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Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Nice to see everyone back and already in midseason form. I somehow only saw parts of the Wednesday night game and no other games due to a crazy busy weekend. Hippo thoughts already coming in clutch.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
[from the “Sports Rule You’d Change” draft]
No more artificial turf!
Natural turf only, with designated mud sections. Indoor stadiums may use hybrid turf but thick fresh league-approved mud must be trucked in before games.
Brick Meathook
[from the “Sports Rule You’d Change” draft]
Fake QB slide 15 yard penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct from the spot of the fake.
We’ve made all defenders gunshy about hitting a slider, so it seems unfair letting them turn that shield into a sword.
If we are gonna let those pretty boys chickenshit their way to the ground to save their mugs for post-career broadcast jobs, they should not get a free ticket to increasing their rushing yards.
Downfield Matriculator
Well, we made it home. The 8 hour hangover road trip was not a good time. Now an auction draft ugggh.
litre_cola
After grilling customary burgers and corn (and uncustomary zucchini, which was also delicious), I threw a peach on the grill and then threw some aged balsamic vinegar on there, c’est magnifique
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Also, is Labor Day a good time to announce to the clubhouse that we’re gonna have a baby this year?
BrettFavresColonoscopy
The Dr. Mrs. Deadly, Esq. (ret) when informed that rain is expected and that she might reconsider riding her bike to her blood test this morning (artist’s conception):
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Good news, she beat the rain. I don’t think she understands that I actually worry about her.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I would like to credit AFL for Lady BFC being pregnant. Those guys fuck!
ballsofsteelandfury
Woooo BFC!
Sharkbait
2026 continues its Reign of Chaos:
Redshirt
Don T
I found this instruction diagram on the Internet:
Brick Meathook
Just had the State Police in my driveway, trying to locate the owner of a cow that had been spotting roaming loose by the main road, (yep, that same asshole neighbor again), all while Mrs. Horatio is smoking marijuana on the back porch, because it’s legal now.
It’s Tuesday.
Horatio Cornblower
No mention of your sex dwarf free ranging in his paddock? Did you flash some of that Applebees money to make them “see nothing”?
LemonJello
Why do you think I intercepted the cops in the driveway? You think I need to explain the ruckus going on in the basement after “someone” got into the sugar while Mrs. Horatio and I were out for ice cream?
Horatio Cornblower
Here’s the new fucking trend in job hunting.
Employers outsource their recruiting to overseas services.
So here’s what you get:
A phone call from a frantic person – breakfast was coffee, cocaine, and Red Bull – talking rapidly in a completely foreign accents.
Saying, “Could you repeat that?” while trying to stay calm and peaceful.
More rapid fire talk with a seriously intense sales pitch and the sound of a callroom in the background.
“I WILL SEND EMAIL! YOU MAKE SURE TO SAY YES!”
At this point in time, I’m so desperate for a fucking job, I say yes. This position could be working on a deep sea oil rig in the North Sea.
Seconds later, an email arrives. Followed by the same lunatic calling back to ask if you got the email and sent it back.
Hours later, same guy calls, yelling and screaming. Says thank you, hangs up.
I’m going to tar and feather my old boss, and everyone in the company.
jjfozz
Sam Darnold, Super Bowl Winning Quarterback.
Still weird to see that.
Redshirt
ThePirateSloth
“At least they ruined the clean sheet” – Najeh D.
King Hippo
2 DBs, 1 Kupp
LemonJello
Here I am!
ThePirateSloth
Odds Skattebo has tried the dog food he’s shilling?
LemonJello
My squarshed tits and I are home. Let me just say, shut the fuck up Cris. I had the wunnerful Kevin Harlan on my radio, should have stayed in the car!
Gumbygirl
lets make tablets worse:
AI TABLETS!
fleshwound_NPG
GOOD EVENING LADIES AND DEGENS
IT’S SO FUCKING GOOD TO BE BACK
The Maestro
🚧🚨Jack Strand Fantasy Alert🚨🚧
Don T
So now “back issue” is NFL medical staff code for “CTE-induced vertigo”?
LemonJello
As long as it isn’t code for CTE induced murder-suicide it’s all good
Doktor Zymm
My daughter texted me last night to say that she was getting into football this year, and she had two suggestions.
- Get rid of the facemarks, so that it’s easier for them to kiss
- “Make the games shorter, this is taking way too long.”
Clearly not gonna make it.
Horatio Cornblower
ʞuᴉop
fleshwound_NPG
Youngest Skull Fracture’s girlfriend is astounded that she can’t find my social media footprint. This gives me a weird sense of pride.
scotchnaut
the exchange rate in oz is two ints for every one thrown
fleshwound_NPG
Are Scotchy, Beerguy, BC Dick, GTD and I being charged tariffs for every comment?
litre_cola
When I lived in Melbourne the Superb Owl was early in the morning on the Monday, my buddy and I went downtown to the Crown Casino where we knew the game would be on. Proceeded to drink A LOT buckets of MGD at 6 am.
When the Eagles eventually lost to the Tom Brady’s we played a game to get back to our neghboUrhood. We call it the left hand or right hand rule. During your walk back any bar on the side you choose, you have to go in for a shot or beer. We got leathered on the 8 km walk from the casino to the pub.
We then met up with my buddies at one of our locals and got very drunk in the sun as it twas summer. As I was sitting in the Prince of Wales hotel bar, I was very much wobbling on my barstool, and my mate Wazzy stuck a key in my mouth that had speed on it to get me on track. It just made my brain work fast and my motor skills were still drunk and wasted.
The guy I went with originally was so drunk he walked into a tree outside the bar I worked at and my bartending partner ran out from behind the bar to pick him up and point him in the right direction.
litre_cola
FUCK
Unsurprised
(looks at wife)
Okay
(Wife picks up on vibe, claims headache, turns TV channel to Lifetime, ending nascent boner)
SonOfSpam
(changes FF team name to Nascent Boners)
SonOfSpam
Admin
September 12, 2026 3:20 pm
Also, my ball team won the Northwest League last night. It’s a pretty good day at Beerguy’s house.
Beerguyrob
It’s also an all-day CFL fest, and I’ll be attending the BC LioUns game tonight with WineWife.
Right now, however, the Argos & RedBlacks are playing and have the most CFL score that ever CFL’d.
Beerguyrob
Potomac River above Georgetown
Brick Meathook
I haven’t seen a Bobby Brown go down this much since Whitney kept dropping a bag of crack
Duchess
Time for my yearly crawl out of hibernation to say Bear Down… fingers crossed i can start to be more active!
Duchess
Deshaun Watson is innocent of all charges that he is a competent NFL quarterback
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Week 1 Sunday is always the “Regulars Party” at the downtown pub I go to. It is by invite only, they close to the public from noon until 6 pm, all drinks of any kind are 3 dollars. It took me many years and brain cells to get on this list and it is truly worth it. They put on an incredible spread of food for free. There is always a theme and this year it is Disco Party!.
I have been in 2 arguments in my 13 years with Mrs. Cola, both my fault, and both right after the Ship and Anchor party.
I leave in half an hour dressed like fucking Abba for my train ride into town.
Insert Bart Scott gif.
litre_cola
Beerguyrob
Lower Commander said something positive about the Heretics and received a glare from me, only to respond with:
“Well do you expect me to root for the ArIZoNa CaRdInAlS?!”
And I’ve never been so proud and furious at the same time.
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Congrats to my Cleveland Browns for technically having an NFL game.
Highlights include, having unintentionally the highest paid running back/sexual criminal in the league, nearly going FOUR offensive penalties in a row, including a delay of game after a false start, and a total team wet fart performance that you really can’t just blame Deshaun “No just means yes” Watson.
We are getting another fucking parade, aren’t we.
JustStopDude
Side note, I am currently remoted into Cape Canaveral, trying to troubleshoot a rocket fueling system. The engineer on the other wants to do something pretty fucking dangerous.
“Yeah sure…whatever” – ME
“JSD, are you sure. Usually you don’t want us doing stuff like this”
“I’m a Browns fan and its week 1. You’re getting advice from a clinically depressed man”
“Oh…well…um…let me run this through our safety team”
“Probably a good idea”
JustStopDude
“My team is down 2 TDS. There are roughly 5 minutes left. I should absolutely taunt the defender as I run into the end zone”
Horatio Cornblower
A B T
Always
Be
Taunting!!
Horatio Cornblower
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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