Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The darkness always lies [in bed].
Anthony Liccione

I so need a dark room to sleep these days. With the right temperature and noise. Oh and I’m now on team socks for sleeping. Love me some warm feets.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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There’s a life size Lego statue of David Ortiz at Fenway Fahckin’ Pahk. When they first installed it the real Ortiz showed up and stood next to it.

The joke was “What’s the difference between these two figures? One’s an enormous pile of artificial substances that can be hazardous to children if swallowed, and the other is a bunch of Legos.”
Horatio Cornblower

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NFL Network: “Breaking News…”

Me: “Eh.”

NFL Network: “…Bengals…”

Me: “Eh?”

NFL Network: “…resign…”

Me: “Eh?!”

NFL Network: “…Defensive End…”

Me: “EH?!“

NFL Network: “…Joseph Ossai.”

Me: (throws remote towards TV; remote bounces off wall and hits head)
Redshirt

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Any day that starts with reviewing a police report that includes the phrase “brain matter was observed in the road” is not going to be a good day. But hey, at least it’s also the 30th anniversary of Mrs. Horatio making just about the worst decision a girl could ever make!
Horatio Cornblower

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Just saw an ad for a medication whose side-effects include “redness and swelling between the anus and genitals, both of which can be fatal” and I do not care what disease I have that this medication is supposed to fight, that disease is just gonna have to run its course.
Horatio Cornblower

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So this has been an interesting day.

Tariffs hit today AND whatever held-back demand that was built up “waiting for the election” in November is now a complete never-arrived. We’re having the obligatory, “…but your steel is made here though?” and “I don’t understand how a national tax on steel increases your steelproduct price?” conversations with our customers/contractors.

And, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m in a R.E.D. industry.

So the thing I find interesting is one of the new responses to “tariffs are driving up prices, exactly as your lobbyist’s said they would” is “Well it’s only going to be temporary.”

Don’t confuse your political desires with reality, now. There’s no release date. We’re nowhere near producing enough domestically OR demand cratering enough that the 80% domestic production goal for “national security” will even be sniffed in the next decade.

And if you think, “Well, you need to eat it or else it makes the Winning look bad,” is a valid point, it is not.
blaxabbath

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Well done. Not to step on your literary toes but you inspired me. Apologies, I’m not a poet.

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As I see my Dad lie there, I ask God for healing or release.
I hear “Not yet.”

As I watch my mother morn a life they had and what could’ve been.
I hear “Not yet.”

As I watch my sister in denial, because she cannot stand to see her strongest person in her life so helpless.
I hear “Not yet.”

As I fix his meals, change channels, help bathe and clean him and woken up in the middle of the night for simple things we take for granted.
I hear “Not yet.”

As I watch him aspirate, choke and suffer anxiety attacks from the battle his body is fighting.
I hear “Not yet.”

As I watch him suffer and slowly slip away.
I hear “Not yet.”

For the first day on this Earth without him…

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For the stories he’s given and still giving.

For the meals we’ve shared.

For the sports games we’ve watched together.

For the jokes and laughs we’ve shared.

For him watching his son walk his daughter down the aisle to give her away in his name.

For the moments of true love between him and his wife, that shows why this marriage lasted 44 years and counting.

For the mornings of waiting for him to wake up and immediately ask for coffee.

For one more day.

I say, “Not yet.”
Redshirt

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Meanwhile, Hermana Weaselo and I also share one brain cell, trying to discard the urinal in the commode. There’s a lever which I figured is what flushed it. So, of course:

“Pull the lever, Kronk!”
I pull, nothing happens
“Wrong lever!”
Because it’s the button above it
“Why do we even have that lever?”
Senor Weaselo

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Got the news, they’re springing him tomorrow [March 14]!
Senor Weaselo

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I may have just stopped an in-progress burglary/home invasion.

The woman is bed-bound, and heard someone trying to access her front door. The door has a keypad as the lock. She heard someone inputting the wrong numbers. She called her son who said it wasn’t him and to call the police. She does that, and gets me. As we’re talking, the police arrived.

Unknown male found and detained while trying to access a back window. It is not her son. Holy shit.
WCS

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I am THIS CLOSE to declaring Senators* fanhood

*the goons from The Canadia, Chuck Schumer can go fuck hisself
King Hippo

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After a coupla screwdrivers, I believe subbing Cointreau for vodka is ghh🛥️ 4.bmi!?💿herm
Don T

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So I have had Deci in futbol since he was 3. Only house league, but he is far taller than other children his age so he wanted to play in the competitive league. We are at his evaluations, which I guess used to be called tryouts. I hate all of the parents already. I am fucking nervous for him as he doesn’t have the edge that I or BC Dick or Mrs Cola had.

However he plays cb, and loves to tackle and stonewall kids that want to go by him.
litre_cola

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This isn’t mine, but beer came out my nose when I read it:

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I had a shitty day. I was getting in my car to go to Riverside for a few days, got the cat and all my stuff in there- motherfucker wouldn’t start. So, I called AAA. They sent a fucking sleazebag douchenozzle out, who jumped it, claimed he tested the battery and I needed a new one. Then he couldn’t enter my VIN into his system to sell me one of his wildly overpriced ones, so he told me to drive to some random battery place and buy one there. I fired his ass in the driveway, and he took off without even putting the hood back down on my car. I expressed my displeasure like a fucking lady to his employer, and Triple A sent out a new guy. My car started right up when he got there, and he tested the battery. Guess what? There’s not a fucking thing wrong with it, it just needed a jump. SHOCKING!
Gumbygirl

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LoL

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As you may know, in Chicago they go hard for St Pats on the weekend before, aka this weekend. Friend of mine somehow got talked into escorting a group of bagpipers around to 11 bars today, for free.
Doktor Zymm

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It’s late, so I get to yell to the empty DFO Clubhouse:

WE HAVE KEYS TO OUR NEW HOUSE

It’s been 30 hours and I still don’t really believe I now own a home.
ThePirateSloth

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/Wife forced me to watch Kevin Costner’s “Yellowstone”

It takes place in Montana so it’s so obvious and hilarious that some of the “bad guys” mentioned are developers, solar panel salesmen and (gasp!) environmentalists looking to protect a wolf population.
scotchnaut

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This one gets color-printed and saved. Absolutely gorgeous, and every word a balm for the soul. I am Irish. I am a Kerryman. I use that product and am thrilled to hear that account of their company’s practices. And that particular recipe means so much more than food to a family. The smell of sauce hitting you first thing when you walk in the door after a day away really socks it home that you’re back in the better place again, especially for the kiddos. You don’t even know what’s for dinner yet! Could be any of half a dozen things, but they’re all good. Smells make memories, too. Thanks for this, brother!
Fronkenshteen

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I had a great dream last night where I was eating a fancy dinner at a hockey game, and was drinking some sort of creme de violette cocktail with dry vermouth made by the marine biologist bartenders. Kinda seems like something that could almost actually happen!
Doktor Zymm

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The Irish gathering is warming up.
Had boxty, Corned beef, soda bread, shortbread for dessert and now we’ve got Guinness and Jameson.

We’re minutes away from poker and the Wahini brought her cash.

She’s twelve. Consider it a life lesson.

One of life’s great lessons is humility.
yeah right

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Earthquake!
Jimbo

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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