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Your Tuesday Evening & Nothing’s On Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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NFL News:

  • Well, they found a way: Kyle Rudolph’s staying in Minnesota.
    • A four-year, $36 million extension, which somehow raises the Vikings’ cap space from $1 million to $4 million.
      • He takes less salary but gets more guaranteed money.
        • Profit?
      • Only $16 million is guaranteed, including injuries, so they do have an out if required.

  • Staying in NOLA is Cameron Jordan, who signed a three-year extension, keeping him in their defensive backfield until the 2023 season.
    • He was due to run out his original five-year deal after the 202 season, but a desire for stability plus an extra $52.5 million make it an easy decision.
      • In toto, the next five years guarantee him $42 million.
  • Going to a different Hall is Kellen Winslow Jr., who was convicted of rape yesterday.
    • Using every tool in their shame arsenal, ESPN sees fit to mention how “Kellen Winslow Jr. — the son of a Hall of Famer who himself earned more than $40 million during his career — has been convicted of raping a 58-year-old homeless woman last year in his picturesque beach community of Encinitas, north of San Diego.”
    • He was also found guilty of commiting lewd conduct and indecent exposure, and the jury is still deliberating on other charges.

Everyone is all kerfuffled about Raptors fans cheering when Kevin Durant got injured. While I am glad that Toronto sports fans have been exposed as the hick bandwagoneers the rest of Canada knows them to be, I would like to point out that

this

shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okfbspSBnqo

happens

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A04k7dSomEk

all the time. And even when the player in question is a coked-up glory-boy who likely deserves some of those jeers,

it’s still a shitty thing to do. Besides –

that’s what Twitter and comment sections are for.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: Game 7 – Wednesday
  • NBA: Game 6 – Thursday
  • MLB:
    • Mets at Yankees – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Blue Jays at Orioles – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Dodgers at Angels – 10:00PM | Sportsnet1
  • WWE:
    • Smackdown – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360

It’s a wasteland out there tonight. Maybe curl up with a good book.

Ain’t nothin’ wrong with the classics.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

I like the cut of his jib.

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Unsurprised

For posterity and, if possible, a bigass banner.

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Brick Meathook

For all the stoners, and all the ships at sea:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lmZiqrqXDw

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So ummmmmmm……Thailand’s womens’ soccer isn’t ummmm…….they’re not…..they’re not good.

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Brick Meathook

This Day In Brick Meathook’s Notebook: Satellite Images for Apple Inc.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Listening to 99% Invisible about NBA jersey designs. Holy shit, Howard Schultz was a fucking idiot about everything involving basketball and i hope he fucking dies for just being an idiotic and utterly tasteless piece of shit

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

BTW, you lawyers/political junkies may get a kick out of this Wikipedia page: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Morrissey

That guy just won a primary to be on the ballot again in Virginia this fall.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Phsheeesh, 17? What a fucking amateur!”

-Roy M, Atlanta.

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Brick Meathook

That first paragraph on Wikipedia actually makes him sound pretty awesome.

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Brick Meathook

Reading further, he’s not so awesome. But that first paragraph is some good ad copy, folks.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Needs a Jail Bate Poster.

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Brick Meathook

If you read that whole Wikipedia article (and take Wikipedia with at least a few grains of salt) this guy is like a cartoon character.

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Unsurprised

I like him except for the perderasty

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Don T

If you can get caught for dishonesty, you’re unfit to be a lawyer.

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Unsurprised

I want to believe it was for something like being extremely sarcastic and disingenuous when the judge ordered him not to keep calling opposing counsel, opposing parties, or the court goatfuckers.

Everyone knows they fuck pigs in Virginia.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oooooh, these gummies are pretty good…when you take five at a time.
Now it’s time for an evening stroll. Later taters.

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Unsurprised

Nobody walks in L.A. I am expecting this to end with Balls bailing tWBS out. In which case I suggest that you repay Balls with some Asian pastries from Koreatown. I prefer the red bean ones.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry. When I said “stroll” I just meant “smoke”. Don’t intend to leave the property while I”m this fucked up.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

This is where my stuff is, man.

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Brick Meathook

Where the hell are you?

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pasadena, Baby.

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Unsurprised

Oh my God

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes, my son?

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Unsurprised

You do kind of look like him if he were shorter and not an asshole.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hahahahahahaha…best reply in EVAR!!!!!!!!!!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Seriously, I want to banner that so much, trying to figure out how to put it up, but with context.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t say it, Balls.

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Brick Meathook

Seamus, if you weren’t out in the sticks I’d get high with you tonight.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, stayed east this time.
No worries, I’ll be back in Venice/Santa Monica soon enough. Heading south has never been a problem for me. Ummmmm……nah, not gonna edit that comment.

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Unsurprised

Quick reminder. Ease is the name of the cannabis delivery service.

Enjoy.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank you for the tip, my friend.

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Unsurprised

I thought they were local to Portland but I saw a sign for them on the way to the airport today.

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Unsurprised

Oh. It’s Eaze with a Z. Eaze.com

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WCS

I’ve waited all day to say this, expecting someone far funnier than me, but, since I have not seen it yet…

Blax is now the personal proprietor of The Chris Henry Experience.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I said it

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blaxabbath

Anyone else watching the bachelorette? This is fucking great television. Just this chick every week picking the single worst guy (who is the biggest hottest hunk) while the ‘good’ guys struggle to comprehend why they can’t beat this dude.

It’s like watching Marco Rubio and JEB! trying to figure out why they can’t beat Trump while refusing to come right out and say they’ll kill Mexican babies in concentration camps.

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WCS

I do not watch that show, and I never have. When I saw “John Paul Jones” trending on Twitter, my stomach dropped; did Led Zeppelin’s bassist die?

Thankfully, it was just some chub on a show I couldn’t care less about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTWOEGgy1rY&ab_channel=GuitarWorld

I played (badly) bass. JPJ is absolutely one of my personal inspirations, and easily a top-five of all time. Watch that video. A bass guitar shouldn’t do that. That’s Kim Thayil of Soundgarden playing lead guitar, not a bass player.

Point is, one of my personal heroes is still here, and some guy on some show lost. I hate social media.

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blaxabbath

I didn’t like John Paul Jones himself but he’s a great character for this season bc that dude did not give a fuck. He looked like a dude who needed a place to crash for three weeks while he waits for his room in LA to free up so he can get started working with his high school buddy on their weed delivery business. But some guy was like, “You’re hot, want to be on teevee? Marry a Miss America contestant? Find true love?”

He’s like, “You pay weekly and offer housing? Sure, I’ll be a garbage man. “

And the executive is like, “no immediate pay but you will staying and eating/drinking at the mansion.”

He’s like, “Yeah ok.”

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Brick Meathook

Does Brick Meathook own a mechanical pencil with both red and blue 1.1mm leads?

Oh you better believe he does.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

1.1 mm? Why don’t you just use a crayon?

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Brick Meathook

1.1mm is the magic width

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“That’s what I told Deanna!”

–Brett F.

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Brick Meathook

I thought Deanna was Kurt Warner’s wife

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Unsurprised

The TSA dickhead at LAX looked like Grumblelord and was just as pleasant. He looked like he was there solely to ruin others’ days.

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WCS

I’m probably sure “there solely ruin others’ days” is the top requirement in the official department job description.

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Unsurprised

Being of a certain skin tone or along that spectrum is how 90% of them get that job. Being a bastard get white guy applicants the affirmative action bonus points to get in that 10%

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blaxabbath

Damn it! I’m absolutely exhausted and still cooking dinner. I’m sautéing everything in my instapot and I go to put on the lid and my fucking valve cap (for sealed/venting) is gone.

Son of a bitch.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I always worry about that happening any time I clean it.

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blaxabbath

I don’t know what happened to it. But I have no patience, the chicken didn’t cook through, and I’m fucking pissed.

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JerBear50

You could go meet up with your new buddy for a burrito and some more truck surfing.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This guy gets it

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Brick Meathook

Yeah I was kinda rooting for the tweaker in the truck bed. Not to hurt Blax, of course, but that Blax and the tweaker would become life-long friends, despite their differences.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Pittsburgh’s starting pitcher didn’t do so well today.

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WCS

Even when he does do good, the offense gets two singles the entire game, and they lose 1-0.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

The Baltimore Orioles were victorious tonight. Hahahaha, suck it Toronto!!!!
21-45 baby. Pulled back to within only 20 games back!!!!!

The limp to 50 wins continues!!!!!!!

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Brick Meathook

Today’s history lesson: The Munich Agreement

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nomonkeyfun

ESPN just brought the moral condemnation because the victim was an old. They were angry he didn’t rape someone young and presumably attractive like Jameis Winston did.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This week has suuuuuucked and it’s only Tuesday

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So one of the contestants on Chopped was talking about how he could “almost taste the money”. All I can say is that you really shouldn’t be putting money in your mouth, because money is dirty as hell.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Totally Agree.”

–All of Floyd Mayweather’s sex partners

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

To be fair, the USWNT was only up 8-0 after 80 minutes, so they needed those extra 5 goals to really put the game away.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Trying my hand at slow-grilling a tri-tip roast. It only cost $10 so there’s really no downside.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

Vin really ran out of ideas for Fast and the Furious 88

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fast and the Furious 88: The Midnight Runs

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, let’s cool it with the snuff films.” – Andy Reid

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BC Dick

Interesting to see if that gets way overdone on the edges. Good choice for hot weather though if it works

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The edges were more done than I’d have liked, but not too bad.

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Don T

Re, Latin:
Was it the Lion or the Tin Man who wanted to be in Toto?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey man, if they can put a dozen new faces in the audience for a gig, we’ll take either one.” – current members of Toto

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hepatitis: The Movie

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

As the pseudo-scientist said: “I’ll be in my lab.”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh sure, NOW no one likes a dog fucking joke.

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Brick Meathook

I love this gif

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BC Dick

Even Jeopardy! was kind of a clunker tonight after a good string of quality evenings.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So more like Jeopardy.
?

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BC Dick

Maybe some people like “excitement” in their life but for me a true daily double gets the heart racing just as much as a double win in the showcase showdown.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s OK, my punctuation jokes never work, and justifiably so.

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BC Dick

Woof. Disappointed in myself.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I would love to hear Colin Cowherd’s take on your punctuation jokes, so I could count the number of dogwhistles therein.

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SonOfSpam

Glad the US Women won their game, disappointed they missed the 2nd PAT.

It’s the little things oh crap don’t joke about Alex Morgan’s b

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herodotus450

Holy shit, that has to be a typo or something, right?

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Brick Meathook

Say what you will about me, but I keep a kick-ass notebook:

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Don T

i agree, but couldn’t help being Intrigued. So I went down a google notebook doodle hole. WORTH IT
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SonOfSpam

fuckunicorn woulda worked too

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Ha, we use proper English here, Son.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now THAT’S a kick-ass notebook.

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Brick Meathook

Look carefully where they erased the giant unicorn cock.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A Gelding Fuckucorn; the calmer, better-behaved, quieter, and gentler fuck you horse.

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Unsurprised

I escaped L.A. I hope it won’t be another year and a half before I get back there.

Meanwhile it’s 96° and clear in Portland. You’re welcome.

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ballsofsteelandfury

For no reason whatsoever, this song popped into my head today:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lt6r-k9Bk6o&app=desktop

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Redshirt

Related song: NSFW

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUJVzez1mT0

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herodotus450

Hmm, the last time a tight end from Florida went to jail, how did that work out again?

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LemonJello

Death by poorly designed/made blanket fort?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[has nightmares]

– Eli Manning

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

As far as I was concerned, it worked out just fine.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Currently suffering from a sore throat (and sciatica!). Hopefully this is due to the air pollution and not thanks to Typhoid tWBS.

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LemonJello

Could it be heat related?

/I hear its hot there

//thoughts and prayers

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, when it gets hot here the pollution tends to be worse. I was outside a lot today, because I’m a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and my but smells and I like to kiss my own butt, so it’s probably just that.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that why I have a cough all of a sudden? I assumed that one of you roofied me and spit into my mouth and other orifices.

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blaxabbath

(4:38 – ASU fans heckle Steve Kerr with “PLO” chants after his father was shot and killed)

https://youtu.be/sa9pPw46qf4

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Well I for one expect more out of the students of Arizona State University.

Wait, no, I meant “less”. I am actually quite surprised they took the time to learn about current events in any way whatsoever.

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blaxabbath

Kellen Winslow Jr use his one phone call to accept a deal with the Raiders?

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Redshirt

I had an unexpected social/behavioral scientific discovery over the weekend. I give you the Conversation Duration Limit. It is the amount of time you can spend having a conversation with someone while still having a meaningful conversation. If you exceed that limit, you instantly regret having that conversation, no matter what was spoken.

For example: Last week, I was telling my mother about my vacation plans, and we had a discussion about past vacations, how will the family survive with me gone a week, the need for me to find someone special. Up until 13 minutes 59 seconds, it was a lovely mother-son conversation. Then at the 14 minute mark she says “Don’t forget to bring condoms.” With one line, she complete destroyed the lovely conversation we were having by insinuating “You need to get laid.” However true that is, I don’t need my own mother telling me that. Moreover, if I do meet someone and things progress nicely, when I pull out the condoms, the last thing I want to be thinking is “Thanks Mom!”

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Brick Meathook

You need to get laid.

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Redshirt

Have we not virtually met?

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

…when I pull out the condoms

“What are ‘con-doms’?” – Philip R, San Diego Los Angeles, CA

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Also, what’s this ‘pull out’ business?” – same guy

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Don T

That’s the healthy way: disengaging from a conversation. But staying for getting cues and push buttons is fun.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So was your mom talking about condoms for the vacation or right then?

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scotchnaut

POETRY! His command of the english language… He’s a gotdamn beast!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mRec3VbH3w

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Don T

Yeah, the masses clamor for yet another Chucky remake.

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