Chicago: Where The Rubber (Match) Meets The Road

The Midwest holds its collective foul breath. The cheese factories have shuttered for the day. Most crime has come to a halt although tuna casseroles are still being made. Cries of “You Betcha!” echo through the express line at Piggly Wigglys. Forty year old men are needing help from two or more family members to pull on their “lucky” high school jersey. Exclamations of “Cheese and Rice!” are expected to reach all-time highs. Yes, there is a playoff tilt between Green Bay and Chicago.

To The Game!

Packers/Bears:

-Chicago has been 6-2 so far at their den. She’s been a long while since it’s been tough to play there.

-Slow Starts: The Bears have been outscored 47-21 and are 2 for 12 on third downs during the first half of their last three games.

-Subtract Micah from the equation and the Packers pass rush win rate sits at an abysmal 28.1%. However, Chicago is slightly worse at 28.8%.

-That’s got this guy thinking that both QB’s can stare at their first read that much longer.

-All of Love, Burden and Odunze are back so there’s bound to be an uptick in both offenses.

-Look for Loveland to be a factor here. He started real slow to start the season but has come on recently, having caught more than 90 yards of balls in the last two games.

-This is a bit surprising but these teams have only met once before in the Super Bowl era, postseason, btw.

-BYE, BYE LOVE: (The Cars version, not Buddy Holly’s) The Bears are way out in front of the rest of the league in Roughing The Passer penalties.

Give me your best. Also, I know there are a bunch of Bears and Packers supporters out there-come say hello and join the cromulent commenters.

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Beerguyrob

Fuck.

Jimbo

Moar like Mc Anus.

Mr. Ayo

Nailed It!

— B. Walsh

fleshwound_NPG

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

Gumbygirl

No good!

Horatio Cornblower

Oh.

Oh my.

Downfield Matriculator

SHANK’LOR commands it!

Redshirt

When did Zac Taylor become the Packer’s Playoff Playcaller?

rockingdog

Found a funny:

broke: great man theory of history

woke: great idiot theory of history

Unsurprised

Someone has been listening to Mike Duncan’s Revolutions podcast.

Unsurprised

I know he was sort of joking, but I’d listen to an 800-episode history of the Chinese Communist revolution.

WCS

A delay of game BLEERGH saving the Packers would be a nice twist.

ThePirateSloth

Lolpackers

ThePirateSloth

x2

WCS

Lynn Dickey had to have been Abe Simpson’s favorite player of the era.

Jimbo

Did he wear an onion on his belt too?

Beerguyrob

So, it’s clear the Packers can’t run or stop the pass. Formula for success!

Horatio Cornblower

Does Chicago realize that none of their offensive heroics mean anything unless they also stop Green Bay once in a while?

Unsurprised

Wait! What?

Unsurprised

To quote the Epañol commentator, “Wooooowwwww”

WCS

Good to see Chris Conte is out of retirement and still on the Bears!

rockingdog

LFG!!!!

They got it!!!

Hahaha this is ROCKINGGGG!!!

Doktor Zymm

da Bears

5026
rockingdog

Nooo wayyyy

They’re going for 2

Omg 😳

Unsurprised

It took all day but we have a game on our hands.

WCS

Chekov’s SHANK’LOR’S PAT

King Hippo

yep, still losing this. 100%

rockingdog

Found a funny:

Therapist: is it the flying fairy kid again?

Captain Hook: he just pisses me off so bad

Unsurprised

He’s kidnapping children!

King Hippo

but the butthole touching is only implied….

Don T

Oof. What a throw

Unsurprised

Like a fucking missile … BOOM!

WCS

The Bearistocrats!

The false start saved their asses somehow.

WCS

Holy shit, it may have.

Redshirt

Chekov’s Missed XP?

Beerguyrob

On top of Chekhov’s missed field goal.

Doktor Zymm

Nice that Biadasz gets to do a commercial with Jayden

fleshwound_NPG

no team today has been fully committed to winning a playoff game

Unsurprised

In their defense, the Bears are usually hibernating at this time of year.

Unsurprised

Gronk with glasses is like a mule with a spinning wheel: Useless

Doktor Zymm

Unless they’re shot glasses

WCS

PRAISE SHANK’LOR

Horatio Cornblower

Probably not enough time left for that to matter, but it’ll be hilarious if it does.

Unsurprised

Foreshadowing

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, this may not be aging well

Unsurprised

Like milk

Mr. Ayo

Buddy told me bears tackle better than that usually.

Unsurprised

Some bears are too out of shape to catch you, though

Unsurprised

Wright?

More like WRONG, bitch!

WCS

Would love to see he Packers go for it on 4th and goal on the 23-yard line. FIELD GOALS ARE FOR CUCKS

Horatio Cornblower

How do you lose the guy with the giant special ed helmet? How?

Don T

Leave him alone. He’s obviously frail ffs!

King Hippo

That is also the THIRD time the Packers have tried to fumble the ball ridiculously.

Unsurprised

Good old Peanut Punch.

Good old bears shitting the bed in the woods.

WCS

SUDDENER CHANGE?

King Hippo

GB should seriously fire LaFleur even if they win. This is criminal.

NotShogunButShogun

Nods in wasp!

rockingdog

Swift running TD

Loveland been on 🔥

LFG!!! That’s Rocking!!!

Gatoraids
Doktor Zymm

If the Bears win I’m gonna miss out on SO MANY high fives by not being in Chicago

Horatio Cornblower

Just found a twitch stream, which I’m sure if totes legal and I’ll be doing no further research on this, and the Bears immediately scored a TD.

All the Bears fans here need to send me $100 or I’ll turn the stream off.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would think to keep the stream going it would be more important to send you beer.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Amazon owns twitch so it’s legit. Sorry

Horatio Cornblower

Dammit.

You win this round, Bezos.

Unsurprised

Ew, Twitch. Just use the stream in east Georgia.

Last edited 1 month ago by Unsurprised
Horatio Cornblower

No way, the locals drink out of that!

rockingdog

Def like the semi chaotic vibes of this gameeee

Gotta find a pic of Packers WR flying in the air upside down in the end zone and fumbling the ball

It’s Rocking! 🏈

fleshwound_NPG

gb wyd

fleshwound_NPG

are you seriously gonna do this again

WCS

One dipshit never kicks goals, and the other can only get off by kicking. Interesting dynamic.

Unsurprised

FUCK. I could have made soup to at least pretend to be a decent human being when eating all those carbs earlier.

Beerguyrob

The Packers are trying to make this as funny and painful as possible.

King Hippo

Too bad stupid GB can’t just expend the slightest effort to do anything to extend their lead. Playing with fire, just like the onside kick game.

ballsofsteelandfury

If they don’t score on this possession, I think Chicago wins the game.

King Hippo

off-tackle x2 and throwaway on 3rd down coming right up!

Redshirt

HIPPO’S A WITCH!

WCS

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/SvuVx40pUXk
Same franchise. Nothing ever changes.

Last edited 1 month ago by WCS