Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
Off until the 5th, so kinda mailing in this one, not that there’s really any way to tell the difference with my usual lack of effort.
As it’s almost New Years, i think that I’m going to try to drink more water this year. Been really dehydrated lately, so let’s fix that. Anyone else with resolutions?
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Yeah, that’s not surprising.
Redshirt
Not my comment but I’m stealing it: Every time Harrison Butker misses a field goal 10,000 women are awarded their PHDs.
BaldingSpiritually
Also stolen:
Why did DK leave the stadium early?
To beat the crowd
Doktor Zymm
Rivers’ face there looked like Jake Paul’s right before Joshua powdered his jaw.
Beerguyrob
The Internet was made for moments like this.
Redshirt
rivers scramble
fleshwound_NPG
Some unused jokes from my submission packet to the Jay Leno show, so I’ll share them here!:
The Trump Class submarine, did you hear about this? Apparently half way through construction it’s going to be abandoned for a younger, Eastern European model!
The Trump Class submarine, have you heard about this? The propeller was supposed to be made of gold but it turned green during the maiden voyage!
herodotus450
Me: “I have a day and a half left of work before knocking off for the year. I need to get three things done. They’re involved, but I can do them with some focus and effort.”
Everyone Remotely Associated With My Work: “I need to call Horatio with the absolute dumbest fucking question ever asked.”
Horatio Cornblower
Thanks for the hustle here GTD.
Likely my final hurdle on the LDB comp will be tonight’s Wifey retirement celebration dinner at a trendy local pizzaria. If I make it past that I should be good.
Hope you all have your shopping done.
2Pack
🦌
Redshirt
Redshirt
Its about 10 o’clock eastern, time to put the kiddies to bed
Brocky
December 24, 2025 11:13 pm
Hey.
Senor.
I ain’t reading all of that. Mostly because I’m hammered on high octane beer and some decent bourdon, all of which I consumed while my eldest whipped my ass at pool, (seriously, if Cornblower The Edler says to you “hey, good game, wanna play for a few bucks?” just fucking run, as fast as you can, for the exit), and I taught him and his friend about poker theory, (you should seriously play both of them for as high as stakes as they’ll agree to), but also because I’ve been there.
I met the girl I was going to marry in college. We were together a long time. Solid. Inevitable. Committed.
We didn’t get past the first semester of law school.
No one’s fault. Different people, responding to different waves of the universe at the same time. There’s no wrong or right, it just is, and at the time it kinda sucks for both of you.
You will find the person your meant to be with. So will she. Might each other, very well might not be. But you will meet them. That person is out there, and you will run into them. Believe it. I know this, because I did.
That girl I knew in college? No idea where she is today, but I wish her well. The woman I married, had that pool shark currently in my basement with, made a life with? She’s in the next room. And that person is out there for you. You will meet her, and you will make a life with her, you will gloriously fuck it up with her, and you will, 33 years from now, crash through the DFO clubhouse doors to tell us about it, and I hope to Christ I’m here to hear it.
I am so, so sorry for what you’re feeling now, and for that matter what she’s feeling now, but it will pass, and both of you will get it right, no matter how unlikely it feels right now. Take a deep breath, then go fucking get ’em. As Mrs. Horatio says “everything happens for a reason” and at some point that reason will make itself clear for you as well.
Merry Xmas to all of you, or whatever year end holiday you celebrate that was stolen from the local pagans who were just hoping for more light and a little more warmth,.
Horatio Cornblower
Yessss
Doktor Zymm
Merry Christmas from Lambeau and our front door. Riga refused to pose.
Beerguyrob
This is the first time I’ve seen the SKOL chant. Huh.
Redshirt
At the futbol, I always say it is stolen valoUr from the Icelandic folk, but here it gets a pass.
litre_cola
Moar like støłłëň vălœr
Beerguyrob
Fuck and shit. What a great day! Drinking since 2 p, OkAUY1 in troulbel with the wife, sre whty i fuck not . I hope you glorious bsastrardious fucksfaces had a blessedan d christmas day. it’s 10 am pm my tie nad well, who’sdr inkin gmore? this dub fukcer!
jjfozz
God I love when someone who gets wasted comes on here. Makes me feel better when I do it.
litre_cola
I am int it deepe, wife so madi coudlnt’ dirnk more to not care. fucking chrismtas without my dad/ like i’me goann be sover. ffuuuuuk you
jjfozz
What does Kyle Whittingham’s buyout package look like?
Michigan AD: “Look, we can’t give you millions if you don’t make it to the end of your contract. That light is shining a bit too bright right now. But hear me out-what about the use of a new co-ed every six months to do your ‘laundry’?”
KW: “Blonde?”
AD: “Blonde, brunette, whatever.”
KW: “They’ll be alive, right?”
AD: [to assistant across the room] “This guy is smarter than I thought!”
KW: “You know you said that out loud, right?”
AD: “Again? Son of a Bitch!”
scotchnaut
This meme has a remarkable half-life.
Redshirt
My sister booked some sketchy hotel in Vegas. She had to pay extra for a room with two double beds, not even queen, so I’m sure she’ll be kicking the fuck out of me. And she complained that there’s no coffee maker, so now I have to schlep mine over, with coffee and filters, and her shiftless son wants a six pack of diet pepsi and some apple juice. Jesus Christ. But yer Gumbygirl had her revenge! I told her to make sure she checked the beds carefully for bedbugs, because they are a problem in Las Vegas hotels. Lol, I bet she was paranoid all night!
Gumbygirl
1 PM tomorrow. I’m teaching a pasta making class.
I’ve got up to 4 students.
They better bring wine!
yeah right
Was just looking at the radar to decide whether to go out and shovel, (signs point to ‘no’) and was checking out the weather in Vermont, where Cornblower Spawn The Eldest lives.
Reminded me of the time we were playing our regular poker game and the news broke that one of the players was dating a stripper. Someone asked the guy who broke the news what the girls name was and he said “I forget, one of the state capitals”
There was a pause and then one guy said “Montpelier?”
For the record her name was Austin, although I suspect that wasn’t her real name, or that she was just working her way through school.
Horatio Cornblower
When we had our chimney repaired we had a wood-burning stove put in, since it would theoretically heat the whole first floor, instead of just the living room while the rest of the house slowly became encased in ice, since the thermostat is in the living room.
We’re getting actual snow tonight, (possibly as much as 6″! You wish, Deanna!), so we took the new stove on its maiden voyage. All the smoke alarms upstairs started going off, even though there was no sign of smell of smoke.
So I did what any responsible homeowner did and took the smoke alarms down and put them in my car. If I never post again, you can probably guess why.
Horatio Cornblower
A generous Professor Weaselo has submitted grades, so the semester is officially over.
Senor Weaselo
Illegal contact on a Ladd has also been redacted on the Epstein files.
Jimbo
Welp.
I yelled FUCK very, very loud tonight. and my mother in law heard it.
and I got corrected by her, in front of everyone.
“it starts with you,” which hints at the fact that my sons use that word frequently.
get the FUCK out of here. you sanctimonius, racist, judgemental hypocrite.
my wife was there.
i might get laid by this coming labor day.
fuck it.
jjfozz
GOOD BETTER BEST!
NEVER LET IT REST!
TILL YOUR GOOD GETS BETTER!
AND YOUR BETTER GETS BEST!
BEARS ON 3!
1…2…3!
Brocky tears off IU candy striped pants to reveal a Bears speedo, runs outside and breaks the window on his neighbor’s suv with his head
cops get called
brocky gets tasered
WORTH IT!!!
Brocky
That was really fun.
Pasta making class was a complete success.
Everyone learned. Everyone participated.
I did give demerits to the entire class for not participating in clean up detail.
“So you just assume. There’s someone from a third world country gonna gladly step right in?
And wash your motherfucking dishes?”
“Who said we were done?”
Apart from that, good crew.
They learned.
They’ll never forget that feel of pasta after kneading that shit for ten minutes straight.
We did some good here today.
yeah right
Its a backup festival!
litre_cola
I saw Backup Festival at Coachella in 2018, ironically on the second stage.
WCS
If I ever decide to rig sporting events I will do it for the express purpose of bankrupting DraftKings
Doktor Zymm
I am so fucking hungover, my hair hurts. I woke up at 6:30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. My sister and nephew are still asleep, I am thinking of smothering both of them with a pillow.
Gumbygirl
HO.
LEE.
SHIT!!
Somehow, someway, I have won the Freezer Vodka League!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
/runs around the house with nothing covering his wing wang
ballsofsteelandfury
A couple hours later and I’m still angry at my Panthers laying down when a potential division title was gift wrapped to them. I hate this team
BaldingSpiritually
Got one of my favorite assignment desks for the night. Despite not getting here as early as I like, still got three of the four break times I like. Even got the kind of keyboard I like the most.
WCS
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
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With warm regards to Sharkbait:
/feeling super humbled right now
Oldest kid invited a friend from high school unannounced. After the usual greetings he asked to take a tour of my ‘man cave’ but took the opportunity to tell me how important our many brief interactions were to him at the time. He had a shitty dad (everyone knew it at the time) and saw me as a father figure that didn’t ask ridiculous things of him, didn’t steal money from him, etc. I didn’t offer a lot but it was enough for him. I had no idea.
/maybe, just maybe, I’m doing some good in the world, even though I’m stumbling backwards into it
Every bit counts to a kid.
Someone has to do good because there’s too many of the bad ones.
That’s a nice compliment; it really doesn’t take much to be decent, but it counts for a ton to people who don’t see it enough.
Tonight, maybe just maim the hobo a little.
Maim the hobo… another term is BORN!
I will find the 1st shift crew. I will find them and I will smote them. They will nawt have a good new year.
I’m thinking 3 ton roll, dropped from a clamp truck in a narrow dead end hall. Maybe they can dodge it lost ark style. I’m benevolent like that.
Dexterity roll!!!
Hm, I really should get some more work done today, but I don’t really want to and I should be able to get everything I need to done tomorrow and Friday. I could make cookies or play video games instead.
Hippo just remembered Everton was playing the footy. We’re winning AND playing Nathan Peterson??
I must be either ded, dreaming, or just hallucinating from my cold (which I hope ain’t as nasty as what’s running through Horatio’s polyamoroUs triad).
Now up two? This is a less disappointing team than advertised!
Against #DoucheStrong, no less!
I hope so too. This sucks.
Arsenal’s up 2-0 on Aston Villa, which is nice.
How nice of Villa to stop that clean sheet while down 4.
And then a minute later I saw this headline. It took me a few more seconds to realize that it was a different team and a different Diggs.
I like the P*ts back in the shithouse chair. World makes MOAR sense that-a-way.
Here’s my buddy City Nerd taking on the Tesla truck with his dry, sarcastic wit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4rI-4ieZOk
Stefon Diggs, you fucking imbecile.
Janae Rice would like to apologize for her role in this incident.
Now now. She’s still alive. And, as far as I know, Diggs never won the Heisman.
Solid commenting week to all and to all a good Tuesday!
Not for me – I need to up my game.
I’ve got to run out and do some errands in -16C (3F) weather. It’s going down to -25 (-13F) tonight. This “At least we have seasons!” argument holds very little weight at the moment.
And people complain about global warming!
(put on MAGA hat and cup of Kool-Aid)
“What was that? Global ‘warming’? See, Climate Change is a myth! I win!”
(rips off hat and spits out Kool-Aid)
“eeEEyYYaAAA! Unclean… uNCLEANN1!!!1!”
I’m going for an hour walk in a bit and it’s like 17F here. I’m being wussy about it since I’ve been living in Cali for too long, but it’ll be fine.
My nose was cold the whole time! It was horrible!
Those numbers sound made up.
I’m not gonna lie-I did my own homework.
Jeremy Fowler on X: “The Colts are expected to start rookie Riley Leonard on Sunday against the Texans, sources told @HolderStephen and me. After three games with Philip Rivers and the Colts falling out of the playoffs, Indy will get a look at the rookie. https://t.co/vuBP9Y7YUO” / X
Thanks for coming, Old Man Rivers. Back to Valhalla.
That they brought in Rivers in the first place tells me that they’ve no faith in the rookie’s progression.
We have the watch.
“Huh? What? Fuck you, that’s pagan shit. I’m gonna go sire another kid now”
-P. Rivers
Easy money that’s because she was the Bionic Woman/Six-Million Dollar Woman.
But it’s funnier to think that for $50 she’ll do a perfect Stone Cold Stunner on your ass.
Thanks GTD. Lots of reflections on past and present relationships over the holidays. I am a lucky guy there.
I usually hate non-funny/ironic inspirational thingys, but that is REALLY good.
“A sign saying, ‘When Things Aren’t Going Right, Turn Left’ sits above a doorway in my house.”
-excerpt from my weekly “Heavy Sigh Report”
Good thing she didn’t marry them for their grammar.
Just called some good friends to tell one set we’re not going to the New Year’s Eve party tomorrow and the other that they now need to find a new ride to said party, because we’re still dealing with the flu.
And also I may have mentioned noticing water coming out of the boiler earlier. Well, our plumbing/heating guy showed up today and said, and I think this is a technical term, “it’s fucked, you need a new one” so that’s great.
As vacation weeks go, this one kind of sucks.
When it rains it pours. Get well soon and I hope the heater fix is not too painful.
Sometimes the life testing you bit is just friggin old.
Please refrain from jinxing Horatio’s roof.
Ah, my parents had that just as Dad was getting ready to cross the finish line. My working theory was Death told him about 2025 to let him decide if he wanted to live through it all.
“Trump will get crazier.”
“Eh, well better than the Democrats.”
“Actually, everything will get worse.”
“The Bible did say that would happen at the End Times.”
“Bengals will get worse.”
“That’s what they do.”
“The weather will go on Random.”
“That’s Ohio for you.”
“Also, the furnace will go out on Monday. Don’t worry, your wife will easily handle the…Hello? Where’d you go?”
(car horn sounds outside)
“C’mon, Death! Meter’s running!”
We had both our wine fridge (Oh, you don’t have one? Pity.) and our clothes dryer die within days of each other.
New dryer to be delivered tomorrow. The Lady LemonJello is shopping online for a new wine fridge.
Recluse partyin’ wooo!
Get well, all 2.4 of ya.
Thanks for the posts, GTD! (discreetly slides five internet dollars under the table)
You were on fire last week.
Yeah there was an evening where Redshirt had a Derrick Henry vs. the Packers kind of night.
I survived the LDB Challenge this year! Going to have to have some celebratory drinks!
I made it this year too. Don’t they owe us something?
I don’t think I made it a week. Blast you, SIRIUS!
I was out early too. And I also blame Sirius!
Still here for 15 minutes. I is tired Yinzer.
https://youtu.be/9uFQQOiMr8M?si=9-ffpDkXYOmEe_i_
I can’t remember how the Chain Rule works in calculus anymore, but I remember that.