[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

All Movie Baseball Team

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

/

, , , ,

Hey guys, it’s time for something stupid.  Inspired by an email chain from today, here’s my team of fictional film baseball players.  My rule was one player per film series, no real players played by actors/playing themselves.  Feel free to tell me I’m an idiot in the comments, everyone did in the email chain.

C   Crash Davis (Bull Durham)
1B Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball)
2B Marla Hooch (A League of their Own)
3B Roger Dorn (Major League)
SS Tanner Boyle (Bad News Bears)
RF Roy Hobbs (The Natural)
CF Bobby Rayburn (The Fan)
LF Benny Rodriguez (The Sandlot)
SP Steve Nebraska (The Scout)
RP Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year)
DH Stan Ross, (Mr. 3000)

 

 

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
81 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
blaxabbath

Brewer to BoSox, Stan Ross would EASILY go down as the greatest DH of all time (even though Jeter was classier about taking that spot in his twilight days).

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Stan Ross would EASILY go down “

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Glow in the dark fucktard fingers; I’d buy one.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/9b4813db932da54f52729fc06beadcce/tumblr_nw2umut2B01rni4p3o1_500.jpg

0
Big Black Richard

Huh? Baseball? I’m currently watching Major League Soccer.

Ow. OWWW!! What the……

Damn, Horatio, this locker is rather spacious. I had no idea. If this locker were in Manhattan, you could rent it as a microstudio apartment for $2000/month.

0
Big Black Richard

And I’m currently trying to FINALLY get around to change my avatar to a photo of Bunk Moreland. Hope I succeed. I’m tired of seeing Satan every time I comment.

0
Big Black Richard

Testicles. One…..two……three?!?

0
Big Black Richard

New badass avatar not showing up. Also, I don’t have an edit button for my comments. Is that normal?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes.

I don’t have an edit button in my normal speech either, otherwise I’d be a bit further up the corporate ladder.

0
laserguru

That would be bad ass. Bunk was the shit.
Fuck you McNulty.

0
Big Black Richard

Sigh. I’m going to have to clear cookies, aren’t I?

0
Big Black Richard

Cookies cleared. Success?

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Working now and it is fucking great.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Pimping out one of my favorite bands again. The Heartless Bastards. I am playing the unholy shit out of this song lately.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C6nHVJCopj0

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

One of the band member’s ancestors was an executioner; FACT.

http://38.media.tumblr.com/aa4d46d46b6b91fabb2ee193c54099ed/tumblr_nw84a7vmbj1r0hgato1_540.gif

0
WCS

Otto’s brain tricks PK into drinking a pumpkin latte filled with cigarette ash in celebration.

0
Sill Bimmons

i just saw a colin cowherd ad

http://media.giphy.com/media/iHaDbbesKYT6M/giphy.gif

0
nomonkeyfun

To bad you couldn’t fit Kelly Leak in. He’s one bad mother—

0
Big Black Richard

Shut yo mouth!

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Mouf?

0
laserguru

He’s talkin’ bout Leak!

0
Big Black Richard

I can dig it.

/That joke just went over the head of at least half of Commentists under the age of 35.

0
Sill Bimmons

Let’s not forget the greatest fictional baseball player of all time:

http://www.nsnn.com/FF1045-Baseball-Bugs.jpg

0
Brick Meathook

Speaking of baseball movies, I got my first colonoscopy today.

I spent all last night drinking the assigned laxatives and living in the bathroom evacuating my whole digestive tract, right on down the line. I have changed my underwear about seven times in the last twenty hours. Afterwards, the doctor complimented me on my “very clean colon.”

They gave me Propufol before my big close-up. That’s the same drug that killed Michael Jackson; but I had my fix administered by a competent anesthesiologist in a responsible dose and lived to tell the tale. Take THAT, King Of Pop!

Results are great!!! ANYBODY WANT TO SEE PICTURES OF MY ASSHOLE???

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So I just learned not to just image search for “baseball bat movie scene.”

0
Sill Bimmons

I’m trying to find the Bloom County panel where they declare Reagan’s greatest achievement to be that “most of his polyps were benign.”

No luck so far.

0
entropy

And like that, I’ll be reading every Bloom County book I have all weekend.

This is not a complaint.

0
Big Black Richard

If I wanted to see a picture of an asshole, I know how to do a Google image search for “Harbaugh” already.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The King of Poop?

A clean, well used colon. Also; pics or it didn’t happen: starfish to nugget.

0
laserguru

I was diagnosed with cancerous lesions of the colon when I was 29. I have a colonoscopy every two years now, Thank you Jesus, it used to be annually.

I usually celebrate a clean reading by having a cheeseburger and a few beers.

Not sure I’m doing it right.

The prep is a thousand times worse than the procedure.

Pro-tip: Use extra soft toilet paper.

0
Lothar of the Hill People

Pro pro-tip: don’t use toilet paper, use a bidet.

You can get sprayers that attach to the inlet hose on your toilet. For some reason, a place I was staying in the Middle East had one, and when I got the inevitable explosive craps after drinking local water, spraying was so much gentler.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Have you seen all of these movies all the way through?

0
Big Black Richard

Home plate umpire: Frank Drebin (The Naked Gun)

Team Owner: Montgomery Brewster (Brewster’s Millions)

0
ballsofsteelandfury

YES!!

0
upforwhatever

Baseball? DDDOOOONNNNNTTTT CCCCAAAARRRRREEEE!!!!!!!

0
Sill Bimmons

I thought you were #UpForWhatever?

MOAR LIEK #fULLoFsHIT AMIRITE

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Catler would make the purfect pitcher.

0
upforwhatever

Liek watcihng grASS grow IMO.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Sill’s comment reminds me I’m taking Jimmy Dugan as my manager. Lou Brown is the obvious pick but Jimmy Dugan hit a spoiled brat in the face with a baseball glove and laughed about it.

0
Horatio Cornblower

There it is! Man he nailed that kid.

0
Sill Bimmons

You don’t have to participate.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Gee, that never occurred to me.

0
Sill Bimmons

Clearly.

0
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sarcasm as a concept is lost.

0
laserguru

You know, I heard that Big Papi was invited to be in a movie but the producers didn’t want anyone who could have been involved in a PED scandal to taint the film.

/gets popcorn ready.

0
Sill Bimmons

So they’re making a Little League film?

Was he going to be the manager?

0
Sill Bimmons

Looking at this list is a sad reminder of how few decent fictional baseball films there are.

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Right? This exercise was harder than I thought.

0
Sill Bimmons

There aren’t many good nonfiction baseball films either.

For me it’s Eight Men Out and…?

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

42 was OK, Moneyball was watchable but flawed, and I didn’t hate *61, but I didn’t love it either.

0
Horatio Cornblower

‘A League of Their Own’ is one of the best movies, period, and may be the best baseball movie ever.

I like ‘Bull Durham’ but acknowledge the argument that it’s not a real baseball movie. I don’t necessarily agree but I can see the point.

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I agree with all of your words. I love A League of their Own. The Cardinals played it on the big screen at Busch Stadium during their founders night this year, and I watched the whole thing from the outfield grass.

0
Sill Bimmons

“League” is as good as it gets.

“Bull Durham” is a real baseball film with a chick-flick B-plot to me, but I can see how it might lose some people at the end.

0
Senor Weaselo

I’m guessing the only reason there’s no Pedro Cerrano is because Hobbs is in right? And naturally this team is managed by Billy Heywood (Little Big League).

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

One per movie and I needed Dorn.

0
Senor Weaselo

Dorn with higher priority over Cerrano/Vaughn/Taylor? That I don’t agree with, where I’d see how I can fit one of the other three even though Hobbs/Gardenhooser/Crash are must-haves. Dorn ends up going in because the other three positions are taken.

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

That’s the issue with my arbitrary rules. I could have stacked the team with Bad News Bears and Major League Indians, so I wanted to keep that down. Plus, I had a a hell of a time with 3B/SS.

0
Sill Bimmons

Every single pitcher against the Blue Jays in the ALCS should go straight at Bautista’s earhole.

That bat flip was a fucking disgrace.

0
Senor Weaselo

I’d like to say, as a dirt Giants fan, stupid, stupid, stupid, STUPID fucking Rangers. Fucking Romonobyl. Everything’s bigger in Texas except their sports teams in close-out games.

0
Senor Weaselo

Also still not as stupid as Encarnacion’s parrot on the shoulder.

0
Sill Bimmons

For a bunch of nobodies who haven’t done shit in over two decades, this Blue Jays team has more than its fair share of assholes:

comment image

0
Horatio Cornblower

Bautista’s another one. “I started hitting lots of home runs because all of a sudden I started swinging sooner.”

No. No that is not why you suddenly started hitting lots of home runs.

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Encarnacion was a bum until he got to Toronto too. Suddenly he and Joey Bats are hitting bombs…

0
Sill Bimmons

CANADIAN PEDS DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

0
Big Black Richard

I’m fine with it. GW Bush will be associated with the Rangers for as long as he lives. For that time period, I hope the Rangers never win a World Series. Hell, I wish they would never win a game. I hold grudges like that.

0
Sill Bimmons

True, but still fuck Bautista.

Go Astros/Royals.

0
scotchnaut

Team physician might be Archie “Moonlight” Graham?

0
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Was he a real person? That was my other rule that I forgot to mention, no real players being played by actors/playing themselves.

0
scotchnaut

Shhhh. The Boob Jays are trying to close this thing out!

0
81
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x