So my dicking around writing time is being interrupted by actually having to do my job. The nerve! Well, it could be worse I guess. And next week is spring break so I’ll have some writing time. Now, granted, I’m still gigging (nobody’s getting married during Passover but there are still some shows) so it’s not like a full day, but hey, it’s something and I’m still getting paid.
In news news (not that kind of news, where we’re still looking for an adverb before the word “fucked” to describe the situation):
-As I mentioned, the true Greatest Game(s) happened yesterday. Lehman! Yeshiva! College baseball doubleheader! Streaks on the line (of the losing variety)!
Why is this night different from other nights? Not because it’s Passover (that starts Saturday evening), but because the Maccabees won their most recent game! (As my undergrad plays in the same conference, fuck ’em obligatorily, but, you know what, it’s fine for baseball, Purchase won the doubleheader 22-1 and 13-0). Yeshiva plays a doubleheader at SUNY Maritime on the 25th, while Lehman will look to recover against Baruch on Saturday.
–BASKETBALL PLAYER ALERT! Panthers sign Colin Granger, who played for Coastal Carolina this year. In college basketball. He hasn’t played football since the 8th grade. Since he’s 5+ years out of high school this is a free agency signing.
What’s on?
Why are we watching non-playoff hockey? [Post production note, it’s Sam and JD, so it’s worth it. Sorry for this season, Sam.] (PHI vs. FIRE LAVI, 7:30, TNT)
As opposed to this one! This one’s worth watching, (STL vs. EDM, 10:00, TNT)
Almost time for meaningful basketball!
“Wow, they fired Malone” vs. “Oh yeah, they fired their coach a bit back” (DEN vs. SAC, 10:00, ESPN)
Why are we watching CONCACAF with MLS teams? (Fightin’ Messis vs. LAFC, 8:00, FS1)
See? A little better. (Pumas vs. Vancouver Whitecaps FC, 10:30, FS1)
Canada nationalism is rallying when the PM has to go on Nardwuar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZmh_PNMImE
Post AEW late Night chill wrasslin
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TsxAVFQkXQ8&list=RDOis3gfcwKSA&index=27
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG-cpnI05RQ
One thing I find inspiring is that, after putting in all the work to be first to bring their product to market, the guys who created the QR Code came up with the name, “QR Code”.
Apparently it stands for ‘quick response code’ which also is pretty meh
Say it ain’t so.
https://ktla.com/news/local-news/weezer-bassists-wife-shot-by-l-a-cops-booked-for-attempted-murder/
WTF!
Thank God For Girls?
-in her own backyard
-cops searching for another suspect in another backyard
-cops never said they identified themselves
-she didnt fire her gun
-attempted murder charge likely to keep her from suing them
remember, this is the LAPD, duh
I would say never point your gun at an uniformed officer.
Then again, I would never trust what a cop says happened and wait for video.
maybe if she pointed some scissors at them they would have shot each other instead
What did she ever do to those guys, that made them so violent?
Before she married the Weezer dude, she was in a fucking harem of some Prince of Brunei.
Donald J. Trump’s Latest Profile in Courage RE: Tariffs (Artistic Interpretation):
Captain Hook Suicide- Don’t try to stop me
It’s funny, of all the words I could think to come up with right now, the only thing that catches is, “what a fucking pussy.”
In other sports news…
So good!
Just landed at LAX, kinda hazy today
Can’t be a hazy shade of winter, that’s past. Man made or natural?
Purple.
Now excuse me while I kiss this guy.
I think it’s marine layer
I’m just glad it isn’t smoke
Same here, beer-wise
I SAW YOUR AIRPLANE
paige bueckers is gonna have to show up at wnba draft night wearing the most bedazzled cowgirl hat youve ever seen to even try to cheer up dallas after luka droppin 45 on their sorry asses
its all useless anyways, they gotta watch cowboys football at the end of every year
Ain’t no cheer in Texass, just steers and queers.
What about beers? Or deer?
They drinks the beers, then they shoots the deers.
hell yea, relegation comes for nfl refs
https://www.nbcsports.com/nfl/profootballtalk/rumor-mill/news/report-nfl-fires-three-officials-sends-them-back-to-college-ranks
wait, robin was the busty one. damn.
still, why is this a thing now and not during jeff triplette’s time
A true loss for everyone
Meanwhile, MLB Umpires continue to throw their dicks around changing the outcomes of games in ways that make Pete Rose and the Steroiders’ efforts look like sending the opposing team hookers the night before the game.
throw their dicks around. Not sure what you have been watching but it’s probably not baseball.
The Dr. Mrs. just answered the phone, said “oh no” and then walked outside. That probably indicates bad news, right?
Hopefully just family drama like someone said something not nice about someone else. Fingers crossed it’s not worse than that.
It’s just package delivery drama. I should have known. Man, I need a drink to settle my nerves. (does not *really* need a drink to settle his nerves)
Yes you do, and I’m a doctor (of sorts, in that I have pulled a splinter from my thumb)
hopefully someone just played her this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzl77TiMSUk
The Ice Giants are fucking hilarioUs to watch this year.
Hope they hire someone to teach them defense next year.
Defense is overrated in teams you don’t root for
Then the Wild win 8-7 in overtime. Fun day for no defenses and totally lets me forget the Kraken not playing defense or offense yesterday.
LongIslandIcedTea DeviledEggs sits with 45 points, 8 rebounds, and 6 assists in a big win for the stupid jerkface Lakers.
Nice bookend to the ‘Bron hate. Rounds out nicely.
ppl forget they moved from minneapolis to stupid jerkface
Lowenbrau DozenDoughnuts is up to 38 points after three quarters.
Crapfuckingtacularly fucked.
You’re going to have to be more specific. [points in every direction]
Lasagna Dunkelweizen is now up to 26 points with 3 minutes left in the first half.
Now 31.
Wait — so are the Panthers the only NFL team taking walk-ons?
Fuck yes. The Raiders are getting their own library card.
God I’m a great dad for getting my kid out of Vegas.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQagff-UiKE&list=PLzkA2YB6GfNtmm5BoKVYqK3GkQEmUKiE_&ab_channel=LasVegas-ClarkCountyLibraryDistrict
Didn’t watch the video, but he definitely pronounced it “libarry”
The lieberry is the most deceitful of all berries
“I’ve found member berries to be somewhat misleading as well.” – Trent Green
Hey, it’s not like libraries are gonna be getting any federal funding anymore, this seems like a decent second best
Yes, reading is woke and trans
/wifey wins 27K in some “Chase The Ace” thingy that she wasn’t paying attention to
Sister: “How are you going to spend it?!! Let’s go to Mexico next week!”
Mother: “I bought several tickets for you over the years-you owe me $5,000.”
Brother: [tells everyone he can think of on Facebook]
Cousin: “I heard the news. I called a local reporter!”
/what a fucking shitshow
That’s awesome that she won, sorry that she made the mistake of telling anybody but you about it.
(it was her that told, right?)
Never tell anyone anything.
Words to live by.
Nope, it was a fundraiser on a local First Nation reserve that communicated thru Facebook. Very popular round about here.
edit: her sister broke the news to her
That’s funny, usually Chase the Ass costs me 27K.
Oh, the Ace. Never mind.
I usually win that game
Yeah that’s a dangerous game alright…
After one quarter in his first game back in Dallas since the trade, Lemonade McDumplings has put up 14 points. Let’s see if he can get to 50!
It’s fun knowing Celtics fans are cheesed that the Lakers got The Most Coveted White Guy.
I’m not cheesed at all; I think it’s fantastic that one of Texas’ most valuable assets got shipped off to California for a song.
Well, (kicks dirt), ok I guess
I’ll stop being cool with it if they make some serious noise in the playoffs.
“In news news (not that kind of news, where we’re still looking for an adverb before the word “fucked” to describe the situation):”
Been using “Quantum Fucktanglement”
I think Properly is the only word that truly fits.