KSK Kommenters is proud to introduce our newest contributor: The Sports Guy, Bill Simmons!
SPORTS GUY: Glad to be here, Zach. And a pleasure to meet you after all of these years watching you. I remember the first time I watched Saved By the Bell. It really reminded me of the time I saw the Celtics beat the Lakers in the ’84 championships. You were the Larry Bird, obviously, while Slater was McHale, doing the dirty work. Screech was obviously Dennis Johnson, coming off the bench to microwave the…
DTZM: Let me stop you there, Bill. I’m…not that Zach.
SIMMONS: Wait, what?
DTZM: I’m from another timeline, Bill. Where I’m from, Screech built Kevin the Robot as a merciless killing machine, and enslaved humanity.
SIMMONS: (Speechless)
DTZM: I escaped here through a wormhole created by my time stop powers combining with a hole in space time caused by The Return of Miss Bliss. I could only save myself and Kelly, but things are much nicer here.
SIMMONS: I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.
DTZM: I know, I’ve read your columns. But this isn’t about me, it’s about you, Bill. How did you leave ESPN? Good terms or…
SIMMONS: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS YOU’RE ZACH MORRIS FROM AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE OH MY GOD…
DTZM: OK, let’s get back to the intro. Bill will be writing bi-weekly for us here, and hosting some of his podcasts with cousin…
SIMMONS: CAN I MEET KELLY
DTZM: OK, I can see that this just isn’t going to work out. Hopefully HBO or somebody can take a flier on you. Thanks for coming in, Bill.
Why couldn’t Bill just have read DTZM’s bio? Would have saved all of us some time.
This needs to happen!
I’m having problems with replies going to the top. Oh, and comments awaiting moderation.
This needs to happen.
sigh
I’m assuming they are playing KARATE KID instead of HORSE.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lunocz3mMX1r24l…
I’m assuming they are playing KARATE KID instead of HORSE.
There it is.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/bill-simmons-sucks-at-playing-basketball-terrible-basketball-shots.gif
This is HYPNOTIC.
My god, the look on his face as he catches the ball and turns to, uh, I guess “shoot” it, is just priceless. It’s like he’s never actually had someone throw a ball to him.
Now I kind of want an interview series where DTZM tries to have a serious discussion with a major figure but it always devolves into them asking about the SBTB Darkest Timeline and goes off the rails.
I’d say your safe to borrow Herm from BBW by now.
Maybe I’ll start with Schlereth? No, wait, I know who.
So, I wrote this originally back when Simmons got canned, and I was about to hit publish when our lil’ anarchist Sill asked to join our revolution. I have no idea why, but it seemed weird to publish this right then. I just saw it as a draft, added an ending and popped it out.
I vote that Sill has to try to rejoin Uproxx with the new name Lil’ Anarchist Sill.
Also Ape just sent me a direct message that he didn’t ban Sill and isn’t deleting comments. If I didn’t make it clear in my comments I never thought Ape had anything to do with it.
The people at Uproxx who do, however, can still get fucked.
Honestly, deleting comments is just…wow. I haven’t been to any Uproxx site in a while, I was still going for the PK fisking, but I even quit on that.
Yeah, that just backs up the original notion I had that I feel really bad for Ape (who needs the paycheck and can’t just give the evil overlords the finger), but KSK itself is in too deep and likely beyond saving at this point.
Beyond happy with what we have here, though. By the time DFO gets ruined, hopefully I will be dead.
I did my darndest to break it today, though.