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Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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We’ve got so much freaking football going forward, oh my god! Gird Your Lions! And your Bills, Ravens, Eagles and…maybe even your Vikes? Maybe these few loss teams are legit? I’ve no clue.

Minutiae:

-Welcome Pat Taylor Jr. of the Niners to the starting running back role of the Niners. He must be so excited to get his chance. Others are super excited to bet on which debilitating injury will knock him out for the rest of the season. The Niners have to win out to get into the postseason.

-There’s news out there that Qaron would be willing to mentor a newbie QB should he stick around the Jets next year. If Woody wants a surly, sour, self-involved, conspiracy-minded signal-caller, he’s all set!

-The NCAA president and the NFLPA Pearl Clutchers are aghast, aghast I tell you with the amount of sports betting that they’re not getting a slice of-just yet. So naturally they’ve asked Congress to “Do Something”. The NCAA also asked if legislation could be enacted whereby they could grow their balls back.

-He’s Just Like Us!: Mike Penix was eating a hot dog at Costco when he was informed that he’ll be the starter for the Falcons this weekend. Given the news, he splurged and bought the $5 roasted chicken.

To The Game!

Broncos/Chargers:

-If Denver wins they get a playoff spot. I prefer that than going over all the permutations and combinations the last few weeks of the season.

-Bo Nix isn’t getting nearly the credit that a rook qb guiding a four game win streak while headed down the stretch should. Sure it’s been a bit bumpy but the kid is an asset and his skillset will grow.

-Conversely, the Chargers are stumbling, having lost three of their last four and they’re on the road for two weeks to close out the season. Yeah, it’s the Pats and Raiders but still… A win here runs their playoff entry chances to 97%-a loss drops them to 73%.

-Since Dobbins was lost for the season (who could have seen that coming?) the Chargers have laid off the running game and the results are showing.

-Piling On: Last week vs Tampa they gave up the most yards (500) and points (40) this season.

-Both Herbert and Nix are tied for second in the league. Thing is, the stat is dropped passes.

Have at it.

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Brick Meathook

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0
blaxabbath

I’m sitting on so much cash. I’m gonna offer fractional-pennies-on-the-dollar to liquidate the shit out of all of the poor dumb MAGAs that thought bringing talking points to a gun fight would be beneficial to their families.

I guess they can relish in the fact that, when Trump gives me EVEN MOAR tax cuts and then posts some gif about Nancy Pelosi, their movement will truly have me p0wn3d.

3
blaxabbath

I like this one.

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1
Sharkbait

Fucking Regan

1
blaxabbath

I was born under Regan. I’ve never seen a world that isn’t on the current trend line.

1
WCS

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dryden,_Ontario

Found scotchy’s base of operations.

2
Dunstan

The great unrequited love of my teen years was from Dryden. Thanks a lot for reminding me of that heartache, you bastard.

3
WCS

She was that girlfriend from Canadia we never got to meet?

4
Doktor Zymm

“DRYden you say? Tell me more!”
– B. Shapiro

9
Horatio Cornblower

Scotchy can probably take care of that for you.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching a movie called A Paris Christmas Waltz and it’s got Matthew Morrison in it, who some might remember as the guy who got fired as a judge from So You Think You Can Dance for trying to bang one of the dancers. Very unprofessional. Very understandable, though.

Anyhow, this is the second Xmas movie in a row that I am rooting for the male protagonist to get hit by a car.

4
Gumbygirl

Wait, wasn’t he actually banging Paula Abdul?

2
Mr. Ayo

No, that was me.

5
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

You were in the clubhouse the whole time

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWC7qTZzGII

3
Gumbygirl

Who names their kid Brick? Lololol! JeUrry JeUdy is probably the only player in NFL history who was relieved he got traded to the Brownies

1
Sharkbait

Brick Johnson sounds like a name that was omitted from the Space Mutiny episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000

https://youtu.be/RFHlJ2voJHY

6
Sharkbait

The Patriots might suck ass this season but at least they aren’t rejecting trades based on Madden ratings

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m granting myself 1 mL of bourbon for every lap I swam today. That’s 80 mL!

2
Doktor Zymm

I want to make a street fighter style video game with Trump and Musk called Narcissist Slapfight

4
Gatoraids

Divekick comes close

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2
Senor Weaselo

And it gave us things like “Fraud Alert Detected!”

2
Gatoraids

Well that existed a bit earlier in FGC terminology, crazy to think SF4 locals like NLBC in NYC and WNF in LA were getting 15-20k at peak on twitch

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Um…INXS?

0
WCS

TCBY

0
Gumbygirl

10-4

0
Mr. Ayo

Haha. Owned!

1
Doktor Zymm

Tiny horses are the bitchiest horses and I love them for it

3
Gumbygirl

He was running along minding his own horsey bizness until he saw scooter guy. Then he was like ” hellno, bitch!”

2
Brick Meathook

comment image

1
WCS

Another Lost Kommentator.

5
Doktor Zymm

Damn that is some delicious wine. I’m gonna finish this glass and fall asleep. Rest of the bottle is for happy hour tomorrow

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll pick up the slack and pour myself some bourbon.

2
Sharkbait

On a second rye now. Cheers

2
Horatio Cornblower

Just saw a commercial where insurance adjuster are throwing checks on a hockey rink.

Let’s put aside how ridiculous that is in about 95% of such scenarios, and settle in for another Story Time With Horatio (TM)

My brother got his MFA at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks. Because why not? While there he frequented many of the bars in the Greater Fairbanks area, and by ‘Greater Fairbanks’ I mean that if the bar is Alaska, there’s a picture of my brother with a ‘Do Not Serve’ penciled underneath.

Anyhoo, one night he’s drinking and winds up talking to another guy, a guy who’s larger than most people. A guy who turns out to be former Hartford Whaler Grant Jennings.

comment image

They hit it off, (my brother can hit it off with anyone in a bar. and also start an absolute brawl with anyone), and get to talking and having a high old time. They’re walking out, and my brother days “I just want to give you a check right now.”

Grant, who is hammered. is puzzled. “Why would you give me money?” he asks, no doubt wondering what kind of freak he’s just been hammering beers with. “No, no” says my brother, “I mean I want to put a hockey check on you right into that snow bank.”

Jennings looks him up and down and says “that would be a really bad idea. For you”

Last edited 1 year ago by Horatio Cornblower
10
WCS

That’s member of both the 1991 and ’92 back-to-back Stanley Cup Pittsburgh Penguins Grant Jennings, thanks.

He was the throwaway in the Ron Francis-Zarley Zalapski trade!

8
Horatio Cornblower

Yes. Yes.

I am well aware of that trade, but thank you very much for reminding me OF THE TRADE THAT FUCKING DESTROYED THE HARTFORD WHALERS!!!!

5
WCS

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3
Sharkbait

I thought of you watching that Whalers documentary I posted before. One of the whalers booster club guys is OK with the Hurricanes doing a Whalers night once a year. I’m with you, that’s just wrong on so many levels.

2
Horatio Cornblower

That person is a heretic deserving of death by Snu-Snu.

1
Doktor Zymm

From the small amount of drinking I’ve done in Alaskan bars, he sounds like the quintessential Alaska drinker.

3
Horatio Cornblower

He’s got another story of walking into what he did not know was a Native bar, having everyone in there turn around and glare at him, and doing an instant 180.

Just a very different world.

2
Brick Meathook

He should have gone into the Native bar, stood by the doorway, eyeballed all the patrons, and said “I smell sheep shit” and then walked out.

3
Redshirt

Yes! Easiest path to the Playoffs!

Red: “The Bengals lost to the Browns, of course, but that didn’t extinguish Redshirt’s cautious optimism.”

3
Horatio Cornblower

Just like a low-income Trump voter, Redshirts optimism is both unjustified and unabated.

The difference, of course, is that I’m not rooting for Redshirt to die of hookworm.

3
Brick Meathook

https://ibb.co/CJ8BFjp

2
Gumbygirl

I see the ceement pond!

3
blaxabbath

People want new builds customized to the tastes they learned on HGTV.

1
Gatoraids

Nice of the Charges to end with a tribute to Philip Rivers

3
fleshwound_NPG

next year is the 20th anniversary of danica patrick’s rookie year in indycar and when she almost won the indy 500

fuck her maga ass and cte maggot brain

announcement earlier today was that another young woman is gonna join the junior indycar division next year to hopefully make it to the big time. gotta brush up on my german

sexy friday gets an early start

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1
WCS

danica patrick’s rookie year in indycar

And what an incredible career it was. She and ESPN will tell you so!

4
blaxabbath

Diversity competitor.

0
Doktor Zymm

Hey y’all. I just spent 4 hours alternating between driving in traffic and pulling over to do work using my phone as a hotspot. I did pick up a bunch of amazing wine, so will pour myself a glass as soon as I muster the willpower to stand up and walk the 5 or so meters over to the open bottle I was gifted

7
Sharkbait

Get up. Grab the bottle, opener, glass and sit back down. 1 trip accomplishes all.

2
Brick Meathook

Meters? What country are you in?

4
Doktor Zymm

Meters are just HUUUUUUUGE yards

1
litre_cola

*metres

3
Doktor Zymm

You would love this Cab. I would share but pouring it on my phone would just break my phone and waste some wine instead of wirelessly transmitting it to you

2
Horatio Cornblower

You can do it, Zymm. I have faith in you.

4
jjfozz

“i was going to seduce you, and then I saw your toenails.”

Actual quote.

FUCK!

4
Gumbygirl

You shouldn’t talk that way to the dog, Fozzie. She can’t take herself to the groomer!

9
Col. Duke LaCross

Goddammit, we have to have another national game next week? Can’t the Bears just shit in the woods in regional coverage?

8
litre_cola

You take it and you like it

4
Doktor Zymm

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5
Brick Meathook

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4
Col. Duke LaCross

It’s as beautiful as you can imagine!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbKSQ0saOok&pp=ygUNZmlzdCBvZiBqZXN1cw%3D%3D

4
Don T

Neutered ripoff of Pasolini’s “Fisting Jesus”.

4
fleshwound_NPG

the cure for chargering: an insane coach that has milk with his steak

2
Gatoraids

RAW MILK, RAW STEAK

2
WCS

comment image

With raw jelly beans.

5
Gatoraids

Broncos Busted

0
clint greasewood

Fuck Dean Spanos

6
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evergreen

1
fleshwound_NPG

by the numbers only 7-ish people on earth have not seen either the gingham style video nor a mr beast video

here is one. hi.

3
WCS

I admit I learned of Mr Beast probably around COVID, so he was already big.
Something about him turned me off back then, and never did pay attention to him.

What do you know.

1
fleshwound_NPG

as much as you

0
Col. Duke LaCross

Same. Good company here at DFO.

2
Horatio Cornblower

I still have no idea who Mr. Beast is, but I have seen the gingham video once.

I may not have finished it.

2
Sharkbait

I know who Mr. Beast is. I’ve never seen his shit, and I want to keep it that way.

1
Doktor Zymm

He’s a YouTuber or something?

1
Redshirt

Philanthropist Youtuber who gives stuff away and holds games to give stuff away.

0
Doktor Zymm

Oh, I think I read an article about him, something about people in a stadium trying out for some competition series who couldn’t access their medication or something

1
WCS

https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/ckgn8d04kdko

0
Redshirt

He seems okay, but I said the same thing about OJ, and Vick, and Trump, and me and Democracy…

2
WCS

https://variety.com/2024/digital/news/mrbeast-amazon-sued-beast-games-contestants-class-action-1236148181/

No, he’s a shyster prick like the others. This is just one of many lawsuits filed against him this year. The gild is off the shit coin.

4
Redshirt

I guess that explains all the Teslas he gives away.

0
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

I’ve seen the Gangnam video, but have kids and a coworker that’s from South Korea, so should get a pass.
Have no clue who the beast guy is, nor do I care.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

I have no idea what y’all are talking about.

0
Redshirt

Trump-backed spending deal fails in House, shutdown approaches

…and that’s all the motivation to get my money out of my ETrade account. I’ll dip my toe back in after the Depression.

5
Gumbygirl

You have money? I have Social Security and a military pension. This will be me in a year or two

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6
Redshirt

I also have a 401K but I’m penciled that money in so I can erase it later.

1
Horatio Cornblower

My 401K has been doing phenomenally since the election, and I’m just looking at the gains and laughing, because they’re going right in the fucking toilet over the next two years.

3
ArmedandHammered

Move everything into weapon manufacturers.

4
litre_cola

He can invest on my workouts?

1
Horatio Cornblower

I have 10 vacation days over the next two weeks and you can bet “having a long conversation with my financial advisor, or making real-life friends with Blax” is on my list of things to do.

4
litre_cola

Waves from 51st state….

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

We had better fucking not do that

1
blaxabbath

RTD tried that.

I’m insufferable.

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, what’s your problem with Elon sinking congressional consensus based on bullshit?

3
Sharkbait

If Bo Nix can win OROY that would be great…

1
litre_cola

Sutton td Bo

Last edited 1 year ago by litre_cola
0
Brick Meathook

I confidently predict a Chargers-Rams Superb Owl.

4
WCS

He absolutely looked down to make sure his feet were in. That was great.

1
Redshirt

Hail BLEERGH

2
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