New Site Theme Day!: Tuesday Open Thread

Hurray for progress!

Our hard-working Vibe Artisans have been toiling in the guts of the site to try and get a theme that is both Stable and Attractive. Given how long it took me to find that combo in a romantic partner, their efforts seem downright miraculous to me.

It’s Draft Week! And it’s pretty telling about the quality of players available that the current NFL Narratives are (at best) only tangentially related to the draft.

-Dexter Lawrence has in fact been traded by the New York Giants! They get the #10 pick on Thursday, to go with their existing #5. It looks like Cincinnati actually got very good value, depending on how the financial terms of his reported 1 year, $28 million extension (meaning he’s under contract for 3 years total) shake out.

It seems like a reasonable deal for everyone. Cincy gets a proven star (albeit after a down year) for the tenth pick in what appears to be a seven-player draft. New York (or more accurately, John Harbaugh) doesn’t have to deal with Training Camp Drama during the honeymoon New Coach period.

The big questions, of course, depend on foreknowledge even my prophetic talents do not afford me. My best guess is that this move enables the Giants to piss away the fifth pick on Jeremiyah Love, knowing that one of the better wide receivers, OL or secondary players will still be there at 10.

For Cincy, the question is how they will fuck this up. I give the Bengals credit on some level- to paraphrase the great Tom Grossi, they can’t screw up their first round pick if they don’t have a first-round pick.

But as noted two weeks ago, Lawrence had a down year last year even with Brian Burns, Abdul Carter and Kayvon Thibodeaux all keeping offensive lines occupied. The Bengals don’t have any Burns, Carter or Thibodeaux equivalents. Apparently they are counting on the switch from a notional nose tackle in a 3-4 to a normal defensive tackle in a 4-3 to give Lawrence the relief he needs to be effective. On paper, not a bad idea. But any idea the Bengals have is by definition Highly Suspect, by virtue of the Bengals having thought of it.

-Brandon Aubrey got paid. $28 million for a kicker. It’s a legitimately smart move for the Cowboys, which feels odd. His range means that if the offense can get to the opponent’s 40, there’s a pretty good chance you are getting some points on the board. With the new kickoff rules, a touchback means the Cowboys only need 25 yards on a drive to be in scoring range. That, in turn, forces a change in defensive mindset by the other team.

-Mike Tomlin will be a studio analyst for NBC. I know this is too much to hope for, but I can still dream…

-The Niners are using “AI” to aid in their draft selections. For a peek at how that might go, feel free to refer to last week’s column.

I am savoring the idea that San Francisco spent time, money and effort to investigate the insane idea that the electrical substation near their practice field was destroying their team, and then turns around and trusts a different machine that could actually ruin the team. Legitimately delicious.