Random Thoughts With BFC, Volume 32

Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your host John Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between John Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the thirty-second edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open  attempt at an advice column.

• Despite this being a Karen Carpenter job, this post will still be longer than 30 seconds.
• I’m sure many of you saw the coverage of the President’s rambling incoherent madness speech last night, and it’s just super to have a President who starts the day breaking norms by sitting in on a Supreme Court hearing on his very illegal immigration policy and ends the day by (further) demonstrating that not only does he not have a justification for the disastrous war in Iran, but also that he’s going to keep making things worse and using that as an excuse to say we should cut more domestic programs. Pure genius.
• Moving to more positive news, allergy season is in full swing again and I am dying.  I mean, we’re all dying a little every day, but I wake up congested as fuck and no matter how hot it is, I need hot tea to get my throat cleared and breathing back in full swing.
• Living in a city can be wondrous sometimes. Driving through my neighborhood earlier this week I saw a woman trying to teach her kitten to cross a street on a leash (not a euphemism), and a dude washing his car parked on the street…despite it being booted by the city (also not a euphemism but perhaps a metaphor for ‘Murrica nowadays). That one stayed with me for a few days, it was so damn funny to me. 
• You know what isn’t funny anymore?  April Fools Day. And not just because “oh the world we live in is a joke, nothing is funny anymore wah wah” but more due to the fact everything know is low effort bullshit rage bait rather than actual funny jokes. If you’re going to do a prank, have it be not only credible but, you know, funny. Instead it’s like “Company X is moving to Japan” or “Team Y has traded for its rival’s best player.” In conclusion, don’t bother with April Fools Day jokes as a company or an individual. And if you’re not funny, don’t try jokes at all.
• Alright, that’s enough for now. Make this all funny in the comments!