Random Thoughts With BFC, Volume 33

Remember that old SNL sketch “Fecal Matter with your host John Fecal”? No? Yeah I figured it was just me. It was a solid (heh) talk show format with a specialized host and topic. Well, we ain’t exactly doing Pod Flies Open around here, but what about in written form, maybe say like a mix between John Fecal, Jack Handey, Balls’ 25 questions, Rev’s take on Larry King, and I don’t know, my own fucked up mind? With that backdrop I present to you the thirty-third edition of a potentially sporadically recurring irregularly scheduled Random Thoughts with BFC! Now also (occasionally) in open thread form! If you want to make this interactive, drop a note/question/bon mot in the comments ala my old Mouth Flies Open  attempt at an advice column.

• Welcome to the Larry Bird edition of Random Thoughts with BFC. Fortunately, I’m still here and writing. Unfortunately, no one cares. 
• Nailed it. 
• When this post runs, I’ll be out of the country again. This is yet another reason I don’t want any of you to know where I live. 
• Speaking of travel, you know what’s nuts? When you go through TSA for an international flight, they’re fine with taking your driver’s license as proof of ID. Why? Shouldn’t they stop you right then and there if you don’t have a passport? I handed the TSA agent my license and then was like “oh, let me know if you need my passport instead,” and he was like “nah, either works.” Well, friend, it fucking shouldn’t. 
• Speaking of me being cranky, I HATE when a public restroom has hand lotion and soap side by side in near identical containers. The odds of me wanting hand lotion in that setting are very low/I don’t WANT to think of the usage of folks going beyond moisturizing, so I don’t need the increased risk of lotion when I’m looking for soap. 
• This has been my inadvertent Mickey Andy Rooney impression. Fuck I’m old. 
• I’m sure you saw that the Nutmeg State’s Geno Auriemma apologized to Dawn Staley for being an absolute knob at the end of their Final Four matchup. Which is good. More people should take accountability for their boorish behavior rather than continuing to be sociopaths. But also he could’ve avoided the controversy by not being such a twat when his team got absolutely worked. 
• If you’re reading this, we haven’t quite reached nuclear Armageddon yet. But the year is still young. The good news is that JD Vance is on it. The bad news is that JD Vance is JD Vance. 
• I am legit baffled at how anyone still thinks a) that our little skirmish in Iran is anything other than an Epstein files driven wag the dog exercise and b) that Donald Trump is a good negotiator. He makes David Koresh look like Nelson Mandela. 
• Good thing oil prices went down for hours before fuckery brought them right back up. I didn’t need another reason to be thrilled with my electric car, but I got one. Fuck you, volatility. 
• No, that’s not what I said when my high school girlfriend and I broke up. 
• In lighter news, I had a bit of a debate with a friend on if the Nationals were any good this year. I don’t know WHY that was a debate since they obviously suck, but it was nice to argue about something that didn’t matter for a change. 
• As some of you may know, we’ve just about wrapped cherry blossom season in Washington, DC. Thanks to the generosity of the Japanese government, our nation’s capital has a ton of these beautiful trees that people flock to see during what is called peak bloom.  

• Yes, that’s an original photo, and they really are gorgeous. But everyone goes to the same like three spots to see these trees when they’re all over the city, including in my neighborhood. Also there are four different types of cherry blossom trees, and they all look a little different. 
• Here’s a pink one not far from where I live, and I love the scattering of the petals on the sidewalk. 

• The petals on the ground are actually the best way to tell the white cherry blossom trees from the dogwoods and other trees tourists take pictures of thinking they’re cherry blossoms. 
• And that’s another BFC original photo. 
• We all rag on tourists, but we’re all stupid tourists from time to time. As alluded to above, I’m a stupid tourist right meow, and I’m looking forward to accidentally getting in the way of some banker’s commute while I go check out all the shit the British stole from other people. 
• UPDATE: I went to the British Museum this morning, and it was so overrun by mouthbreathing idiots who literally couldn’t get out of their own or anyone else’s way that I bailed after like 20 minutes. The British Library is better anyway. 
• In terms of British thinkers, David Hume once wrote about London “Every event here fills me with indignation….to a philosopher and historian the madness and imbecility of mankind ought to appear ordinary events.” Almost makes me homesick, Davey Boy. 
• And on that note, may you fine people have a lovely day avoiding work. To the comments!