Afrikan Euros, Day-After Boxing Fixtures, JV NFL-palooza

All before the Big Boi NFL takes over this evening (with scotchy in command).  Such fun!

Do give the Afrikan Euros a watch (BeIn has Murrikan coverage), along with whatever fare is served on NBC, USA, and Peacock – starting with Men Untied hopefully battering the Robins Hood (7:30, USA).  I absolutely hate myself enough to stream Everton/White Lives Matter at 10:00.  Can you do less???

I think we can all agree that the worst aspect of modern culture is fat and/or ugly people in advertisements.  FUCK OFF, #NuMadMen, if I want to see fat and ugly, I’ll leave my glasses on when I am shaving.  With no further ado, here is today’s exhibition slate:

JV Yinzburgh (-10) v. East Carolina – Military Owl, Annapolis, MD (11:00, ESPN)

These celebrated military powers from the ACC and saying-teh-ACC-is SKURRED-of-them-smgdh finally meet on the battlefield.  Obama will surely be THANKED!!1111  Has a kewl theme song though:

Paedo State (+3) v. Clemson – Shriveled Steinbrenner Penis Owl, New York, NY (Noon, ABC)

Good jorb coming up with a Yankees-on-both-sides matchup, where one side is so arrogant and loathsome that Dabo Fucking Sweeney is comparatively the good guy.  Also, sommet about lawnmowers I think?

Fightin’ Horatios (+9.5) v. A Bunch of Dudes Named Army – House-O’s FACK YOU Owl, Bahstahn, MA (2:15, ESPN)

A new, Mora-less era awaits the Horatios.  Whereas Jeff Monken retains the vocal support of nearly every journalist covering the coaching carousel – but at West Point he remaineth.  There will be lots of fullback dives, BUHLEE DAT!

Georgia Tech (+4) v. Original Recipe Big Love – Quasi-Cannibalistic Pop-Tarts Owl, Orlando, FL (3:30, ABC)

Most notable perhaps due to the Papacy’s cold shoUlder, nonetheless kind of a fun matchup.  At least assuming Bees QB Haynes King is playing, anyway.

Miami-OH (+5.5) v. Fresno State – Snoop Dogg BlaxLand Owl, Tucson, AZ (4:30, CW)

Bow wow wow, yippie yo, yippie yay, ain’t muthafuckin’ nobody in…da…HOOOUUUUUSSSE.

North Texas (-5.5) v. JV BOLTMEN!! – Blue Meth Owl, Albuquerque, NM (5:45, ESPN)

The Mean Green are fuckshit but offensive FITBAW, while their opposite number are the exact inverse.  Could be reasonably interesting, I guess?

Wahoowa (+4) v. Missouri – Meningitis Swimming Pool Gator Owl, Duuuuuvvvvvaaaalllll, FL (7:30, ABC)

We lost saw UVA losing the ACC title game to 5-loss Duke, which is likely the domino that set in motion the great Irish Playoff Famine.  For that, Hippo is eternally grateful.  Mizzou kept their coach, but not their QB.  Likely watchable.

LSU (+2.5) v. JV 500s – Imaginarium Owl, Houston, TX (9:15, ESPN)

God only knows how many Tigers remain in the bayou for this last installment, before Kiffin’s Kajun Kast starts its maniacal run.  Vegas favoUrs the imaginary?  BIG, if true.