Edit: My apologies for screwing up Word Press. This wasn’t supposed to go live for some time, but since I managed to post it, I’ll just go with it. I’ll consider it divine intervention.
I live in a churchy kind of place. Birthplace of Billy Graham, home to his son Franklin, and former home to Jim and Tammy Bakker of PTL infamy. Even the cows get into it.
As an outsider to all of this evangelical, fundamentalist, pentacostal type of religion (former Catholic, now Atheist) I’m fascinated by it. The rise of megachurches with all of their satellite campuses has been extra fun. Supporting their ministers’ need for bigger houses and newer jets requires a lot of $$$ and the need for #branding has become more urgent. Names for these churches have been punched up quite a bit. No more saint’s names or numbers (1st Baptist, 2nd Baptist, etc.), now it’s about #the brand. Not unlike local fitness centers. Driving around town, I’ve compiled a list of the names of these places, can you tell from the name which is a church and which is a gym? I’ve eliminated giveaway words like fellowship, ministry, fitness, gym, etc. from the names. May your god go with you and have a blessed day.
1. Waypoint
2. B.O.L.D.
3. I.M.P.A.C.T.
4. Rock
5. Bruised but not Broken
6. EDGE
7. Center for Balanced Living
8. Destined for Greatness
9. Sage Strength
10. Pure Vida
The answers are in the replies to RTD’s Puzzle Solutions.
Cross fit is the Scientology of stupid looking pull ups. Jim Fixx thinks it should pass away as early as possible.
I’d rather hear about some douchebag’s parkour/American Ninja Warrior gym than Cross Fit.
I was doing well in the beginning, but then lost the last three.
Where the h-e-double hockey sticks do you live anyways? Dang!
Not far (enough) from the Billy Graham Parkway.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/8d9b7ad87196174689875ba36ea509c9/tumblr_nr40orsD6o1siipgno1_500.png
http://i.imgur.com/qpvKnKA.gif
I guessed poorly, only went with 4 of the 10 as gyms, and only 2 of those 4 were correct. Sad Hippo. Sinful Hippo.
/don’t even lift, brah
Muscular Jesus gives Tony Dungy certain stirrings not felt since that day he accidentally walked in on Edgerrin James showering back in 2004.
at least not miscegeneation, amirite??
http://i.imgur.com/NfyOLkD.gif
Related but tangential: are there an inordinate number of Evangelical “youth pastors” and similar on American Ninja Warrior, or am I misperceiving? Is this what they do with all the excess energy the rest of us spend on sinning?
You are correct and it is fucking scary.
It’s so annoying, these fanatics who won’t stop talking about how their lives have meaning thanks to some unproven system of beliefs that always end up causing more harm than good.
Religious people are annoying too.
First rule of Cross Fit: Never stop talking about Cross Fit.
Trick question. These are all churches.
What fucking website operates on Central Time?!
Fuck me, this wasn’t supposed to post yet. I was still editing it. Sorry for being an idiot and if I stepped on someone’s post I apologize.
/forgiven
No worries, we’re all still finding our footing. As it happens, you sort of stepped on yourself; this posted just before Request Line.
I always found the MMA camps that call themselves “Christ-jitsu” and/or “Jesus-Jitsu” funny
You should really try Jewdo (h/t to Christopher Moore)
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/07/Jewjitsu2.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/250?cb=20070509163117
Isn’t that just Krav Maga?
Lamb might be my favorite book ever. Well done.
You don’t have a 24 Hour Episcopal Church or LA Scientology?
I guess I’d just go do my preacher curls at the YMCA then.
I just took some out-of-town friends on a little motor-tour of Los Angeles, from Hollywood to Downtown, and I pointed out with great pride and relish all the Scientology landmarks: the big hotel and the L. Ron Hubbard Life Exhibit on Hollywood Blvd., the Scientology Celebrity Center on Franklin, the huge blue Scientology ex-hospital on Sunset, etc etc etc.
Keep your mega-churches and what nots: nobody out-crazies the Scientologists, and they go crazy and crazy big. Very entertaining for all of us suppressives or whatever the fuck I am.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/404218c6cf85dd350736c32586dada19/tumblr_nssj8itDug1sqf5tdo3_400.gif
But did you take them to Langer’s? How about tomorrow at 2?
no yes yes yes no no yes yes no no no no no yes no no yes no yes no yes yes
I am going to insist that the acronyms (B.O.L.D. and I.M.P.A.C.T.) have to be gyms. Crossways really has me stumped, though.
You misspelled
B
E
N
G
H
A
Z
I
The message is clear though:
Edge
Missionary
All Choirs
I.M.P.A.C.T
Lifebuilders
Sage Strength