Let’s start with a bit of a departure from my normal practice of ignoring Lesser Sports (other than baseball) in this column unless something Stripper Monkey Bites Kid level occurs.
Congratulations to Tyrese Halliburton’s right Achilles’ tendon on defeating the Indiana Pacers in Game 7 of the NBA Championship. Truly, the human body is a wonder of compromises and repurposing from when we moved to standing upright and that would make the engineers of Mir proud. And, like Mir, when it fails it can be spectacular.
Seriously though: I didn’t know who to hate in this series. Yes, Oklahoma City has a stolen team, but the people they stole it from were mostly Seahawks fans- barely a crime. Yes, the Pacers will always be Reggie Miller’s team, but Reggie Miller is way less annoying than he used to be.
I tried to go with my usual tie-breaker: team name. But that doesn’t help.
“Thunder” is stupid. “Lightning” will kill a motherfucker, or send him back to 1955 or whatever. Hardcore. “Thunder” doesn’t do shit except frighten dogs and children- dick moves.
“Pacers” is at least as stupid. The name comes from the pace car in the Indy 500 and the weird-ass gait horses in harness racing use. The pace car exists solely to restrain better cars from going as fast as they can. For God’s sake, this piece of shit was a pace car:
Gaze upon God’s Foulest Mistake
Then I got distracted diving into the terrible name history of the NBA (including the pre-merger ABA) and goddamn. The worst offenders:
New Jersey Americans (Brooklyn Nets): Dumbfuck obvious name. Houston Texans-ass name. Have some pride, for God’s sake.
Chicago Packers (Washington Wizards): Wizards isn’t a great name either, and Packers isn’t a truly terrible name if you were founded with financial support from a meat packing company and your players all just got home from giving The Kaiser a bit of the old what-for. But the Chicago Packers were founded in 1961. Kennedy’s America, Yuri Gagarin in orbit, the invention of the Slip ‘n Slide. Chicago fans hated it specifically because the Bears and the Packers had been rivals for 40 goddamned years by that point.
Minnesota Pipers/Pittsburgh Pipers (defunct): We ‘ave a piper doon
Memphis Pros/Memphis Tams (defunct): They were named “Pros” so that their existing uniforms could be reused without much alteration. They were renamed the Tams (Tennessee-Arkansas-Mississippi) after that name somehow won a fan contest. Presumably the original winner (Cousin-Fuckers) was disallowed by the league.
Minnesota Muskies/Miami Floridians (defunct): Just…wow. Bad, and then Worse Than New Jersey Americans Bad. Bravo.
Anyway, the Pacers have that crappy yellow color scheme, so congratulations to Oklahoma City.
NFL NEWS:
Running out of ways to say “none”.
Aaron Rodgers hinting at retirement after this season isn’t news, he’s just starting the narrative a little early this year.
RANDOM RANKINGS: STAR WARS MOVIES (live action theatrical release only)
- Return of the Jedi (original Ewok Dance Party/Old Anakin ending)
- Star Wars
- Empire Strikes Back
- Rogue One
- Solo
- Revenge of the Sith
- Force Awakens
- Phantom Menace
- Attack of the Stupid Name
- The One Where JJ Abrams Frantically Tried to Fix Rian Johnson’s Fuckups
- Rian Johnson’s Fuckups.
Last post I promise
the mamdani rat fucking is going to be insane and it’s basically our job to be rabid partisans lmao
That would be rocking
Canadia just dropped a deuce on The Salvador.
If you’ve interpreted the Bible correctly, this is the second time in history that some lesser Canadians have saved David from defeat in a huge contest.
Wow, looks like America’s hat is just as committed to deporting El Salvadorians.
Will they send them to South Sudan too?
Worse. Saskatoon.
I wouldn’t mind being deported to Vancouver.
Andrew Cuomo gets publicly humiliated. Bill Clinton learns his endorsement is worth less than dogshit. Bloomberg’s millions couldn’t buy it. What a great time to be a hater. A golden age.
BlueSky is really a fun place right now
https://bsky.app/profile/ceej.online/post/3lsfl7ajny22y
Sorry…responding to this:
https://bsky.app/profile/antlervel.vet/post/3lsfl65kmfs2v
Damn shame, he’s such a nice guy. Hahahahahahahaha, fuck him!
Yea that’s where I’m getting my posts
It’s ROCKINGGGG!!!!!
Imagine being a part of the green zone realizing it would have been better to dump cash into a burn barrel out back.
lol
That’s an excellent reference, and topical, too!
Star Wars Rankings: If you split up The Last Jedi into the good parts (where they deconstruct the Force and the Jedi) and the other parts that feels like another movie, Good Jedi falls around 6. Its not amazing, but it really makes you think and re-evaluate the other movies.
The other parts stay on the bottom. Below the Droids Animated Series. Below the Christmas Special.
When I get elected Evil Overlord, I’m redoing the Prequel Trilogy and the last two movies.
Last funny:
NYC 💪
Why does it look like Cuomo is doing a press conference in a Casting Call adult film set?
He’s a sex pest, they always look like that
brad lander primary chuck schumer
That would be Rockingggg!!!
Those fiery Latinos sure make these soccer games (and porn) more interesting.
More reds!
i simply do not think this nation’s strategic discourse reserves can withstand the kind of pressure we are talking about if zohran mamdani becomes mayor of new york city.
lol
LET’S GO ZO!
NYS Tenant Bloc out with a statement:
“Tenants are the majority in New York. Zohran Mamdani understands that and he gave us something to vote for… Tonight’s results send a clear message to landlord-backed politicians like Andrew Cuomo: your time is over.” 💯
Cuomo drove 3 blocks to vote and had his staffers save him a parking spot at the polling place. Not only should he not be mayor, they shouldn’t even let him be a NYC resident for that shit.
You really think Cuomo lives anywhere near New York City?
He has to have residency to run for mayor, that’s what they should revoke whether he really lives there or not
He “has a place” there. But no. He hates it, and would’ve hated being mayor. Fuck that guy.
(turns on TV; NFL Network shows Bengals 4th & 1 play in Super Bowl LVI; turns off TV looks up to the Heavens)
“Okay, Dad, I get it: I watch too much television!”
Looks like this guy Mamdani is gonna be the new Mayor or New York City
That seems Rocking!
“Gaze upon God’s Foulest Mistake”
Counterpoint:
Would have also accepted the Pontiac Aztek, but even though Rick Wagoner, Jr. tanked GM’s market cap just like Elon tanked Tesla’s, Rick was not an avowed white supremacist . . . or at least had the sense not to make it his calling card.
Unironically I bet one would have more success with the ladies if they drove around in this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilzvuie7Bks
Evening. I’ve been fighting a cough and cold for days now, so it’s time to make like Jamarcus and let the sizzurp help me drift off to sleep…
Don’t forget to throw an interception before you nod off.
and throw a random stack of RaiderCash into the fire
Sweet dreams
El Salvador has chosen “Rugby” in the early minutes I hope Canada responds with “Hockey” in response..
It’s summer, so “lacrosse” is the correct response
“I’m shocked that you referenced lacrosse. Well, not that shocked.”
-Fry, modified for the occasion
Dude from El Salvador prone on the ground like he was dropped out of a helicopter.
/did I get the country correct?
Fun Fact: It’s Spanish for “The Salvador”
After watch the NHL playoffs where they beat the crap out of each other and just play on, that in lessor footy a small bump is a 5 minutes stoppage in play is a shocking difference
I played tennis tonight and played just fine but because I didn’t hit any great shots I can fixate on, instead I’m fixating on a bad shot I hit (an easy volley that would have won me the game). But it was with a broken string, so I shouldn’t be fixating on it at all! And yet I can’t seem to stop myself.
Time to turn on a nice, relaxing police procedural.
Recommended?
I’ve been enjoying it. The Syrian character in particular is quite fun.
The books are great. If your eyes are still good at your advanced age.
Still young enough whip you in a random lake swim!
(take my word for it, will not be proving it)
In anticipation of the upcoming Canada/El Salvador tilt I did a quick scan of the features of the latter country. They’re known for their volcano surfing and Mayan Death Squads. Neat!
Looks like Cuomo is gonna lose. That’s good!
Good jerb Weaselo and I assume a few other people!
Yesterday I messaged my friend, Orthodox Jew, to make sure his family was okay in Israel.
Today I asked the owner of the my local gas station if his family was safe in Iran.
Religion can go piss up a rope.
So can the rest of the world.
Kinda messed up that they named their kid “Orthodox Jew” though
His brother Reform isn’t happy about it either.
His sister kept her maiden name as a middle name and now she’s Mrs. A. Jew For Jesus
Other sister married a Mexican guy and now their kids are:
That’s just a solid baseball name.
https://people.com/mets-newest-addition-is-really-named-dicky-lovelady-11760264
The PERFECT name for a character in one of the sexploitation movies I’ve been rabbit-holing, as it were.
[would like to know more about this “rabbit-holing” of which you speak] – Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Bobby Sherman died. I’m sure my sister is sad. I wasn’t a fan, he just didn’t give me a tingle in my underoos like David Cassidy did.
https://youtu.be/JsMONykezJM?si=qjTs1xS7UwsbIQAJ
I only know of him because of The Simpsons.
https://youtu.be/_WtElHY0d1k?si=ldFgURUAUIFS6pDu
My sister was on Team Leif Garrett. Rumor has it that his drug and alcohol problems started when he found out years later that Sis was playing on an entirely other team and had left him behind.
My lesbian sister in law still loves Shaun Cassidy with all the passion of her nerdy 13 year old soul. She is friends with him on Facebook, he thinks it’s hilarious.
“I don’t understand why the house is hot.”
Mrs. Fozz made this observation three times in 15 minutes.
I couldn’t take it.
“Because it’s been HOT AS FUCK for three days. Heat fucking RISES. I thought you knew that but that fucking lunatic high school you attended, where the nuns were more interested in the goddamn bible versus science, didn’t fill you in! And you know what? We could have an HVAC unit that cools an Amazon warehouse and the goddamn house would still be hotter than the inside of a camel’s asshole because IT’S BEEN HOT AS FUCK! NOW FOR FUCKS SAKE, GO AWAY.”
I didn’t really say that. I said, “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll make us mojitos.”
I didn’t really say that cause mojitos are for fancy lads. Instead I punched myself in the balls, chugged a cold Miller Lite and started looking for heroin.
started looking for heroin
You never know what Bourble Fozz has tucked away somewhere…
Cold is the primary flavor of most light lagers
It’s really the only thing they have going for them. Slightly hoppy water.
The Miller Lite was a good idea, because you need as much water as possible to stay hydrated.
“Minnesota Muskies/Miami Floridians (defunct): Just…wow. Bad, and then Worse Than New Jersey Americans Bad.”
Agreed that the “Miami Floridians” is just an abomination of a team name.
However, what’s not to like about the “Minnesota Muskies”? It’s regional, a little goofy, and Muskellunge are pretty aggressive and mean looking.
KILL IT WITH FIRE
Listen, the brain-eating amoeba thing you get while swimming is scary as fuck, but you don’t want to name your sports team after it
This is why there aren’t any teams named after that Amazonian fish that swims up your urethra
Yet.
Found a cool:
https://fucklapd.com/
Oh, that’s awesome. I hope there’s one for ICE.
That would be NOICE
Found a funny:
OMG! TOO CUTE??? ❤️ Scientists taught rats to drive tiny cars and found that even when they didn’t give them treats, they would still intentionally get into car crashes for the purpose of sexual gratification
I guess I should be glad that I have no idea what items 10 and 11 are
The ones with the lesbian action, too explicit for theaters.
Ewok-on-ewok action.
They show all of it.
TWO EWOKS AT THE SAME TIME
https://youtu.be/amln5OxsQlA?si=I_lliXk1TvqJdNF5&t=200
The whole interview is great, but at the 3:20 mark, Conan asks Ford about the Star Wars Christmas Special. Superb.
I’m pretty sure Ford has been stoned to bejesus every time he’s been on Conan.
I bet he gives Willie and Snoop a run for their money. Dude loves his weed and really skinny younger chicks.
It’s hot CONCACAF action-
PAN. JAM. WHO YA GOT?
Apparently, Panamá…
Jamaican me finish third in the group mon
You’d think that yeah right would be all over this game. smh…
I refuse to let stupid Ewoks win. Leah in the gold bikini was not enough to offset that atrocity.
Empire Strikes Back is the undisputed #1.
Leah was the girl Donnie Iris sang about.
If you can’t spell Leia, you don’t get a vote.
Besides, the Xmas Special was the best ever.
I’m ESL…
Excuse
Saying
Lothario
You misspelled, “Lowratio.”
I love you like a brother, Balls. But if you have no room in your heart for Ewoks? You are on a dark road I cannot follow.
Fighting Ewoks outsmarting the Empire with ingenuity and rudimentary weapons? Hell to the Yeah.
Dancing Ewoks running around like they’re high on peyote while the main characters smile like idiots? No, thank you.
What if it was ayahuasca?
I’ve watched two movies recently featuring Uschi Digard and the gold bikini is definitely over-rated.
ESB is the first movie I ever saw in the theatre. Had no clue what was going on as I hadn’t see Star Wars but loved it