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Wumbo Wednesday With Weaselo: Professorial Edition!

Senor Weaselo

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Which is to say, first day of classes, my class is actually running for the first time in two years, so it’s a lot of “Wait, what am I doing, I forgot from orientation two years ago, does my card actually work in the adjunct office and can I print out my syllabus? Also, is this syllabus any good?”

This scene has absolutely played in my head for the past week. And I can’t find it on the Youtubes.

Yes, I am nervous. I’m actually running the show here, instead of being the extremely competent sidekick. So with that, no news (unless I add it once I get back from school). (Update: The news is fairly minor—Charmslinger as QB1 for the Steelers, someone to be revealed tomorrow for the P*ts, other minor things including Dalvin Cook to the DAL practice squad and Bailey Zeppe to the Chiefs.)

What’s on?
There is literally nothing on reasonably attainable national cable, so check your local listings or check Amazon or Apple. Regionals? Sure. MLB Network? Yes. Fox Soccer Plus? Sure. FS1, 2, or ESPN? No fucking idea.

BattleBots Beat note:
They released the groups for the Fall Faceoffs, the event going on that’s meant to be a precursor to WC VIII as a “pre-qualifier.” I can trust you some of these teams are pre-qualified, like the group of death choice: HyperShock, Valkyrie, Tombstone, and Orbitron.

Oof if you’re Orbitron though it’s showed some interest, being a counter gyro vert in the vein of Ripperoni. But the other three are former Most Destructive winners. That would be my choice if you have the time and means to attend exactly one.

Okay, that gets me to word count so hammer away!

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WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diMnSrZQ24s

0
blaxabbath

They call me Brick.

Brick McHook.

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2
blaxabbath

Hey I don’t mean to be all, “Did you guys know Portugal’s 3,393 miles from NYC” but this volcano-powered grill is pretty SSSSSSMOKIN’…..

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5
2Pack

That looks sensational

1
blaxabbath

The green onions here are huge.

0
Redshirt

My father wants to vote absentee but has been watching Fox News in his permanent convalescence. I’m not ready to start rooting for the ALS, but I guess I’ll just hide his absentee ballot when it comes in the mail. It worked for my report card. Multiple times.

2
blaxabbath

“Fill it out! That’s what I always do.”

-RFKjr’s Brainworm

1
2Pack

Ciao tutti

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2
Horatio Cornblower

You’ll want to bookmark this for when I am somehow relegated out of the Lowration league after going 1-14. I mean, I am facing the 12th toughest scheduled (out of a possible 14), but hey, I got Hollywood Brown at 135 so it’s nothing but clear skies and smooth sailing for this guy!

In a draft that left others green with envy, Heather’s Horrible Hikes managed to secure a sparkling A- grade, setting the stage for a season that promises to be as delightful as finding a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. With a projected record of 11-4-0 and an anticipated 2nd place finish, Heather’s Horrible Hikes seems destined to dazzle the competition. Despite facing the 12th toughest schedule, this team’s lineup shines like a polished gem, ready to outshine the rest.

While some picks glittered brighter than others, like Hollywood Brown shining at pick 135, others may need a bit of polishing, such as Amari Cooper picked earlier than expected at 51. However, with only 2 players on bye week 12, Heather’s Horrible Hikes appears well-positioned to navigate any rough patches in the season. It seems like Heather’s Horrible Hikes is all set to turn the fantasy football field into their own treasure trove of victories.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yahoo gave me a B-, which IMO is the sweetspot of Yahoo draft grades.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

You are so fucked

2
Bogdanski

110% read it in Shoresy’s voice, intended or not.
Give yer balls a tug, Horatio

3
Horatio Cornblower

Titfucker!

0
ArmedandHammered

This is amusing me greatly

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMZIg0btqMU

2
ArmedandHammered

Oh and this one, I am really liking this mashup
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hrj_uCWxp5Y

2
BugEyedBoo

That’s the real deal right there.

1
ArmedandHammered

Try this one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KbWug0sFAJQ

1
blaxabbath

Despite it not being propane, this grill has three working burners, if I use the aim n flame. So I’m warming it up for some maui marinated short ribs.

So if you hear about another fire breaking out in hawaii…

7
LemonJello

You were with us here in the clubhouse the whole time.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THIS GUY BLAXABBATH I CALL HIM ONE OF THE DWARVES IN THE HOBBIT MOVIE CAUSE HE SPENT A GOOD PORTION OF HIS DAY INSIDE A BARREL.

2
ArmedandHammered

Getting ready for the tropical storm headed your way?

1
LemonJello

Gonna be a hella fun FF season!

In a draft that left fans scratching their heads, Bearsenschiesse Barons managed to secure a disappointing grade of D. Projected to finish in 10th place with a lackluster 6-9-0 record, it seems like their fantasy season might be more of a comedy than an epic saga. Despite snagging Rachaad White at a decent spot, the team’s hopes were dashed with the selection of Tua Tagovailoa way earlier than expected.

To add insult to injury, Bearsenschiesse Barons will have to navigate the 3rd toughest schedule out of 14 teams, with 2 key players on bye week 6. The decision to draft 3 players from the same team might either lead to a triumphant victory or a catastrophic collapse. With this lineup, Bearsenschiesse Barons might need a miracle to avoid being the punchline of the league’s jokes.

I’ve never wanted to launch a DDoS attack on Yahoo’s server farm until now.

7
BC Dick

I’m going to be in such a better 10th place than you. This AI, it ain’t taking over shit.

In the fantasy draft for TWBS Memorial Lowratio League, Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses swung and missed, earning a disappointing draft grade of D. Despite picking Brock Bowers at a steal in the 134th spot, their selection of Zack Moss at 78 raised a few eyebrows, considering the player’s ADP of 100. With a projected record of 6-9-0 and a forecasted 10th place finish, it seems like Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses might have some rough waters ahead.

To add insult to injury, Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses faces the second toughest schedule out of 14 teams, making their path to the playoffs even more challenging. With two key players on bye week 14, they’ll need to strategize carefully to navigate through that hurdle. It looks like Dick’s Sweet Candy Asses will need a stroke of luck to defy the odds and climb out of the projected 10th place finish.

5
Bogdanski

Well, I play you in week 1. I can’t find my report card but based on your’s I’m doing great!

4
Bogdanski

OK, looks like I got a c+. That’s whats gotten me where I am today

6
Redshirt

At the rate the Reds are going, I may not make it to NFL Week 1.

3
BugEyedBoo

My boss congratulated me today for the Reds being ahead of the Pirates.

3
WCS

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6
ArmedandHammered

I need to go beat the snark out of an AI:

A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge Strikes Out: Draft Grade F and Projected Finish 14th

In a stunning display of strategic prowess, A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge managed to secure the elusive draft grade of F, setting the stage for a triumphant projected finish in 14th place. With a projected record of 1-14-0 and a meager 1300.02 points on the horizon, the team is poised to conquer the league from the bottom up. It’s a true underdog story in the making, with the schedule difficulty ranking as the 1st toughest among 14 teams, ensuring a thrilling uphill battle for A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge.

The draft itself was a rollercoaster of questionable decisions and bold moves. While snagging Luke Musgrave at 139 proved to be a shining moment, the selection of J.K. Dobbins at 55 raised a few eyebrows, defying the odds and the ADP of 131. A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge also showcased a unique affinity for a particular team, drafting a trio of players from the same squad, creating a mini dream team within the team. Not to be outdone, the team decided to stock up on tight ends, opting for a grand total of 4, surpassing the league average by a significant margin. With such groundbreaking strategies in play, A&H’s Used Vape Cartridge is set to revolutionize the art of fantasy football drafting.

5
Mr. Ayo

I’ve never seen an F grade. Congrats!

4
ArmedandHammered

I am a unique snowflake.

3
litre_cola

That’s a first for me too

4
ArmedandHammered

I should have been stoned and drafted instead of trying to pay attention to my wife and the draft.

2
BugEyedBoo

Eh, both them and ESPN’s team evaluator sucks ass.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You’re my opponent in Week 1. Can’t wait for my team to pull a Brocky and put up 58.7 points or something like that.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, seriously 4 tight ends?

Even I won’t go that far!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Came back from getting hammered with friend of DFO Trevor Risk, then dinner, then watching people I may be sleeping with get high in a park to find that the Lowratio League finished the entire draft in less than an hour. What the fuck?

Also I’ve already replaced Deshaun Watson with Derek Carr: Let’s see if anyone notices.

Yahoo gave itself an A- for its draft on my behalf. Having reviewed my roster suffice it to say I have my doubts.

4
blaxabbath

They gave you the chips to trade with….

0
Gumbygirl

You are going to destroy me in the first game.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Let’s not get carried away; the spread’s like 1.5 points and I feel like my roster is more than capable of underachieving that.

2
Gumbygirl

I have people on my team I’ve never even heard of, and I watch every week with yinz!

1
ballsofsteelandfury

We’re Trevor Drinking Twins!

1
Horatio Cornblower

He said he’d met one other DFOer but couldn’t recall your screen name. Went on to say “he sent me some mezca…”

Me: “Oh that was Balls”

He did know your real name but I won’t drop that here, El Chapo.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can’t wait for Yahoo to give me a D- because I refused their recommendation to draft a player from the New York Jets at #5 overall.

2
LemonJello

I happily continued my tradition of not drafting P*ts, Jets or Browns players.

But I don’t think I’ll need to find a commissioner for next year due to promotion to Freezer Vodka League.

Drafting 14/14 is rough.

4
litre_cola

14 teams is a wild ride.

2
BugEyedBoo

Yeah, it gets to the cream of the crap in a hurry.

3
Gumbygirl

I got a D. In my defense, I have no clue how any of this works. Should be a fun season!

2
Redshirt

Yahoo and MaddMadden: “You should draft a QB.”
Me: “But I

1
Redshirt

Fat fingers. Fix the Edit button. Blah blah blah.

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3
Gumbygirl

I drafted yer boy Burrow. He should be good for some points until he breaks.

1
Redshirt

Can you all please avoid jinxing my Bengals for one season?!

(reads updates on JaMarr Chase and the Bengals now only having 2 RBs)

Nevermind. I think this season’s already starting pre-jinxed.

1
Bogdanski

I noped out of that rec first thing

0
LemonJello

First reaction to the Lowratio League draft for the Bearsenschiesse Barons:

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7
Gumbygirl

I panicked the whole way through that draft. Fuck sakes, I picked Beaty Mixon!

3
yeah right

I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to remember who I drafted. I haven’t played in almost 5 years so it was all muscle memory.

3
blaxabbath

You got some real value with Jimmie Garrapolo.

4
LemonJello

Bold of him to draft Tom Brady as his backup QB.

1
Redshirt

QB1: Russell Wilson
QB2: Justin Fields

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Were you drunk?

0
BugEyedBoo

And you took the Steelers D right in front of me. Homer!

2
LemonJello

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5
ArmedandHammered

My team is trapped inside.

2
ArmedandHammered

Tiafoe’s outfit made him look like Lamar from Revenge of the Nerds.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That was a surprisingly progressive movie for its time if you overlook all the sex crimes.

1
BugEyedBoo

That was in the 90’s, right? Those weren’t crimes, that was SOP back then.

2
ArmedandHammered

80’s actually

3
Unsurprised

That makes them Supreme Gentlemen.

1
ArmedandHammered

It is not like they physically restrained the women when they raped them.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

What actor is a major turn off for you to stop watching a show/movie?

I saw someone had answered “Lea Michele” and thought to myself “Lea’s feelings would be very hurt if she could read that.”

Last edited 1 year ago by Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
5
LemonJello

That was a fun read.

1
BugEyedBoo

I don’t know about ‘stop’, but Marky Mark is a pretty big hurdle for me to jump before I start.

3
King Hippo

Sandra Bullock. I hate her so much, and no idea as to why.

2
ArmedandHammered

Rene Zellwinger for me, I loathed her the first time I saw and heard her the movie Empire Records.

0
yeah right

Hey! Me too!

0
ArmedandHammered

My choices are probably more random than the auto drafter.

3
LemonJello

Lowratio League, ASSEMBLE!

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Let’s f’n go!

7
ArmedandHammered

Where am I supposed to be?!

1
litre_cola

On a Yahoo draft.

2
ArmedandHammered

The layout confused me for a bit.

1
litre_cola

It is fucking horrible.

3
Gumbygirl

I did it on a phone. I don’t recommend that at all.

3
litre_cola

I once was drafting while in a slowpitch game. I was yelling at my now wife on who I needed her to draft for me while I played. I looked like a psycho.

3
ArmedandHammered

The US Open is on ESPN. Lots of sweaty grunting women who are hammering balls, sounds like a fun time.

3
LemonJello

Hammering?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBZPhdlKpHk

5
ballsofsteelandfury

Hammering!

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