Anyone Else Feel Like A Cigarette? Your Monday Night Football Open Thread

How do you top yesterday as an opening salvo of the season? Silly upsets, just the right amount of Bleerg, comebacks, high-scoring affairs-the fookin’ Shield delivered and I guess that’s why we come back again and again.

Hippo gave us the beloved rundown as he is wont to do and I try to follow up with-

Fallout:

-“The defense is always far ahead of the offense in the first weeks of the season”. Let’s put that one to bed for this year shall we?

-The Giants are predicted to put up about 7 wins (seems reasonable) but they’re atop the division at the moment. [looks at the NFC West and the Cards] I guess I’d better shut my tourtiere hole now.

-Week One Concussion Sweepstakes: The Little Guy took home the prize and then Wentz delivered. That sound you hear is the quite unique “Cheese Grumble”.

-Cincy needed a yeoman effort from their D (4 TO’s and a Six spot) to squeak out a one-score W. INT’s and recovered fumbles are hard to reproduce so good luck there. (I’m available to rain on parades at very reasonable rates)

-Speaking of, Detroit has not solved their defensive woes from last season it would seem but at they’re still entertaining. That first game vs Chicago should be edge-of-your-seat madness.

-It was the Browns but the Jacktown seem to be continuing the progress they made last year under Liam Coen. (much like those brothers, I’m liking the early work)

-Oy Miami. They travel across the country next week to play a Niners team that is well rested. Pray for Willis.

To The Game!

Broncos/Chiefs:

-One of these two has won every divisional title since 2010.

-Both play-callers are coming off significant leg injuries.

-K.C. is starting an undrafted free agent at left tackle this evening. Oh boy.

-I’m curious as to how the target split between Waddle and Courtland will be divvied up.

-Before the ’25 season Reid hadn’t suffered a losing season as the Chiefs boss.

-Denver has won four of the last five vs this division rival.

-The O/U is 44.5 and Denver is favored by 2.5.

Do your thing.

 

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jjfozz

Great tackle Kelce. Fuck this fucking league.

My goal in life is to take a shit in his helmet right before he puts it on. I’ll dine on day old Taco Bell, black beans, coffee, oatmeal and a cup of bran.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Goddamnit Denver.

1000002272
fleshwound_NPG

looks like the advanced tactical biomechanical knee brace is just fine

jjfozz

There’s an interesting story about this picture. My oldest son (on the left) is a diehard Ravens fan. His little brother became a Bengals fan, just to be a dick.

So we go to the Ravens-Bengals game and I give them a long lecture about not teasing each other, behaving, etc.

First play of the game, Ravens take it to the house.

Older brother turns around smirks at little brother, who jumps over the seat to fight him.

The entire section stood up to watch what they thought was a fan fight. I mean it was, but security came up to see what was going on.

Fucking father of the year.

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Redshirt

Who chooses to become a Bengals fan?

King Hippo

None of my family growing up liked the same team. Dad? Redacteds (he died well pre-Commies), me Donks, little brother Bungles, little sister LOLfins. My mom could give two shits.

All 3 of my daughters are Donks, though. Oldest watches semi-regularly, even.

fleshwound_NPG

the new espn scorebug has one side rounded off and the other a sharper edge

mickey mouse is triggering everyone’s ocd

Mr. Ayo

Dammit, now I’ll never unsee that.

Unsurprised

Cool beans. Found the Manningcast.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess this is definitionally appropriate attire for the Emmys:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s Meg Stalter from Hacks for those of you who may not recognize her.

Gumbygirl

I assumed it was weird ole Heidi Klum, and I thought to myself “wow, she has really let herself go”

Jimbo

Moar like Heidi Klump.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They actually took a look at potentially filming a scene of that at our house.

jjfozz

I didn’t know you could buy that much gold paint. I guess it was applied at a car wash.

jjfozz

NO ONE COMES BACK FROM AN ACL INJURY LIKE MAHOMES!

fleshwound_NPG

5 min ago: bo nix had a GREAT preseason

5 min later: lol

King Hippo

He’s way better* than I expected, but he needs a shock collar or some shit.

*QB15-20 range, if he gets to QB10-15 the team will truly contend

Gumbygirl

NoooooooooNix!

King Hippo

And there’s my first Jesus CHRIST exclamation of the season

litre_cola

18 weeks of this shit Hippo.

King Hippo

and I love it even when I hate it!

jjfozz

When a dog appears on my television screen, i have to turn it off because my dumbfuck Lab loses her mind and puts her paws on the mantle, and scrapes off paint.

I’ll admit, I taught her the command “Watch TV” when I discovered a YouTube channel that was nothing but a camera set up in front of a bird feeder. (Fucker has over 100K fans.)

My life is fucked.

Horatio Cornblower

Ohio’s Tate has just finished his 9th Big Mac.

How is he not dead?

Horatio Cornblower

Someone has done the math: 5,220 calories, 306 g of fat, 765 mg of cholesterol, 9,450 mg of sodium.

King Hippo

12 is his promised self-punishment?

Horatio Cornblower

24 hours in a McDonald’s, 1 hour off that for each Big Mac consumed.

King Hippo

His cult is tight with several Central Florida-based Republicans. So probably.

litre_cola

Scientologist no?

King Hippo

yep

Horatio Cornblower

Cruise strikes me as being relatively unconcerned with earthly politics, and far more focused on what the Thetans are up to.

King Hippo

Tom Cruise?? Which player is HE fucking??

Unsurprised

25 years and running

King Hippo

They are flying the KANSAS state flag for the anthem. That is some epic Hunt family trolling.

jjfozz

I’m relaunching my business FB page and website. I’ll post the links when they’re ready and if you mooks could like and visit the page to help my traffic it would be most appreciated.

litre_cola

Full frontal naked Fozz?

King Hippo

Hey, dong SELLS.

jjfozz

Yes, there’s also a picture captioned “Split Chicken Breast”. Here’s a clue as to its content: I’m in the shower, and the shower door is glass.

Unsurprised

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QxSCFASl6-k

(This is barely the top result on DDG)

Unsurprised

Is that Inc. or LLC?

Horatio Cornblower

I need Waddle and Lutz to combine for less than 21.5 points in order to defeat Jimbo who, I should point out, started a guy who did not play. Whereas I started a defense, a kicker, two WRS, and a TE who may as well not have played.

fleshwound_NPG

if mahomes knee asplodes again (no way in HELL is it 100%) it is a fire sale that ends with the chefs shutting down arrowhead having never again hosting a playoff game

SonOfSpam

And in Hippo lawyer league, I need DonT’s Waddle to stay the hell out of the end zone. So, um, go…Pat Bryant?

King Hippo

I just need the Donks D/ST not to score like 4+ TDs, and I’m ok in Maths Is Hard (to my shock, I was sure London/Pitts combo killed me ded)

King Hippo

I would…NOT be putting money on the Donks tonight. But I am cautiously hopeful to be wrong.

SonOfSpam

Like Scotchy said, the Chiefs’ undrafted FA left tackle just might be an issue.

As long as the refs stay relatively neutral (HAHAHAHA), the Donks have a good shot.

King Hippo

Depends whether Fat Andy commits to the run, especially early. He should, but I’ll believe it when I see it.

Unsurprised

Fat Andy don’t run

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tonight’s counterprogramming: the emmys, hosted by Jayne Mansfield’s daughter!

SonOfSpam

We are all Sophia Loren.

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Unsurprised

Well, she does have decades of experience being around sexual predators.

Redshirt

The grill hasn’t been scraped since Breakfast/Lunch changeover. The liner in the bin hasn’t been changed so the fresh patties are sitting in the previous patties’ grease.

Croc and the McDonalds brothers must be spinning in their graves!

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Redshirt
blaxabbath

I hope he is beaten to death then.

Gumbygirl

Good. Allah willing, he’ll live to see a November bloodbath for the Pubes.

Redshirt

That is the same vibe Cincinnati fans had regarding yesterday’s game. Offensive didn’t have a bad day, just an average day. If anything it was refreshing watching the defense do well enough so Burrow didn’t have to pull a rabbit out of his hat yet again (pick-6 due to eye-f****** your receiver notwithstanding).

jjfozz

“Interview Cancelled”
“Hi, can you tell me why the interview was cancelled?”
“The recruiter who was hiring the position has left the company.”

So, the person who is in charge of hiring people for the company left her position because . . .she didn’t like the company.

How long Lord, how long?

Redshirt

So are there no other recruiters who can take over? Surely just because the recruiter left doesn’t mean the vacancy they were recruiting for was resolved?

jjfozz

They rescheduled another interview before this one, so clearly the company is fucking lost. Fuck it.

Unsurprised

This employer sounds like one step above scammers.

Horatio Cornblower

Sounds to me like they’ve got an opening for a recruiter!

Unsurprised

This seems like covert prepping the runway for a Mahomes comeback.

https://bsky.app/profile/rodger.bsky.social/post/3mvihmauabk2t

Last edited 1 hour ago by Unsurprised
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