Balls of Chaos: Our own Balls’s favorite squad, this year’s squadron (which won the Qualis, which means nothing, so prepare for them to finish 14th or so) have their take on the vertical stripes. Which is to say it’s vertical stripes, but in true BoC fashion it’s in a shattered glass-like pattern which makes sections of the stripes askew. Logo on chest, logo on right sleeve, JMR logo on left sleeve, full name on back. Since I’m doing these (mostly) blind I’ll admit the name on the back might take away from these, but I’ll reserve the right to go back and fix these grades later. Grade: A-

Black Jacks: For the first time in their (reformed) history (since 2022), the Black Jacks made the Marble League, finishing 6th in qualis. It’s a standard enough kit: black shirt, logo on the left front, suits around the right sleeve with their ace of spades logo on top (seen clearer on the back name logo). Points to the thick suit sash in underlaying black around the middle though I think it could have potentially run the entire shirt rather than just the bottom, and the poker chip cuffs. Grade: B

Bumblebees: The surprise podium team (and therefore auto-qualifiers) from 2023, the Bees have a pretty expected outfit: Yellow top, black line at the crest, dark brown below it with the hive pattern. Checks the boxes, and yeah, overall I think something can potentially be done with what I’m assuming from the first three teams will be the obligatory wordmark on the back. There definitely wasn’t enough time and/or it would be spoilers, but I think for future years it would be cool to replace the JMR word logo with a patch for that year’s Marble League. Grade: C+

Chocolatiers: After not qualifying in 2023 the Chocolatiers made it back into the ML proper. This year’s kit follows a fitting chocolate bar pattern for the Mount Bonsel squad, and our first team to have their logo dead-center in the chest. The problem is it interferes with the middle squares of the bar just a tad. Either those middle squares could be a little higher so the logo can be centered in them, or lower to avoid them. Points however for the white collar. Grade: C

Crazy Cat’s Eyes: Note to self, make sure it’s the one that says 2024 and not the one that says “jersey.” But showing the comparison between the two shows the step up this year. The defending champs are surprisingly rocking white this year, but my guess is that that’s to represent all five members, as the other four eye colors (red, blue, green, and yellow) are making an X- or diamond-pattern. I actually wish this could have gone all the way up, as the top half, including the logo, ends up looking a little empty. Also an interesting choice to not go with the main logo, but just the secondary cat’s eye on the sleeve. A lot of good things, but a slightly missed opportunity. Grade: B

Gliding Glaciers: The hosts, with the best team chant in the league (yes, hot take compared to the O’rangers). The shirt mirrors the logo, with their pink and blue opposing the way the colors are situated in the logo (situated in the center), and dark blue bisecting the two sections. This is one of the times I actually like how the back of the shirt is set up, though it’s wasted a little on the back because that could be a valid front of the shirt. Of all the teams, they should have gotten the ML24 logo rather than the team name on the sleeve, but alas. Grade: A

Green Ducks: Definitely a step up from the prior iteration, as they’re in green. But compared to the flashiness of some of these other kits, there’s not much they could do. The green camo is serviceable, though not the greatest camo pattern and more just splotches, but I really like the sleeve alternate shield. The Ducks are one of my favorite teams, and this is definitely a step up, but it doesn’t match up to the curve. Grade: D+

Hazers: Stop the presses! No, Hazy’s not back, and if anything, Murky earned himself some good graces with a Short Track performance that locked up their spot during the qualis. The Hazers have one of the more interesting kits this time around, namely for the back being in vertical rather than horizontal. Also the big H on the sleeve. It’s a lot of interesting concepts, but it, fittingly, lacks some cohesion. Grade: D

Indigo Stars: Heartbreak for the 3rd year in a row for the Stars, who since their inception in 2019 have only made the League twice (2019, 2021). Their unis this year are based off the bottom of their logo, a nice touch. I’m not sure if it works quite as well in practice as it did in theory, but it’s a well thought out touch. The back and sleeve takes the logo a little more minimalistically, using the five star pattern of the team. It’s not bad, but just misses. Grade: B-

Jungle Jumpers: Surprising no one, the Jumpers… wait, they QUALIFIED? For the first time since 2019? Wow, I’m floored. Anyway, the Jumpers’ ’24 kit uses their leaf logo, as it’s in a green gradient coming up from the bottom of the kit to the mid-crest. The leaf is prominent again on the sleeve, in between the “JJ” pattern that you see at the 12, 3, and 9:00 positions of the logo. A solid kit. Grade: B+

Kobalts: Once again, heartbreak. Of the 2022 variety, not last year’s—pipped out by a single point by the Wolfpack. Once again, the squad leans into its elemental inspiration as the kit shows an electron cloud as seen by the logo. I don’t know/think it has all 27 electrons, but that’s because the nucleus is somewhere around the right hip, off the shirt entirely. You could make the argument that the logo should be the nucleus but that would be a bit excessive since the stylized K is the nucleus of the logo, and it would just be a kind of cobalt-ception for the Kobalts. The stylized K also acts as the sleeve patch. Good work. Now I guess go try and win the Showdown for the third time instead of competing on the main stage. Grade: A

Limers: The thumbnail looks like it’s a plain lime green (which would be classic Limers…) but there is some lime rind-looking pattern throughout the jersey. But this one seems true to form for the squad. The vertical lettering around the back is an attempt, but the light blue used as the outline color doesn’t exactly say “lime” to me. Yeah, typical Limers. In a marble world full of solid jerseys, they get a dud. Grade: D-

Mellow Yellow: This kit reminds me a little of noted blockhead Charlie Brown, where they have a similar squiggle pattern, though the 2021 champs have several in gradient formation. This is a rarity for me to say, but I think their previous kits were better, with the M-Y interlock throughout. A version of that, maybe with the interlock in black on the yellow tops and cleaned up a little would have been solid. As unfortunately fitting, they were one of the few Original 16 teams who had never been relegated, and they bit the bullet this year. Grade: D-

Midnight Wisps: Speaking of former champions who’ve been relegated, the Midnight Wisps! 2024 marked the second time they’ve been sent down, joining that regrettable 2021 campaign. The good news is my favorite logo/colors/3rd favorite team are the reason why I made this article! The front is busy without being chaotic, with the homage to last year’s stripe pattern and stars, without being overbearing. This version of their name is also the best lettermark yet, taking from the logo. I’m not 100% sold on the back shoulder yoke, where they might have just kept it similar to the front, but I’m not sure how that would have looked with the lettering, other than probably having to shrink it down (which I would have been fine with). Regardless, these are really good, with the minor gripes preventing the mythical A+. Grade: A

Minty Maniacs: The co-host/sponsored team (thanks Uncle Deadpool!)… that then proceeded to finish 24th out of the 28 teams in qualifying, so they’ll be representing the Showdown. After New Year’s. Whoops… Anyway, the unis follow the mint swirl pattern, so that’s probably a love it or hate it scenario. The one thing I’ve learned from the sleeve minimalist logo is there’s something emanating from the M in the logo. I have no idea what or why. Anyway, this one seems like it would be a “love it or hate it,” but it’s not for me. Grade: C-

O’rangers: Ah yes, another year with the O’rangers… relegated to the Showdown? What fucking madness is this? In 25th of the 28, so it’s not like some last-minute heartbreak. As for the kit, it is very O. So that screams O’rangers. Will you like it? Maybe, maybe not. I do appreciate the O’rangers wordmark centered, in the same spot as the logo on the front. Grade: C

Oceanics: Four straight years in the Showdown. Pretty simple from the front, the back does get points for the trident logo at the bottom. Trident is down on the sleeve, which I’m sure the Noceanics wing of the fanbase will snicker at. Grade: C+

Pinkies: Well, the one shining moment has faded for the Pinkies, as the 4th Place Curse strikes again in terms of Showdown relegation. Which sucks, because the checkerboard horizontal stripe and sleeve inspired by an obi is really nice! The diamond holding wordmark gets ever so slightly clipped as a result, so just a little tweak there. But other than that, these are really nice! Grade: A

Purple Rockets: We don’t particularly care about the Purple Rockets… yet. (They’re one of the myth teams that gained sentience, whether that was deliberate or due to Greg Woods speaking off the cuff). And their kit unfortunately resembles that. The rocket on the back is a fair touch, but the front is pretty meh. Grade: D

Raspberry Racers: It’s fairly basic, but well done. The circle pattern fits, even though it’s just red and dark red. Solid, even if it’s not the flashiness of others. Grade: A

Rojo Rollers: Guy Fieri approved, with the flame cuffs and hem. Again in the love or hate category. But more so the back, with the light blue thick stripe in the middle! This is flashy, and many people would say it’s either an A+ or an F, with no in between. In an attempt to in-between it, I’d say closer to the former than the latter. I may not adore it, but I do appreciate it. It’s all they have with what’s now their 6th time missing out in 9 seasons. Grade: B+

Savage Speeders: And then there was 1. The Speeders are the last team standing, the only 2016 original team to make every Marble League. As for the kit, I’m not sure if they’re meant to be tire tracks or a speedometer. The colors are nice, but definite loss of points there. I do like the alternate, minimal logo on the sleeve though. Grade: B

Shining Swarm: Sparkly sash! It’s quite bright but it’s nice, and is played with with the lettermark being on the same axis. The Swarm have a nice color scheme here and the logo works well. No real complaints… except for finishing dead last. Yeah… Grade: A

Snowballs: It’s basically all-white uni, but it’s a nice touch. The lettering is all light blue and I actually think that could be white with the blue outlines. Embrace the white-out! Grade: A-

Solar Flares: They… qualified? Huh? They can do that? Anyway, the kit is absolute chaos. It’s all the Kachina without the space coyote. Which is to say… eh. Oh wait, the back with the random sun tentacle is weird. Grade: D+

Okay, I gotta run, so last few teams, lightning round!

Team Galactic: Like the stars on the right side, which are also on the bottom and the sleeve. Minus for the color on the hem, works if you’re tucking it in but not here. Grade: A-

Team Momo: I like the sublimated thing, even if I don’t know what it is. Chopstick sleeve patch is a nice touch. Grade: B

Team Plasma: The sleeve is nice, the stripes are a good touch. Could have had it go the whole way through. Grade: B+

Team Primary: Pretty standard but the dark blue at the top of the rear of the shirt is a nice touch, unexpected from the sleeve. Grade: B+

Thunderbolts: Kind of unspectacular, being only two colors with the logo in the middle. I would have liked the thunderbolt on the back going all the way down, but it’s something with a pop of color. Grade: C

Turtle Sliders: Props to having the full logo and wordmark in the back, but it is large which is the thing I said not to do. Like the cuffs and hems though. Grade: D+

Wolfpack: Are they the Wolfpack or Team Wolfpack? Regardless, solid front, less solid back with the wordmark and the triangle… things. Grade: B+

There. Okay. Fend for yourselves, gotta run to gig. Missing my diceball draft and everything!