Your “Gimmee That Sweet, Sweet Preseason Action!” NFL Exhibition Open Thread

First thing I should mention is that I hope our brethren on the Leftest of Coasts have buckled down the hatches and are as safe from harm as is possible. Perhaps you’ll think twice this winter when I complain about my penis falling off (again! So many re-attachments!) in frigid weather. Seriously, stay safe.

Should you be leaning into your masochistic side today you can watch 12 hours of football with no breaks whatsoever.  (If you’d peeked at Jags/Lions) The other footy is quite available to you as well with Man City playing Newcastle. Will Haaland (yawn) score another doublet? Probably. Let me run down the games but only in a ‘these teams are playing’ manner.

To the Games!

Fins/Texans: Houston made quite the splash at the draft and then was promptly forgotten about again. I hope they’re on the road to relevancy because one can’t usually stand to see a hobo get kicked over and over again no matter how funny it is initially.

Bills/Steelers: Buffalo redid it’s backfield hoping to improve their run game but will it work? I’ve got some thoughts about this but will save it for my Giants preview.

Bears/Colts: Taylor is freefalling in all the fantasy drafts featuring the sharks on the Sirius fantasy channel. I’m doubtful he’ll be around on the opening weekend.

Bucs/Jets: Has Baker won the job over Trask? I don’t care.

Pats/Packers: Hey Green Bay, Bill can tell you all about the hard times that can befall you after a Hall of Fame tosser (UK definition to be used here please) has left the city.

Titans/Vikes: Levis is out so Willis is going to play the entire game, according to ESPN. This has ‘potential disaster’ written all over it-say a prayer for Don T.

Chiefs/Cards: Arizonny is the team most likely to have the fewest wins this year. How’s that albatross of a qb contract feeling right now?

Broncos/49’ers: Where have you gone, Courtland Sutton?

Raiders/Rams: Another team, another rb being treated like a piece of dog feces on the bottom of a Gucci loafer. In the Raiders case the footwear is most likely some Sketchers picked up at The Goodwill.

Cowboys/Seahawks: Such late game. Me no watch.

Have at it folks.