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Your “We Decide What You Watch” Wednesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

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,

NFL Noise:

  • It’s going to be pretty easy for the Patriots tomorrow night, now that the following players have been ruled out: Saquon Barkley (ankle), Sterling Shepard (concussion), Evan Engram (knee) and Wayne Gallman (concussion).
    • The Giants are down to their third- and fourth-string running backs.
    • At this point, the Giants are waiting on the end of the CFL season to try & bring in players.
  • Brian Flores has hitched his cart to Josh Rosen for the rest of the season.
    • “I like where Josh is and hopefully he just continues to improve over the course of today, tomorrow and over the course of the season,” Flores said.
  • Speaking of staying with what’s already broken, new interim [Redacteds] head coach Bill Callahan has decided to go back to Case Keenum.
    • Keenum missed last week with a foot injury, but is expected to be ready for Sunday.

Seems kinda obvious, but thanks for spelling it out.

Tonight’s TV:

  • It’s Always Sunny” – 10:00PM ET – “Dee Day”

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Habs at Sabres – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Devils at Flyers – 7:30PM | NBCSN
    • Kings at Canucks – 10:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet Pacific
      • A tribute to the 50th anniversary season for the Canucks. The Kings were their first opponent. Here’s a link to the original radio broadcast from that night, for Canucks fans who miss Jim Robson.

  • MLB: 
    • Game 5: Nationals at Dodgers – 8:30PM | TBS / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Football:
      • Appalachian State at Louisiana (Lafayette) – 8:00PM | ESPN2
    • Women’s College Volleyball:
      • Mississippi State at Alabama – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Baylor at Iowa State – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • Wrasslin’:
    • AEW Dynamite – 8:00PM | TNT / TSN2
    • NXT – 8:00PM | USA

I’ll see you guys Saturday night to discuss who gets what game on Sunday. Enjoy!

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

[A thick cloud of smoke grows and a figure appears]

I have stumbled before you to say one thing.

Clutch made Dropkick Murphys look like post season Kershaw.

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Senor Weaselo

Meanwhile, Bryce Harper sits in Philly.

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Horatio Cornblower

That former Red Sox Joe Kelly doomed the Dodgers just makes this all the sweeter.

2
Senor Weaselo

He hasn’t taken a shot like that since Tyler Austin.

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SonOfSpam

Clayton Kershaw’s therapist just cleared his calendar til March.

5
ballsofsteelandfury

And he doesn’t even get to fuck Kate Upton…

2
SonOfSpam

I mean, he probably COULD…

2
Unsurprised

If it turns out he is fucking her, I would start watching baseball

1
Mr. Ayo

Also texted him to ask for Kelly’s number.

1
SonOfSpam

Kelly’s Irish, so his therapy consists of Jameson and woman-punching.

As God intended.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I think he’s a big Jesus guy. I would pay the Dodgers’ clubhouse staff a large sum of money to stick a sign saying “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” over his locker.

1
SonOfSpam

“You called?”
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ballsofsteelandfury

So, three straight years in playoffs and now you exit in the first round. Does this mean the end of the Dodgers as we know them?

Knowing LA, I’m thinking there will be massive changes for next year including new manager. Thoughts?

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SonOfSpam

“Ok, I am ready to coach this team!!!”
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ballsofsteelandfury

From what I’ve heard, he already is…

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SonOfSpam

He really should consult those who know the game better; get some aid-, uh, get some helpers.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I wish I had more +1s to give.

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Mr. Ayo

Bravo

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’d definitely be inclined to fire the manager who thought it was somehow a good idea to put Kershaw in for relief late in a post-season game.

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Senor Weaselo

Well, they didn’t lose in the World Series this year.

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SonOfSpam

PROGRESS!

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Mr. Ayo

Somewhere, Frank McCourt is smiling.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Why? Did he repossess an old widow’s parking lot?

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SonOfSpam

Excellent.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Insurmountable deficit?

1
Senor Weaselo

Well then.

1
WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

And the parking lots empty…

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SonOfSpam

Nice to see an Angels’ player contributing.

2
Mr. Ayo

Is this where they do the shootout?

2
SonOfSpam

No, that’s at Beverly and Rampart in a few hours.

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Mr. Ayo

Shout out to Original Tommy’s!

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SonOfSpam

Greatest postgame meal ever. But not the safest parking lot in the tri-state area.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Fuck yeah!

Also, the shootout would most likely come out of my ass two hours later.

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Brick Meathook

In L.A., if you’re really cool, you’d leave the stadium at the top of the tenth.

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Senor Weaselo

Well, they’ll be leaving now.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Now that’s good fortune-tellin’

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SonOfSpam

MAS BEISBOL!

1
SonOfSpam

Good hit by Kike.

(it’s ok if you don’t put a ‘the’ in front of it smh)

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SonOfSpam

Just saw a thing where Tyler Lockett is a virgin, saving himself for marriage.

You do you, I guess. (Actually, don’t. That would count.)

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Brick Meathook

Hankook is the official tire of Major League Baseball.

Besides money was exchanged, what the fuck does that even mean?

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SonOfSpam

Hank Ook?
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Brick Meathook

Ernie Johnson looks like Steve Buscemi looks like John Waters looks like Don Knotts looks like Mick Jagger

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Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Someone come over to my place and smash my balls and my brain with a sledgehammer for reading Twitter.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If you’re going to spend your evening with a bunch of Russian bots, you really should just get a couple of those Katya sex robots.

2
Unsurprised

If there was a sexbot of her, I’d have already died of dehydration (if not AI-induced erotic asphyxiation).

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Unsurprised

The closest to Safe for Doors of the set. https://pixxxels.cc/gallery/2dx4fn9ui/ad50b980/

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Horatio Cornblower

Holy shit, the Dodgers should just leave Kershaw off their post-season roster.

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Senor Weaselo

Playoff Kershaw in relief vs. Not Ready for Primetime Nats. SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE!

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Horatio Cornblower

And it turns out it was Kershaw.

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Mr. Ayo

#Natitude!

1
Brick Meathook

Suzuki can now advance to first base on a stretcher.

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Unsurprised

.

Bah

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King Hippo

methinks I will save “Dee Day” for tomorrow. Cheer me up after the terrible footy.

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Horatio Cornblower

Stay away from the clams

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SonOfSpam

– Anne Heche’s husband

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Brick Meathook

This is the city: Los Angeles, California. I work here. I’m a cop.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Evening. Fast over.

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WCS

Shalom.
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WCS

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Horatio Cornblower

Might be my favoUrite line ever in The Simpsons.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Gut Yontif.

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Brick Meathook

Did you atone?

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Slate clean.

/Chugs two beers

Slate partially clean

3
herodotus450

Interest rates a-falling, no worries though, it’s just in time to dump my life savings back into Jack-o-lanterns.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Just remember to sell your pumpkin futures before Halloween.
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SonOfSpam

Still better than that kidney thing.

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King Hippo

I can’t decide which opponent will best show off our solid, Midwestern values in the NLCS. A bunch of California hippies or them gubment bastards from Washington?

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Probably Washington. Kershaw has a relatively strong following out here, plus they got rid of “that Pweeg guy”

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herodotus450

Heh
https://www.twitch.tv/sashagrey

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Unsurprised

She looks very different.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Screw the NFL.
I’ll be watching ‘Cuse at NC State tomorrow night. For like ten minutes before ‘Cuse makes us their bitches.

Then I’ll drink heavily and take a nap.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of CONSTANCE WU AIN’T CARE apparently she bought a house in my neighborhood.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

She seems like a peach. I’m sure the other people who depend on that show for their livelihoods were heartbroken that it got renewed and she wasn’t able to move on to yet bigger things

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, it’s nuts that she would say something like that. She seriously DGAF.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m guessing you’re not going to get your ball back when it flies into Old Lady Wu’s yard.

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Unsurprised

I hope they kill off her character between seasons in the most humiliating way possible, like when Valerie Harper was written off her own comedy series in the 80s by her character having a stroke offscreen between seasons while yelling at some poor fuck at the supermarket about how a six-pack counts as six items in the 12 Items Or Less line.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I smell a prenup coming into play here?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I look forward to seeing your silver screen debut in Crazy Broke White Poker Players

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love this Jim Beam commercial where it talks about how he got his “friends” to help him build a distillery but cried poverty when it came time to pay them.

1
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

‘Murika!

4
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

It’s cheaper when its free

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Horatio Cornblower

But they were raised “the right way”, so they were cool with it.

1
Senor Weaselo

Lawyer Commenariat: Can I use “new job in a college” as a legitimate reason to postpone Federal jury duty, or will I still be SOL?

/Please be merciful, EDNY

1
scotchnaut

“You want to delay your service to your country indefinately? I like the cut of your jib!”

-Your President

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Brick Meathook

1) Write them and tell them that you’re deployed overseas at the moment and can’t leave the foxhole

OR, if that doesn’t work

2) Show up but wear a Che Guevara T-shirt (a Mao one would be even better)

OR, if that doesn’t work

3) Show up but wear a Trump T-shirt with an NRA pin and a Confederate flag belt buckle

OR, if that doesn’t work

4) Just ignore the summons like a good American. Jury duty is for saps.

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scotchnaut

5) Just tell them that despite the fact that obligations tie the country together, it doesn’t apply to you.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Really mess with them, wear a MAGA hat, a Che Guevara T-Shirt, and an AOC campaign button.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And camo jorts.

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Brick Meathook

And conspicuously carry an L. Ron Hubbard book.

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Horatio Cornblower

I’m not at all kidding when I say I’ve bounced people based on their reading material.

“52 years old and you’re working your way through ‘Harry Potter & The Goblet of Gin’? Fuck outta here.”

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Unsurprised

That reminds me of this.
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Horatio Cornblower

“I’ve joined the Kurdish pesh merga, because someone from America has to pick up the slack.”

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ArmedandHammered

Or just pull a Nugent. No one would want to be on a jury with you.

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

It’s worth a shot. I’ve seen worse get by

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Horatio Cornblower

Federal Courts don’t fuck around, so either show up the first day or contact the clerk prior to your appearance date. State courts in CT will let you come in early if there’s a conflict, or will let you delay it once for a conflict.

If you don’t mind showing up for one day then go as scheduled and make it clear to the parties that jury duty is a huge pain in the ass for you, (without, you know, being an asshole), and rest assured that no one is going to put you on the jury and risk the 50-50 shot that you take it out on their client.

Be prepared to get a stern look and some shitty comments from the judge about how jury duty inconveniences everyone but we all have to do our duty and what makes you so fucking special anyway? But they can’t make you stay so just stick to your guns. Best bet for you is to say its a new job and you’ll be worried about missing so much time so early and would be distracted and might miss something. “I’d really like to serve as a juror but worry that this really isn’t the right time for me or either of the parties here, your Honor.”

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Senor Weaselo

Written letter is in the mail, with supporting document of my appointment!

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Unsurprised

I would assume if you could postpone jury duty, the notice would have said how. Although I wouldn’t put it past them to hide that.

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Unsurprised

All requests for postponements or excusals must be made IN WRITING no less than 10 DAYS prior to the summons date. Please use the postage-paid envelope provided with your summons and include a copy of your summons along with the request.

https://www.nyed.uscourts.gov/court-info/faq/JURY

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Unsurprised

Generally speaking, I think that’s a reasonable request to make to the clerk given those circumstances. I’m sure they’ve postponed people’s service for less.

When I was summoned here the first time I just asked to postpone it 90 days (the max) and didn’t even have to give an excuse. I ended up sitting in the pool two days, got called up for a voir dire, got bounced by the DA (funny enough, I tried to clerk for that same judge a few months later. I didn’t get it, but she remembered me. :-|) , and then because I had been selected – without having to be on a jury – my service was up. In New Mexico, we had to actually be empaneled or else we went back to the pool to wait until we were called or the ten days were up. I got bounced in voir dire there and then sat out the rest, but at least there were plenty of tables and the wifi was decent.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

I forgot that the worst part of the colonoscopy process is the 24 hours of no solid food before the procedure. Wait, the worst part is no booze for the 24 hours preceding the procedure. Lack of food is only the second worst part.

4
ballsofsteelandfury

The big question for tomorrow night is what the final margin will be.

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Unsurprised

A margin call somehow more devastating than what the Dukes suffered at the end of Trading Places.

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Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s going to be pretty easy for the Patriots tomorrow night

With all those ineffectives, the Pats are gonna roll through the Giants like the Turks through the Kurds.

2
Senor Weaselo

THESE KURDS I CALL THEM THE ARMENIAN DIASPORA BECAUSE THE TURKS ARE GOING TO TRY AND KILL THEM ALL AND DENY KNOWLEDGE OF THE WHOLE THING.

/Hey, I can make that joke.

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Unsurprised

Because there aren’t going to be any Kurds to complain about it.

0
scotchnaut

Dale Tallon!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYaewaC99_A

1
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NtDXWtZWsgo

0
Senor Weaselo

Any word from Hippo’s rampaging boner?

0
WCS

Rex Grossman is jealous.

3
ArmedandHammered

He went to the strip club to have that taken care of ‘The Right Way’

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King Hippo

chuh fookin’ chuh!!!

4
scotchnaut

I played goalie way back when-Dunc Wilson was in over his head and great at the same time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8gY0GEoufk

0
scotchnaut

Orland Kurtenbach!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jp-EQGW8M2M

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