in Santa Clara.  I didn’t have a 37-24 scoring fest on my bingo card, with the Tits in town.  But that’s what we got, so much for my SMRT streaming strategies for the Tomsulas D/ST this weekend.

The rest of the early slate mostly consisted of Quiet Quitting Bowls, of varying type and intensity.  Dumbest of these?  VEP hosting the Commies.  As just a small sample of the dumbfuckery, VEP managed to have an OFFENSIVE penalty (illegal man downfield) on a punt.  Which WAS ran back for a TD.  Then, Mariota and pals made two idjit turnovers inside the last 5 minutes, despite playing with a 15-point lead.  Dart closed the final margin to 29-21, but couldn’t cash in the second fumbly gift.  29-21 Commies, as draft positions start to settle in.

Baltimore has played with its food all season.  This week, they went to Cincinnati and kept a clean sheet.  After going up 14-nil at the half, they barely tried any offense the rest of the way.  Lamar! threw a TOTAL of 12 forward passes.  It was enough, as they killed a late Burrow garbage time drive with a pickerception they lateralled around until they scored.  24-zip, Ratbirds.  They’ll have to win in Yinzburgh, but I guess they have the faintest of pulses.  Vibes are veeeeerrrrrryyyyyy bad in the City of Diarrhea Chili.

Will #ThePauls continue their Shedeur Sanders Comedy Show into 2026?  I sure hope so.  It’s quite amusing.  The citizens of Chi**** got to enjoy a relaxing (if weenie-shrinking cold) Sunday, as the home side rolled, 31-3.  Myles Garrett remains the only player of consequence in Northeast Ohio.  Needs 1.5 MOAR sacks for the record.  He’ll get them.

In Philly, Iggles fans threw snowballs at the own offensive unit.  NEVAR change, guys.  Perhaps Rikki’s Raiders were loudest in their quiet quitting, as only Maxx Crosby so much as resembled a professional athlete.  Philly wins 31-nil, in 2nd gear almost the whole way.  I’ve no idea why they’d even let Pete Carroll finish the season.  It’s just embarrassing, even by HI I’M MARK DAVIS!! era standards.  And yes, one uses “standards” very loosely.

Prison Girlfriend hasn’t always been the prettiest gal at the dance.  But this week?  Yeah, SIX touchdowns.  That’ll do, especially against the likes of the Brady Cook Jest.  48-20 Jaguras rout, and it easily could have been much, much worse.

Same script in Houston, as the 500s waxed the “just happy to hang around and get on TV” Qards, 40-20.  Every Arizona offensing play is “throw it to Trey McBride” and really, that’s all they should ever do.  They have absolutely, positively, nothing else.  Don’t look now, but CJ Stroud is playing much better and these (imaginary) lot could be dangerous in the playoffs.

I think that’s all of the fixtures?  There were many, and 8/5 split on RedZone really satiated.  Which is good, because only friends and family would want to watch SKOL and the Non-Gendered Cowpersons.  I choose to not.