At least the Barca/Inter Shempions matchup has been bonkers and captivating. I can recall stanning for Denzel Dumfries in a “which right back should Everton target” years ago (and was accused of being a dope), so I feel vindicated as fook.
But on the weekend? There’s fuck shit to do. Realistically, the only meaningful tilt is bright and early, Villa hosting Mighty Whitey in what amounts to a Zooropa qualifier (7:30, USA). After that, you can watch Goodison Park host its penultimate Premier League match (v. Ded Ipswiches, 10:00, USA). I mean, I will gladly watch. Not a whole lot of entertainment value for the neutral, though.
Nothing but vile shite after that, though. Hope everyone has a good book. A good, LONG book.
Anyway, here’s a song by a really hot lady (which I betcha is heavy in the strip club rotation now):
One shot, one kill.
Massive downpour at Fenway.
Horatio is a Yankees fan.
Dollars to donuts he got to leave in the 7th.
A Yankees fan that left Fenway early? Horatio is a splitter and a quitter today.
Ok, since you asked (you = no one), Journalism is the best horse (duh), but given the 19 horse field and the mud, I’d box randos like a mofo today.
The best horses imho are the 7, 8, 17, and 21. The 21 (Baeza) has the longest odds, so why not. Also like the 9 at his odds.
Enjoy your juleps and your big stupid hats!
Final Gambit, Final Answer!
Although TizTastic is the official Sexy Friday horse.
Fourth!
8 and 21 in the top three!
Yeah, but I didn’t have the 18. Betting the Derby is a (very fun!) fool’s errand.
Just played laser tag for Decilitre’s birthday. I fucking dominated these kids and it was my 1st time. Game’s gone soft.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeip-0sUt78
(approximation of how litre came to this opinion)
Did you make anyone cry? That’s the real win.
My BFF did. A wee child was upset at her for shooting him all the time. Hilarious. No mercy.
Man, I am wiped and I still need to drive home. I need to get a self-driving hammock, or possibly a large drone with a hammock-like cargo net
If you ever get a nuclear powered hammock I can help you out with that.
I used to go to Hollywood Park track and if I just guessed on the horses, I did okay. If I started reading the Racing Form I immediately began to fail in my betting. I was also drunk.
I fucking loved Hollywood park.
A few beers, bag of peanuts and a Hollydog?
Shit. Don’t get better than that.
I just schlepped all of my outdoor furniture across the street to my neighbors house. I won’t have room for it where (I think) I’m going. Who knew fake rattan could be so heavy? At least it’s not broiling hot today, could have been worse.
Gott in Himmel what the fuck are the White Sox wearing?
Well, I just went to my first kid’s birthday party as an adult. One of my friends from HS, his boys are 3 & 1.
The ol’ mortality feeling just hit.
There’s more where that came from lined up just waiting for you.
Eldest granddaughter has her first college commencement in June then she’s off to big girl college.
I have two nieces and a nephew graduating from college this month. They are the last of our sibling’s kids to finish school, but then there are three grand nieces and nephews so far. I have about 10 years until those graduations start happening. Breeders! Yeesh.
There’s got to be a time when we’re grandparented in and just showing up is enough of a gift.
/ checks watch
Breeders is my favorite term that is the equivalent of the N-word.
It is really rude!
There’s no bigger celebration of all that is white than the Kentucky Derby.
Hello friend, believe you are forgetting about the “Masters”
It’s liek if The Masters and the Country Music Awards had a baby!
Tiger Woods and his current Denny’s girlfriend would beg to differ.
Nascar is pretty pallid.
It’s MLB now compared to where it was in 1995, though.
For now.
Boy it is a muddy mudderfucker at Churchill Downs today
Ädjust your bets accordingly.
The RNC.
A KKK tribunal council?
Pepperdine?
Or Kid Rock concert.
Basically same thing now that I think about it.
/earlier today
Wifey: “I like our poodles but there’s such a disparity between Molly and Ruby’s intelligence-I thought it was an overall smart breed.”
Molly: [is licking the hem of Wifey’s bathrobe as she speaks]
Me: “Yeah, Molly can be a…challenge at times.”
Random UFL Thoughts:
— Memphis player just got helicopter’d.
— “Dresser Winn” is the actual given name to a real, living person in 2025
— Memphis Showboats really need to find a different home venue; there looks like about 82 people total in the crowd
— The attendance (or apparent lack thereof) doubly sucks, because this game has been good so far
— USAA really isn’t all that great.
I left USAA when they started advertising back on Fox News after the insurrection.
The open $400 outstanding credit card balance was an honest oversight but, upon them formally contacting me like a peer and not rushing into my house and trying to hang me…..I don’t know. I guess it doesn’t feel like they really have the balls to do anything. And it’s all really their fault for returning to advertising on Fox News after the insurrection before collecting on my open balance.
Fuck yes Bournemouth!
First victory ever on Arsenals home pitch!
Into 8th we go with a shot at next year’s Euros.
Zooropa baby! It’s gon’ be alight!!
https://youtu.be/DcnSa5erYu8?si=AcELJh3z30dOCd9U
Butthole Surfers are on now. The Ever-Present Football Player Rapist would be a great Derby horsey name.
I just looked at the horses in the Kentucky Derby. Final Gambit and Sandman are both gray. One of them is my pick, both of them will lose.
If there’s any horse to bet the house on, it’s Final Gambit.
Last I checked, he was 30-1. Perfect!
Wow! You’re going to have 30 houses!
It tightened up- he’s 15-1 now. Still not a chance in hell, the last time a gray horse won was 2005. I’m selling my house, don’t want another one, thanks!
Fully on board with Team Renter.
Amen, my darling dear!
But you could sell 15 houses! Ok, that sounds like a form of hell actually.
The upcoming “Kid Rock with Nickelback Patriotism Concert” is shaping up to be the faggiest event of the season. Get your tickets now.
Thousands upon thousands of cartons of Benson & Hedges and Dunhills.
“I’ll like THAT!”
-British Cigarette Smokers
Race complete.
Kids spent.
Work vacation day burned.
It’s gummy time.
Did you go sub-3?
Going back to Cannery Row, the whole opening paragraph is phenomenal.
Opening line in bold but the entire thing is perfection.
“Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise, a quality of light, a tone, a habit, a nostalgia, a dream. Cannery Row is the gathered and scattered, tin and iron and rust and splintered wood, chipped pavement and weedy lots and junk heaps, sardine canneries of corrugated iron, honky tonks, restaurants and whore houses, and little crowded groceries, and laboratories and flophouses. Its inhabitant are, as the man once said, “whores, pimps, gambler and sons of bitches,” by which he meant Everybody. Had the man looked through another peephole he might have said, “Saints and angels and martyrs and holymen” and he would have meant the same thing.”
Tone fucking SET.
And nowadays it’s basically a fancy mall
Portraying himself as the head of an organization rife with pedophiles & their enablers?
On brand
https://www.reuters.com/business/media-telecom/trump-posts-ai-generated-photo-himself-pope-2025-05-03/
It would be really fun to sing Santeria at an office boozer karaoke. Especially if yo’ boss be named Sancho…
First Wave got it going on today, Generals and Majors followed by Pet Sematary
Every once in a while they’ll throw together three or four (of my) bangers in a row. It just doesn’t happen on any other station.
completely agreed
Off to Fenway Fahckin’ Pahk for the afternoon.
You all have fun.
I was driving down 101 to the barn like I do every Saturday when I found myself surrounded by supercars. There were at least 20 traveling together and a few stragglers later on.
Must be a rally or something nearby, it’s not unusual to see a bunch of really nicely restored vintage cars, but the supercars are new.
The Pagani Huayra looks really nice in person, probably the best of the bunch out there today imo
Are you sure it wasn’t the Yakuza or are you guys back in another temporary truce?
The tatts on their tardigrades didn’t look like Yakuza, but I didn’t have my microscope so can’t be positive
“They clearly say MS-13.” -Pick someone in this administration
Needs more poopy pants.
Well, that’s the weekend ruined. Not quite as badly as Litre’s, but still. BLECH
Horsey racing would be better TV if they let other animals participate.
It’s more fun in person, but either way would not object to some dachshund racing in between
I’d constantly be yelling: 1) Jaaaayyyyysus, would ya look at the size of the cock on HIM??; and/or 2) You’re allllllll winners!!
It would be better if they shot Bob Baffert in the winner’s circle.
Dunno who that is, but fully on board. KILL KILL KILL!!!
Horse trainer who’s just returning from a three year ban for illegally doping his horses. Actually, you two might get along quite well.
Slow down there, Hippo – get yourself listed in the will first.
I can only imagine the joy of a 3/4 mile cat race.
inorite???
.
Pickford actually congratulated that guy who scored the 25-yarder, so I’ll just go fuck myself.
I was thinking “so good, even Picks couldn’t be a tit about it” myself!
I didn’t realize that people should be singing ‘oh canada’ in an orgasm voice
Can we just have AI make this for the news to report like everyday?
“ROAD TRIP!”
-D. Favre to the group chat
Joyous Tres de Mayo y’all!
Best part of that goal is that Pickford can’t blame his teammates.
He likely will anyway.
I have a rough idea for a Mock draft.
Best opening line to a novel.
I bring this up because I’m rereading Cannery Row and that opening line would be my first round pick.
Gravity’s Rainbow “A screaming comes across the sky” would be my pick.
I like it.
I just requested this from teh library. Gotta take advantage of it before reading is declared the sole provenance of…bundles of sticks.
It’s all down hill from the opening line, at least for me.
It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.
stupid monkey.
…and there was a bloodthirsty clown who lured children into the sewers and swallowed them whole!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qA9nRB_8aFw
I was never a big fan of Frasier, but that was funny!
As a Cheers character, he slayed. His stand-alone show was more hit or miss.
I think it’s the smugness of Kelsey Grammer that I found so off-putting.
Truth. But I give him credit for being able to laugh at himself.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Hands down. First time I read that I was living in Barstow and taking lots of acid.
So this cheeseburger pizza that I’ve been eating for the past few days is supposed to serve 1-2. It has 5 full burger patties on it that are probably 1/3-1/2 lb each. This is why Americans are all fat, and probably goes some ways towards explaining why we have all those “can’t poop” commercials 2Pack mentioned
That sounds like a very Chicagoland area kinda pizza.
Suki Waterhouse is a serious pole dancer name. And team Napoli definitely has a type.
I am thinking Italia is the world capital of Tit Men
They certainly do stack up well here.
Participating in the Kids’ Marathon later, because I either love my children, or hate myself. I just can’t determine which.
but yeewwww ain’t no KID??
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTwG6xdLGBY
I like your chances of winning.
Throw elbows as you pass ’em by, let the little bastards grow up with a sense of reality.
Yeah kids are really slow and have poor running mechanics.
“But here comes Rosie Ruiz!!!”
I wonder how much sugar one would need for a kid to sugar high an entire marathon.
I’ll need a sample of kids and a fuckton of Pixie Stix.
…That didn’t come out right, did it.
Marc T. has entered the chat
Kids need to be able to run a marathon so they can go to the store and fetch cigarettes without a car
Damn straight.
Kids, listen to your Auntie Zymm. She is a doctorb, after all.