Your “A Face Only A Mother Could Love” Thursday Night Open Thread

They breed ’em different up Iowa way. This guy has milked a few bulls in his time if that smile means anything but more on him later.

Here I go again, trawling the depths of that place we all love and despise, looking for stupid NFL-related stuff. And we’re off!

Globules:

Have You No Respect, Niners?: I figured that after his last couple of coaching outings that Matt Eberflus would be as close to unemployable as could be. But nope, the innate desire of coaches to protect each other and their fraternity runs deep. Or perhaps this is a real life exercise  to others in the building-“Don’t do what Donny Defense does”. I’m not ruling it out.

Bills Have Solved A Problem?: You’d expect it would have something to do with liability and broken plastic tables and overflowing landfills but there are other conundrums at hand. Buffalo has signed DJ Moore-a very capable WR that can run most routes and can be a difference-maker at times. He turns 29 in April and they’re on the hook for three years so the timing would work out fairly well. Needless to say, Moore has carved out a half-decent career playing with dregs at the QB spot-he should thrive.

Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Salary Flowchart: A tortured Bonnie Tyler reference regarding Linderbaum getting plenty of money? Only here, folks. It’s not very often that a young (25 yrs old) highly sought-after OL dude (a center, no less) comes on the market. All your perennially successful clubs (Chiefs, Niners, Steelers, etc) pay a great deal of attention to the fellas in the trenches and pay a great amount to them. That guy is going to be knee-deep in heifers, if you know what I mean.

The Half-Life of Brian: What is up with all these Brian Thomas Jr. trade rumors? He balled out his rookie year and fell off (being injured didn’t help) in his soph year. You don’t let a 1st rounder go after his second year unless his name is Anthony Richardson. The talk is that Parker Washington can fill the spot but he only got to 847 yards and a mere 5 TD’s. The possibility exists that you could have a 1A and 1B combo that could do serious damage if Prison Girlfriend’s arm doesn’t get worn out in the “Recreation Trailer”. Keep him for another go-around and see what happens.

Give me your best.

 

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ballsofsteelandfury

Any of you youngsters wondering what the 80s were like, here you go.

You’re welcome.

https://youtu.be/h4vUIZ2MDJs?si=R54il8pUVPDszU8w

I suggest taking a substance or two.

yeah right

WBC is happening!

It’s baseball time!

Mr. Ayo

Fun fact. I had to leave work early today to go to the Urgent Clinic.

I almost died. (not really)

Last night the left earbud tip broke off in my ear canal. As I was quite drunk, I did not realize this and proceeded to put in my earplugs before bed because apartment living is super awesome. Anyway, that pushed the broken part of the earbud tip way inside my ear canal. Once I tried to shower this morning (I successfully showered BTW), I realized the extent of the issue. I then smartly grabbed my sharp tweezers and attempted to retrieve the lost ear bud tip. About two (2) seconds later I realized I was about to ruin my shit for life.

Anyway, the doctor did her job in a few seconds. Can’t wait to see the insurance bill for such a rudimentary procedure.

Mr. Ayo

I should have just called WCS last night.

Gumbygirl

Never put anything smaller than Spam’s dick in your ear.

Last edited 19 minutes ago by Gumbygirl
Mr. Ayo

Well, that would have been good to know LAST YEAR!

Mr. Ayo

I’m rewatching American Beauty solely for the purpose of jerking off to Annette Bening. She really made me appreciate the bob haircut.

SonOfSpam

Most people jerk it to Kevin Spacey Mena Suvari but whatever.

Mr. Ayo

This is a too young, too old dilemma. Annette threads the needle as they say.

Horatio Cornblower

Islanders are down 5-2 with 8:26 left.

Patrick Roy has pulled the goalie for an extra attacker.

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Horatio Cornblower

It’s 5-3, with 1:59 left.

I’ll say this, Roy didn’t make a terrible decision.

Horatio Cornblower

It ends 5-3, with the Kings barely missing 5 200′ shots.

SonOfSpam

WOO man the Kings mostly suck this year, but thanks to that Russki from the Rangers it’s not as bad as it could be. Losing Fiala during the Olympics was bad.

Brick Meathook

Pam Bondi will be fired next because she’s getting fatter.

Mr. Ayo

She also failed to properly dye her hair the proper blond last week.

Gumbygirl

Yup. Ditch the Bitch.

Don T

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BC Dick

Those are some damn fine looking hot dogs. Jalapeño mustard onion. Just as Zeus intended

yeah right

I’m just happy I don’t have to look at someone who’s face looks like a swollen testicle every day on the news.

SonOfSpam

So I was looking at NFL stuff to try to figure out fantasy draft dates and other important events.

1) Did you know the NFL might start week 1 on Wednesday? I guess it hasn’t been officially decided, but Seattle will host the first game, either on Wednesday or Thursday.
2) The first international game will be either Thursday or Friday of week 1, with the Rams and 49ers meeting in Melbourne.

That’s all I got. Oh, and the draft is in Pittsburgh starting on Thursday, April 23, but that’s not breaking news or anything. Looking forward to WCS receiving an emergency call from Jerrah’s agent about a dead hooker.

Goodell: “The only thing that matters now, Jerrah, is our friendship.”

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s probably Friday day in Australia and Thursday Night in North America or Saturday day and Friday night.

Only times that make sense.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of, did you watch last night’s/this morning’s Carlton/Sydney match?

ballsofsteelandfury

Didn’t realize Swans were going to be this good. Carlton looked good against the Cats in preseason.

Mr. Ayo

Yo, still haven’t received the invite for the tipping contest

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Carlton also didn’t realize the Swans were going to be this good.

SonOfSpam

Same with the assholes who teased the ugly duckling.

SonOfSpam

Ok so if the game is 1:00 PM in Melbourne on Friday, the game would be 8:00 PM Pacific on Friday. (in September, Melbourne will be on standard time, and we will be on Daylight time, so the time difference is actually two hours different from what it is right now…math!)

Thinking maybe the game starts at 11 AM or noon local time.

Jimbo

That’s just science.

Screenshot-2026-03-05-at-7.20.06-PM
Doktor Zymm

I guess, unlike the Generals, using coke to kick smack actually WAS due!

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Mr. Ayo

Wild. I would use both to balance out.

SonOfSpam

Layne Staley used heroin to stop using heroin.

Bogdanski

Say what you will about Hitler,… but he killed Hitler

Don T

Last season Daniel Jones played several games with a fractured fibula and then suffered a ruptured Achilles. For 2026, the Colts put the transition tag. What’s Dimes gonna transition to? A cyborg?
/bows, blows kiss

Doktor Zymm

The Paralympics flag football team

Redshirt

“Redshirt, why are you laughing?”
“Nothing. Go back to work.”

IMG_3328
Unsurprised

This is the stupidest fucking spectator sport in the world.

Doktor Zymm

Agreed, and we live in a world that contains Dwile Flonking

Sharkbait

We live in a fucking cartoon

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I’m glad I was blissfully unaware of any of that Real Housewives bullshit until today.

WCS

21:17 and we’re back.

Meant to post this a moment ago.

Seriously, stop screwing with Lowratio. His “dad” is a law-talkin’ guy, after all.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

How many times do we have to tell you, there is a difference between “dad” and “daddy”?

Redshirt

One teaches you how to stand up and be a man. The other teaches you how to get down on your hands and knees like the dog you are.

(sniff) I miss you Dad and Daddy.

Horatio Cornblower

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Just back from watching all the Oscar nominated animated shorts in a movie theater, AMA

Jimbo

is that better than animated pants?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Less coverage.

jjfozz

“Hmmm, how could I alienate a fanbase, continue to be seen as an almost was, AND appear to be a complete idiot when it comes to contracts and negotiations? Never mind, already achieved that!”

-Lamar Jackson sitting on the toilet and playing Angry Birds

Redshirt

I would’ve included a clause saying you have authority to overrule the plays called in the 4th Quarter.

WCS

If you’re going to be an idiot and drink hopelessly drunk, maybe try and not drive your vehicle into the wall of the closest fire department…

Fuck me, people are dumb.

Gumbygirl

I’m kind of shocked she’s still alive. Poor Britney, she is too dumb for this world.

Redshirt

I knew this would happen when the Free Britney thing happened. Some people just can’t help themselves.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Suspicion of DUI is a dumb term. But it does make me think of this

https://youtu.be/MCksdXnEXkU?si=yAAmEEeqKwb209q4

Don T

Hiding the carkeys is an obligation. Then an unsolvable mystery.

LemonJello

That’s no way* to talk about the Secretary of War!

*this is absolutely the way to talk about that drunken re*ard assclown

Gatoraids

i mean only smarter place to drive into would be a hospital…

Unsurprised

Lightweight

Redshirt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVzDtrgybjc&pp=ygUJR3JlZyBjb29r

Just found this video while on a bored YouTube binge. I always knew Greg Cook was great and his injury probably cost us one or two Super Bowl championships (ducks thrown shoe from Pittsburgh contingent), but this is the first time I saw video of him playing. And he only played as a rookie!

Ken Anderson was a field commander. Boomer Esiason was a leader. Joe Burrow is a playmaker. Greg Cook? Something else. Arm strength and vision.

What could’ve been…

Don T
Don T

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Doktor Zymm

Well fuck. I would say that modern sport medicine could have maybe saved his career but then I remember RG3 and Tua’s ‘back problems’ and Trent Williams’s cancer going undiagnosed because the training staff didn’t want him to miss time for treatment and a bunch of other stories like that and really it’s just that nothing can overcome the NFL meatgrinder

Horatio Cornblower

It’s nice that you think Mike Brown pays for “modern” “medicine”

Doktor Zymm

Where did I even imply such an implausible thing?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

120 Minutes Playlist Project Update: Beavis and Butt-Head were right about this video.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYYGKCanqfA

NotShogunButShogun

Loudest show I ever been to. And sounded great

yeah right

Made the legs of my jeans flap just from the sound.

Horatio Cornblower

Still remember the mosh pit at the Lollapalooza show I saw them at. They launched into ‘Supernaut’ and things just went to levels I’d never even thought of.

Bogdanski
Bogdanski
Bogdanski

I was more of a Headbanger’s Ball kid but they played this video pretty often and it kind of broke my brain. They incorporate a Slayer lick for f’s sake. Amazeballs

WCS

In reference to..? He’s playing now, so no injury news…

WCS

I can confirm and verify Bryan Rust is playing, as he just scored a shortie to tie the game against the Ice Bills, 1-1.

Mr. Ayo

Well, that was a dangerous high stick from him. Damn.

Mr. Ayo

Woah, game misconduct. Well deserved.

litre_cola

Full on lumberjack mode.

litre_cola
litre_cola

He just face slashed a guy.

Brick Meathook

Check it out! Here’s the inside of my fucking head!

This is from the MRI I had in December (long story) but they pronounced my head and brain “no more abnormal than we expected.”

It took me this long to figure out how to get a copy of it, and I want to pick the best slice and print it and frame it and maybe use it as my official portrait.

(The image is like looking down on the top of my head. This slice includes my eyeballs at top and my brain or what’s left of it)

IMG_0021
Brick Meathook

You two will always have your dreams.

Horatio Cornblower

I can’t wait to unite with Don T and invade Ontario.

Probably in the summer.

Mr. Ayo

You have a massive sinus cavity, sir.

Brick Meathook

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

Gumbygirl

GinoUrmous eyes too. Like a Tarsier

1000008772
NotShogunButShogun

I did these for fun and money in college!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought I remember a bit in a Stephen King story where a doctor told the main character about a similar case involving a human.

Don T

Aggressively medium

Doktor Zymm

Neat

BugEyedBoo

Come back when you have something impressive.

Yours truly’s hemorrhagic stroke, back in 2012. Name blocked out to protect the innocent, etc. I use this to test file attachment code in our software now. Didn’t come back 100%, merely superhuman now.

xray
WCS

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Holy brain scan, Batman. Glad you’re still around. Continue to scare the shit out of us.

Mr. Ayo

Holy shit! That’s fucking terrifying.

Mr. Ayo

Also, your sinus cavity is quite subpar compared to Brick’s. And your eyes are uneven. Wait, your username presaged this, nevermind.