TGIF! Hopefully you’re team hasn’t already earned the dreaded F grade for their draft. But worry not, there’s more opportunity tonight and tomorrow! Also, just watch the hockey (or basketball if that’s your thing, no offense).

Survival – Personal Edition

Here’s a good one for those of us that attend live sporting events. You know the situation: someone lips off, you respond, and next thing you know there’s a knife or other object buried in your body somewhere. Let’s see if we can’t survive this.

• First, stop getting attacked. This is a problem that should resolve itself unless the person really does want to kill you and there’s no good samaratins around.
• Do not remove the object from your body. It’s actually doing a great job keeping you plugged up and not bleeding out. And there’s no way to know if it’s pressed up against some other arteries or organs and helping to stem your bleeding.
• That said, you’re still going to be bleeding. The methods to stop this are, in order, direct pressure, elevation, pressure points, and tourniquets. Yes, the big, bad movie move is to rip up a sleeve and apply a tourniquet, but you really do not want to do that unless as a last resort.
  • Direct pressure: This is the best method. Use your fingertips and apply pressure around the wound to push the edges of the skin together and down against the bone. Don’t use your palm as this will distribute the pressure too wide and not be as effective. If there is any small arteries spurting, use one of those fingertips to close it.
  • Elevation: This only works on extremities, but elevate them above the heart in addition to the direct pressure. Use any pillows or bedding at hand to accomplish this. Do not sit up! This will starve the brain of blood and cause much bigger problems.
  • Pressure points: This is just compressing an artery near the wound to reduce blood flow. Note this will only work if you’re pressing it against a bone. Pressing it against muscle or soft tissue won’t be helpful.
  • Tourniquets: These are only to be used when a lower limb is bleeding excessively and the tourniquet is applied to the upper arm or leg and there’s a major artery leaking. Use of this will result in amputation and/or permanent nerve damage. Again, only use this method if death is a possibility.
• Once the bleeding has been controlled as much as possible, immobilize the wounded area using splints and dressings. Use sterile dressings and dress the surface of the wound to prevent infections. Some hydrogen peroxide will be very helpful at this time. Using the splints for immobilization will prevent further injury and allow clots to begin forming which will help the healing process to begin.
• Get professional medical attention ASAP. These methods are only to allow you to survive until you can get to the ER with the tools, methods, and blood supplies to keep you alive.

Congrats, you survived. Now spend that time recovering coming up with a much better story about that scar.

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Survival – Species Edition

Time to put the sexy in Friday!

Enjoy the weekend, folks! Alright, now let’s get to the comments!