So, as we mentioned last week, Christmas Eve, or Gigsmas. A time to play all the things. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, you have multiple all the things to play, which is to say give your local church organist a hug and/or the beverage of their choice (okay, I got my friend apple caramels because she doesn’t drink anymore).
Sometimes you have to zip around for your services, especially if you are not the local church organist, but the freelance musicians trying to fill up the dance card. So, here was the itinerary from Sunday night (/Monday morning).
2:55 PM: Actually get a chance to do some extended family stuff before I have to head out. So a trip slightly out east to watch the Jets blow it, then unblow it against the Commies, have some food, and hear how if you have NYPD, FDNY, and EMTs in a room to try and come up with terror stress tests… they’re gonna try and one-up each other. I don’t play, but I’d be interested in seeing that DnD party.
5:35 PM: Depart from Long Island and Christmas frivolities. The work waits. First stop, Basking Ridge, NJ, for one of the churches there. Hop on the LIE, take that to the Cross Island, take the Throgs Neck to the Cross Bronx, and pray that the GW’s okay.
6:15 PM: The GW itself was fine. Getting onto the Turnpike after that was almost problematic, though. Almost because the express ramp was shut down due to a gnarly accident, that I saw… on the local side of things because that ramp was still open. Crisis averted!
7:02 PM: Arrive at the church. There was a road closure in town so I had to take a slight detour but all good for a 7:15 rehearsal. First stop? Bathroom. From there, go to the sanctuary, say hi to the people (namely the organist and the other string players), put my stuff down, and get ready for rehearsal at 7:15.
7:16 PM: Rehearsal starts to predominantly go over the choir concert music.
7:45 PM: Rehearsal continues, but with choir. Somewhere in this time, I ask if they want both violinists to play the descant in “O Come, All Ye Faithful.” He says yes, and this makes me happy. (It’s the “Sing, choirs of angels” verse, for anyone keeping score at home.)
7:56 PM: I take the banner pic.
8:16 PM: Concert starts. The organist takes some time after the first piece to make sure the livestream camera is on.
8:25 PM: The priest comes over to let us know that incense will be used at the beginning of the service. The choir director debates about whether we’ll need to play the Hallelujah chorus twice in that case.
9:03 PM: Concert is over, Mass starts. At this point I’m hoping Mass is a reasonable length of time: I need to be at Church #2 by 11:30, and any amount of time before that would just buoy my getting there in time, in case there’s traffic on the GW. Or I-80. Or 287. Or the Cross Bronx. The time I’m shooting for is about 10:15, because it’ll take about an hour, plus people getting out and my potential usage of the ancient art of cross-checking anyone who gets in the way… well, if I had to bring my stand, then it’s cross-checking using the stand. In this case it would hypothetically just be dodging people.
9:29 PM: The priest starts going into the sermon. I’m hoping that it will be a shorter sermon, for my sake. As the clock ticks (checking on the other violinist’s iPad) I mentally think about how long it’ll take.
9:41 PM: Sermon ends, now hopefully we don’t have to play too long during communion. Fortunately it’s 1-2 people for each wing of pews so it will hopefully be done quickly.
10:09 PM: Mass #1 over, now to go around back, grab my case, quickly say good-bye, and make like a mid-90s Pizza Hut promotion and book it. Since I have a little time, I say hi to the trumpet player who I haven’t seen in eight years and was on the other side of things.
10:16 PM: In my car. ETA is 11:14.
11:15 PM: Park at church #2 in Flushing. I’ve made it! Put on my jacket (went no jacket for the 9:00, but jacket for midnight), leave my best friend’s presents in the car for now (because I happen to be parked behind her), and walk into the church.
11:25 PM: She starts playing a piece or two before we start with the choir.
11:31 PM: I start playing with her, and the choir joins shortly thereafter. The nice thing is I’m in the loft with her, so a nod and I’m in.
12:20 AM: The priest starts his sermon. In both sermons I have learned that this marks the 800th anniversary of the first nativity scene, by St. Francis of Assisi. In this one, the priest also talks about how in Bethlehem they haven’t been able to celebrate Christmas because of the whole war and everything, but a priest made a nativity and put the baby Jesus under the rubble, because that’s what it would be right now. My friend texts me about how dark this has gotten and she wishes she had known and put something a little less peppy after.
12:35 AM: You know, something like “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.”
12:45 AM: A panic sets over the congregation as the priest starts singing the responsorial psalm. The first couple are okay, but the third one is an entirely different cadence and everyone just freezes. Like, there’s an audible beat before someone comes in with it. As I put it after, collective “How do you want us to siiiiing this?”
1:13 AM: Finish up. I pack up, see if my friend’ll be right behind me, but she’s got some stuff to prep for because she has to be back there at 6:30. Oof. So, I go out for a sec, grab her gift, come back in… realize that the route to the loft I went into earlier was locked, have to go through the pews, then see her, give her her presents (from both me and Senorita Weaselo), hugs, Merry Christmases, and the like.
1:21 AM: Get back in the car, call Senorita Weaselo to let her know I’m done.
1:29 AM: Aaaand parked! Jobs well done. No Christmas morning service, so I get a couple days off! (Gig currently and tomorrow.) Mileage check!
–––
And now for the news, starting with:
Week 17 “We’re out of it” benchings!
-Broncos Country, this might be good-bye (Jarrett Stidham for Charmslinger)
-Tommy Cutlets, we hardly knew ye (Inanimate Carbon Tyrod for Dr. Mantis Toboggan)
-Maybe he isn’t the guy (Brisket for Sam & Rebecca)
“Look at me. You’re not the captain now.” Packers suspend Jaire Alexander a game for “conduct detrimental to the team,” such as calling himself a captain and then nearly fucking up the toss (saying they wanted to kick, as opposed to deferring. If you kick, then the Panthers still get to choose in the second half, and they’ll receive, getting the ball to start both halves and essentially getting a free possession.)
Injuries
–Prison Girlfriend Trev has a sprained AC joint (status unclear for Sunday)
–T.J. Hockenson: ACL/MCL, out for the season. Also LB D.J. Wonnum (torn quad)
QAaron said it wasn’t his idea to be activated and take up a roster spot. Not like it matters, let’s be real.
Bowl Games du jour
Satan’s Jizz Bowl*
P/NC vs. Fightin’ WCSes (in progress, ESPN)
*Note: I don’t hate mayo in small doses as an important sandwich bonding agent. Also cue UNC fuming that it’s sponsored by Duke’s.
Holiday Celebrate Bowl
Fightin’ Teddy Abramses vs. Hehehe Trojans (Louisville vs. USC, 8:00, Fox)
Threeve Bowl
ATM vs. BDSM State (Texas A&M vs. OK St., 9:00, ESPN)
National (Regional) Hockey Action
Beary Bear vs. Still Perpetually Underachieving (BOS vs. BUF, 7:30, TNT)
Fight Fight Fight
2023 PFL World Championship (not UFC!) (9:00, ESPN2)
And of course, check your local listings.
“Hey, Senor, are you going to post the Beaties tomorrow?”
“Oh, fuck… uhhhh, no. Maybe next week if I don’t continue to put it off?”
Happy pre-emptive New Year, everyone.
https://www.espn.com/nhl/recap/_/gameId/401559762
Ha! This happened, too.
WOOT! THE KRAKEN HAS BEEN RELEASED ALL OVER THE SADDLEDOME!
WATCH: West Virginia coach Neal Brown drenched in mayonnaise after Mountaineers get win in Duke’s Mayo Bowl – CBSSports.com
The only time of the year when the internet is fascinated about someone being covered in a thick white cream that doesn’t involve a paywall or a NSFW tag.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: I downloaded that show you wanted to watch with your mother, but I can’t get the subtitles to work.
DR. MRS. DEADLY, ESQ.: [sitting on couch with mother] My friend sent me a link to a site where we can watch it, just use that.
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [opens dodgy streaming site, clicks play]
DODGY STREAMING SITE: [opens ad featuring a woman getting [redacted] by a dildo machine]
RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Huh. [closes ad] Maybe you two can watch some Netfix while I try to get those subtitles working.
MIL: What channel was that??
Like she doesn’t know.
Was the show about female hysteria?
Mr. Ayo: What ad was that??
Not used to bowl wins, let alone blowouts. I don’t know what this feeling is, but it’s rather pleasant.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5mwCmlaupkY
Enjoy it man. Burn that fuckin couch and knock up a royal.
Please don’t confuse the two instructions.
Uhh….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agVpq_XXRmU
y’all dun good. Pills for the whole state!
WAIT. The MIGHTY Leafs lost to teh LOWLY Senators?? A natioUn in mourning, eh?
Some just giggle
/hehe
Scotchy going to fly through here with his wang in a Sens bandana.
pffftttt, like he’s still AWAKE
HA!
SORCERY!!!!
Well when would you patrol the stockyards? Of course he is awake.
This just in: Several million assholes are taking Bereavement Leave tomorrow. No essential services of any kind will be affected.
An awful outcome for Toronto, and by extension, Canada, and by extension, the world.
Victory sauce!
https://twitter.com/cjzero/status/1740190780738977858
“Been there”
-Houston
Andy pays $200 for that every time he goes to Thailand.
Miraculously, none of the mayo ends up ON him.
Using leftover ham to make split pea soup tonight.
(Sees confused look on Andy Reid’s face at the words “leftover ham,” sighs deeply.)
That is the absolute best use of ham. Close second, three bean soup.
Ham salad FTW.
Andy Reid is intrigued and disgusted at the same time.
Hell yeah, French Canadian style.
Look, a good turkey sang-gich* has to have mayo on it. They just go together. Maybe a yellow mustard/mayo combo but Dijon overwhelms the turkey. If you don’t use any condiment at all I’m just assuming you were raised in prison by your serial killer single mother.
*word used by my 2 yr. old kid
“Tommy Cutlets Agent” would be a fantastic running character on this site.
“Youse gonna pay my boy nuttin? Double it and we gots us a deal, Capish?”
“That’s a good-lookin’ starting QB you got there, Shoen. Maybe you don’t want him to run into any tire rod, understand? Maybe you throw some extra cheese my way and it doesn’t happen. And by cheese I don’t mean cheese, I mean moola. And by moola I mean money.”
/you see, he’s more than a little stupid
With not paying attention whatsoever, I thought that USC would have had a better record this year.
So did everyone!
(but they’ll still beat the 2nd best team in the ACC, because ACC)
The Fansville ads, where Caleb Williams breaks every bad superstition there is, in hindsight may have been a bad idea.
*Note: I don’t hate mayo in small doses as an important sandwich bonding agent.
Agreed. Too much and it overpowers the taste of the sandwich. However, it can be used to counteract the sour and vinegar taste of other toppings. Plus, if you’re on keto or Atkins, it can be a valuable ingredient for fat and taste.
“If your problem is that there’s too much mayonnaise, it’s a clear indicator that your sandwich is too small.” – a troubleshooting guide penned by Coach Reid
Ha, forgot I had this:
Everyone is down on mayo yet loves aioli even though aioli is just a specific sort of mayo using olive oil
“Duke’s Aioli? We didn’t kick them Brits out of this here fine nation to have them foist some gotdamn monarchical emulsion on us!”
My mayo-hating friend once grilled a waiter on whether or not a particular sandwich had mayo on it. Being assured that it did not, he ordered it. When it arrived, he freaked out, and the waiter said “oh, that’s not mayo, that’s aoili!”
That waiter is a BASTARD MAN
Also, he’s funny.
a lot of them thar waiters r no ofence
I said I know. Evrybody funny.
(shut up george thorogood is cool)
Ah, finally some civilized sprots (hockey) are back to watch which is kind enough to give its players 3 whole days off at the holidays to spend with family before the CTE sets in.
Except, of course, for the best teenage players, who are sent overseas at Christmas for the World Junior tournament!
After West By God scores to go up 24, they should onside kick
Me (on vacation, a bit more free with the beer and dessert than usual) (steps on scale): Well, that’s not a trend I like. I should get a jump on the new year and maybe clean up the ol’ diet a bit.
Mrs. Horatio: I forgot to take something out of the freezer. Do you want to go to the bar and get steamed cheeseburgers?
Me: Yes. In fact I want to do that immediately.
Steamed hams?
What are you, from Albany or something?
Sure as hell ain’t from Utica.
Oh hey, my bowl game is on! Sweet!
Have you ever considered changing your name? I’d imagine being named after that fetid Satanic jism is like being named after Hitler.
Finally a food taek of yours I agree with.
Some things is just universal galdurned TRUTHS
Ehhh you just dont like it cause you were forced to eat it as a kid.
How dare you!
With all that hatred towards the Mayo Bowl, I can wait to see everyone’s reaction if Cincinnati gets a bowl game and the Coney Bowl becomes a real thing!
To settle the debate from the previous thread:
https://youtu.be/VUtnkUdwrIc?si=50SBJj2WzwH6hU8N