The scene: Outside of the DFO clubhouse. All is quiet out front, aside from the pitiful voice of Ballsofsteelandfury.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Guys…hey, is there anyone around? I need some help here…

The camera pans up to reveal Ballsofsteelandfury hanging upside down from the flag pole.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Aw, come on, guys…

The sound of a jet engine winding down drowns out Ballsofsteelandfury as Sill Bimmons, equipped with a jetpack, lands in front of the clubhouse. Worn proudly among his other patches is his “Banned For Life” patch.


Ballsofsteelandfury: Sill! Hey, Sill! Give me a hand here!

Sill Bimmons: Forsooth, good friend Balls! What manner of calamity hath befallen thee?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Girl Scouts, Sill. Small, angry Girl Scouts.

Sill Bimmons: Indeed? Perhaps next time thou shouldst order the Thin Mints.

Ballsofsteelandfury (doing the finger pistol thing): Hey, you got me there, big guy! Now…what about getting me down?

Sill Bimmons: In time, friend Balls. Yet the good Doktor Zymm has need of my immediate aid. I shall return anone.

Sill Bimmons heads toward the clubhouse.

Ballsofsteelandfury (yup, still doing the finger guns): OK, Sill, you bet. I’ll just wait here, then.

Inside the clubhouse Darkest Timeline Zach Morris is still arguing with Doktor Zymm.

DTZM: So they’re in the past, then?

Doktor Zymm: Ja…probably. Unless zey vent to ze future.

[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

Sill Bimmons: Greetings, good friends! I have arrived to aid thee in thine time of troubles!

DTZM: Sill! About time. Maybe you can tell me what’s going on here.

Sill Bimmons (ignoring DTZM): Doktor Zymm, it seems our plan hath gone awry. Pray tell me, what hath transpired to foil our most noble goals?

Doktor Zymm: Vell, Sill, ve had an unfortunate variable that ve had not conzidered…a polizei auto arrived just as the van vas reaching peak chrono-velocity. Zey both disappeared, leading me to believe…

Sill Bimmons: Aye, the added mass…

Doktor Zymm: Ja.

Sill Bimmons: So, hast thou run yon equations yet?

DTZM: Sill?

Doktor Zymm: Zey are not exact. Unfortunately, without knowing the exact weight of ze polizei, und their auto, ve cannot…

Sill Bimmons: Nay, yet still we might overcome this most distressing of affairs.

DTZM: Sill?

Sill Bimmons (taking off his jetpack and handing it to DTZM): Here, good fellow, if you couldst but hold mine jetpack, I wouldst be in your debt.

DTZM: SILL!

Sill Bimmons (nonplussed): Aye, good friend? What is the cause of your concern?

DTZM: Well, gee, the fact that several of our members are lost in time, along with the fact that, according to Zymm, you put Otto Man’s brain in a jar…yeah, you might say this concerns me.

Sill Bimmons: Ah, I see! Allay your fears, Zach Morris of the Timeline Most Dark. Doktor Zymm and I will handle the crisis in that most time-honored of ways, and reunite our fine league once again.

DTZM: You’re going to handle this? How?

Sill Bimmons: Why, through science, of course!

DTZM: OK, but…

Sill Bimmons (striking a heroic pose, hands on hips): SCIENCE!

DTZM (sighs): Look, could you just tell me one thing?

Sill Bimmons: Aye, of course, friend Zach! Thous hast but to ask!

DTZM: Why is Otto Man’s brain in a jar?

Doktor Zymm: Actually, zat is not a jar, but a polycabonate globe filled vith a gelatin-based preservative composed largely of a distillation of vater and ethanol.

DTZM: So Otto’s basically…a giant jello shot?

Doktor Zymm: Ja, ezzentialy zat is correct.

Sill Bimmons: Aye. It was a concoction of his own choosing.

DTZM: That’s…not surprising. But I still have no idea why his brain is in a jar and not, oh I don’t know…in his head?

Sill Bimmons (solemnly): That, friend Zach, is a tale of gravest woe…

Cut to: A police car pulling up outside of the DFO clubhouse.

Ballsofsteelandfury (singing): Oh, yeah, Brandy, you’re a fine girl…what a goooood wife you would be…

Young Cop (looking up the flagpole): Excuse me, sir.

Ballsofsteelandfury (still singing): Yeah, your eyes could steal a sailor from the sea …

Young Cop: Sir? Excuse me, but…

Ballsofsteelandfury: Sorry, I don’t speak oink.

Older Cop: Hey, now, there’s no need for that kind of talk.

Ballsofsteelandfury (sniffing the air): I smell bacon.

Young Cop: Well that’s just hurtful, sir.

Older Cop (with his hand on his gun): Maybe I should just shoot him down from there.

Ballsofsteelandfury (giving the cops a Bronx cheer): Take a hike.

Young Cop (sniffing):  I don’t know why I even try.  I mean, have I made mistakes?  Sure I have.  But that doesn’t mean I’m a bad cop.

Older Cop (glaring up at Ballsofsteelandfury): See what you’ve done?  My partner’s upset now, and it’s all your fault.

Young Cop:  Did I arrest a college professor instead of a shoplifter, just because he was African-American?  Sure I did.  Did I plant evidence on  suspect who turned out to be innocent?  Who hasn’t?  Was I a bag man for the DiMarco family while they ran H across the border?  Well, sure, but that doesn’t make me a bad cop, does it?

Both Ballsofsteelandfury and the Older Cop are staring dumbfoundedly at the Young Cop.

Older Cop: Umm…well…

Ballsofsteelandfury: Yeah, it kind of does!

Older Cop (ushering the Young Cop back into the police car): C’mon, partner, we should get you back to the station.

Young Cop: So I destroyed evidence a few times.  Look, nobody’s perfect, right?

Older Cop (getting into the driver’s seat): Hey, by the way, have you seen a couple of detectives around here?

Ballsofsteelandfury: Oink.  Oink oink oink.  That means “no.”

Older Cop (driving off): Thanks for nothing, pal.

Young Cop: So I ran over a homeless man once…well, twice…

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting his finger guns at the departing police car): See ya, losers.

In the distance an engine revs.  Ballsofsteelandfury twists around until he can look down the road.  He sees a school bus, painted in a bizarre amalgamation of colors.

Ballsofsteelandfury:  What the…?

Ballsofsteelandfury’s eyes go wide as he sees that the bus is full of Girl Scouts, and behind the wheel is none other than the Angry Girl Scout.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Oh, crap…

Angry Girl Scout (yelling):  You thought we were done?  We haven’t even started!

The Angry Girl Scout hits the gas, and the bus lurches forward.  It starts slowly, then begins to pick up speed, going faster and faster as it heads right for the flagpole…and Ballsofsteelandfury.

Angry Girl Scout: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Ballsofsteelandfury: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!

To be continued…