Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life [in bed].
Richard Bach

I’m all for celebrating naps. Who doesn’t like a nap? Other than toddlers.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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at the risk of Dok sending her minions after me, I’ll take SCUBA

Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus
Game Time Decision

I believe that’s called a BLAIR.


Being Late And Irrationally Repeating.
yeah right

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SNAFU
WCS

FUBAR

Doktor Zymm

FUBAR has been taken like three times already.


Which seems fitting.
Horatio Cornblower

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Ukraine carried out an unexpected drone attack on Russian nuclear bombers without informing Donald Trump’s administration in advance.

Smart, smart, smart, smart, smart
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I’m still LOLing about that FUBAR draft this AM. We were like a bunch of Jerry’s kids, all hopped up on MDMA. SMGDH.
Gumbygirl

Wish i coulda been there. Didn’t see this classic:

BeefReeferLives

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Folks in both FF leagues can expect renewal emails. Those who were promoted are Duke LaCrosse, Gumbygirl, Bugeyedboo, Boris have all had their invites sent.

BeerguyRob, Don T, Sharky, and myself have all been removed from TWBS and been invited to Lowratio.
litre_cola

Time to consider team names! I’m thinking maybe “Joe Biden’s Robot Clone”

Doktor Zymm

That’s a good one! I’m leaning towards Tush Pushy Galore.
Gumbygirl

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https://www.theguardian.com/world/2025/jun/03/rijksmuseum-condom-exhibition?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=bluesky&CMP=bsky_gu

“A 200-year-old illustrated condom will go on display with Dutch golden age masters in Amsterdam this week, after the 19th-century “luxury souvenir” became the first-ever contraceptive sheath to be added to the Rijksmuseum’s art collection.

The condom, which was probably made of a sheep’s appendix circa 1830, is thought to have come from an upmarket brothel in France, most likely in Paris. It features an erotic etching depicting a partially undressed nun pointing at the erect genitals of three clergymen, as well as the phrase Voila, mon choix (“There, that’s my choice”).”

BeefReeferLives

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Oh God I can hear the Dr. Mrs. approaching with the floor steamer.

Just ONCE instead of using that thing on the floors I’d like her to use it on some hams.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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On hold with a credit card company about disputed charges and was just told it shouldn’t be more than 30 minutes.

I understand Tyler Durden’s motivations so much more clearly now.
Horatio Cornblower

Upper-class white guys being mildly inconvenienced is how World War I started, too.
WCS

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So the expansion AFL club a bunch of us supported as founding members may not happen after all ..
https://amp.nine.com.au/article/da983904-2413-48d8-8dcd-a55010237589
Sharkbait

I love my stickers!
ballsofsteelandfury

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I give you “BallofSteelandFury”

DJ TAJ

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Me: “Ah finally, some nice weather after returning from Puerto Rico. Time to go outside and get some fresh air!”

Canada: “Hey, we, uh, we set Manitoba on fire and now we can’t find the haze. Have you seen it?”
Horatio Cornblower

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Who has two thumbs and is wired on Stanley Cup Cocaine and probably will be late to work tomorrow??

THIS GUY!
ballsofsteelandfury

We’re doing a systems upgrade over the next two days and can’t get into the system, so guess who has two thumbs, is wired on Stanley Cup cocaine, and isn’t going back to work until Monday?


THIS GUY!
Horatio Cornblower

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Apropos of nothing, Fuck Tom Brady
BrettFavresColonoscopy

It made financial sense!

-B. Moynihan
SonOfSpam

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Knowing that Wayne Gretzky is a MAGA shithead makes his terrible plastic surgery even funnier.
Horatio Cornblower

Have you seen the latest version of Kenny Rogers?

litre_cola

Isn’t he dead?
Not even kidding, I would have bet my hose Rogers was dead.

Horatio Cornblower

“Not the hose again!” – Lowratio

litre_cola

Well shit, now I have to leave that typo alone.
Horatio Cornblower

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Greetings and salutations!

Doktor Zymm

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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this is like drake and kendrick lamar but they're both drake

— Anna Hughes (@annaghughes.bsky.social) 2025-06-05T20:22:51.746Z

fleshwound_NPG

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Ciao tutti

2Pack

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Jimbo

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I accepted a drink from the party planner after this New York corporate party I just played.

You know, like a fucking gentleman.

(And only got slightly razzed from the boys about being offered a drink from a lady. But the business pays to be charming.)
Senor Weaselo

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Gotta wonder if this is all just some kayfabe heel turn shit.
BeefReeferLives

Occam’s Razor is that when two malignant narcissists get together, the good times ain’t gonna last.
SonOfSpam

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Just got a rather garbled compliment on my tattoo from a streetperson, however all my tattoos were covered so either he has a very specific depth of x-ray vision or he was so stoned that he thought the decal on my backpack was a tattoo. Which was it? You be the judge!
Doktor Zymm

Not necessarily. He could be your stalker and he remembers your tattoos from when you showered.
Redshirt

My favourite Tattoo was the one that tried to strangle James Bond in The Man With The Golden Gun.
scotchnaut

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Doing a couple trainings at work and overall they’re pretty cute with animated animals working in the savannah, but the IT guy is a penguin and the only animal not native to the savannah in the whole fake company. What exactly are they trying to say??
Doktor Zymm

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Updated

SonOfSpam

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Yesterday [June 5th] marked the one year date until retirement. Less a couple of months of leave to burn I’ll pretty much be done working come spring. It is time. And I am ready. A lot of, “last time I’ll have to do this” moments happening now. I have few regrets, all of them minor in the bigger picture. Ready, set, go.
2Pack

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I am not caring about my liver today. She will get all the rye whisky Alberta can produce.
Nor will I care about my stomach. The fish and pork tacos I had sitting on my passenger seat for hours in the hot sun yesterday will not go to waste.
If I soil myself mowing the lawn tomorrow it will not be a mystery to me and will only confirm the neighbours’ misgivings.
BC Dick

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/actual small town interaction that occurred last week while taking my mother to an institution to finalize some financial matters related to my sister’s passing

Mother: “Oh, wait. You grew up on our street! You must know scotchnaut, right.”

Bank Manager: [brief glance between us] “Uh yeah.”

Me: [lowered voice] “Of course.”

Background: We felt each other up at a few partiesfour decades ago.
scotchnaut

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I learned the Ukrainian word for ‘meteor’

Doktor Zymm

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/this morning

Wife: “Should I buy these cooling sheets?”

Me: “Are you thinking it would relieve those hot flashes due to…[can’t think of the word* but goes for it anyway] nepotism…?”

Wife: “What? [laughs] You mean ‘menopause?”

Me: “Yeah…menopause.”

*been happening with increasing frequency
scotchnaut

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Fans: “We’re tired of the NFL constantly shoving Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs down our throats.”
NFL: “We’re not doing that!”

NFL Network 1:30 AM: 2007 NFC Championship Game: Giants at Packers
Featured Picture: Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs
Redshirt

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Big Cavalry win. Today litre just got high and forgot yesterday litre ordered an “emerg” burger. There it was like the holy grail 5 minutes ago. Love yesterday litre.
litre_cola

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Managed to truly upset Lil’ WCS because I had to leave her dance recital before two of her performances to report for duty on time.

It would have been nice if the class instructor would have let parents and other know the show was going to stretch over four hours. People do have lives and other commitments; four hours crosses the threshold of, “make time for this.” I could have taken the night off if I — or anyone — knew that. The last few of these were a little over an hour; not a big deal, and certainly time-management-friendly. This one? Yeah, bring snacks and a blanket and go to the bathroom first, but we’re not going to let anyone know that ahead of time.

What really chaps my white ass is how the lead instructor had a 25ish-minute performance of just her, and another with the dance moms. This was maybe 25% of the way through the entire thing. NO ONE CAME TO SEE YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS CIRCLEJERK EACH OTHER, DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE ON YOUR OWN TIME, NOT OURS. Not only was it listed as a single line performance on the playbill, it neglected to mention it’s for the grownups. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE PARENTS. WE BARELY CARE ABOUT THE OTHER KIDS, CERTAINLY NOT YOU.

So, naturally, Lil’ WCS was in two of the last four. Pissed off, and now get to deal with a disappointed and betrayed-feeling eight-year-old daughter. This probably means I’m going to have a run of shitty calls tonight, too.

How are yinz.
WCS

Do you feel any better knowing Aaron Rodgers is your quarterback?
blaxabbath

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Yay, we’re back! I have nothing to say, other than moving sux and my new apartment is teeny, but goddammit, I want to be able to say it to yinz! Thanks to our dear old dad, he made the owwie all better.
Gumbygirl

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DFO back end:

Sharkbait

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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