A Glorious Lesser Footy Weekend FOAR Moms!

Well, for chav moms who support Chelsea anyway ,, smgdh.  Yes, the title is decided, thanks to an 82nd minute goal by little used (zero Prem starts) forward Michy Batshuayi.  Who I hoped Everton might be able to pry away this summer, but now will be a North London folk hero forevs.  SIGH.

At least Everton won their Friday night footy match against dire Watford, 1-nil, on a Ross Barkley screamer.  It could be the last home appearance in royal blue for Ross, Phil Jagielka, and (shudder) Romelu Lukaku.  Suicide NEVAR seemed MOAR appealing, yo.

Man City (who realistically need only 6 points from their last 3 games to clinch Top 4 and CL qualification, given their massive goal differential) take on Foxy Footy to start the weekend (7:25, NBCSN).  Oddly enough, the Foxes have won 4 of their last 5 against Ian Curtis’ favourite side.  Making it 5 of 6 would surprise greatly.

In the 10:00 window, you have own-destiny-controlling Swans visiting Sunderland, the team that fucked over Hull last week (NBCSN).  Who knows if they have it in them to play spoiler two weeks running, or if they’ll just go back to playing dead?  Southampton/Boro and Burnley/Bournemouth are on Extra Time, with no real impact on anything.

Arsenal, after beating United last Sunday, probably have the best (albeit small) chance of catching the Redshite for the final CL ticket.  They get free-falling, 13th position Stoke (12:30, NBCSN) in an absolute must-win match.

Side note – with all the new TV money, there is now “merit pay” of 2m pounds sterling for each place higher one finishes in the table.  Looking at how clumped together sides #8-15 are…14m would buy a pretty decent player (even in the inflated transfer market) to help a mid-table side consolidate its position, at least.  But very few seem arsed about it, once survival is assured and European footy is off the table.  Before yesterday’s Chelsea/West Brom match, they noted that Tony Pulis-managed teams have a total of five wins out of fucking 41 matches after reaching the magic 40 points (generally accepted as the safety threshold).  Make it 5/42, as WBA lost to Chelsea.

Rant over, back to actual sport.  You get a Sunday triple, over two networks because I guess some other even fruitier (no ofence) Euro-sport is taking precedence.  The first is a doozy, Hull taking on Crystal Palace (7:00, CNBC).  Should the Tiggers win this one (and Swans get anything on Saturday), all of a sudden Fat Sam is back in the shit.  While Hull and Swansea have winnable Final Sunday matches (Hull against Spurs with 2nd locked up, Swans v. WBA)…Palace must play at United.  It’s likely the Red Devils will still have at least a mathematical chance at Top 4, and even if not…it will almost surely be Wayne Rooney’s last home game at Old Trafford.   Yeah, they will be trying to win.

Next is the Redshite at West Ham (9:15, CNBC), the best chance for the door to crack open for Arsenal and/or United to make a run at Top 4.  Here’s hoping!  Followed by the White Hart Lane finale, Spurs v. United (11:30, NBCSN).  Hopefully, this won’t be too much of a letdown with Spurs locked into bridesmaid position (hey, at least they can’t choke that away again like last season – progress!!), and we will see a spirited match.  WHL deserves that kind of send-off.